Husband wants me to do degrading things

Author	Post
indigoviolets Member 13 Posts 7/12	Posted - Jul 12 2012 : 7:10PM * EDIT * I haven't had a chance to talk with my husband yet and I'm not going to about this issue from a relationship-fixing perspective. While not proud of it, I did some sleuthing this weekend while he was away and found out the real reasons for his sudden change in sexual tastes. As far as I can tell, my marriage is over and I am going to make sure to get tested for STDs this week. It's a shame too because I'm having his/our second baby in four WEEKS! It turns out, he's been cheating on me with random women online. I'm not sure if he's met anyone yet but from what I can tell, it's been going on since April of this year that he's been signed up to several different online dating and intimate encounter websites. I found his profiles (many of them bashing me - saying I'm not freaky enough), several chats/emails, phone number exchanges, date arrangements etc. so there's a good chance he's slept around. I know you shouldn't snoop but he's been acting really sketchy outside of the bedroom too and he is/has been spinning it back on me (my convenient pregnancy hormones). The other day, he came home late unexplained and got defensive. When he drove me to the Drs. (only one car), I noticed, the seats were both leaned way, way back (perfect for car-sex), also for no reason. He's been going outside to text (suspicious yes?), and very guarded with his cell around me for some examples. I decided to snoop, and while I'm hurt, I don't feel bad for doing it because it's the only way I'd know because he's been completely dishonest with me and manipulative. I always thought we were very open when it came to sex and porn but now I can see, for him, porn is not a take-it-or-leave it, kind of thing and what he shares with me on his computer and our shared home computer (we have three, all together) is not even a fraction of what he does/has been doing on a daily basis. Finding the bills to his secret credit-card has revealed that, as well as nearly THREE THOUSAND GIGABYTES on three different SECRET external HDDs. We haven't gone together to purchase a new crib yet even thought I'm ready to pop, but he can spend hundreds of dollars on credit to watch cam girls/have private sessions. Don't get me wrong, I love porn too but I do believe this is a sex addiction. Also, seeing that his viewing habits have gotten even more extreme (add scat-play and penis-torture porn to the list I made earlier) as time wore on, I'd say he's about as addicted to sex/porn as they come. Sorry to rant and ramble on. I'm devastated and don't know what to do/when to confront him because I have absolutely nowhere to go (other than a woman's shelter) and that's not happening because I have our 8 year old to care for. He's coming home tomorrow and I feel totally powerless to confront him - any input on that would be appreciated. I haven't worked in a year so and 100% dependent on him, I'm almost due and have no family whatsoever outside of the one I've created with him and my in-laws. This fucking sucks. Advice? **************** ORIGINAL POST IS BELOW ***************** I've been with my husband for nine years. All of a sudden my husband has been trying to force me to do things that I simply don't want to do in bed and when I see them in porn, they disgust me and totally turn me off. I've always been pretty open with him sexually, no hesitations with giving head, doing anal, dressing up, watching porn with him, squirting, dirty talk, toys, making amateur porn with him etc. etc. I've tried to keep him sexually satisfied and live up to the "freak in the bedroom/lady in the streets" motto when it comes to our marriage. I gave him all of my trust in the bedroom which is HUGE for me because I was sexually abused as a kid and date-raped as a teen so it meant the world to be with a man that I could trust with my body and fully enjoy sex with. Up until very recently, I thoroughly enjoyed our sex life and had that trust for him. Now I don't because the last few times we've had sex, he's literally hurt me physically or was forceful with me in a way that made me feel victimized. All of a sudden my husband has a thing for being very forceful when I perform oral and when he performs it on me. First, lately when I give him head, he tries to make me choke/gag on his cock to the point where I feel like I'm going to puke. I know this is in some of the porn he watches and I personally can't stand watching those scenes, they are too much like rape to me. Second, the last time he performed oral on me, he bit my labia really hard out of the blue. Fourth, he used to finger my g-spot just right but now he insists on trying to fist me. The more I squirm and try to get away, the more forceful he is down there. It doesn't feel good and it hurts. He used to kiss/lick/suck on my nipples in a way that felt good but lately he's been grabbing/twisting them and biting them hard so they're raw for the next two days that I literally wince in the shower/getting dressed. Without discussion he also nearly tried to give me a golden shower without asking. I can't