Really Weird Situation...

Author	Post
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 1 2011 : 10:06PM I was seeing a guy and everything was going great. The first time I stayed over, things stayed the same: great. The second time, he tried very hard to get me off and had been trying for almost an hour. It just wasn't going to happen for me, so I stopped him so we could get to the good stuff. He ended up being really embarrassed he couldn't get me off and I did my best to reassure him (I don't like being gone down on at all, it wasn't his fault. It's about as exciting to me as having my shoulder licked). The next morning, things seemed fine. That was 3 months ago and I haven't seen him since. We've talked on the phone and texted, but that's been it. Up until that happened, he was in frequent contact, excited to see me, cooked for me, et cetera. So I was and still am confused by the whole thing. Fellas, is sexual embarrassment really such a deal breaker? I'd faked an orgasm the first time and under advisement from a girlfriend chose NOT TO the second time, which it seems is what's ruined everything. We were in early stages and so I'm not really in a position to try to talk to him about it, and believe that would do more damage than good anyway. Any ideas or insight about this weird situation? Is it better to fake than risk something like this happening again? Should I be blatantly honest and let guys know I'm not into being gone down on? TY [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 1 2011 : 10:08PM Also, to be fair, I had kinda resisted his attempts to go down on me and he was ADAMANTLY and PERSISTENTLY "fighting" me to do it. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 1 2011 : 11:20PM I'm glad there are other women out there who don't find it that exciting. I've told several girls that I don't like it and they look at me like I'm crazy. It's so boring to me. That's a good suggestion, Wahine, and a way of getting what I want while stroking his ego. I get the most out of fucking and going down on him. Anyway, I guess at this point I'm just shocked he chose to end things over something so unimportant (to me, at least). If I'm ever in this position with someone else, I'll use your line. [Link]
trout bum Deactivated User "I'm Not Here To Suck My Own Cock!" 2145 Posts 5/10	Posted - Nov 1 2011 : 11:27PM Wow! A woman who doesn't feel comfortable having her pussy eaten. I am sure there are a lot of men who are like me and really get in to it. Maybe your resistance to him giving you oral is turning him off. You should feel lucky a guy wants to spend time down there working his magic. It is probably a more reliable way for many woman to achieve the big "O" then through intercourse. Hell...if all else fails, have him dig out the ole reliable Hitachi Wand and it's Katie Bar the Door! [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 1 2011 : 11:37PM What makes you think I'm uncomfortable? I just don't like it. Sensation-wise, it doesn't feel good enough for me to achieve an orgasm. Mentally, it's not a turn on. I lie there thinking, "Ok, time to moan. He just looked up at me. I guess I should pant. I'll squeeze his head with my thighs a little. Lord have mercy, I just want to fuck him. When is this going to be over?!" I don't know. I'm sure me not liking the oral turned him off, but we ended up having great sex and I gave him amazing head. That's the thing: I always gave him really good head (he told me many times in awed tones that I was literally the best he'd had and was always eager to the point of pushiness when it came to me going down on him), and I think he really wanted to return the favor. I thought everything was fine. He even kissed me before I left the next morning, bad breath and all, which he'd never done before. shrug I am confuzzled. [Link]

SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 1 2011 : 11:44PM I forgot to add he'd also bought me a vibrating sex toy thing and used it on me that night, but I didn't like it either (I didn't tell him that, but he assumed because he'd used it at the same time as he was going to town on me that I didn't like it). He said, "I bought this for you and you don't even like it." Don't get me wrong! I thought we had an awesome night and loved it. It wasn't an awkward evening or anything like that. I left the next morning feeling like everything was great. I loved sleeping with him. It's not like I was lying there like a corpse or being unenthusiastic. [Link]
trout bum Deactivated User "I'm Not Here To Suck My Own Cock!" 2145 Posts 5/10	Posted - Nov 2 2011 : 12:01AM Poor guy sounds like he is getting a complex. Here he is trying to pleasure you in other ways then him pounding you and a lot of the feedback he is receiving is negative. He probably sees himself as a great lover but now he's a little insecure because you're not getting off. [Link]
Cody McLarge Senior Member 2668 Posts 8/10	Posted - Nov 2 2011 : 12:04AM Well, when I was younger any kind of resistance was a total turn off. I learned to get over it. I do like to go down on a woman and I've never had one "fight" though now I'd probably like that. It sounds like you did everything by the book properly so I'm sorry he got so embarrassed but if he's an adamant carpet-muncher and you prefer he not, then maybe it's for the best. [Link]
dogzcatcher All-Star Member Fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round! 1551 Posts 5/09	Posted - Nov 2 2011 : 2:03AM It is good to talk about these things before you move ahead in your relationship. Face it, fellas, some women just don't like to be licked on their pussies. Some women may have never experienced an orgasm. It may be a "control thing", ie..they do not feel comfortable letting themselves go...like jumping off the high dive board in a swimming pool. Some have a clit that is so sensitive it hurts when it's licked hard. I hope you can find someone someday who is happy to just cuddle in bed with you and doesn't need to prove himself by making you cum on command. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 2 2011 : 10:23AM dogzcatcher wrote: I hope you can find someone someday who is happy to just cuddle in bed with you and doesn't need to prove himself by making you cum on command. Click to expand Me too. Honestly, I was really pissed at him right after it happened because it seemed like he was "pouting" over it. It didn't seem like really doing something nice for me was his motivation, but making himself feel like a hot shot in bed. My feelings were hurt. And yes, guys, some women do not like being eaten out and you shouldn't force it. It just ruins what could otherwise be a great sack session. I hate it if I hurt his feelings, which wasn't my intention at all (I was very sweet and enthusiastic that night) but he's essentially gone and hurt my feelings in return. Over something that I could care less about! [Link]
HeyNow Oblivious Gold Star Hey! 5965 Posts 1/03	Posted - Nov 2 2011 : 10:56AM he tried very hard to get me off and had been trying for almost an hour. It just wasn't going to happen for me, so I stopped him so we could get to the good stuff. Click to expand Almost an hour?!? Way too long. Do what you have to do to move things along. Well, you know that now I guess. Should I be blatantly honest and let guys know I'm not into being gone down on? Click to expand Oh yeah! I do think it's something you could grow into - it's very likely when you are in your 30's or 40's you'll love it AND the vibrator. 69ing probably. Or laying back on a wedge or pillows with your legs up. Move on from this guy, he's got other girlfriends, and like that book or movie says, "He's Just Not That Into You." [Link]
SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11	Posted - Nov 2 2011 : 4:55PM Don't feel bad. It's obviously his loss. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 2 2011 : 5:14PM It is his loss. I was starting to really like him, though. HeyNow, are you saying that a guy could go from being into you to NOT over something like this? ...On second thought, I know the answer to that already. Apparently, YES they can. I've just experienced it! [Link]
HeyNow Oblivious Gold Star Hey! 5965 Posts 1/03	Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 2:30AM I have no idea. I really don't. The only thing I can think of is have YOU made the next move? Have you invited him over for a dinner or out for drinks or for a day out or are you waiting for him to invite you out? [Link]
astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99	Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 9:21AM Not that sex isn't important in a relationship, but if it's going to be a lasting relationship communication is. If he's fighting you on eating you out, I'm not sure how things would go with bigger and more important matters. I can respect his being proud of his oral skills, but he should also be able to deal with the fun of finding other ways to get you off and move on. If he's that hurt over you not letting him go down on you I'll say you're better off without him. "I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten [Link]

SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 10:11AM HeyNow wrote: The only thing I can think of is have YOU made the next move? Have you invited him over for a dinner or out for drinks or for a day out or are you waiting for him to invite you out? Click to expand Yeah. I tried several times. About eight days went by after I spent the night and I called him to check in. He was nonchalant and quite uncommunicative on the phone. I told him he hurt my feelings and he didn't say anything, so I told him to take care and hung up the phone. My feelings were hurt because he'd suddenly gone from being enthusiastic and frequently contacting me, to showing almost no interest whatsoever. We've talked a few more times since then to no avail and texted numerous times. My thinking is that I've let him know numerous times I'm still interested and he hasn't responded with the same level of interest, so I'm not going to try anymore. He must think we're sexually incompatible because of that night. He's also in his 30's and I'm in my early 20's, so I think he might feel doubly insecure or something. One thing I think is interesting is whenever we do talk or text, he always brings up the fact that he thinks I'm mad at him. I've never acted mad, just expressed sadness that things are different. Anyway, what does it matter if I am mad at him? He's not shown he really cares all that much about me, so why would he continually bring that up? Men. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 10:15AM astroknight wrote: Not that sex isn't important in a relationship, but if it's going to be a lasting relationship communication is. If he's fighting you on eating you out, I'm not sure how things would go with bigger and more important matters. I can respect his being proud of his oral skills, but he should also be able to deal with the fun of finding other ways to get you off and move on. If he's that hurt over you not letting him go down on you I'll say you're better off without him. Click to expand This has been my thinking as well. I also was surprised because it seems to me that a girl who would prefer sucking and fucking a guy over getting oral herself would seem like a good "catch" bed-wise. I get more pleasure out of going down on him than I do on the receiving end. [Link]
trout bum Deactivated User "I'm Not Here To Suck My Own Cock!" 2145 Posts 5/10	Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 11:28AM Doesn't appear this relationship has a chance of making it. Looks like the chemistry just ain't there. Pretty much a stand off. You don't care to have your pussy eaten or toys and that's it. He on the other can't seem to get past the idea of being with a girl who won't let him enjoy things he digs. You may want him back, but you want it on your terms and not his and he apparently has own ideas of what he wants in bed. Most people who are dealing with things they can't have only want them more. It's human instinct. Time to move on and work on a relationship that has the potential to make it. You are young. [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 3:42PM My wife doesn't like to receive oral sex. After a little foreplay (not a lot), she likes to be fucked. The cuddling and other soft stuff comes afterward for her. Her clit gets irritated quickly, but she loves deep g-spot rubbing. It took a long time for me to get it through my fat head that it was okay for her not to be turned on by oral sex -- that it didn't have to be traced either to a lack of technique on my part or to some deep-seated intimacy issue on on her part. I enjoy eating women, so I sometimes miss doing it. But the truth is I'm not a great fan of getting blowjobs, because I don't like to sit back and be passive. If she has orgasms and I have orgasms -- and we have them together and in the same basic time-frame -- it's all good. I remember that Dana DeArmond once posted on ADT that she hated having a mouth on her pussy but loved having her ass eaten. My take-away: People's sexual responses are unique. The best lover for a person is the one (i) who can can consistently get that person off in the way that that person likes being gotten off; and (ii) who doesn't mope because they can't get that person off in a way that that person doesn't like being gotten off. [Link]
astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99	Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 4:00PM Bob wrote: ...But the truth is I'm not a great fan of getting blowjobs, because I don't like to sit back and be passive... Click to expand If the Good Lord wanted men to be passive during blowjobs he wouldn't have given women ears. "I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 4:13PM ^^^ That's funny. But seriously, my wife likes to give head but she doesn't like to be skull-fucked. [Link]
SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11	Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 6:50PM My husband doesn't get off on oral. My hand to God, one night we actually fell asleep with his dick in my mouth. So, when I give it's to get him really worked up as foreplay. Sometimes I'm in the mood to receive it, other times I'm not. I just tell him, "I'm not in the mood for that right now" and we move on to other things. Edited by - sexshopgrl on 11/3/2011 6:51:54 PM [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 11:19PM a former member wrote: Compared to [being fucked or giving head, even being face fucked] being licked feels kinda lame - unless the guy does it with complete abandon, kinda like a wild animal. Click to expand a former member wrote: Wow! This is the first time ever I hear of a guy not being able to come through oral - unless they're blasé porn performers full of Viagra. Had no idea this existed in real life. Click to expand Oh, the irony. [Link]
Dirtyhabit Member 145 Posts 8/09	Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 1:06AM a former member wrote: To Sex Shop Girl: Wow! This is the first time ever I hear of a guy not being able to come through oral - unless they're blasé porn performers full of Viagra. Had no idea this existed in real life. Click to expand Mhmm, I'm the same way. When my girlfriend gives head, it feels great, but I just can't get off to it. For me it's physical; it just doesn't stimulate me in the right way. Edited by - dirtyhabit on 11/4/2011 1:06:41 AM [Link]
dogzcatcher All-Star Member Fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round! 1551 Posts 5/09	Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 1:09AM astroknight wrote: If the Good Lord wanted men to be passive during blowjobs he wouldn't have given women ears. Click to expand Or flat heads, to hold our beer cans, while they are doin' it. [Link]

