Is It Normal?

Author	Post
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Feb 15 2009 : 3:23PM Is it normal for a woman to think about sex on a daily basis? I have been worried about this in regards to myself for several years now. I literally think about sex every day. I wake up in the middle of the night- I think about it. I sit in biology class- I think about it. I take a bath- I think about it. I take my little old grandmother out to lunch- I think about it. All my life, I've been bombarded with the idea that sex is really only something men consider a priority. It was my understanding that women only put up with it. Yet it's something that dominates my thoughts. I'm young, but sometimes I think I've got a serious problem. I even feel like I think about it more than most guys do. But then I read about women who are really sexually free and I feel conflicted. Should I embrace this or should I try to subdue it? Does anyone have a fresh perspective on this? Experience? I'm genuinely curious. It's not fun feeling this way all the time. [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Feb 15 2009 : 8:06PM no, it's not normal. which is a good thing. women on average have lower libidos, which is totally incompatible with their heterosexual counterparts. [Link]
cochise Member You gonna pull them pistols or whistle dixie? 238 Posts 12/03	Posted - Feb 16 2009 : 2:24AM Welcome to the world of a man. [Link]
RandomPrecision Senior Member Enjoy! 8175 Posts 3/06	Posted - Feb 16 2009 : 9:01AM SunShowers wrote: Is it normal for a woman to think about sex on a daily basis? I have been worried about this in regards to myself for several years now. I literally think about sex every day. .... I'm genuinely curious. It's not fun feeling this way all the time. Click to expand I guess you know how the typical male feels, then. Frankly, I have no clue if women are technically supposed to think about sex as much as men do. I've always felt that women are methodically conditioned by society to abhor sex and that explains their general revulsion to it more than anything else but really. Who knows? Maybe women and men really are that different. I don't know if I'd worry about it but since you say you don't like feeling this way all the time, maybe you should see what a therapist thinks. If you don't enjoy it then it's probably a hindrance or is getting in the way of something you'd rather be thinking about/doing/whatever. [Link]
DrBellows Member "I'm not a Doctor, but I play one on TV" 29 Posts 2/09	Posted - Feb 16 2009 : 12:03PM The only thing I see abnormal is the fact that she is admitting it. I have met a lot of women over the years who eventually were comfortable enough to discuss this with me. It's no big deal. Trust me, even your Grandmother does it. [Link]

BigBobxxx Senior Member 2681 Posts 5/04	Posted - Feb 16 2009 : 12:10PM Embrace your inner whore! We are perverts, and far superior to "normal" people For starters, I would prescribe: Start building your porn libary. Masturbate as frequently as possible. (Feel free to share.) Dress provocatively (tastefully) in public. Your goal is to have men thinking of you while masturbating later on. Get-off on this yourself. Women can have their choice of men. So, be selective, and fuck your brains out! Good luck and enjoy yourself. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Feb 16 2009 : 4:46PM It is seriously something I think about every day. And it's gotten to the point where I want to bang the hell out of guys I see just while I'm out living my life. But the problem, you see, is that I'm entirely too shy and would never initiate sex with someone. It's like having a huge sex drive, but a curse so that you never act on it. The one big reason is because I was raised in what was basically a cult (they are disbanded at this point) which was extremely repressed and strict. I have serious hangups. I would never want casual sex with someone either and haven't met anyone that I meshed with very well. The biggest "relationship" I had was with someone entirely too old for me. I basically have to suffer with this problem, I think. I've been to therapy before, for unrelated problems, and I know it's not something that can help me. I do masturbate several times a week, though... And I do love the thought of guys who've checked me out using my memory for a good wank. That'll make for some good masturbation fodder later, thanks for the suggestion. [Link]
Bobcat Senior Member 1490 Posts 2/08	Posted - Feb 16 2009 : 6:41PM I had/have a pretty high sexdrive and looked upon it as a problem. However, in recent months it's dipped, I've hardly watched any porn this year, I've only had sex with my gf once or twice a week, although I have sneakily seen two escorts recently. My point is, I kinda miss being horny all the while and in hindsight I hope I go back to how I was. I think a very cold winter has taken my mind off sex and I'm hoping that spring gets me back to my usual frisky self! Sunshowers, I'd stop seeing it as a problem, you should loose your inhibitions though and hook up with a partner or two! [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Feb 16 2009 : 9:03PM It's like being ripped into. I can barely describe it. I don't think a lot of people experience ardent passion in this way. And if they do, they subdue it consciously. I just know that I am passionate... And I have no way of channeling it. It's like being desperately, horribly in love with nothing but the idea of being connected to someone. To try and sate it with casual encounters would only make it worse. I am truly love-sick... but I have no target. My heart literally aches. It might be one thing to feel this towards one guy... I could be like a troubadour and love him from afar... but as I feel this for someone who is not flesh or blood, it's far more painful. And the realization, the knowledge, that even if I found someone to love, he would fall far short of what I dream and fantasize about, would kill me. It's like your worst, most passionate, most needy woody towards someone who doesn't even exist. And I'm a slave to it. No, I can't simply "indulge" it with some random guy. It would make it even worse. Sometimes I think I'm sick. And now I wonder why I choose here to talk about it. I guess it's desperation. [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Feb 16 2009 : 9:12PM sounds more like hormones. could have something to do with your age and your body. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Feb 16 2009 : 9:31PM Oh God. Hormones? Is the world so banal and sad that ardent passion is due to nothing more than hormones? I am 21. I don't have a hormonal imbalance. So what's wrong with me? Maybe there's nothing wrong. Maybe this is the way women should be? I can't imagine that God is so cruel that he'd make women dead to passion. Or that he'd break the mold with me. I refuse to live in a world where passion is impossible. [Link]
sweetbbw Member 46 Posts 12/08	Posted - Feb 16 2009 : 10:12PM Sunshowers I'm normally more of a lurker on these boards, I don't post too much but reading your thread about broke my heart. If you are anything like me it's the romance and passion you are wanting so badly and not necessarily the sex aspect of it. I'm 35, in a relationship, and still crave that passion on a daily basis. My b/f is not passionate at all so makes things sucky for sure. I used to sleep around before being in a LTR but would still feel empty afterwards. You're not alone in your feelings. Hopefully you'll find a way to cope with these feelings. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Feb 16 2009 : 10:24PM Sweet BBW, you are so beautiful. I see your picture and you are gorgeous. It fills me with sadness that someone else feels this way. If the definition of "romance" is needing a connection with the opposite sex, then I definitely feel it. I am not dead and I am a girl who feels very deeply. I would fulfill any fantasy a man needed if he were to only feel deeply towards me in return. It is sad to feel this way. It's the very definition of love to be prepared to endure any torment, any humiliation to appease a man you love. If someone else feels this way, I am sorry. If you have a man who refuses to recognize this passion and beauty in you, sweet BBW, then you must find a man who can. Mon dieu. It's so sad to feel these yearnings pulling at your heart and fear that no one will EVER appease them. [Link]
sweetbbw Member 46 Posts 12/08	Posted - Feb 16 2009 : 10:37PM Thank you SunShowers for your sweet compliments. You nailed my definition of romance for sure. Sometimes I think I'm just way too passionate for my own good. Your feelings sound so much like my own. Just please always remember one thing, do not ever settle for anything other than what you want and need. I've made so many mistakes when it comes to finding the right guy for me, now at 35 yrs old with a b/f who just isn't that passionate guy, I'm scared it'll always be this way. Yes I love my b/f, don't want anything to happen between us but cannot live this way forever either. He knows that I need that touch, that kiss for no reason, and he seems to be at least trying. He has a wall up and it may just take a while to break down. SunShowers if you ever need to talk just let me know hun. I totally feel the pain that you are feeling. (((HUGS))) [Link]
Loraine Senior Member 1559 Posts 3/04	Posted - Feb 17 2009 : 12:18AM Hormones are not in the least banal. Helen Fisher's work makes for interesting listening - there is a universality about the drive to love that you might comforting. Helen Fisher. PS I have always thought about sex everyday and pretty much still do - when I don't, I guess I'll be dead. [Link]

Kimi Lixx Senior Member 2012 Posts 6/01	Posted - Feb 17 2009 : 12:41AM I think about sex constantly. How much sex I've wanted to have has gone up and down throughout my life, but no matter what my libido was like, I still thought about sex all the time. I don't think that's the least bit unusual. I'm not sure I understand how you're connecting sex to this passionate feeling for no one that exists. Are you just saying you're looking for love, and that the thought of finding/having a romantic love makes you hot and bothered? If that's the case, not only do you sound normal, you sound typical for a 21 yr old woman. That's pretty much the premise behind the appeal of every bodice ripper romance paperback out there. [Link]
Ivory Sex Object by Proxy "We all want our time in Hell." 647 Posts 8/04	Posted - Feb 17 2009 : 1:03AM It sounds like maybe you're a little obsessed with sex. I only say obsessed because it seems to be making you unhappy and causing you anxiety. There are plenty of women who think about sex everyday, or nearly everyday. Loraine and Kimi both said that they do. So do I. It can be a bit overwhelming when you don't have enough healthy outlets for all that energy, so it's important to figure out what those outlets are for you. As for extreme passion, it is normal to want this. Sometimes you are even lucky enough to find someone who shares that with you. But this isn't a birthright. It's something that is very rare. Like having a best friend since grade school, or winning the lotto, or starting a business that makes millions and millions of dollars. It's something you can aspire for, but you may not get it. It doesn't mean that it can't be you who experiences that, just that it might not be. My personal experience was I had just dumped my on-off boyfriend at the time, and later that very same day, was asked out by another young man. When he walked up to me, I looked up and thought, "finally". He felt like my fate. I was so into him, and it was not "rebound" in any way, shape, or form. He turned me on and got me off on a cellular level that is hard to describe. Unfortunately, he was a drug addict and a mind-fuck-game player so we broke up very quickly. I was extremely depressed for over a year, and felt like the whole universe was against me to have crossed my path with his. So, I wasn't so lucky with my younger experience with extreme passion. Edited by - Ivory on 2/17/2009 1:04:51 AM [Link]