handle this shit!!! I'm also pregnant with our second child so I literally can't handle this shit! I don't know what to do besides just not having sex. I tell him it hurts or to stop while when he does it and he does for a second but goes right back to trying it a few minutes later. This is making me hate sex with him. I know he's not cheating on me. Outside of this he's a great husband and father and has been a great sex partner until recently. I know he's getting a lot of these moves from the porn he's been watching lately (a lot of throat gaggers, max hardcore, motherless flicks lately). I also think he is turned on by my lack of enjoyment during the act. I tried to talk about this to him but he told me that maybe I'm just not as freaky as he is. I don't consider this "freaky". He's hurting me emotionally and physically and ruining our sex life. I don't feel "safe" in the bedroom anymore. Mature answers/advice would be appreciated because I can't take this. As much as I love him, this is a deal-breaker for me if it continues. Edited by - indigoviolets on Aug 17 2012 Edited by - indigoviolets on Aug 17 2012 [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Jul 12 2012 : 8:06PM He's being abusive. You've told him not to do this. No means no. You can try telling him what you've written here. If he continues to not listen, it's abuse. There are TWO people in the bedroom, and one of them is you. Sex is not just for him and his 'needs', it's for you, too. TWO people there in the room, or else one of you is being treated as an object. [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Jul 12 2012 : 8:07PM By the way, this makes me sad, and makes me wonder why none of this was happening before. But you must put a stop to it now. [Link]
Hardware All-Star Member Your other left 14595 Posts 3/02	Posted - Jul 12 2012 : 8:40PM Listen to lindi. Your husband needs to be reminded that you share a mutual sex life, in which your desires and feelings are as important as his are. [Link]
BYOB_Kenobi Senior Member “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” - Kierkegaard 2684 Posts 8/09	Posted - Jul 12 2012 : 8:59PM ^ Yup, Lindi is right. You have to tell him it's wrong and serious problem. Edited by - BYOB_Kenobi on 7/13/2012 9:34:40 AM [Link]

Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Jul 12 2012 : 9:26PM indigoviolets wrote: I don't know what to do besides just not having sex. I tell him it hurts or to stop while when he does it and he does for a second but goes right back to trying it a few minutes later. This is making me hate sex with him. Click to expand Not having sex with him is not enough. He's not hearing you when you tell him during the time you are having sex, so I think you need to confront him with your thoughts and feelings outside the context of the bedroom -- literally, outside the bedroom itself. Maybe that will help him disconnect his hostile urges from his rational faculties. His behavior is seriously abusive and it has to stop. It has nothing to do with your "not being 'freaky' enough" or any other such rubbish. This must be very hard, especially since you're pregnant. Hang in there! [Link]
cross Senior Member I Love Beef Curtains! 1072 Posts 6/05	Posted - Jul 13 2012 : 7:09AM I can't stand this sort of thing, it makes me furious. The only thing you can do is the no means no stance. I think he has a problem, especially if he is trying to emulate that sort of stuff. He's crossed the line, plain and simple. It's pretty much assault and/or rape... [Link]
Rubberhole Deactivated User 256 Posts 2/10	Posted - Jul 13 2012 : 9:52AM He's watching too much porn...period [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Jul 13 2012 : 10:25AM Wahine said: Personally I enjoy “pseudo-forceful“ facefucking (the knowledge that I'm an athlete and can practically throw his ass around the room keeps him honest), so I guess the definition of “degrading“ is up for debate... Click to expand The difference is that you enjoy it (and maybe that it's "pseudo-"), and so, for you, it's not degrading. It's degrading not to be taken seriously. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Jul 13 2012 : 11:37AM Saints preserve us!!! Your husband has problems... and I don't buy that he's just too in the moment to heed your complaints/pleas to stop. He's treating you like a piece of shit. I hope he doesn't hurt the child you're carrying. This is not normal, acceptable, or conducive to a happy marriage... I'm also perplexed as to why he's suddenly, out of the blue, trying to go all Khan Tusion on you in bed. Try to talk to him about it OUTSIDE of the bedroom, as the others suggested. Don't tiptoe around his feelings or try to soften the blow. Be brutally honest. You're simply NOT into what he's been trying to do, he's not only scaring you but hurting you as well, and if he even TRIES it again there will be repercussions. If it were me in this situation, I'd procure a pair of handcuffs and quickly slap the suckers on him in bed. Then I'd show him the meaning of rough sex... Hell, why don't you take a nice nip out of his dick the next time so he'll get the message about NOT biting your pussy? What a fucking asshat, seriously... :( [Link]