Rubberhole Deactivated User 256 Posts 2/10	Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 9:27AM If you two are having this much turmoil and misunderstanding with the sexual aspect of your relationship, especially at such an early stage, you aren't sexually compatible. The fact that your fantastic oral is not keeping him around is a telling sign ( I know the power of head for some men...I was ADDICTED to the head-jobs of an ex and would tolerate anything from her because of it). Sex is like music and food. Each person has their likes and dislikes. Its finding a happy medium that both of you can live with. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 10:17AM Rubberhole wrote: If you two are having this much turmoil and misunderstanding with the sexual aspect of your relationship, especially at such an early stage, you aren't sexually compatible. The fact that your fantastic oral is not keeping him around is a telling sign ( I know the power of head for some men...I was ADDICTED to the head-jobs of an ex and would tolerate anything from her because of it). Sex is like music and food. Each person has their likes and dislikes. Its finding a happy medium that both of you can live with. Click to expand See, it's just confusing. Last time I stayed over, that oral episode aside, we ended up having good sex. I was a virgin until fairly recently and hadn't had too much sex, so it was slowgoing for a while. But that last time, I was actually able to ride him. I'd gotten on top of him and he entered me, then I was able to push myself all the way down on him. That drove him CRAZY. He exclaimed that we were finally able to really fuck each other. Then while he was on top of me, he kept complimenting how I felt and said SEVERAL times: "Your pussy was made for my cock!" He repeated this two more times. So while it would appear we're not sexually compatible and I accept that might be the real reason, I'm just not 100 percent because of how well the rest of the night went and the things he said. And now I'm wondering if I did something else that turned him off because as you pointed out, great head should keep a guy's interest to some degree and he always acted crazed (almost to the point of freaking me out a few times) about getting head from me. Whatever the reason, it's not a good relationship and there's no hope there. But I would like to know where I went wrong or what happened so I won't make those mistakes again. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 10:19AM a former member wrote: SunShowers, this guy sounds like he's holding a grudge and like he's a bit high maintenance, also a bit stuck in his ways. Click to expand I've always felt like he was carrying a grudge and he is VERY much stuck in his ways. I agree. [Link]
dogzcatcher All-Star Member Fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round! 1551 Posts 5/09	Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 11:10AM Each person has his or her own likes and dislikes regarding sex. Some women enjoy receiving oral sex, with a tongue lapping them like a dog licking water out of a bowl. Other women prefer a tongue that touches them lightly, around the edges of their clit, like an artist's paintbrush, lightly flicking. Some enjoy their clit and labia sucked hard. Some do not enjoy it at all. When I met my wife, we talked about sex. She said she did not want to perform oral sex on me. I don't know why, yet, I have respected her request for the past ten years we've been married. I had a problem a while ago, about her talking to her best friend about our sex life, but, thanks to some good advise I got on this forum, I got over it. More than sexual relations, just enjoying her company, either at home, or when we go out to dinner, is valued by me. Edited by - dogzcatcher on 11/4/2011 11:11:31 AM [Link]
SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11	Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 9:26PM I aksed hubby once if there was some kind of issue he had with it. I knew it wasn't me. Maybe that sounds arrogant to say but I've always been told I had dick sucking lips and I've always known what to do with them. He says for him it's not not intense enough. Imagine that. How many women complain that one particular type of stimulation may not be enough for them. Now I can tell ya, hubby can eat pussy like nobody's business. And even then I need a finger in my ass or something. I'd do the same for him, but he won't let me. [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 9:45PM wahine wrote: It's funny, I've never met a man who didn't love blow jobs and couldn't come from them, but maybe it's a numbers game. Click to expand Don't get me wrong, I like blow jobs as foreplay. However, when I'm getting an extended blow job, I retreat into my head because I'm not DOING anything, whereas when I'm fucking I'm in the moment. I'd rather be in the moment. [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 10:01PM I would like to know where I went wrong or what happened so I won't make those mistakes again. Click to expand You didn't go wrong, there's no mistake, and there's nothing you can do to make it work next time. You just go out with whoever, be yourself, and eventually you're a better match for somebody. Also, the constant self-questioning and the thing of trying so hard to make something work might give the guy a whiff of desperation. Not everybody is a match for you, and some guys are not a match for anyone, ever. You can't make a puzzle piece fit where it won't fit, and you can't make the guy a fit for you, or yourself a fit for the guy, you just move on and try the next puzzle piece. Or the one after that. A guy telling you that you give good head isn't a commitment. From a guy's perspective, he doesn't want someone who will match up with just anybody, whoever the next guy is. If he wants a serious relationship at all, and he may not (or he'd likely be in one already at his age), he wants someone who thinks he's special and a good match, and who is willing to pass up anything that's not a good match to eventually end up with him. When you try too hard to make it work, you aren't ready yet, and it's a good thing you haven't met up with a guy who will 'settle', or you could be locked into something bad. There are a zillion girls who give good head or who feel good, that's not enough. Nobody has a magical man-enthralling pussy. From this thread and the previous long thread about that other guy, I think you're better off building a relationship before you have sex with the guy. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 10:39PM a former member wrote: The part about "knowing where I went wrong or what happened so I won't make those mistakes again" I've been going through my head obsessively for my own malfunctioning (long distance) relationship, but lately I've decided to give it a break, cuz it doesn't bring us anywhere. Edited by - wahine on 11/4/2011 9:10:29 PM Click to expand This is exactly what I've been doing, too. Yeah, let's stop it. :D I'm committing myself to myself. I'm going to kick it up at the gym and concentrate on enjoying the upcoming holidays with the fam. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 10:43PM lindi wrote: There are a zillion girls who give good head or who feel good, that's not enough. Nobody has a magical man-enthralling pussy. From this thread and the previous long thread about that other guy, I think you're better off building a relationship before you have sex with the guy. Click to expand You're right on all points. Believe me, shit falls apart when I sleep with guys. My vagina's gonna be tighter than a steel trap. Guess it's me and the trusty vibrator for a while. ;) [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 10:52PM Thanksgiving and Christmas are approaching! Yay! [Link]

Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Nov 5 2011 : 1:15AM lindi wrote: From a guy's perspective, he doesn't want someone who will match up with just anybody, whoever the next guy is. If he wants a serious relationship . . . he wants someone who thinks he's special and a good match, and who is willing to pass up anything that's not a good match to eventually end up with him. Click to expand So true. To find a really good relationship, you have to be willing to put up with some loneliness. It helps, though, if being with someone you don't click with feels more unpleasant than being by yourself. [Link]
SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11	Posted - Nov 5 2011 : 12:46PM a former member wrote: I guess there is a half hearted blow job and an intense blow job, the same as in cunnilingus. I would imagine that deepthroating/facefucking would feel almost like intercourse to a guy. Click to expand Hubby says no it does not feel the same. He also says it has nothing to do with "half hearted" it has to do with it being a different sensation. A sensation that is not intense enough for him to get off on. [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Nov 5 2011 : 2:40PM wahine wrote: I guess there is a half hearted blow job and an intense blow job, the same as in cunnilingus. I would imagine that deepthroating/facefucking would feel almost like intercourse to a guy. Click to expand My wife's blow jobs are far from half-hearted. It's just that a mouth feels like a mouth, a pussy feels like a pussy, and an ass feels like an ass. Deepthroating (my wife is adept) and facefucking (we've tried it) feel nothing like intercourse for me. Really. [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Nov 5 2011 : 11:16PM wahine wrote: I was told different when getting facefucked, but the sample is too small to judge. Click to expand I can only speak for myself. Every guy has a different cock connected to a different brain connected to a different life. For me, the primary appeal of face-fucking is the feeling of dominance and control, not the sense-experience. If my wife were submissive, I'd indulge myself -- but she isn't particularly, so where's the fun? [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Nov 6 2011 : 2:55AM Speaking as a male in my twenties, I have to say I can understand this guy's reaction to a degree. I've grown up in a sexually open culture that emphasises giving pleasure over taking pleasure. Sometimes it feels like if you can't satisfy your partner (even if it's in a way that they're not comfortable with) you're somehow inadequate. It's not logically rational, it happens on more of an emotional level. I guess it's a drawback of being a compassionate person. That said, if I felt inadequate in that sense I would open up a discussion like you did and reach an understanding. I wouldn't have a hissy fit like an insecure child. If I were more into a girl than my own ego I would strive to make the relationship work, not run away like a little bitch. This guy probably has his own rules in his head and if he can't play the game the way he wants to he takes his ball and runs home. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 7 2011 : 9:47PM ma meeshka wrote: Speaking as a male in my twenties, I have to say I can understand this guy's reaction to a degree. I've grown up in a sexually open culture that emphasises giving pleasure over taking pleasure. Sometimes it feels like if you can't satisfy your partner (even if it's in a way that they're not comfortable with) you're somehow inadequate. It's not logically rational, it happens on more of an emotional level. I guess it's a drawback of being a compassionate person. That said, if I felt inadequate in that sense I would open up a discussion like you did and reach an understanding. I wouldn't have a hissy fit like an insecure child. If I were more into a girl than my own ego I would strive to make the relationship work, not run away like a little bitch. This guy probably has his own rules in his head and if he can't play the game the way he wants to he takes his ball and runs home. Click to expand Thanks for the response. He did seem rather set in his ways. I don't like being eaten out, but I tolerated it because he was determined to do it. It just wasn't going to happen. I was getting a headache from the exertion of wracking my brain trying to find a fantasy or image to help me get off, completely disconnected from him, and I still couldn't do it. We're not compatible and while I felt it may have been possible to salvage things right after it happened, I realize I don't want that. He's shown a marked lack of BALLS. We weren't THAT good together either. I deleted his number the other night. [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Nov 8 2011 : 4:22AM You seem like you're at a point in your life where you're discovering your limits and boundaries. It's probably good that you had this experience so now you know that next time you can be upfront and don't have to play these kinds of games. [Link]
budtugley Senior Member One man's trash can be the next man's treasure. 1187 Posts 1/04	Posted - Nov 9 2011 : 5:19PM It's usually a good idea to ask your partner what his/her likes and dislikes are. Right away, you may find incompatibility which is going to erode the relationship usually sooner rather than later. Personally, I hate having my nipples sucked on, I'm a guy and it's tortuous for me. Just about anything else I'm cool with so if some gal loves to suck on a guys nipples, her and I aren't going to find common ground. The best thing in these kinds of situations is what we call the sandwich approach. The bread, so to speak, is something you like about the guy/gal and you mention it. You might say, I love the way you smell or you have a warmth that's just great or I love cuddling with you among others. Then you get to the meat, the criticism. Sweetheart, one of my least favorite things is having my pussy licked. I'd rather you didn't. Then you give him another piece of bread saying something like, 'Boy having sex with you is heavenly or I could snuggle close to you for hours, things like that. You likely made him feel small, inadequate, awkward, or embarrassed and it's easier for him to eliminate you from his life rather than deal with it. It's sad but that's the way it goes sometimes. [Link]