lenscap Member everywhere 185 Posts 10/05	Posted - Feb 17 2009 : 7:09AM Welcome to the world. Each of us, in our own unique way, is looking for 'something'. I could write volumes on life, sexuality, and relationships. Being over twice your age, I have been there and done that already. Even males ( of which I am one) go through what you are experiencing. At this moment in time you are equating physical yearnings with emotional harmony. Dangerous stuff. [Link]
Pagoda Senior Member Thread Killer 1747 Posts 10/05	Posted - Feb 17 2009 : 3:58PM SunShowers, bless your honest heart. It took a lot of courage to get on here and post what you have. First, I don't think you should rule out hormones. You could have an elevated testosterone level. When I hit the seventh month of my pregnancy, I was bombarded with intrusive thoughts of sex, and with insatiable horniness. When I explained my feelings to my midwife, she said they were normal for that stage of pregnancy, because of a sudden spike in testosterone. When I told my husband about it, how sex had basically taken over my brain, he said that's how it feels to be a man. So, don't rule out a trip to your doctor. In addition, you are very young. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I had sex, passion and romance on the brain all the time. And I was shy, like you, and didn't act on any of it. You should do what I did. I wrote all my feelings down. I indulged in a rich fantasy life, and I put it all on the page. Every single romance novelist feels exactly the way you do. And guess what, millions of readers do, too. You have a knack for writing; I can see that in your eloquent posts. Turn your perceived liability into an asset. When I read your posts, my immediate thought was that you should be writing erotic romance novels. You would not believe how huge the market is. I know there's room for me in it; that's why I'm halfway through a manuscript. If the idea interests you, email me, and I'll help you. [Link]
Pagoda Senior Member Thread Killer 1747 Posts 10/05	Posted - Feb 17 2009 : 4:15PM To follow up Ivory's thoughts on passion: It's absolutely normal to want this. I think almost every woman does. Again, look at the romance market. In my personal life, I found it necessary to redefine romance. To me, romance is the little things, and I don't mean hearts and flowers. It's in every thoughtful gesture. You just have to recognize it. If he saves the last cookie for you, that's romance. If he goes and airs up the tires on your car, that's romance. If he hands you the TV remote, that's romance too. These are gestures that he's concerned with your happiness, comfort and safety. Really, what more can a woman want from a man? Aren't those the things that actually count? Those are the things that make someone a pleasure to live with on a day-to-day basis. Passion, the way many women view it, is actually turmoil. Emotional extremity on a daily basis, be it euphoria or misery, is exhausting and heartbreaking in the long run. A passionate relationship can be marked by explosive spontaneous sex, intense attraction and great joy. But the flip side can be possessiveness, jealousy, rage and deep disappointment. Personally, I prefer to live my life on an even keel most of the time. [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Feb 17 2009 : 6:54PM SunShowers wrote: Oh God. Hormones? Is the world so banal and sad that ardent passion is due to nothing more than hormones? Click to expand why the hostility against biology? biology is responsible for your being here in the first place and your continued existence. it's also the object of your desires. so what's wrong with it driving them too? [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Feb 17 2009 : 7:37PM "biology is responsible for your being here in the first place and your continued existence." Hence my hostility. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Feb 17 2009 : 7:44PM Pagoda, you've surprised me and given me some things to think about. As for the hormonal imbalance, I've been to the doctor recently and nothing is wrong. I work out nearly daily and take supplements, as well as consume massive quantities of veggies. I'm pretty healthy. Thank you for the compliments. I like to write and actually have an account on literotica.com... but I don't feel that what I've written there is all that impressive. It's just graphic and nasty. I've been writing on and off since my early teens, actually had one short story published in a magazine. (I never got paid for it, the wankers) I'm intrigued by the idea of channeling all this energy/fantasy into writing, though. Maybe it might give me some relief. I would love to talk to you more about it. I'll send you a message. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Feb 17 2009 : 7:46PM "Passion, the way many women view it, is actually turmoil." Oh my God. It is, isn't it? You just hit the nail on the head right there. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Feb 17 2009 : 7:49PM "SunShowers if you ever need to talk just let me know hun. I totally feel the pain that you are feeling." The same to you, Sweet BBW. Thank you for your commiseration. I really hope you can get what you need from your current bf. I can tell you deserve it very much. [Link]