indigoviolets Member 13 Posts 7/12	Posted - Jul 13 2012 : 1:19PM Thanks so much for the answers so far everyone. You all have made me glad I signed up here because I didn't know anywhere else on the web I could ask about something so graphic and personal. I thought maybe I was overreacting (I know, stupid) but really, this has been bothering me so much. I do attribute his new moves to his recent consumption of the more hard-core porno I mentioned earlier. He got into this stuff about a month or two ago so he's probably just experimenting but it's crossing the line with me. I know he's faithful to me (and I him) and there hasn't been any drama between us or anything like that. Outside of this issue, I'm happy with the rest of our marriage, our life as parents etc. I don't want to make him out to be a bad guy because he's really loving/affectionate outside of the bedroom (and was in the bedroom before this) and attentive to me and child and we have a lot of fun as a family/couple. I also think my pregnancy has something to do with it. He's thrilled/loves kids and is a great dad so I don't mean it in a bad way but when I was pregnant with our first child, he was more sexual/dominant (but in no way to this extreme) with me in bed then too. Something about me being pregnant just gets his appetite/libido up for some reason. I don't think he'd ever do something intentionally to hurt me. I just don't think he knows how it's making me feel. Also, I do enjoy rough sex but never something painful - just the normal spanking, hair pulling, nibbling, doggy style type of more "vanilla" stuff, but I'm no masochist! So maybe he thought I'd be okay with upping the ante some more since I've enjoyed a little aggression in the past? Anyway, our kid is away this weekend with the grandparents. I'm going to print this thread off and have a sit-down talk with him, outside of the bedroom as many of you have suggested. I'm hoping seeing how others have responded will help him realize It's not just me that thinks he's crossing the line. I am really grateful for your support in your responses. I'll let you know how things go. Thanks so much for answering me. It means a lot. Edited by - indigoviolets on 7/13/2012 1:20:27 PM [Link]
cross Senior Member I Love Beef Curtains! 1072 Posts 6/05	Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 8:23AM Rubberhole wrote: He's watching too much porn...period Click to expand Sums it up perfectly. [Link]
The_A_Man Member 12 Posts 5/12	Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 9:08AM Hey indigoviolets. Acquire the following: a set of jumper cables, a 24V truck battery, a petrol powered chainsaw, a cordless belt sander, and a stopwatch with a precision of thousandths of a second. Invite him for a playful session of "getting freaky" with some new toys you're sure will spice things up. Using the stopwatch, time how long it takes him to run screaming from the room after he sees the "toys". He's not being "freaky" with the shit he's doing. He's being a pig. Seriously, that behaviour is beyond the pale, regardless of his other qualities. [Link]
His Dudeness All Business Shut the fuck up, Donny!! 2793 Posts 4/10	Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 12:41PM The OP has successfully turned me on! [Link]
trout bum Deactivated User "I'm Not Here To Suck My Own Cock!" 2145 Posts 5/10	Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 3:23PM wahine wrote; "Weird how their woman being pregnant sometimes makes assholes out of men. (Sometimes)" Glad you stuck in the sometimes as I don't think that is the norm with most men when their wifey/gf gets pregnant. I will go on to say, I believe the majority of men tend to become more affectionate (esp with the 1st child) then abusive. (unless it was an unplanned pregnancy)...then all bets are off. [Link]

BlackSix All-Star Member pornography wasn't sex but fantasies of an impossibly hospitable world 12377 Posts 9/07	Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 4:21PM If you ask him to stop and he tries it again, leave him. [Link]
Gore Gore Girl Doctor of the Erotic Arts 7238 Posts 1/09	Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 8:02PM trout bum wrote: wahine wrote; "Weird how their woman being pregnant sometimes makes assholes out of men. (Sometimes)" Glad you stuck in the sometimes as I don't think that is the norm with most men when their wifey/gf gets pregnant. I will go on to say, I believe the majority of men tend to become more affectionate (esp with the 1st child) then abusive. (unless it was an unplanned pregnancy)...then all bets are off. Click to expand Actually, I remember reading that statistically, physical abuse of women by men increases during pregnancy. A study from 1998 showed that "pregnant women are 60.6% more likely to be beaten than women who are not pregnant." As for the OP, everything I would have said has been said - especially lindi's typically measured and useful responses. Best wishes to you indigo - I hope the talk goes well. Edited to add actual statistic. Edited by - Gore Gore Girl on 7/14/2012 8:04:14 PM [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 11:44PM Honestly, I'm shocked to hear some men become more abusive once their partner is pregnant. I thought that's when men get all protective and gentle... [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 11:45PM thedude008 wrote: The OP has successfully turned me on! Click to expand Your Dudeness, Duder, I humbly beseech you to have some tact... I think you have a very sweet side you keep hidden. [Link]
SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11	Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 11:58PM SunShowers wrote: Honestly, I'm shocked to hear some men become more abusive once their partner is pregnant. I thought that's when men get all protective and gentle... Click to expand Not all of them. My husband actually kinda became indifferent towards me. He had no interest whatsoever. I will say though he indulged my cravings for coney dogs and rootbeer from the local rootbeer stand. There is tons of info on domestic violence during pregnancy. Also to the OP, you might want to remind your husband that even when a wife says no, it means no. He can be prosecuted for domestic violence and marital rape. I don't know where you are, but in Ohio, if a wife stays with an abusive husband the state can remove the children on the grounds of child endangerment. So this is a VERY serious situation and you need to let him know just how serious it really is. [Link]
His Dudeness All Business Shut the fuck up, Donny!! 2793 Posts 4/10	Posted - Jul 16 2012 : 9:48PM SunShowers wrote: thedude008 wrote: The OP has successfully turned me on! Click to expand Your Dudeness, Duder, I humbly beseech you to have some tact... I think you have a very sweet side you keep hidden. Click to expand You are correct! It is very deep! [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Jul 16 2012 : 9:56PM Mmm. I'd love to probe and delve until I find that sweet, soulful side and ride it for all it's worth. And leave it gasping, pillaged, heaping on the parlor floor. [Link]
His Dudeness All Business Shut the fuck up, Donny!! 2793 Posts 4/10	Posted - Jul 16 2012 : 10:32PM You'd never find it. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Jul 16 2012 : 10:47PM Try me. I'm uncommonly perceptive. ;) [Link]
stinkfist Senior Member Subterfuge...... 7401 Posts 4/07	Posted - Jul 17 2012 : 12:15AM thedude008 wrote: The OP has successfully turned me on! Click to expand How about you start doing some degrading things around the house dude,the dishes and the hoovering for starters..then the shopping :) [Link]

His Dudeness All Business Shut the fuck up, Donny!! 2793 Posts 4/10	Posted - Jul 17 2012 : 7:32AM Yea right. Maybe twice a week I'll help with the dishes. That's only because I get a hot homemade meal every night. I sit at the table and wait for my food to be served when it is dinner time. I have a good girl that knows what type of a women I want. I told her from the get go and if she's ever unhappy, she can leave. [Link]
stinkfist Senior Member Subterfuge...... 7401 Posts 4/07	Posted - Jul 17 2012 : 7:42PM thedude008 wrote: Yea right. Maybe twice a week I'll help with the dishes. That's only because I get a hot homemade meal every night. I sit at the table and wait for my food to be served when it is dinner time. I have a good girl that knows what type of a women I want. I told her from the get go and if she's ever unhappy, she can leave. Click to expand [Link]
His Dudeness All Business Shut the fuck up, Donny!! 2793 Posts 4/10	Posted - Jul 17 2012 : 8:21PM * In best Dude voice* Hey thanks man! [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Jul 18 2012 : 6:46AM You're giving this guy more than most men are lucky to get. He doesn't deserve you if he's going to abuse you physically and abuse your trust as well. Talk it out, maybe see a counsellor if he won't listen, you definitely need to stop him though, that shit is just not right because it has to do with power, control, abuse, etc. and they are not part of a healthy relationship. [Link]
UrbanDervesh Member Sextatic 93 Posts 11/11	Posted - Jul 18 2012 : 11:55PM Cutting the PC crap, just give him what he wants... It is him you should care about, not yourself. Otherwise, just leave him and get your jollies off with a vanilla guy. But whatever you do, please stop complaining. [Link]
BlackSix All-Star Member pornography wasn't sex but fantasies of an impossibly hospitable world 12377 Posts 9/07	Posted - Jul 19 2012 : 12:48AM Please don't feed the troll. [Link]
UrbanDervesh Member Sextatic 93 Posts 11/11	Posted - Jul 19 2012 : 11:19PM ^Just expressing my viewpoint BlackSix... Is that not what the OP asked us to do? Difference of opinion or not bein PC doesn't make one a troll. Edited by - Jonny Jay on 7/22/2012 7:33:28 AM [Link]
BlackSix All-Star Member pornography wasn't sex but fantasies of an impossibly hospitable world 12377 Posts 9/07	Posted - Jul 20 2012 : 4:36PM Urban Dictionary: 1. troll One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument. [Link]
