Daylight Savings Time, is it really Necessary? 972 Posts 3/04
Posted - Jun 24 2004 : 1:32AM
Okay so after someone wanted to know about this, being the nice guy that I am went ahead and am granting his request. Okay so this was told to me the other day while having lunch with a friend of mine. Now he has never done anal, well he did but he was kicked out immediately and his date took off. Needless to say he didn't warm her up..hehe.
Okay so he has been going on dates with this girl, we'll call her Sarah for about three weeks. Well they have already had sex a few times and I guess from what he told me is very wild in bed. When I asked him what "wild" meant he just said she took control a lot and talked dirty. Well obviously my friend and I differ on our definition of "wild" since in my experience most girls do that anyway.. but hey. Okay so after they went out to a bar (the best way to get a girl warmed up for anal, a little drinkie) she took him back to her place (not a great move beings you'll have to leave if things get rough) for some fun. Well after they started to get down to some oral he went for her ass and she let him finger it and what-have-you.
Soon it was on to some regular sex that is until he started to push his dick in her ass. She was in doggie and didn't take too kindly to the insertion. He told me that after she came a few times he tried again and met with success. Well after he started to get his "guy" in her ass most of the way he started to hear her fart. He told me that he was a little weird out but kept with it. Soon he started to feel some mushy stuff form in her ass and when he pulled out so did some other stuff. Now I like to call this "mashed potatos" (saw it in a porn a few times) but I'm sure there is another word for it. He was so grossed out he jumped off the bed and went into the bathroom. She got up and went to the bathroom door and wanted to know what was the problem. He had locked the door and she was trying to get in and after she pounded on the door and did that typical female sigh noise he opened the door. Well to make a long story short he told her that he could never see her again because she disgusted him.
Now I have known my friend for a few years and I know he can be a little tough but GOD did he over due it. I met this girl he had been going out with and she was really hot, not to mention she had a great ass! When he told me what he did I slapped him. His only response was that it grossed him out! Without getting mad, I asked, "did she know she was going to have anal sex?" The answer was no and then I said, "well then there can be problems." So after I talked to him about anal sex he felt like a retard and now (probably as I type this) is trying to get her back. I don't think he has a chance in hell but hey it was his fault. On a personal note I have never had this problem but it's funny that she didn't know about it when she got up. I'm sure she would have felt it but I mean the guy is a complete moron to act like that. It goes to show you that anal sex isn't for armatures! LOL
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AlexPanzer Deactivated User
1593 Posts 6/03
Posted - Jun 24 2004 : 2:18AM
First of all I like to say that its 2:04AM now, I gotta do my homework and wake up at 6AM, but I find these stories more interesting than reading 17-page essay on world food and them summarizing it.
Well what can I say, the dude freaked out.
I find this probably the question of a lifetime: why do hot girls have to take a shit? I mean they are hot and really beautiful - then why do they have to take a dump? Ever asked yourself this question?
I used to know a really hot girl -pornstar quality when I went to a rehab high school, there were about 60 students in all so everyone knew the other person. So one day I am passing in the hallway, turn to the right and pass the door of the girls bathroom, the door opens and this hot girl gets out, 3 seconds later a horrible, horrible stink hits my nose . And I cant believe it, a hot girl like her taking such a serious and funky dump - HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? = HOT GIRL + FUNKY DUMP = IMPOSSIBLE. But its possible and ufortunatly everyone has to live with it.
Ok so back to the anal disaster.
I think that your friend was shocked the same way as I were, only in his case he actually experienced it in a bit other way - and he seen/felt the results.
Well, I think what happened was a problem, and to overcome a problem a solution is needed to be taken.
One way is to enemize that girl's chocolate factory, or as an engineer from Command-&-Conquer games would say "Engineering!" . If this solution would be implimented then things would probably be better.