SexShopGrl Member F is for Forty and Fabulous! 940 Posts 5/11	Posted - Nov 9 2011 : 6:00PM ^Maybe women would do that more often if men would return the favor. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 9 2011 : 6:23PM budtugley wrote: You likely made him feel small, inadequate, awkward, or embarrassed and it's easier for him to eliminate you from his life rather than deal with it. It's sad but that's the way it goes sometimes. Click to expand I appreciate what you're saying, but I want it known that I didn't do anything that night without tact or foresight. I gently grasped him by the ears and told him I needed him to fuck me, that it wasn't going to happen for me. Later, we were having a cigarette and he was really quiet, so I asked him about this change of mood. He said he was really embarrassed and I made out like it wasn't a big deal. I immediately pulled my chair closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, then kissed him. I don't think I have ANY of the fault here unless it's expected for women to fake orgasms. I was advised not to do that again and I didn't want to start a bad habit with a new lover, so I elected to be honest in the most gentle, considerate way possible. I am VERY sorry if he feels embarrassed or inadequate, but I guess I'm a rare girl in that I don't like having my pussy licked. I genuinely don't like it, but he was very adamant about doing it and I wasn't in a position to say "HEY, I DON'T LIKE THAT" at the time. Me saying that would have been extremely awkward given the circumstances. He was fighting me to get at my pussy and I let him. I knew he was getting impatient and tired after a length of time, so I stopped him. Who knew a guy wouldn't like a girl that orgasms from sucking and fucking him instead of cunnilingus? Lord. I'm like an untouched, buried treasure! As to eliminating me, that sucks for him. We had a lot in common and I rocked his fucking world, which in turn rocked my fucking world, and it's deplorable that a 30 year old man is so immature he has to cut a girl out over this! [Link]
jackthetreacleeater Senior Member Shame on you! 2003 Posts 10/06	Posted - Nov 9 2011 : 7:10PM You should all count yourself lucky you're getting any action at all. Nothing says romance like anal sex. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 9 2011 : 8:37PM smg4ever wrote: You should all count yourself lucky you're getting any action at all. Nothing says romance like anal sex. Click to expand Interesting viewpoint. I'm amazed I'm not getting banged every night of the week. [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Nov 10 2011 : 4:14AM I think the fake orgasm probably gave him a false sense of what to expect, which then made things more sour than they should've been the second time. That doesn't excuse his behaviour though. It still came down to his ego in the end, it doesn't seem like he was able to overcome that to continue with your relationship. But I think it probably gave him a false sense of the situation. Not in his defense, but from his point of view, you either lied about not enjoying it (because he assumed you enjoyed it the night before) or you lied about enjoying it by faking an orgasm. It's pride wounding stuff but it's not soul crushing, you could forgive someone if you were into them more than you were into yourself. [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Nov 12 2011 : 2:30AM wahine wrote: I think it's faux submission, cuz all the time I know that not only I can get away from his grip if I will, but I can even throw him across the room if I feel like it. :-) Click to expand I should hope so! If it isn't a game, it sure wouldn't be fun. :-) [Link]
budtugley Senior Member One man's trash can be the next man's treasure. 1187 Posts 1/04	Posted - Nov 15 2011 : 6:19PM It's not your fault, really, things like this happen all the time to almost everybody sooner or later. Many men love it when a lady will swallow his gonad goo, it's a special thing but some ladies really dislike it. Some might even say, 'You know, they still haven't printed enough money yet.' If she won't, the guy will be disappointed if he likes that arena of sexual pleasure. Compatibility is not an easy thing. It's needed in 3 areas, mentally, physically, and spiritually. You may date a guy who's an ideal lover, but he might fall short in the spiritual and mental connection facets. I dated a gal who was sweet, gentle, loving, kind, and cute. She was an excellent lover but I couldn't talk to her about anything of substance. She knew Hollywood, movies, actors, fashion, cosmetics, soap operas, things I don't care about. She knew nothing about politics, sports, or current events, she didn't like to play games, she liked to stay home and watch TV. Not me. We never connected there and we parted ways. Look at the bright side, you likely learned a valuable lesson, you weren't compatible in the physical and spiritual realm. Like a bee, you must seek out a new flower. Good luck. [Link]
SunShowers Member 333 Posts 4/08	Posted - Nov 15 2011 : 8:43PM budtugley wrote: It's not your fault, really, things like this happen all the time to almost everybody sooner or later. Many men love it when a lady will swallow his gonad goo, it's a special thing but some ladies really dislike it. Some might even say, 'You know, they still haven't printed enough money yet.' If she won't, the guy will be disappointed if he likes that arena of sexual pleasure. Compatibility is not an easy thing. It's needed in 3 areas, mentally, physically, and spiritually. You may date a guy who's an ideal lover, but he might fall short in the spiritual and mental connection facets. Look at the bright side, you likely learned a valuable lesson, you weren't compatible in the physical and spiritual realm. Like a bee, you must seek out a new flower. Good luck. Click to expand See, I could understand if we always had an awkward time during sex, but we didn't. It was great! Then this one thing happened and changed everything. And I'M confused because me NOT getting off is such a stupid, inconsequential thing to me, and he's cut me out because of it. It's confusing to me that someone would totally change in an instant over something unimportant. I don't know whether to "shit or run rabbits" with men. Be honest and not play games, or be fake and have a battleplan for every situation? Btw, I loved swallowing and always did for him. He LOVED it. I have this older (like 50's) friend. Trim and petite, stylish, funny, intelligent, adventurous, kinky, hard-working, and quite attractive. She likes to use me as a sounding board for her dating woes and, my God, it's beginning to depress the SHIT out of me. She gets with these men and everything by her account is going fabulously, they're telling her they LOVE her, they travel together, they meet each other's kids, and then BOOM. The men suddenly disappear. Then when she finally gets them on the phone, they tell her they're afraid of commitment or they have a lot going on in their lives. But they still have their dating profiles online that they use daily, or she hears from a friend that they've gone out and started dating someone else. These are old, middle-aged guys, too, not young bucks. She sleeps with them fairly early. Not like on the first few dates, but she doesn't hold out for a huge amount of time. I'm thinking maybe this might be her problem. I'm considering with the next guy I see holding out for as long as possible. Like months and months. See how that goes. [Link]