UrbanDervesh Member Sextatic 93 Posts 11/11	Posted - Jul 21 2012 : 11:55PM ^Sorry, I am very confused. Are you referring to yourself as a troll and this is some unusual way of expressing your apology? I ask as in our exchange on this thread, the only unrelated incidentiary remarks that anyone left were you trying to accuse me of being a troll, when all I did was to express my viewpoint, which, admittedly, is, as I said, a bit unusual. Edited by - Jonny Jay on 7/22/2012 7:33:52 AM [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Jul 22 2012 : 1:12PM Your viewpoint is callous, brutal, and possibly misogynistic. An individual wrote for advice on a distressful topic having to do with her physical and emotional welfare being threatened by her husband, and you respond by saying that she needs to suck up the abuse. Not only that, but she ought to care more about him busting a nut than about her physical/emotional pain. All this to a pregnant woman. TROLL. [Link]

BYOB_Kenobi Senior Member “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” - Kierkegaard 2684 Posts 8/09	Posted - Jul 22 2012 : 3:02PM ^ You tell him SunShowers! [Link]
UrbanDervesh Member Sextatic 93 Posts 11/11	Posted - Jul 22 2012 : 9:40PM Well, what can I say... Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I stand by mine. You can call me names but my advice to the OP remains. [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Jul 23 2012 : 6:24AM STFU [Link]
UrbanDervesh Member Sextatic 93 Posts 11/11	Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 6:36AM OP: what exactly is your objective? What are you trying to accomplish? Are u looking for sympathy or are you looking for alternative viewpoints that could become the basis for the solution approach you may eventually continue? If it is the former then I can offer no help as I am not sympathetic to your situation. My views are outlined above. However, if your objective is the latter, then look at what MA meeshka said earlier in the thread about talking it out or seeking counseling. My only addition to what has already been said is that you may want to consider where he is coming from and not make the counseling sessions a place to bash him and his sexuality while reinforcing your own saintly self image. In other words, please keep an open mind and listen to him and his desires too. There may be a reason behind his behavior, and this might just be a phase for him; but alternatively, or even possibly, simultaneously, your pregnancy might be kicking in an overly protective response in your body that might just be making you feel insecure and unsafe. [Link]
BlackSix All-Star Member pornography wasn't sex but fantasies of an impossibly hospitable world 12377 Posts 9/07	Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 6:39AM Alternative viewpoint = sociopathic [Link]
WardqueenJanine Member 914 Posts 2/08	Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 11:22AM Call me a cynic but this whole post from the outset smells kind of "Trollish" [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 11:56AM WardqueenJanine wrote: Call me a cynic but this whole post from the outset smells kind of "Trollish" Click to expand I had an inkling that it might be a troll, but I didn't want to run the risk of scaring her away if she's a legitimate person needing help. [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 12:09PM It's a legitimate question. The answer suggesting that it's okay to manipulate, coerce and the inflict pain against someone's will is not a legitimate answer. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 12:10PM The possibility of there being a "reason" behind his behavior or this being a "phase" is irrelevant. Of course there's a "reason" he's doing these things, but it doesn't make it any more acceptable from her viewpoint. If I hate someone enough, I might decide to poison them to get them out of the way. My reason for doing so would be my hatred, yet that doesn't make it any more acceptable to off them. He's continually hurting her despite the fact she's made it clear he needs to STOP. He's being enormously selfish and cruel, and this isn't the way you treat your significant other in bed. Male or female. His desires need to be put aside because they don't line up with her desires. That's life, that's partnership, that's relationship. It's not like he's always wanted these things and she's suddenly being difficult about it, this is a new thing he's randomly introduced into their marriage. If I had a nut-stomping fetish, I wouldn't expect to talk it out with a counselor and tell my SO, "But I have a REASON for wanting to bust your scrotum, I have a desire to do it. So you should let me do it despite what it does to you. My need to stomp your nuts is what you should be thinking about here, not your feelings." I agree with the troll on one thing. I think if he doesn't stop acting like an idiot, she should leave. Point blank. Period. Life is too short and if this is going to be an ongoing point of conflict, then they've obviously grown apart and aren't suitable partners. The shitty thing in that is they already have children together. [Link]
