maybe it is not the right site to start this thread but i have been watching porn like DAILY for the past 10 years and now I am getting married next September ,,, I know she will never agree to this and I don't want to do it behind her back ,,,, do you think I can quit after all this time ??????
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Blomkvist Deactivated User
129 Posts 12/11
Posted - Apr 15 2012 : 2:24PM
Substitute porn with cigarettes, booze, drugs, or any other highly addictive substance and you've got your answer. On your own you aren't going to last long. You'll just end up missing the porn and subconsciously blaming your significant other for your loss. If you're truly serious about your desire to dump porn, you'll need counseling - both group and individual - to address and break the long standing habit. It will help tremendously if you're an open minded person and if you enter into therapy with a mindset of self improvement and self empowerment. If you're concerned about cost, don't be. Add up the cost of all the porn you're consuming, the emotional cost it'll eventually cause in your marriage (if as you say your future wife will have nothing to do with it), and the entirely foreseeable cost of a divorce and the alternative cost of getting help now is almost insignificant. I'm not saying this as some wing nut anti porn conservative. I'm actually a died in blue liberal who digs porn. But, you asked a question and I'm giving you as thoughtful and honest an answer as I can provide. Good luck in your marriage and remember to love the one you're with.
I find when I am in relationships (not currently), my desire for that person really lessens my need for porn. But since you are getting married and still into porn, I do agree, you might need some help getting off of it. If it was me, I'd drop the porn. It complicates marriages...Good luck with everything.
If you "need" to watch porn daily, you need to work on it yourself. If you feel restrained by a porn veto from your wife that is supposed to last for the rest of your life, you and her need to work on it.
I did for three years , I lived with a woman who was a porn hater I played as a truthful guy since I couldn't hide my huge collection of DVDs and VHS so I said her I was a porn consumer and she asked me to get rid of all my porn , which I did. I didn't miss much of my porn since she hated porn not sex and was a very willing sexual persona , we parted because of many other things Of course what was good for me might not be good for you , but my point is porn is not the center of the world , family is.
Congrats! Do you mean Sept. '13, next year? You've got time to ease away. They say in your first year of marriage you have sex so much that there is no way you can ever have as much sex in the REST of the marriage to match the amount of sex in the first year. For us, they threw a bunch of pennies on the floor as they messed up our apartment on our wedding day and the thing was that you were supposed to take those pennies and transfer one to a your penny jar every time you had sex for that first year. Then the rest of the years you were supposed to take a penny every time and see if you could empty it. I'm not making sense, but what I'm trying to say it that it won't matter, you won't have time for porn. Hopefully.
i say "congratulations for your wedding" and "yes quit porn" u can do it man, and what a better reason can u get than u're doing it for your wife, but in my opinion, u will be doing it for yourself, yes, u're doing yrself a big favor by quitting, u dont need this fantasy, no one does, its not a need my friend. Trust me, the only reason why i watch porn is boredom, when i am bored, and not hanging out and got nothing else to do in my life, this is when I'm most prone to watch porn, but u?? man u're getting married, trust me u dont need this at all, why would any person who is married to the person he loves go watch porn and just watch while he has the option to have the full experience and with his wife!!!! U can do it, and congratulations again ;)
It's a noble aim...but do you really think that getting married to someone means your days of having the odd five-knuckle shuffle are at an end? If she's a nymphomaniac, and never ill, and never has periods (or doesn't mind sex during periods), and spends every second of the day with you - fair enough. But are you really going to be able to resist having a quick wank whilst she's on a night out with the girls? I doubt it. But good luck. Edited by - davebowman on 4/16/2012 10:08:33 AM
The real question is.. Will porn ruin your relationship? If you neclect your relationship because of porn you should look for counceling. If porn is just daily fun and you still have a good sexual en mental relationship with your wife there is no problem imo. But also be honest to her. Don't do it behind her back. Talk to her and tell her it's just a way of relief for you and that it has nothing to do with her. Maybe she can watch some of the stuff with you. So you will both have fun.
