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Chain Of Command (Brazzers) - review by fu_q| Author | Post |
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| nightowl Member 51 Posts 6/07 |  Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 7:16AMi'm really starting to believe that. she just doesn't seem to show any interest in sex whatsoever. we've had a few conversations about it. she always says she'll try and make a bit more effort but then she never does. any toys, lingerie, etc i buy her just seems to end up left in the wardrobe unused. even on the odd occasion when she wears something, her whole manner is so awkward about it all that it's not much of a turn on. i've never had this type of problem before - all my previous girlfriends have had pretty healthy sexual appetites. i don't think i'm over the top with what i'm expecting from a relationship in terms of sex, but i really don't know what to do anymore. the stupid thing is that we get on just as well as always apart from this issue. to be honest i'm starting to think that if i went and met someone else for sex i'd almost be fully justified as i feel that i've made as much effort as i can to make the whole thing work to try and stop it coming to that situation. [Link] |
| Joey Starr Senior Member Still wanking after all these years. 8082 Posts 10/00 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 8:14AM [Link] |
| Joey Starr Senior Member Still wanking after all these years. 8082 Posts 10/00 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 8:14AM [Link] |
| ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 10:06AM have you talked to her about this? as in, a long, serious conversation? you say she's not very sexual, but when she attempts to be her manner is 'awkward' then hold that against her? doesn't sound to me like you're trying all that much. love and support can go a long way. [Link] |
| nightowl Member 51 Posts 6/07 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 11:16AM [Link] |
| nightowl Member 51 Posts 6/07 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 11:19AM [Link] |
Bob  All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 3:01PM When you're in bed together at a suitable time, ask her to masturbate in front of you and promise that you'll then masturbate in front of her. If she's self-conscious, suggest simultaneous mutual masturbation. If she says no to that, pull out your cock and masturbate in front of her anyway. Maybe she'll join in. Bring a porno in to your bedroom and just play it without asking her in advance. Ask her to watch. If she leaves the room, keep watching and talk later. If she stays in the room, stroke off in front of her. Again, invite her to join in. If she says no, keep going and have an orgasm anyway. See what happens next. In other words, don't wait for her to bring her sexuality to you -- bring yours to her. Whatever the results are, you'll learn a lot. [Link] |
| Janitor Retired Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 4:13PM Do you suck her toes, lick her pussy? What are you doing to get her in the mood? [Link] |
| jayo All-Star Member 2117 Posts 7/04 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 4:40PM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 4:47PM Finally, she owned up to the fact that her trouble relaxing was her problem and her responsibility and that nothing I did one way or the other had much impact. Things have improved since then. I vote for kind but firm and proactive confrontation. . [edited for spelling] Edited by - bob on 4/13/2008 8:15:54 PM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 8:31PM There can be a vicious circle with sexual problems. If your wife feels self-conscious about sex, your discussions make her feel more self-conscious. Then, she is nervous and acts awkwardly during sex. This turns you off and makes you feel frustrated, and you tell her so. Rinse and repeat. This doesn't make it your fault, but fault isn't a helpful way to think about it from her perspective, either. When you're talking, try to identify the problem that you're having sexually as a couples problem -- one that you need to work on together. It's better to be on the same side in dealing with an issue rather than staring at each other across a divide. . [edited for spelling] Edited by - bob on 4/14/2008 4:46:23 PM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 8:43PM One small piece of advice: Forget the toys and lingerie for now. They are undoubtedly making her more self-conscious. Save them for when your sexual relationship is stronger and you just want to spice things up. A related idea: Don't think of your sexual encounters as "events". Try to keep sex as emotionally simple and instinctual as possible. Final thing: If your child is young, it's going to make things worse. Women with young children are strung out. That's just the way it is, as far as I can tell. Being the mother of a young child is harder on a woman's sex drive than being the father of a young child is on a man's. Unless your child is older than three, it's hard to get around it. Wait it out. . [edited for spelling] Edited by - bob on 4/13/2008 8:45:33 PM [Link] |