BYOB_Kenobi Senior Member “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” - Kierkegaard 2684 Posts 8/09	Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 1:45PM ^ Only she can tell if it's degrading (which is serious), but this sounds textbook abusive. If he don't respond to your talk/corrective action, you need to either do counseling (if you want to stay with him and try and work it out) or leave. Abuse is very serious thing. Edited by - BYOB_Kenobi on 7/24/2012 1:45:15 PM [Link]
UrbanDervesh Member Sextatic 93 Posts 11/11	Posted - Jul 24 2012 : 9:09PM ^ Completely agree. Just have to establish that it is indeed abuse... Despite the troll comments, I really do believe that we have only one side of the story, and I am not entirely convinced that there is real abuse going on. Her communication, pregnancy, his response to her pregnancy, the changed dynamics because of a new baby, etc. may have led to some strange behavior on his part. If people just throw away their relationships because one partner wants to explore some aspect of sexuality that is new and strange and it does not meet with the other partner's approval then we would only be making our lives worse. Someone mentioned that he should sacrifice, well, all I am saying is that may be she needs to sacrifice too... [Link]
SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11	Posted - Jul 25 2012 : 8:51AM If someone is hurting her, there is NO excuse and she doesn't have to sacrifice shit. Now, be a good boy and crawl back under the rock you came out from. [Link]
UrbanDervesh Member Sextatic 93 Posts 11/11	Posted - Jul 25 2012 : 5:53PM May be she only thinks she is getting hurt due to being hormonal due to her pregnancy? Granted her husband's attitude and actions have also changed but based on the facts as they were presented by the OP, I just cannot see how we can conclusively establish causality between his actions and her duress. Meaningful relationships are hard to develop in my view. If there is one that has been meaningful and functional for a long time, as in this case, then it may not be a bad idea to communicate and keep an open mind as opposed to shoot off the hip and die alone at 88 thinking about what could have been... As I said before, this is my opinion and that is all there is to it. No offense intended, and apologies to anyone who feels maligned. [Link]
properM Member 80 Posts 3/10	Posted - Jul 26 2012 : 7:59PM indigoviolets wrote: Anyway, our kid is away this weekend with the grandparents. I'm going to print this thread off and have a sit-down talk with him, outside of the bedroom as many of you have suggested. I'm hoping seeing how others have responded will help him realize It's not just me that thinks he's crossing the line. I am really grateful for your support in your responses. I'll let you know how things go. Thanks so much for answering me. It means a lot. Click to expand So how are things going? [Link]
echoplex Member 197 Posts 9/08	Posted - Aug 1 2012 : 9:06PM UrbanDervesh wrote: ^ Completely agree. Just have to establish that it is indeed abuse... Despite the troll comments, I really do believe that we have only one side of the story, and I am not entirely convinced that there is real abuse going on. Her communication, pregnancy, his response to her pregnancy, the changed dynamics because of a new baby, etc. may have led to some strange behavior on his part. If people just throw away their relationships because one partner wants to explore some aspect of sexuality that is new and strange and it does not meet with the other partner's approval then we would only be making our lives worse. Someone mentioned that he should sacrifice, well, all I am saying is that may be she needs to sacrifice too... Click to expand I'm in this guy's camp. Everyone is attacking him, but he makes a valid point. This is only HER side of the story, so of course she'll make him out to be the ass of all asses and herself out as the victim. Basically what OP is telling is that her SO is totally absorbed into a general theme of rough and kinky kind of sex, but she is headstrong against it. There's absolutely no communication going between the two, other than her telling him to stop during everything. Sounds like the dude is being a bit of a jerk indeed, trying to force it all on her like that (IF that is indeed 100% accurate), but she's also not helping the situation with her lack of compromise. You would think after nine years with the same person you would learn the art of compromise. But she's coming of as a "my way, or hit the road jack" type. You've got to open your mind and be willing to try new things, that's the spice of life. New experiences. Your mentality towards his behavior is somewhat justified, but obviously making the situation even worse. You also make it seem like you already "put up" with a bunch of his shit. You're ready to break it off with your husband of nine years and father of your two children because you haven't yet learned give and take in the bedroom. That's about as equally as shallow as you make him out to be! [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Aug 2 2012 : 11:37PM When Urban Dervesh and echoplex are open minded enough to take two dicks up the ass because their girls want to see it, I'll adjust my answer. [Link]