Not that i watch porn every day but i wouldn't stop watching porn for nobody and i haven't in the past.Thing is for me porn is not about a substitute for sex,it could never be because it isn't.I enjoy watching porn even when i'm in any sort of relationship,granted a bit less when i am.But like i said i wouldn't stop altogether for someone in the same way i wouldn't expect someone i was with stop doing something entirely just because i didn't like it.I mean i fucking hate soaps of any kind but wouldn't expect a partner to give up watching them altogether,it's all about compromise for me.Having said all that i not awfully big on the idea of marriage neither
I don't think you'll be able to quit porn altogether. Perhaps at early stage of marriage you'll be able to resist it for months or even years. But once routine settles in, you'll get bored and the temptation to watch will be the greater. It's also a question of, after being so addicted to it, you'll be curious to know what are the new trends in porn, which cute pornstarlet is flying high, what's the next best thing...etc. So, will you be watching it behind her back then? It's better you both have a serious and frank conversation about it, don't you think?
You are setting yourself up for failure. Why would you marry someone you have hidden parts of your life from? Maybe when you first start dating you don't reveal to woman you like watching porn that's normal. Everybody on their best behavior and hiding their dirt or baggage on the first few dates. But you are getting married and your fiancee doesn't know you like watching porn? WTF? No wonder the divorce rate is so high. If you can't talk to your fiancee about watching porn what are you going to do when real tough issues come up? IMHO you are definitely not ready to get married. But hey you are just like 50% of the other couples out there. Marriage is easy but divorces can be very expensive especially if you have kids. If you cannot talk to your wife about sex and porn you won't be able to talk about other more tougher issues. You also talk about watching porn like its a bad thing or you are pervert? If I like porn (which I do) then I'd find someone to marry who also likes porn. And there are a LOT of women out there who do. Now if you are a religious fanatic and you are watching porn that's a conflict you need to resolve on your own BEFORE you get married. I would also add that no matter how good looking she is you will get tired of banging the same woman and look for something like porn to help spice it up.
I thought the original poster asked the question in a very non offensive manner, which is probably why the responses have been so supportive. Like consumers of cigarettes, alcohol and other "vices," porn users typically try to kick the habit at least once during their lives. The original poster is essentially asking what our experiences have been. I'd rather he ask us than some whacked out Evangelical group. What are they going to do - try to exercise the Devil in Miss Jones out of him?
^ I actually am beginning to think that some are truly addicted , some posts give light to this, I have been porn free for three years and I didn't have any problem quitting I haven't even had a thought to porn for all the time. And I most definitely AM NOT a porn hater and I don't have an hidden agenda nor am part of any church , actually I'm agnostic Edited by - Laurie Cameron Fan on 4/16/2012 5:49:31 PM
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Hoya Deactivated User
338 Posts 2/12
Posted - Apr 16 2012 : 5:53PM
But you are on here daily, without fail, morning, noon and evening.
^ This is now but ,as I said, I lived with a porn hater and stood without porn for three years with no problem at all , me coming here is more an habit than a need EDIT Just noticed , the Morning , noon and evening thing might look like depending on what part of the world we live ,also I often have a window on this site but I'm not actually following , I just take a look every now and then and sometimes don't even take a look at all yet I have an open window here Edited by - Laurie Cameron Fan on 4/16/2012 6:07:11 PM
^ meaning? If you can verify my posts you will see that I barely came here for three years , note, I just have only 4000+ posts in 7 years which is less than 2 posts per day but if you look at my late presence you will notice that I have an average of at least 5 posts per day , there is a lack of posts in the general average , some are missing. say three years of inactivity Edited by - Laurie Cameron Fan on 4/16/2012 6:15:09 PM
I guess not all women are like me.... I quite enjoy watching porn with my boyfriend (when I have one). In fact, I watch alot of porn now that I'm single. If I am with a guy, I don't mind if he watches porn... it often benefits me as well, because it usually gives him some new tricks to try on me.... ;-)
Except that it is offensive to refer to the enjoyment of porn as a "bad habit" in a forum that is intended for people who don't see it that way.And I gave him a link he could have found himself where that kind of discussion is not only appropriate but strongly encouraged.
