DenverDon

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To be honest I don't really know why I put this post up. Ah well, myabe it's just my way of finding out more about others from ADT.

SQUID

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In case they try to stick around I smoke them out with cigars, Shostakovich (not the symphonies but the lovely string quartets) and French eighteenth century books.

To be honest I sometimes get sentimental and then I really want a woman around 24 h and a serious relationship. I quickly recover from these attacks.

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So your in a relationship but you don't live with the person??

Arethusa,

Is this through choice? or situation.

Kimi,

What is it about relationships that your not into??? is the commitment?? time?? effort?? hassle??

Whiplash,

So I take it your into one night stands. Don't you feel that you are missing out on companionship and the like, offered through female company???

SQUID

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I'm married, by the way.

Edited by - aybesea on 11/14/2002 10:30:31 PM

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I'm not into one-night stands, but I'm not into relationships much either. I'm too busy with other things right now (masturbating, for one) and I've found 'relationships' to be very time and energy consuming, plus they rarely end well. Cranky is already starting to crowd me and getting irritated that I won't give him my address or phone number.
I guess he would be classified as more of a fuck buddy than a serious relationship, so why bother?

Edited by - dumblonde on 11/14/2002 4:41:57 PM

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Of note, I had more female friends when I was 'whore named P-Knuckle' and less now with a girlfriend. I am slowly getting to the point where relationships are always more of a burden (and a sure sign of co-dependency) and less out of neccesity. I was always happier single...socially, sexually, monetarily, and emotionally. I feel lonelier in every relationship I have had that when I am single. The pressures of society and guilt associated with being single really tricks the mind into thinking its important.

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don't know why. Married women and women over 30 keep telling me I'm a great guy.
But women my age.. I have no idea...

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Arethusa, Yeah I know what you mean about staying single. There are times when I much prefer to be single, but there are times when I feel like cuddling up to someone in bed as well and I miss the companionship.

SQUID

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P.S. THANKS aybesea!

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"There are three ways to get to the top of the ladder: talent, luck, or being an asshole by stepping on someone's head. Most people on the top of the ladder are neither talented nor lucky." - Unknown

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Yes I do miss it but when I'm in it I miss my freedom. I guess I suffer from chronic dissatisfaction.

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Why? I like knowing that there's someone out there that I can count on no matter what. Someone to whine to. And someone that likes to take care of me and have me to take care of them.

I always hated dating. Too much energy spent on meeting people and getting to know them and getting comfortable with them.
Never had a one-night stand. And even the short relationships were annoying.

I'd rather spend a year with someone and break up than date 30 different people in that same year.
I guess I'm just a homebody.

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i'm single.......reason? erm...well, i've never found a girl that i could pimp out to my friends

seriously though, my longest relationship was 4 months, i just get bored really quickly. either the girl is not intresting enough intellectualy or she's not such a great fuck.......harsh i know, but that's the bottom line. i once starting seeing a girl only to find out that she didn't want to give head so that had end......and quickly, too. i suppose i'm scared of commiting too, when i was at uni(drop out) i was seeing a girl who started talking about marrage that was over within days. i've been in love twice, but guess what folks..........it was unrequited love. the last girl i fell in love with i think(on reflection) used me to cushion her exit from a long relationship. so, there you go, i'm single but i'm feeling the urge to couple recently. maybe i'm getting older and my priorities are changing....i just hope i dont end up settling for the sake of it.

Edited by - superfly skywarrior on 11/16/2002 6:34:07 AM

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Then there's the "instant dad" thing-I don't want to take over raising someone else's kids. My brother went through that, and it nearly cost him his marriage.

And I'm pretty much a loner by nature-I don't mind doing things by myself most of the time. For those other times, I do have good friends I can call, and that helps a lot.

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I don't want to sell anybody on the idea of marriage. Rieekan is right - you work on yourself first. Marriage is not an entitlement to a perfect partner or to smooth sailing. If it's going to work for you, it's more an opportunity for your own personal development.

I hope it's okay to quote Hugh and Gail Prather, as they wrote in Notes to Each Other:

"We do not pick our perfect match because we ourselves are not perfect. The universe hands us a flawless diamond - in the rough. Only if we are willing to polish every part of ourselves that cannot join do we end up with a soul mate."

Speaking from 23 years in, that's a good perspective. I'm very happy with my choice to be married, and even with its ups and downs, it has gotten better and better for us.

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Instead of 23 years of marriage, I only have 2--but what she say's is absolutely the truth. Marriage is not for everyone, and it's not the magical solution or end-of-the line pedestal that so much of society seems to believe it is. It is an ongoing process--a method of mutual personal development. The decision to get married should be based on an absolutely clear understanding of yourSELF and with the knowledge that there will be ups and downs, but ultimately the process of it makes your life better and better.

