Premature or Rapid Ejaculation is believed to affect between 30-40 percent of males. This frustrating condition can a lot of distress for both partners. But the good news is that it's one of the most successfully treated conditions seen by Psychosexual Therapists - and some of the techniques you can teach yourself at home.

Over the years many people have tried to give a definition of premature ejaculation - ranging from 'coming within 6 thrusts' to 'coming within 2 minutes' and even 'coming before your partner'. Of course, none of these are sufficient - particularly the last one if you have a partner that likes to take up to an hour to reach orgasm!

The definition I prefer, is that if you come before you want to and you feel you are not able to control it - you are suffering from premature ejaculation (or PE for short). But, bear in mind that most men will come sooner than they'd like on some occasions, particularly if under stress or in situations of very high excitement.

So, I would go on to say that you only suffer from PE if you are unable to control when you come more than 50% of the time.

Some men may only suffer from PE when they're having intercourse.
Some feel they come too quickly whatever the stimulation with a partner.
Others feel they have little control on self masturbation.

The 'Point of Inevitability'

Sufferers of premature ejaculation aren't able to recognise, what therapists call, the 'Point of Inevitability'. This is a sensation that occurs just a few moments before ejaculation, and men who don't suffer from the condition are able to recognise this sensation and either stop or change stimulation until the urgency has subsided.

Most commonly, men who suffer from PE will have had it throughout all of their sexual life and won't ever have noticed this 'Point of Inevitability'. There are a number of reasons why this might have happened. It may be that initially sex was always rushed or sex was associated with feelings of guilt or anxiety.

Sometimes men become quick ejaculators because of partner pressure to 'get it over and done with'. Whatever the original cause, the body gets used to responding quickly and rapid ejaculation becomes the norm.

Premature ejaculation is rarely a result of a physical condition. However, remember that whenever your body is under stress of any kind, ejaculation tends to be quicker.

Self help techniques

If these self-help techniques don't help - your GP might suggest a short course of antidepressants. The latest style SSRI's have the side affect of delaying ejaculation and are often prescribed purely for that purpose.

Or your GP could give you information about the new Penile Ring - a nifty little devise that has been shown to reduce sensitivity and thereby prolong ejaculation

There are a number of things you can do to help yourself to recognise the 'Point of Inevitability'. You might choose to practice alone at first, then discuss it with your partner and ask them to help you overcome this problem.

Relax - this is the most important thing you can do. Try a relaxing bath, using deep breathing techniques or buy a relaxation tape from your local health shop.(See Get to know your body

Relationship issues - be sure that your head and heart is in the mood for sex as well as your body. If you're unhappy about something with your partner then sort it out first.

Exercise your Pelvic Floor - many men say they are able to delay ejaculation by 'squeezing' or 'pushing' their pelvic floor muscles. (Try our Pelvic Floor Exercises for men).

Stop and Start - this is the most common technique used in psychosexual therapy. Practice stimulating yourself to the point just before ejaculation - then stop. Start again when the sensations have subsided. Repeat this 3 times. Gradually you should find the length of time before each stop is getting longer.

Change strokes - if you feel you've gained more control with the stop and start technique, try changing your stroke to something less stimulating rather than stopping all together.

Change positions - during intercourse, try the stop and start technique when the sensations become strong and when you're more confident, try changing positions rather than stopping.

Further help, links and books
If none of the self-help techniques work for you, please don't worry. This is one of the most treatable conditions.

Links:
You could think about asking your GP for advice or seeing a Psychosexual Therapist - (our article on Sex Therapy explains more about it, the costs, and how to find a therapist).

The contacts below will be useful for finding a therapist in your area.

British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy
www.basrt.org.uk

Relate (or call 01788 573 241)
www.relate.org.uk

The Impotence Association (or call 0208 767 7791)
www.impotence.org.uk

The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy
www.bac.co.uk

Books:
There are lots of useful self-help books available on the market, a few titles are suggested below.

The New Male Sexuality, Bernie Zilbergeld (Bantam)
How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation, Helen Singer Kaplan (Brunner, Mazel)

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