Author

Post

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 1 2011 : 10:06PM

I was seeing a guy and everything was going great. The first time I stayed over, things stayed the same: great. The second time, he tried very hard to get me off and had been trying for almost an hour. It just wasn't going to happen for me, so I stopped him so we could get to the good stuff. He ended up being really embarrassed he couldn't get me off and I did my best to reassure him (I don't like being gone down on at all, it wasn't his fault. It's about as exciting to me as having my shoulder licked). The next morning, things seemed fine.
That was 3 months ago and I haven't seen him since. We've talked on the phone and texted, but that's been it. Up until that happened, he was in frequent contact, excited to see me, cooked for me, et cetera.
So I was and still am confused by the whole thing. Fellas, is sexual embarrassment really such a deal breaker?
I'd faked an orgasm the first time and under advisement from a girlfriend chose NOT TO the second time, which it seems is what's ruined everything.
We were in early stages and so I'm not really in a position to try to talk to him about it, and believe that would do more damage than good anyway.
Any ideas or insight about this weird situation? Is it better to fake than risk something like this happening again? Should I be blatantly honest and let guys know I'm not into being gone down on?
TY

[Link]

SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 1 2011 : 10:08PM

Also, to be fair, I had kinda resisted his attempts to go down on me and he was ADAMANTLY and PERSISTENTLY "fighting" me to do it.

