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All Forums > Sex Talk > Sex Talk Forum Page 61 > Neep some help..
AuthorPost
Karli
Member


9 Posts
9/01
Posted - Sep 30 2001 : 6:54AM
Me any my boyfriend have been going out for about a year. Everything is great except when we have sex he premature ejaculates. Any way we can fix this? or just do anything to help. thanks you guys.
dexplorer
Member

442 Posts
8/01
Posted - Sep 30 2001 : 8:39PM
Welcome Karli!!

Now that you've posted once, keep posting more!!

Practice makes perfect!

The more you two screw within as short a time as you (he) can, the more likely he is to get over this. If he gets used to taking a long time the second time you two make love, within a fairly short period, it will be easier for him to hold out the first time as well.

Also, experience with success at holding out tends to make it easier to hold out more in the future. Whereas the reverse is also true.

Of course the fast coming is more of a problem if he can't get it up again fairly soon. As you probably know younger guys, esp. in teens, are much more likely to have this problem than when they get somewhat or quite a bit older. But they also on average tend to be able to get it up again sooner.

Specific techniques that work include everything from wearing two or three condoms, to the main one that really works. And that is stopping. And pulling out. And cooling it for a while. Just kiss and lick and touch and stroke your arms and breasts and thighs (but don't you do too much of that to him at this point.) Before putting it back in. He can use the time even better by going down on you!! If you are already really going hot, the stoking alone is likely to frustrate the piss out of you at that stage, so he'd better go diving!! <gg>

But stopping only works if he learns to stop EARLY ENOUGH. If he waits until he's just about to come, he's going to come outside of you anyway a few moments after he pulls out. But he won't have that happen if he pulls out as soon as he feels the pressure really building up. If he has to stop after two strokes to begin with, well, that's what he does. To begin with, as he's burning these new circuits in his brain. If he focuses on that, he'll get it.

Practice. Be a little patient. Hell, you've lived through this a year. If he starts really consciously working on this he should be able to get things really vastly better under control within a couple of weeks if you guys are going at it frequently. At most within a month I'd think, guessing wildly about different people. I mean for a lot of progress. The more he consciously works on doing the things I talking about, the longer he'll be able to last. In fact, he may find that eventually he can learn to be able to last almost indefinitely if he wants to. (Great for blowing female minds. <gg>) That takes building up to it though.

Now when he gets better at this, and learns to feel when he's building to cum, he should be able to stop motion while he's still inside you. And not come. By just not moving much, or at all down there. But still kissing and caressing etc. For this to work he's first gotta stop and pause earlier than' he'd have to if he was gonna pull out for a while, and he's also gonna have to communicate with you. Cause otherwise YOU'RE like to keep the motion going, blowing him right off. <gg> It tends to work better if you're cowgirl on him, or you're both sitting face to face, your legs over his, with perhaps someone's back against a wall. Done right this is essentially the same thing as Tantric Sex, or anyway is an element of it. Which a few people make quite a study of, and some people even treat as a quasi religious set of techniques. (Origins are Hindu mystic sexual practices that got popular in some circles in the West first during the 60's I think.) Anyway, forget all that unless you don't want to. The point is he needs to STOP all that motion that feels so good to both of you, and you both need to get into more subtle and stiller sexual communication between you for a while. Caressing, kissing, looking into each other's eyes -- while he's in you but not moving. For a while. This can also be very emotionally involving if you bring the right mindset into it.

Some people get into staying in a position like that, with subtle motions every once in a while, for a really long time. As in an hour or more. It can be very emotional as a change of pace. But that sort of time or anything close to it is of course a side road that you may or may not want to get into. (It may be mandatory to have either zittar, classical, new age, or some sorts of jazz on in the background while you're doing this. <gg>)

Now, when he gets better still at this pausing one way or another to regain control, he'll find that if he moves more slowly, and in a more circular sort of way, grinding his pelvic bone on your clit and upper labia area, but without so much in and out, that that will do two things. It will tend to enable him to last longer, and it's like to get YOU going lots, moving around just inside your upper labia (pussy lips) G stop that it is. This however isn't gonna stop him from blowing if he's on the edge or anywhere too close to it. But it CAN work to slow the process of getting to that point when the pressure is just starting to build. (In this Sex Talk Forum there's a thread about this titled something like "Grinder or Pounder?" You should check that out too. And tell him to.)

Again, as he gets one level of lasting while doing stuff under his belt, other levels of lasting while still moving his cock in you will get easier and easier.