| HeyNow Oblivious Gold Star Hey! 5965 Posts 1/03 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 8:52PM Usually toys does it - thanks Steph! Do you always have to initiate sex? Or does she sometimes? You can't pester her too much and just wait for the right night when she makes a grab at you or parades around in her panties.Yikes. I don't know dude. [Link] |
| ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 9:39PM [Link] |
| ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 9:44PM [Link] |
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| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 9:52PM Sometimes pissing people off is a good thing. Why should she get to make all the rules? [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 9:54PM [Link] |
| Daddy Fat Sacks Member 114 Posts 12/07 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 10:01PM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 13 2008 : 10:35PM Nice! Did you sign up on ADT just to be a dickhead? [Link] |
| kataboom master blaster ad astra per aspera 995 Posts 6/03 | Posted - Apr 14 2008 : 12:27AM [Link] |
| Joey Starr Senior Member Still wanking after all these years. 8082 Posts 10/00 | Posted - Apr 14 2008 : 1:37AM [Link] |
| ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06 | Posted - Apr 14 2008 : 6:36AM [Link] |
| lilacwine Member "Don't let your lava love turn to stone." 489 Posts 5/06 | Posted - Apr 14 2008 : 10:00AM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 14 2008 : 1:11PM There is a temptation to believe that sex will improve in a marriage as love and trust grow. If you really care about someone, hope springs eternal. Well, not quite eternal . . . [Link] |
| Bobcat Senior Member 1490 Posts 2/08 | Posted - Apr 14 2008 : 1:52PM [Link] |
| Pagoda Senior Member Thread Killer 1747 Posts 10/05 | Posted - Apr 14 2008 : 3:20PM What changed our relationship was porn. I saw that there were a lot of different ways to approach sex. Turned out I didn't want a gentle, tender lover. I wanted to be pushed around and shown who's boss. I told him this, and it turned out that he liked the idea. I don't respond to traditional foreplay. To me, that's after-play. It took us nearly a decade to realize I was wired backward from the other women he'd been with. Now that we know that, I look forward to sex. I even make it a priority. [Link] |
| BSD Senior Member San Diego, CA 2508 Posts 11/03 | Posted - Apr 15 2008 : 5:44AM My significant other is currently where you were with your points 1,2,3,4,5, and 6. She has not progressed to the point where porn could have a postitive impact on her, (our), sex life, nor to the point where me playing rough would enhance her arousal. Not much hope for either. She hates porn almost as much as she hates me, and my touch, whether it be a gentle caress or a right cross to the jaw, would have pretty much the same effect. BSD [Link] |
| Captain Cock Member NL 172 Posts 2/05 | Posted - Apr 15 2008 : 12:28PM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 15 2008 : 1:14PM Apparently, though, they haven't dealt honorably with Drew & Steph in paying their bills, which bothers me tremendously. [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 15 2008 : 1:16PM If not, you have little or no basis for appreciating the complexity of the situation. [Link] |
| Pagoda Senior Member Thread Killer 1747 Posts 10/05 | Posted - Apr 15 2008 : 2:12PM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 15 2008 : 2:46PM My wife and I aren't as far along as you and your husband are and, as far as I can tell, we've been working at it twice as long as the two of you, but things have gotten better and we haven't given up yet. I doubt our sex life will even be as open, uninhibited, and experimental as I'd like it to be, and I sometimes have serious bouts of anger, frustration, and sadness about that. But sex isn't the only thing in our lives by far and everything else about being with her is pretty wonderful. She's human; I'm human; take the bitter with the sweet; easier to say than do; worth the effort anyway. [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 15 2008 : 2:47PM [Link] |