This may sound like a fairy tale in itself, but it's not. It's a state of mind, and many people don't have it, and for many others, it takes years of being single (or of bad relationships) to achieve it. My parents taught me how to be married, and it's by their example that I found and live together with my wife. It took three years of being together with her before I "walked the aisle". I don't give a shit about the institution of marriage, and I especially don't care for the associations that society and religion places on it. To me "marriage" as most of society sees it is merely an absurd method of social catagorization. My wife and I love each other, and we're commited to each other and to sharing our lives together--as long as that's the case we will be together. And that is the end of the story.

Mike L.

Edited by - MLyons on 11/16/2002 3:53:20 PM

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I think it's wonderful when two people can successfully form a synergetic union yet still retain their individuality. What I usually see is a lot of controlling going on from both sides, and a gradual friend faze-out (especially those bad influence singles!) for an average of 2-3 years until the divorce. When this happens, you can bet that one or the other already has someone else lined up, and the cycle begins again.

Astro writes:
"I'm also married and almost every day I wonder how I got so lucky to find such a wonderful person as well as looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together."

A heartwarming testimonial from a husband who, given Astro's prodigious output, must spend an enormous amount of time in his basement watching pornography. (and for the record, I personally don't believe rumors about Mrs. Astro not being seen since mid-1998, or that he had any 'cement work' done around that same time).

Hardware writes:
"Db, you need to cut poor Cranky some slack. Looks like he's down two strikes already "

No need to bring up his police record. Cranky says that I have "commitment issues" and he's absolutely right. He also resents being used as a sextoy - too many bad memories or something. I can assure you however, that should I suffer brain damage and actually return his affections, he would quickly lose interest and once again be on the hunt for strange.. pussy. Come to think of it.....

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Ah well!! keep on posting kiddies!!!

SQUID

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Marriage is unlikely to work for anyone who gets married out of loneliness or a desire for escape, or who expects a perfect partner or who thinks they can change the partner, or for anyone who thinks the marriage is the lesser of two evils or who expects to 'get something out of it'. And, if you are chronically disatisfied single, you will be chronically disatisfied married.

You get out of it what you put into it. It's another responsibility in your life. And spouses make excellent sparring partners. In marriage you will have to face your control issues.

But marriage can be a very good experience in personal development, for anyone who is willing to put themselves out there.

I am going to repeat the story of the sculptor who was asked how he sculpted such a wonderful elephant in stone. He said he merely removed all the 'stuff' that did not resemble an elephant.

We are each our own unique self, underneath a lot of other 'stuff' like childhood traumas, control issues, false expectations. We can remove some of our own stuff and expose ourselves to someone else who is accepting. The other person cannot remove the stuff for us, and wouldn't know which stuff was essential to our true self. You cannot remove your partner's stuff. You can only be accepting of them as they reveal themselves and make themselves vulnerable. At no point should you lose who you really are to suit the other person, or expect them to . And that's the big challenge.

You can stay single and still have plenty of personal development. A good marriage just gives you an opportunity to have someone else grate against you a bit, goad you, bring up your issues, and sandpaper you smooth, and an opportunity to fully accept another person and bring them out. And it is wonderful to reveal your dark secrets and be fully accepted.

Of course there's tons of other stuff invoved, but basically whether it works or not depends on the willingness of both partners to expose their selves and to accept the other person. Oddly, many people actually get married who don't want to do that. Marriage is a mistake for a lot of people.

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Dumblonde, I think you're downplaying the importance of the occassional car repair

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Asking women out is something I haven't quite mastered, because I have a healthy dislike of bars, since I don't drink or smoke. I don't care for clubs, too much of the same damn music being played, over and over and over and over.

I've had opportunities that came knocking, but dumbass me, I never opened the door.

I am just like E_Rip...
don't know why. Married women and women over 30 keep telling me I'm a great guy.
But women my age.. I have no idea...

Same here.

---BIGmike, going and going and going since MCMLXXX---

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SQUID

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I tend to go for jock types and the gay ones just aren't interested in me (I could never be mistaken for a jock). The straight ones, on the other hand, are curious as all hell to find out what it is they're missing -- especially after I ignore them. They chase me -- go figure -- and, when they catch me, they seem to enjoy it. However, eventually, they all revert to their str8 ways.

~ GaySatyr

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Why?

I'm single for the exact same reason that all of the happily married posters are married. I want what they decribe, haven't found it yet, and absolutely refuse to settle.

In the meantime, I'm definitely enjoying being single! While I have yet to find what I'm looking for, the search has not been without a certain amount of fun!

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Married. Since 1995. And still in love.

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Edited by - slightly_deviant on 1/3/2004 4:15:34 PM

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Why .....

I like to have the house to myself.

I never had a relationship that I was happy in.

I always wanted a woman who could be my best friend as well as a lover. Haven't found her after 30 years of looking. I guess I've given up hope on that one.

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