^I've noticed that from time to time, as well. I--for one--have no guilt about it, don't hide it (my wife and I go to Exxxotica NJ every year together and occasionally watch porn together), and it just isn't that big of a deal. Everyone has things that they like to do and get into. To me, it's just one of many hobbies, etc. that I enjoy. I guess that each person is different, and I would never presume to tell someone else how to think or feel ... but I do sometimes wonder if a lot of the porn "problem" that people perceive comes largely from societal, etc. pressures actually _telling_ the person what they should and shouldn't be concerned about ... as opposed to an actual "problem" itself... (Pardon the run-on sentences... and the "etc."s .... ) (EDIT: removed a couple of "etc"s ...) Edited by - fu_q on 4/17/2012 3:43:19 AM
Seems like there are more than a few trolls on any given forum. Given that this is a relatively heavily moderated forum, trolling has to be a little less conspicuous and more calculating. Anyway, I don't feel guilty about anything other than the fact that I don't think I watch nearly enough porn to have as many posts here as I do. Edited by - randomprecision on 4/17/2012 4:18:23 AM
My wife knows about it but doesn't. Well I'm not into porn like I used to be, but still watch some when shes not around. The thing is she hated porn but caught me watching a couple of times and sort of got used to it, in fact we ended up watching pirates and she thought Evan Stone was great in his character. She's still not a fan and if we have an argument she will use the porn against me. Anyway just my experience, good luck.
My wife knew I was into porn prior to the wedding. She isn’t into it at all. I tried a few times. But I let it go for the first few years. Then kids happened. There was about 5 years of intermittent sex. Weird times due to round the clock feedings, and times when we barely saw each other due to work. When I found porn on the web it all changed. It wasn’t as hard to find a little at a time as it was with VHS/DVD's and Mags. We came to an understanding that she didn’t want to hear it, see it or pay for it. So we got thru that period, I got a vasectomy and she now gets the benefits of what I learned from porn- Oil- positions etc...She still won’t watch porn but we have better sex then I see in 80% of the porn out there. Never say never... just moderation. Life is long! Best wishes to both of you.
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Blomkvist Deactivated User
129 Posts 12/11
Posted - Apr 17 2012 : 12:21PM
It seems as though some posters feel threatened by the mere suggestion of a person lessening their porn consumption. The older you get though, the more you realize how much wisdom there is in old adages like "all things in moderation." It's tough to kick anything you get used to doing on a daily basis. A few years ago, I decided to break my daily carbonated drink consumption - which had gotten up to nearly a six pack a day. It was semi painful and I definitely felt a craving for a Coke after not very long. When the month passed, I was able to go another two months without a single soda. I didn't have to change. Nobody was asking me to do so. I just wanted to see if I could. After 90 days I reassessed and went back to drinking carbonated drinks. But, that break made all the difference. Changing no other part of my diet, in three months I lost 8 pounds, nearly all of it body fat. Now I drink a couple sodas per week, I no longer crave them and I feel and look a lot better as a result. In a similar manner, maybe the original poster will find that taking a short break from porn helps him to reach some happy medium in his use of and relationship to it. I still think he'll need help if he intends to walk away from it permanently and I'm not even sure he should try since the "all things in moderation" adage works both ways. Perhaps the real focus here should be on why his fiancee doesn't appear willing to meet him half way?
I am just so disappointed in my fellow females that they won't sit down and watch a hot porno with their guy and perhaps try to re-enact some of what they see on screen...
Unfortunately where i live (South Africa) most guys have alot of hang ups about dating a sexually confident and open minded woman. I do feel that i would be appreciated by the guys on this forum though. ;-)
^ I just wonder why , I can't think at anything better than a woman willing and sexually open , but maybe it is because I'm European EDIT what happened to my posts? I had 4,004 posts yesterday I just watched to answer here but now they are 3,992 Not obsessed with post count, I don't care , but I'm just curious Edited by - Laurie Cameron Fan on 4/17/2012 2:11:20 PM
When I first got together with my ex, I thought honesty would be the best policy. Be open that I watch porn, if she's not into it, fine - and I certainly wouldn't watch it INSTEAD of have sex with her, or even watch it whilst she's in the house. At first she was all 'Yeah - I'm fine with it. I know it's not real, it's just a fantasy - knock yourself out, etc'. Then, over the course of a couple of years, she gets increasingly paranoid about the subject, before ultimately turning into a deranged jealous harpie. Tread carefully.
You say this with all genres and types of pornography in mind right? You'll watch and re-enact what she selects and is into? Because in my experience, when a guy says women don't watch "porn" they have a very specific idea of what exactly "porn" is.
Funny you used this example... I am on week 3 without my cola addiction. It has been a challenge but after waking up grinding my teeth and having the dentist tell me nothing is wrong I looked up TMJD. I stopped caffene and feel lots better. Lunch is the hardest so I get a small cup have a few sips and I am done. No more TMJD and I sleep better. Sorry, Back to the issue at hand.