Daylight Savings Time, is it really Necessary? 972 Posts 3/04
Posted - Jun 24 2004 : 2:50AM
you crack me up Alex! Okay where did taking a crap come from? She didn't crap you know. And to answer you question, women are humans (pss...don't tell anyone ) Alex if you ever move in with a woman your in for a big suprise! hehe. Oh and you haven't lived until your girl farts for the first time around you, and in my case it was during sex! lol
Despite my intimacy with my gf it is for this reason that when either of us is taking a shit the bathroom is strictly out of bounds. I know many couples will happily wander round the bathroom while their partner is crapping but this is one time we both have our privacy. I know where Alex is coming from with this 'how can they shit' type thing. I mean to say, even the Queen has to go for a shit, can you imagine that? Amazing, but true!
Your friend certainly didn't handle that very well. This kind of thing tends to annoy me a bit. Here he is with a tasty chick and she has allowed him, perhaps reluctantly, to fuck her ass. Next guy who comes along is not only going to have to deal with her initial reluctance but also the fallout of your friends reaction which will only increase her reticence and maybe confirm some of her doubts about doing it.
If his cock was really shitty then yes he had to go and clean it but after that he should have come back and told her that maybe tonight wasn't the best night for anal but what a hot girl she is and how lucky he feels that she let him make love to her in that way.
I know you don't mean this seriously but looking at it seriously I think a lot of guys, maybe your friend is one, are trying to have anal with their girl simply because they feel they ought to or because they are missing out if they don't rather than because it is something they actively want to do. As a case in point a guy I work with has been married about 15-20 years and the last couple of years has been trying to woo her into giving it a go. The thing is when I talk to him it is obvious he regards the whole thing as a bit dirty and unnecessary, he almost choked on his tea when I suggested that since she allows him to finger her ass he should try licking and tongue fucking it, and I think the only reason he wants to do it is because he feels he is missing out on something some of his friends are getting.
Your buddy should write a very short note to this woman, saying he's sorry about how he acted. She probably won't go out with him again, but it will help her feel better.
Your buddy sounds like a real winner. Where do you find these guys? I know, they're all over the place.
yeah... I can somehow understand, I would've been a bit grossed out too if something like that happened to me. But then, that happens when going at it like that... wouldn't have been that way if he had used a condom. But then, you wouldn't have those stories for us
Daylight Savings Time, is it really Necessary? 972 Posts 3/04
Posted - Jun 24 2004 : 10:07PM
Well most of the guys I know don't drop on a woman's ass not to mention does any anal. I think I agree with Sir Noel Plum that some guys do it because they just want to try something that they "might" be missing. At any rate he fucked up and now I'm hearing about it. He called me today and started to cry on the phone because she won't return his calls. I mean did he have to cry, not to mention my day has been shitty enough with my love life. At any rate this is probably the funniest anal story I have ever heard!
Where do you find your buddies? Are they all such characters?
In the midst of your buddy's crying jag, did you remember to give him my suggestion that he write her a short note? I'm not surprised that she wouldn't take his phone calls.
The guy is a total doofus. She has every right to ignore him; he freaked out like a major dork. He should take it like a man, suck it in, and move on. Hopefully he's learned something.
I've been through a number of accidents during anal sex. I've never freaked out, although the smell can be pretty awful at times. With my current girlfriend, we've only had a few accidents before I found out of what porn girls do to prepare and told her about it. Since, we may have had one or two depending on what she's had to eat. I've accepted that it's just part of having anal sex. I don't freak out. Just clean it up and keep going.
He told her she disgusted him. Not, "Oh, gross pooh!" or "oops, a little accident". You disgust me is pretty harsh. It was probably humiliating and a slap in the face - especially after he initiated the act.
He may be really sorry now, but he sort of crossed a boundary there. Plus, to her this is a marker of how he acts in certain situations. Look at it from her perspective.
Daylight Savings Time, is it really Necessary? 972 Posts 3/04
Posted - Jun 25 2004 : 1:47AM
LOL, no he didn't!
