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All Forums > Sex Talk > Sex Talk Forum Page 54 > Question for gay men
AuthorPost
Sir Noel Plum
Senior Studmuffin


1001 Posts
2/03
Posted - Jun 5 2003 : 6:00PM
Here's a question I've pondered for some time.

When you meet another guy, and I'm talking one-night stands or first nights together basically, how does the etiquette and ground rules work? I'll try and explain what I mean a little better.

If I go out and meet a (blind?) girl and we leave for sex then it is pretty clear how things will pan out. Whilst there are many things that are 'in the air' (possibility of oral/anal/roleplay etc) and may or may not happen we can both be certain of our basic roles and that very basically I will penetrate her .

When I hear gay guys talking it all seems a lot more complicated with some preferring to receive and some to penetrate etc. You pretty much know with a hetero coupling who will do what to whom (even after 12 pints I know I just have to pick one wearing a dress and we'll be compatible ) but it doesn't seem so clear cut with gay chaps. I mean, what happens if two 'bottoms' or two 'tops' end up together; do you toss a coin to decide, or take it in turns??

SNP.

PS: I have heard of this handkerchief code thing but surely this is a fringe way of carrying on, and if your tastes were broad you could end up looking like a magician revealing the 'flags of the world'


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GaySatyr
Senior Member

Half dirty ol' man; half horny ol' goat!
1684 Posts
10/00
Posted - Jun 5 2003 : 8:16PM
Well, it's like this: when two bottoms meet, it's like bumping pussies - pointless.

Actually, it isn't all that bad. I suspect most gays (at least, based on my experience) are versatile enough that both can have fun regardless of their primary preferences. Almost all gays like both active and passive roles with oral sex; so that's a last resort for two diehard tops.

And, I suppose, if you ever ended up with two masochists together, they could take turns - each asking the other to beat him with the other responding, "No!"

~ GaySatyr

An afterthought:

The problem with gays isn't so much what they are going to do together when they meet as it is their meeting at all. Outside of gay bars and gay-sponsored events, the chance of hooking up without fear of being beaten or even tortured and killed is slim - and even the bars are far from safe. I'm not saying that it happens on a regular basis; but it does happen all too often. And any gay man who is oblivious to the risk is literally risking his life - never mind the problems of "safe" or "safer" sex.

Violence against gay men is higher as a percentage of the gay male population than is rape as a percentage of the female population (including high estimates for unreported rape) - and that is a very high number!

~ GaySatyr

Edited by - GaySatyr on 6/5/2003 11:08:28 PM

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GaySatyr
Senior Member

Half dirty ol' man; half horny ol' goat!
1684 Posts
10/00
Posted - Jun 6 2003 : 12:25AM
The handkerchief codes (worn in the left hip pocket indicates being the aggressive "top" participant or one searching for a particular sex act or service whereas worn in the right hip pocket indicates being the passive "bottom" participant or one offering a particular sex act or service):
  • apricot - chubby (left), chaser (right)

  • beige - rimming

  • black & white check (or condom) - safe sex only

  • black - s&m

  • blue, dark - anal sex

  • blue, light - oral sex

  • blue, medium - cop, law enforcement

  • blue, robin's egg - mutual oral ("69")

  • blue, teal - genital torture (CBT)

  • brown - scat, feces

  • brown lace - uncircumcised, uncut

  • brown satin - circumcised, cut

  • camouflage, green - military uniforms

  • camouflage, urban (black/gray) - civilian uniforms (police, firemen, etc)

  • chamois - biker

  • charcoal - rubber fetish

  • cocktail napkin - bartender/barfly

  • coral - foot fetish

  • cream - sleaze

  • fuchsia - spanking

  • gold - group sex, typically a couple looking for a 3rd or vice versa

  • gold lame - muscle man

  • gray - bondage

  • gray flannel - suits

  • green, hunter - daddy/son

  • green, Kelly - sex for money - hustler (left), john (right)

  • green, lime - food fetish

  • jockstrap, clean - sports attire fetish

  • jockstrap, dirty - more of the same

  • lavender - drag, cross dressing

  • leopard spots - tattoos

  • magenta - arm pit, sweat

  • mauve - naval

  • mosquito netting - outdoor sex

  • mustard - very large endowment

  • orange - anything, anytime vs not currently available

  • paisley - boxer shorts

  • pink, dark - nipple play or torture

  • pink, light - dildo action

  • purple - body piercing

  • red - fisting

  • rust - cowboy or western attire

  • stripes, red & white - shaving

  • stripes, black & brown - interracial: Black/Hispanic

  • stripes, black & white - interracial: Black/Caucasian

  • stripes, black & yellow - interracial: Black/Asian

  • stripes, brown & white - interracial: Hispanic/Caucasian

  • stripes, brown & yellow - interracial: Hispanic/Asian

  • stripes, white & yellow - interracial: Caucasian/Asian

  • tan - cigars

  • teddy bear - cuddling

  • white - masturbation

  • white lace - wants Caucasian top (left) or bottom (right)

  • yellow - water sports

  • yellow, pale - spit
I'm sure I've forgotten a few - c'est la vie.

~ GaySatyr

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Hardware All-Star Supporter
All-Star Member

Your other left
14594 Posts
3/02
Posted - Jun 6 2003 : 12:32AM
Sounds much too complicated. You should simply have cards, then you could be announced at the door:

Knock, knock.
"Yes?"
"My card, sir."
"Thanks you. Bill McGee - rimming, uniforms and cigars; spanking optional. Ah, do come in."