All the best ultimate_dap_fan for getting married,i do not think you can quit porn viewing and i say that as a fellow porn fan.You might/will cut it down but you will still have the urge to have a quick glance at titles or maybe even some on line viewing but to finish with porn full stop might be a lot harder to do so.But hey deal with that when it comes and for now stroke like a man possessed.
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Blomkvist Deactivated User
129 Posts 12/11
Posted - Apr 17 2012 : 6:54PM
Keep at it. I didn't do exactly what you're doing. I went three months without carbonation (not the same as zero caffeine - since i still drank a cup of tea in the morning). I'd read one too many stories about all the garbage that goes into carbonated sodas and finally said screw it this crap can't be good for me. I'd recommend this "diet" for anyone who drinks at least two sodas a day - Go without for a least a month then return to no more than two per week.
Why are you quitting porn ? what's marriage go to do with porn ? for all you know it might add spice to your married life....get your fiancée into liking porn and enjoy it together....
I've had numerous discussions about porn with my girl friends and most seem to think it's very close to "cheating" (ha ha ha!!!), and most seem to think it will give their man "bad ideas" and "unrealistic expectations" in the bedroom. I think that is their biggest fear and insecurity - that their man will expect more out of them in the bedroom and be disappointed if they fail to live up to the performance of his favourite porn star. I'm sure most guys don't have that high of expectations, but at the same time would probably like to try new things and stretch their girl's limits a bit more. I think there's an anal whore in every girl just waiting to be let loose - at least that's what happened to me! ;-)
"You have sacrificed nothing and no one." 3689 Posts 8/10
Posted - Apr 17 2012 : 9:51PM
I only have two regrets with porn. (1) The couple times, years ago, when I threw out my collection in misguided fits of "morality" (2) That I can't whack-off with the frequency and intensity I had when I was younger. Now that I own more porn than the Vatican, this pisses me off no end
^ You must have been wacking it like Charlie on 'Californication'. lol If you don't know what I'm talking about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daP9UatPjbc
It's not , of course it's all about the woman , if she's eager for sex he won't have much interest in porn if she's moral guided and do sex just to comply an oblugation than you're right. Even with regular average sex you won't waste your energy but for sex
Well, i know this may not be much help but i think if anyone has to give something up for his/her love then there is already a problem. I learned that people don´t change ... if they do i´d be glad to be proven wrong ... And i never understand why and how people can get married in the first place. I wish i had the strenght to be a one woman men but when i see a beautiful woman i wann feel her. But thats another story ... not a nice one either. (just for the record - i´m not a cheater ... it´s another story) The only thing that i have been faitful to is my porn collection ... and i´m not giving that up for nobody. The only reason for getting rid of it would be ...... maybe everyone wants to ask this question to one self Cube Edited by - cubesnake on 4/18/2012 3:37:36 AM
^ You always have to give up something to be part of a couple , both of you have to , change of habits , besides as part of a couple , sex should be exclusively made with your partner , If one of them keep fantasising on someone else that could be a problem or could become even when one of the two agrees at first. Think about this what if not you but your girl has a huge collection of porn and keeps watching porn and masturbate without you or even if she simply wants to watch porn just prior to have sex with you? What would you do? Many men may think they're not good enough to turn her on or that they're not good enough at fucking to satisfy her so she needs the fantasy of someone else fucking her. It's disturbing. Same thing for a girl , maybe even worse there are lots of hookers out there they cannot be sure you're not getting elsewhere the sex they apparently cannot provide to you. That is why many women won't allow you to keep your porn nor to watch at it too often , they may agree once in a while every now and then but not always nor too often ^^ @ stinkfist Well maybe , I found it easy to get rid of , if I were still living with that woman I wouldn't be back here. On the other hand I might have a will stronger than some others, I was a heavy smoker, 40 cigarettes per day , Chesterfield, at one point I asked to myself what was I doing and I decided it was enough and I ceased all of a sudden , abruptly ,I threw away the cigarette I was smoking on the spot and I never smoked again since.
Edited by - Laurie Cameron Fan on 4/18/2012 5:26:07 AM
That could be one of the reasons i have not played this "game"It is hard for me to really believe people in a relationship are only fantasizing about each other.As long as both are not feeling bad about it i do not see a problem here.It can be if the "rules of the game" have not been discussedIf i have to go elsewhere to get the sex i want then there is something wrong with the relationshipNo, that sounds (to me) like an "american excuse for having filthy ideas" which the one who is allowing has also but is affraid to admit Cube
Posted - Apr 15 2012 : 1:33PM