Renee- I talked to him before I read your response. I'm sure I'll talk to him sometime this weekend but I don't think a letter will help. He called her many times and showed up to her door and still nothing. She's going to call the cops. She's too good for him anyway, I mean she let him do something to her that not a lot of Portland girls do and he fucked it up for the next guy. But I'll tell him about your idea! Oh and were did I find him? He is in a Ranger unit up at Ft. Lewis who is on leave well ETS leave just getting out. Met him during my RAP (ranger acceptance program at Ft. Benning, GA)
PornoPunk- Yeah I know what you mean but luckily I never had that talk with my girl (ex maybe) because she watches porn and the BTS helps..hehe. And every girl I have done anal with it was just on a spure of the moment thing. It's funny how clean and "easy" it is on porn but in real life it's not all happy trails. But if done right then it's great. that's why I said anal is not for amatures! lol! oh and I'm sure you would be dead! Girls don't like you to reveal stuff about certain things especially when they can read or hear them!
Lunacy- Well your not a nimrod! So no worries!
okidoll- Well he didn't see it that way. But I know what you mean!
I'd have thought anyone making it through ranger training would have a strong enough stomach to take a little accident like that in stride and reassure the girl that there was nothing to be embarrassed about.
Daylight Savings Time, is it really Necessary? 972 Posts 3/04
Posted - Jun 25 2004 : 3:27AM
Ha...lol! But how do you think a Ranger should be? Seeing blood and death is one thing but having some "stuff" come out during sex is another. I mean everyone has their limits. However he is a dumbass! But he does get a lot of women. However from this recent example doesn't seem to be able to handle them.
I don't know how much real blood and death the average ranger actually sees, but surely they encounter the odd animal poo while crawling through the forests during training.
Some (not all) who've been through ranger training (Danish TV once aired a program with a certified glory hound who'd done it) also like to talk about how much they were challenged and pushed mentally.
I just don't see how such tough guys can freak out over some poo on their pecker. It's not like he was asked to taste it. But as you say everyone has their limits, that's just not one of mine. That's not to say that I exactly relish the idea of a bit of brown on my todger, but it's not the end of the world.
Stick your penis in someone's behind - what do you think is going to be on it, gold?
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bigbadwolf16669 Deactivated User
387 Posts 6/04
Posted - Jun 25 2004 : 3:38PM
Well if the girl took a good bath or shower and she went to the toilet at least 1 or 3 hours before.I dont think there should be shit on your dick lol,always Use condoms and some lubrification.
So he's an Army Ranger? What rank is he (sorry, I'm curious)? Sounds like what he needs is ARMY ANAL School, where he'll be trained on the SOP's for proper anal offensive manuevers.
As for porn anal preps, I once read an interview with Belladonna, where she said it was this multi-hour process that started the night before a scene, with her not eating after 5 p.m., then two enemas, and maybe more (I can't remember). Perhaps the porn industry should do porn fans a favor, and put out a reality anal movie.
Actually, there is that film, Tristan Taomorino's Anal Sex for Women (correct title?), that was done with Evil Angel a couple of years ago. Maybe that's what Army Ranger Buddy needs.
Daylight Savings Time, is it really Necessary? 972 Posts 3/04
Posted - Jun 25 2004 : 5:13PM
Kimi- Your too much! but it would be nice to find gold! lol
Kperv- Yes the mental thing is something that is the core of the training, not eating and doing so much, being treated like shit, getting hit and smacked around. It's all mental and that's why so many people fail. The physical side of the training isn't nearly as tough as the mental. And Todger...that's a great word! hehe
Zoid- My friend tried anal once but was denied by a girl. The girl who he is with I have no idea if she had done it before. But whatever the case might be He made some butter and didn't bring the popcorn! ...uh well that was a little nasty...
Renee- He just got upped to E5 a few months ago because he was planning on re-enlisting. He almost didn't graduate PLDC (primary leadership devolpment course) due to authority issues. PLDC is what is required to be promoted to E5 in the Army along with appearing before a board/pannel. Now he has a job or is going to be having a job on the SWAT team in WA or somthing...or at least that's what he's going after. An Army anal school..hmmm, great idea but doubt it'll be a go. I remember hearing about Bella talking about the anal thing and the prep before a scene. Though seeing some of the BTS stuff and some last second cuts during some films it looks like not all women do it. lol
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DenverDon Benevolent
Firmly Embedded in Depravity 5914 Posts 7/02
Posted - Jun 25 2004 : 5:15PM
Renee,
The title was "Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women 1" by Tristan Taomorino.
