Sorry to hear your having struggles but glad you knew you could ask for advice.

It's pretty common for people to have a certain way or thing that get's them off. I had a friend that loved her man to high heaven and he was feeling discouraged because he couldn't get her off. She confessed to me she had a certain way she rubbed herself that got her off every time when she mastrabated but was embarrassed to show him. After much persuasion and many more months of frustration for both of them they sat down w/ a bottle of wine and she showed him. Now they have great sex, and he knows what turns her on.

Moral of the story-
There is nothing wrong w/ showing your GF what feels good to you, show her how you do it and let her try doing it that way for you.

Best of luck!

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there are plenty of guys who don't enjoy blowjobs as much as sex. has your girlfriend ever watched you masturbate? that's one way to go without portraying it as "teaching".

there's probably too much pressure on both of you at this point. maybe let it go for a little while and play with other things - how about letting her use a fleshlight on you or something like that?

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I agree with the ladies here. First, there's too much pressure right now. I would take a break from it for a while. The next time she blows you, just have her do it without the intention of making you cum. The more you try.. the more she tries... the more frustrating it will be for both of you.

I'm assuming that you able to get yourself off easily when you're alone. One idea is for you to do all the movements. Put your dick in her mouth and have her stay reasonably still. Then you pump and move around like it's her pussy. Just make sure you don't choke her! This can also be done with just her lubed up hand. Also, you can have her place her hand at the base of your dick and lightly stroke while the other half is in her mouth. Some girls think that faster and more friction is better. It's not true. This always works for me.

Good luck. And keep us up to date.

- [ invalid url ]

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Is this a control issue, psychologically? Some people really like to be in control and get more aroused from it. This could be the problem. If you like to be the one in control you may be less aroused. When your girlfriend is giving you head she is in control of the physical pace. Maybe you would rather be the one in control. Personally, I have a hard time holding back when receiving head because I get incredibly aroused by the woman taking control, same thing for when the woman is on top. I can't receive head as foreplay for more than several seconds. If I did there would be no intercourse because I would have already busted a nut.
If it is a control issue you should explain it to your girlfriend. This does not mean that there is anything wrong with you or her. You may want to have her lie down on her back while you slide your cock into her mouth at the pace you desire. Or do something like Oneloa said.

There's a river in your eyes and I'm swept away --from Save Me by Queensryche
FREE THE WEED

Edited by - Endorphin on Jul 3 2001

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I am going to have to agree with Endo on this one. Like him I tend to come way too soon during oral sex. It just really turns me on. A friend of mine on the other hand swears he has never even come close to having an orgasm from a bj and he has been with at least 7 different women that I know of.

Though here is a suggestion that also may work. Try building up to it. Most girls (especially inexperienced ones) seem to think sucking the dick alone should be enough. Maybe you require a little build up. Is there anything she does or can do that REALLY turns you on. If so have her try that and tease you for a while. Get you nice and worked up before she starts giving you head.

Also is she quite when she does it. Maybe have her talk dirty to you.

In the end they may be nothing wrong with either of you. You may just not be turned on by bj's.

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Just my take.

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I've heard that the same principle applies with women, but I have no experience in that area.

All joking aside, you know what feels good when you masturbate. You need to teach her to duplicate your technique. I suspect you could learn a bit from her about what she likes best, too. And maybe, beginning with mutual masturbation you could advance to speaking in tongues what you've already managed manually, resulting in sixty-nine nirvana. Best of luck!

~ GaySatyr

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Could the size of my penis have anything to do with it? (I don't mean to brag or anything, I'm being serious) She gags alot even though she can't fit more than half of it in her mouth. And it is quite wide, as she cannot wrap her hand around it. I've heard that really only the head of the penis is where most of the nerve endings are, so bigger dicks should behave just as smaller ones, right? I've always heard that size doesn't matter, and I assumed that applied to both ends of the spectrum.

Tricia --
She has given other guys bjs, and there was (to my knowledge) no problems. That's what leads me to believe that it is me...and I have no problem coming when I "take over" for her. In fact she says she like to watch me, but deep down she wish she could do the same for me as I do for her (she says I have a "lesbian" tongue).

lunacy, StephDunn, Oneloa, and SwashBuckler --
I will follow all of your advice (accept perhaps the flashlight suggestion), it seems the right thing to do.

Endorphin --
I don't know how much it is a control thing rather than something else, because when we have intercourse and she "takes over" I have no trouble coming.

lee --
We will DEFINITELY try the building up to it thing, and the dirty talk wouldn't hurt :)

gaysatyr --
While that is probably true, I love my girlfriend very much and I am concerned about her concern for this situtation. She is often depressed that she can't get me off as I get her off.

thanks

TNN

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In terms of size or girth being a problem, it might be difficult for her to get you in her mouth. However, based on my experience, tongue action, expecially on the shaft just beneath the glans works just fine when accompanied with a nice slow jacking motion. You just need to guide her at duplicating your manual masturbation techniques and then she can add tongue & mouth - - I'm sure all will cum out okay in the end.

~ GaySatyr

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Of course I just have to add my meager bit.

My current partner and I both have things the other can't seem to do (it hasn't stopped us from having a TERRIFIC sex life for the past 7+ yrs!). I can't get him off orally, he can't get me off manually. In the case of him and the oral, it's definitly his problem (that is, I have no problem with other men reaching orgasm when I perform orally on them). In the case of me and the manual, it seems to be mostly me - a few other people have gotten me off with their hands, but generally, nobody, including myself, gets me off that way - it just doesn't feel "right".

Now, the funny thing is, when we first got together I did get him to orgasm with me orally a couple of times, with NO PROBLEM at all. (Once was even really quick! In the car!) He was shocked - he's always been difficult for women that way. I figured I was just hot stuff. Then... well, it just sorta went away. He can get RIGHT to the edge, but he just can't seem to orgasm. We've talked it over and he thinks it may have something to do with the first woman he was active that way with - she was a spitter. He wonders if maybe he's got it deep in his head that women really do NOT want a man to cum in their mouth. Let's face it, there are a LOT of jokes about it. How many times have you heard someone say "yeah, the check is in the mail, and I won't cum in your mouth" ? He wants to now, but can't seem to overcum (hahahahaha) that notion in his mind. It can be frustrating for the gal, I get all balky about it - I want him to cum dammnit! When I get to feeling that way about it, we just don't do it for a while, eventually I want to play again and I can set aside my personal agenda. After all, his pleasure (and he LIKES it a lot!) is what I'm really after - I just need to be less goal oriented. :)

Kimi

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kimilixx --
Yeah, it just doesn't feel right. This is what gets my GF upset sometimes. We have NO problems with sex, and she is multi-orgasmic (i once made her come 20 times, and she said when she was younger she kept doing it ALL NIGHT one time). It is just the blowjob that there is diffuculty. As for the come, we are both fans of my big facials, and alot of her feelings I think stem from her not being able to be an "equal partner" with the facial. We have different names for them, Nor'Easters, White-Outs, and such--and it was she who pegged me "the next North". She has told me that she wants to give me an entire blowjob from a to z, and that she is sorry that she can't get me off. I wish there was a quick solution, but I hope I wll "come" around soon.

thanks

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i defintely think you should reconsider explaining/ showing her... you shouldnt feel uncomfortable explaining or asking for this, after all , if the two of you are intimate enough to have oral sex, youre intimate enough to talk frankly about what you enjoy.

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