Something else that works if he does it early enough, but too late to keep from cuming otherwise, is to pull out of you, and immediately press a forefinger very firmly/ hard into his urethra just below where his ball sack connects to his pelvic region. That is to say the center of the bottom of his cock right where it connects to his pelvis, underneath his balls. He can easily practice finding this place while masturbating. Guys can tell that this FEELS like it’s the tube that's going into their dick carrying the sperm, once they touch around there. Especially if they are trying to press this tube closed while the sperm is in fact shooting through there. So the first time he'll fail to find it quite right, or press hard enough fast enough while masturbating, but will find it the next time. He's got to press really hard to stop any of his sperm from blowing through. But even if he just stops most, it will tend to make Time Till Hard Again quite a lot faster. The trick is to press EARLY and HARD. This leads to a dry cum. Which actually feels almost as good as a wet cum. But allows real fast recovery -- or no need for recovery at all. It's a good trick. This can be used to prolong masturbating as well, of course..

Now of course if you and he get REALLY good together YOU could be the one to press him hard there once he tells you to. But I've generally found that's something better to do myself. At least when I've had to / wanted to.

Finally, here's a last thought. If for some reason he can't screw you a lot more often, he needs to masturbate more often. That's not as good a cure for premature ejaculation as a lot more fucking is, but it's better than nothing. Individual biological differences aside, a guy is most likely to have problems with this if he's still in his late teens or close to it, he isn't screwing that frequently or not at all, and he isn't masturbating much either. Then if you add to that always having had a problem with it, so that he doesn't have any other learned / burned in his brain way of responding, he's a gonner. What he needs to do is reverse all of those things. Plus practice stopping in mid course, and then beginning again. Which can become much, much subtler "stopping" as he builds up his ability.

He (and you) should take the view that it's really hot to mix the in/out action with some mid course pussy licking. Maybe two or three times while he's getting into the groove. Or as often as necessary. Hell 10 times if he has to. Meanwhile you should be getting some nice fringe benefits. This sort of completely out interruption shouldn't have to stay that way though. Not at all. It's definitely something that can be turned around.

When I was 16 and younger I had that problem to some extent. (Well, I think a lot of guys do at that age.) It's all a matter of degree I guess, and you haven't said how soon he tends to come. But anyway, I figured out (and to a limited extent was clued in by one older girlfriend) many of the things I'm suggesting here to last longer the first time. Of course I could get hard again at that age within a few minutes (if it even went down at all, if I was really excited) and last a good long time the second time, so it wasn't necessarily the largest problem in the world. But people are really pretty different about recovery times I think. Whereas everyone can learn to last much, much longer.

Sorry for writing a book. Hope it is helpful.

Again, each bit of success at lasting longer will tend to lead to more and longer success the next time.

BTW, how old are you guys, if you don't mind saying?


Edited by - dexplorer on Oct 1 2001

dumblonde
Senior Member

2352 Posts
7/00
Posted - Sep 30 2001 : 9:38PM
My, dexplorer! I certainly enjoyed your manifesto on PE!
Welcome Karli, and it sounds like you got some good advice there from dexplorer, although you might not want your boyfriend to read it right before putting it into practice,
this might have the opposite effect than what was intended!
LOL!!!
I have nothing to add, but good luck!
And thanks again, dex!
Cognex
Member

126 Posts
2/01
Posted - Sep 30 2001 : 10:21PM
Welcome to the forum! While my advice would be too clinical, I can remark on certain reasons this happens to men. Premature ejaculation is usually caused by anxiety associated with the act itself. Other factors can include guilt, shyness, perfectionism, or even unrealistic expectations about his performance. It's interesting to note that PE is more common among college-educated men, since they would be more apt to have interpersonal concerns in a relationship. There are many ways to approach this both psychologically and even pharmacologically. You need to find out what works best, while not making a big deal out of it. It's already a vexing problem, and excessive rumination will only exacerbate the issue.

Karli
Member

9 Posts
9/01
Posted - Oct 1 2001 : 5:59PM
Thanks to all of you guys. Especially to you Dexplorer I saved your short book on microsoft word for refrence. Thanks again dex and everyone else.

PS:

Dex
I'm 23 and he's 21.
Nice to meet all of you. Thanks again.


Karli-

 
Michael Saint
Photographer

Alexis Texas is always lovely
1062 Posts
2/01
Posted - Oct 1 2001 : 7:59PM
Hi there Karli. Dex pretty much covered all the bases except one. Is there a medical reason for this problem? I too have had this problem the first couple of times I have sex with someone new but usually after that it tends to not be a problem usually just to me being more at ease with that person. So the question is if this has been going on for over a year there may be a biological reason for it.




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