sweetbbw Member 46 Posts 12/08	Posted - Feb 17 2009 : 8:56PM "In my personal life, I found it necessary to redefine romance. To me, romance is the little things, and I don't mean hearts and flowers. It's in every thoughtful gesture. You just have to recognize it." Pagoda I've never thought this way before until now. Let me tell you it's a big AHA moment for me. My current b/f is very attentive in different ways and I just never looked at it as romance but I sure will from now on. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective! SunShowers, thank you for the courage to start this thread. And thank you for the offer of support. [Link]
NewRomancer Deactivated User under THEIR avatar 738 Posts 7/08	Posted - Feb 18 2009 : 1:33PM "and take supplements" Depending on what you mean by supplements, that could be your problem right there... For most people vitamin supplements do nothing at all, and in more than a few cases they are capable of doing quite a lot of harm.... So called herbal, or 'natureopathic' supplements are unregulated, often untested, and capable of reacting with the body in ways other than what's advertised on the label... One of my new favourite words is "Natureopathetic"... [Link]
WardqueenJanine Member 914 Posts 2/08	Posted - Feb 18 2009 : 3:49PM Kimi Lixx wrote: I think about sex constantly. How much sex I've wanted to have has gone up and down throughout my life, but no matter what my libido was like, I still thought about sex all the time. I don't think that's the least bit unusual. Click to expand So do I and I think I always have. However thinking about sex doesn't mean that I'm always thinking about having sex and I'm not sure you are either. It's very difficult to differentiate the two but often I reflect upon sexual experiences or look at others through in a sexual light. Certainly there are plenty of times when I do though, think about having sex, but I think it only becomes an obsession when one can't put those thoughts aside (not banish them, even temporarily) sufficiently to conduct their everyday affairs whether they be work, sorting out personal matters or dealing with others. As far as the romance angle goes, and here's I guess where I seem to relate to the men, sex and romance are in no way synonymous. I can, and do, frequently fuck with no illusions of romance and thoroughly enjoy myself with absolutely no remorse. Does this activity allow me an outlet for those free-thinking sexual preoccupations? Perhaps, until now I've really never given it any thought. [Link]
BYOB_Kenobi Senior Member “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” - Kierkegaard 2684 Posts 8/09	Posted - Sep 15 2009 : 10:29AM SunShowers, most clinicians agree and draw the line of obsessive thoughts when it starts to interfere with your personal life. Specifically, if these thoughts interfering with daily tasks and performances or these thoughts lead to excessive risk taking. But if it is bothering you this much, you might wanna increase your efforts for help. About your failed prior therapy, therapists are like doctors. There's a lot of bad ones out there, but there's a lot of good ones too! You just have to find the good ones that will help you. I recommend you look at therapist's background to make sure they specialize in treating sexual issues. I cannot fully relate as I am a guy, but I have a huge sex drive (I say above average, even for a guy). I have never got a sex hormone panel run, so I'm not sure of the cause. However, I do feel for you. BTW, IMO, there's nothing sexier than college biology students w/high sex drives Take care of yourself [Link]
kaiser1one Member Dark Avatar 142 Posts 10/07	Posted - Sep 15 2009 : 11:00AM One of my female friends thinks about sex all the time. To much testosterone going on I guess. [Link]
fotomatt Member 78 Posts 8/08	Posted - Sep 15 2009 : 6:32PM First off, every guy here should read this forum posting. It's good to get a female viewpoint on sexuality and feelings... You're young and most young people (including females) think about sex a lot. Girls are just taught/conditioned not to express that. Though to some extent that's changing. As you get older and more experienced in relationships, chances are that your sex drive will become more balanced. That's not to say you won't have a high sex drive, but you'll probably feel more in control of it. Secondly, my wife is a therapist and she was telling me the other day that young women too often associate sex with love, when unfortunately is not always true, especially with men. Don't put yourself out there sexually when seeking love/passion/relationships. Sex should be the reward or "icing on the cake" that is a result of a passionate loving relationship. [Link]
BYOB_Kenobi Senior Member “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” - Kierkegaard 2684 Posts 8/09	Posted - Sep 16 2009 : 12:39AM SunShowers, Pagoda hit the nail on the head. You are very talented at writing and should explore it, maybe a creative writing class while at college. Exploiting your 'problem' and drawing from your visceral experiences definitely enhances your writings. For me, I find writing a great coping mechanism for stress, helping me decompress. Even if I am writing about asinine topics like breast implants, it focuses my thoughts off of my problems. [Link]