| cobalt60 Knuckle Dragger 2046 Posts 2/03 | Posted - Apr 15 2008 : 3:23PM Imagine being married to a smartass like me. Frtunately, my wife seems to be not only immune but sarcastic, too. It works. nightowl - My advice, for what it's worth - and it's oversimplified and has been said before, but it works: laugh. You should laugh in bed more. Relax. Talk. Laugh. Tell her how awkward she looks and tickle her. Take the toy from her and throw it over the side. Hug. Snuggle. Then work her the fuck over like she's never been worked before - make her come with your mouth, hands and cock so many times, so hard, that she's a quivering, sweaty mass that can't even move - just breathe and moan a little and quiver once in a while. Then, you will have already won. [Link] |
| Pagoda Senior Member Thread Killer 1747 Posts 10/05 | Posted - Apr 15 2008 : 4:53PM [Link] |
| cobalt60 Knuckle Dragger 2046 Posts 2/03 | Posted - Apr 15 2008 : 5:42PM I like yours, too.ADT group hug! XPT collectively pukes!  [Link] |
| Janitor Retired Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99 | Posted - Apr 15 2008 : 7:31PM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 15 2008 : 8:30PM [Link] |
| ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06 | Posted - Apr 15 2008 : 9:34PM [Link] |
| stinkfist Senior Member Subterfuge...... 7401 Posts 4/07 | Posted - Apr 15 2008 : 10:06PM [Link] |
| redhead Member Not so redhead these days... 718 Posts 1/08 | Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 12:06AM |
| cobalt60 Knuckle Dragger 2046 Posts 2/03 | Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 11:50AM Yes, start slowly. A grin today, a smile tomorrow. Someday, the laughter will come. And so will she. Seriously, when my wife and I were first married 17 years ago, she was very self-conscious about her body and its various workings and by-products. By the time we could laugh together about a particularly obnoxious pussy fart (hey, in doggy it happens .. a LOT), she was comfortable not only letting me go down on her but she would touch herself while I did it. Compared to the first time I ever used my mouth and tongue on her: it was the first time anyone had ever done it to her (she was but 16, after all), and at first she was weirded out by the thought of it, but by the time I'd been down there for a good ten minutes she was a big fan of the oral sex. These days, well, I won't bore you with all the gory details, but there's little I can do that she likes more. I know of women who won't let their men dive for muff. It's awful! And vice versa, won't smoke the baloney pony. I blame the parents, and the church. And all for what - my wife and I have terrific hygiene and Jesus never said licking genitals would keep you out of heaven. But I digress. Back to you, owl - it's not like flipping a switch. POOF - insta-slut! No, it takes a good, long time and a lot of communication and trust along the way. It's worth it, though. I wish you the best, sir! Try to relax and lower your expectations, though, at first. Be patient. If you build it, she will come. (Sorry for all the come puns. I really do mean well). Oh - the ADD kicks in - does she take birth control pills? Those are notorious for sucking the life out of a woman's libido? Or was she raised very conservative and churchy? That can be difficult (but not impossible) to overcome. Will she pee if you are in the bathroom with her? These little breakdowns of inhibition are key to getting closer to the level of debauchery I believe you ultimately want. Please forgive the scattershot. I'm more sawed-off shotgun than laser, I'm afraid. [Link] |
| Captain Cock Member NL 172 Posts 2/05 | Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 6:55PM As a rational human being, it's nice to think all can be worked out, and a solution can be found for it, but as feelings are not allways logical, I doubt it's the Holy Grail for relationship problems. Or I'm just a cunt. [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 8:51PM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 8:51PM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 9:27PM You wrote:People in a marriage generally need more than one thing. If all they needed was sex, they could get that elsewhere and with less effort. Note what nightowl himself wrote:He doesn't seem to want to get a divorce; instead, it sounds as if he simply wants more and better sex with his wife:Speaking only for myself -- but also as someone who has thought about this problem in very personal terms -- I've never felt that the alternatives for "just meeting someone else for sex" were very appealing. . [typos] Edited by - bob on 4/16/2008 9:28:23 PM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 16 2008 : 9:29PM [Link] |
| Loraine Senior Member 1559 Posts 3/04 | Posted - Apr 17 2008 : 4:43AM [Link] |
| Pagoda Senior Member Thread Killer 1747 Posts 10/05 | Posted - Apr 17 2008 : 5:34AM [Link] |
| Loraine Senior Member 1559 Posts 3/04 | Posted - Apr 17 2008 : 6:09AM And sweet - don't forget sweet. [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Apr 17 2008 : 10:41AM [Link] |
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