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Sir Noel Plum
Senior Studmuffin

1001 Posts
2/03
Posted - Jun 6 2003 : 6:14AM
I'm quite surprised that white hasn't remained a reserved handkerchief colour for people who simply wish to blow their nose!
You've also got to be careful not to lend your rag to anybody with a nosebleed, lest some big-handed bastard spots your now scarlet hanky and gets the wrong idea

There must also be a lot of potential for playing tricks on your friends: carefully removing their light blue hanky and replacing it with a yellow one, etc!!

Thanks for the insight GS anyway.

SNP.

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GaySatyr
Senior Member

Half dirty ol' man; half horny ol' goat!
1684 Posts
10/00
Posted - Jun 6 2003 : 9:33AM
With the exception of a few diehard leather types and a few queens trying to be cute, I suspect that the hankie code is mostly paper speculation. There have been periods when it was fashionable to carry tiny teddy bears in ones pocket, but that is about it. There are a few gay-oriented boutiques which have at one time or another put up displays with all the various colored handkerchiefs; however, the one time I inquired as to sales, I was told that the things could hardly be given away.

So much for handkerchief codes.

~ GaySatyr

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DenverDon
Benevolent

Firmly Embedded in Depravity
5914 Posts
7/02
Posted - Jun 6 2003 : 9:39AM
GS,

An attempt to codify it, and it became far too complex and complicated to be useful I would think.

DenverDon

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blklthrjkt
Passionfruit Video

Dallas
105 Posts
7/02
Posted - Jun 11 2003 : 11:09PM
As a gay leatherman, I can tell you the hankie code is still active, the biggest problem I have is seeing the color in the darkness of a bar. When I was still actively cruising for a trick, I took to carrrying a small penlight.

Kurt Hardy

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joeblow69
Member

946 Posts
2/00
Posted - Jun 11 2003 : 11:27PM
Well, when I was hooking up with anonymous men for sex, it was always over the internet. It used to be the gay channels in IRC, but noawdays everyone looking for action chats at gay.com.

Hooking up online is nice, cause you can figure out pretty quickly if someone is compatible. Sure, a couple times, when guys showed up at my door, they didn't look quite as good as their online picture, but then I figured, who cares? It's all about the sex, anyway...

(p.s. I'm really not a slut...)

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Evil_Rip
Senior Member

Power overwhelming
1117 Posts
12/99
Posted - Jun 12 2003 : 1:12AM
Liar!
You and your brother sure were messing with AStronight in vegas...
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GaySatyr
Senior Member

Half dirty ol' man; half horny ol' goat!
1684 Posts
10/00
Posted - Jun 12 2003 : 4:19AM
I'm no slut either! No one-night stands here! I add them to my harem! (I need a bigger apartment - one bedroom and a sleeper sofa just aren't enough.)

~ GaySatyr (dangling multi-colored hankies from various pockets)

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Static
Member

Orange County
30 Posts
6/03
Posted - Jul 2 2003 : 4:27PM
"ricot - chubby (left), chaser (right)

beige - rimming

black & white check (or condom) - safe sex only

black - s&m

blue, dark - anal sex

blue, light - oral sex

blue, medium - cop, law enforcement

blue, robin's egg - mutual oral ("69")

blue, teal - genital torture (CBT)

brown - scat, feces

brown lace - uncircumcised, uncut

brown satin - circumcised, cut

camouflage, green - military uniforms

camouflage, urban (black/gray) - civilian uniforms (police, firemen, etc)

chamois - biker

charcoal - rubber fetish

cocktail napkin - bartender/barfly

coral - foot fetish

cream - sleaze

fuchsia - spanking

gold - group sex, typically a couple looking for a 3rd or vice versa

gold lame - muscle man

gray - bondage

gray flannel - suits

green, hunter - daddy/son

green, Kelly - sex for money - hustler (left), john (right)

green, lime - food fetish

jockstrap, clean - sports attire fetish

jockstrap, dirty - more of the same

lavender - drag, cross dressing

leopard spots - tattoos

magenta - arm pit, sweat

mauve - naval

mosquito netting - outdoor sex

mustard - very large endowment

orange - anything, anytime vs not currently available

paisley - boxer shorts

pink, dark - nipple play or torture

pink, light - dildo action

purple - body piercing

red - fisting

rust - cowboy or western attire

stripes, red & white - shaving

stripes, black & brown - interracial: Black/Hispanic

stripes, black & white - interracial: Black/Caucasian

stripes, black & yellow - interracial: Black/Asian

stripes, brown & white - interracial: Hispanic/Caucasian

stripes, brown & yellow - interracial: Hispanic/Asian

stripes, white & yellow - interracial: Caucasian/Asian

tan - cigars

teddy bear - cuddling

white - masturbation

white lace - wants Caucasian top (left) or bottom (right)

yellow - water sports

yellow, pale - spit
I'm sure I've forgotten a few - c'est la vie"

man thats a lot to remember

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GaySatyr
Senior Member

Half dirty ol' man; half horny ol' goat!
1684 Posts
10/00
Posted - Jul 2 2003 : 4:55PM
I don't think anyone tries to remember them all. I seriously doubt that anyone even uses some of them - with the possible exception of a few anally-retentive web posters. ( Moi??? ) Of the colors in general use, one has only to remember those pertinent to his own interests.

Of course, every now and then at Gay Pride festivities, some ditsy [leather] queen will have a couple dozen handkerchiefs in a veritable rainbow of colors and patterns stuffed into every available pocket.

~ GaySatyr

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ICEFLOE5948
Member

147 Posts
12/02
Posted - Jul 3 2003 : 12:17PM
ah, this one is funny: mosquito netting - outdoor sex
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