[Link]

SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 1 2011 : 11:20PM

I'm glad there are other women out there who don't find it that exciting. I've told several girls that I don't like it and they look at me like I'm crazy. It's so boring to me.
That's a good suggestion, Wahine, and a way of getting what I want while stroking his ego. I get the most out of fucking and going down on him.
Anyway, I guess at this point I'm just shocked he chose to end things over something so unimportant (to me, at least). If I'm ever in this position with someone else, I'll use your line.

[Link]

trout bum
Deactivated User

"I'm Not Here To Suck My Own Cock!"
2145 Posts
5/10

Posted - Nov 1 2011 : 11:27PM

Wow! A woman who doesn't feel comfortable having her pussy eaten. I am sure there are a lot of men who are like me and really get in to it. Maybe your resistance to him giving you oral is turning him off. You should feel lucky a guy wants to spend time down there working his magic. It is probably a more reliable way for many woman to achieve the big "O" then through intercourse. Hell...if all else fails, have him dig out the ole reliable Hitachi Wand and it's Katie Bar the Door!

[Link]

SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 1 2011 : 11:37PM

What makes you think I'm uncomfortable? I just don't like it. Sensation-wise, it doesn't feel good enough for me to achieve an orgasm. Mentally, it's not a turn on. I lie there thinking, "Ok, time to moan. He just looked up at me. I guess I should pant. I'll squeeze his head with my thighs a little. Lord have mercy, I just want to fuck him. When is this going to be over?!"
I don't know. I'm sure me not liking the oral turned him off, but we ended up having great sex and I gave him amazing head. That's the thing: I always gave him really good head (he told me many times in awed tones that I was literally the best he'd had and was always eager to the point of pushiness when it came to me going down on him), and I think he really wanted to return the favor. I thought everything was fine. He even kissed me before I left the next morning, bad breath and all, which he'd never done before.
*shrug*
I am confuzzled.

[Link]

SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 1 2011 : 11:44PM

I forgot to add he'd also bought me a vibrating sex toy thing and used it on me that night, but I didn't like it either (I didn't tell him that, but he assumed because he'd used it at the same time as he was going to town on me that I didn't like it). He said, "I bought this for you and you don't even like it."
Don't get me wrong! I thought we had an awesome night and loved it. It wasn't an awkward evening or anything like that. I left the next morning feeling like everything was great. I loved sleeping with him. It's not like I was lying there like a corpse or being unenthusiastic.

[Link]

trout bum
Deactivated User

"I'm Not Here To Suck My Own Cock!"
2145 Posts
5/10

Posted - Nov 2 2011 : 12:01AM

Poor guy sounds like he is getting a complex. Here he is trying to pleasure you in other ways then him pounding you and a lot of the feedback he is receiving is negative. He probably sees himself as a great lover but now he's a little insecure because you're not getting off.

[Link]

Cody McLarge
Senior Member

2668 Posts
8/10

Posted - Nov 2 2011 : 12:04AM

Well, when I was younger any kind of resistance was a total turn off. I learned to get over it. I do like to go down on a woman and I've never had one "fight" though now I'd probably like that. It sounds like you did everything by the book properly so I'm sorry he got so embarrassed but if he's an adamant carpet-muncher and you prefer he not, then maybe it's for the best.

[Link]

dogzcatcher

All-Star Member

Fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round!
1551 Posts
5/09

Posted - Nov 2 2011 : 2:03AM

It is good to talk about these things before you move ahead in your relationship.
Face it, fellas, some women just don't like to be licked on their pussies. Some women may have never experienced an orgasm. It may be a "control thing", ie..they do not feel comfortable letting themselves go...like jumping off the high dive board in a swimming pool. Some have a clit that is so sensitive it hurts when it's licked hard.
I hope you can find someone someday who is happy to just cuddle in bed with you and doesn't need to prove himself by making you cum on command.

[Link]

SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 2 2011 : 10:23AM

Me too. Honestly, I was really pissed at him right after it happened because it seemed like he was "pouting" over it. It didn't seem like really doing something nice for me was his motivation, but making himself feel like a hot shot in bed. My feelings were hurt.
And yes, guys, some women do not like being eaten out and you shouldn't force it. It just ruins what could otherwise be a great sack session.
I hate it if I hurt his feelings, which wasn't my intention at all (I was very sweet and enthusiastic that night) but he's essentially gone and hurt my feelings in return. Over something that I could care less about!

[Link]

HeyNow

Oblivious

Gold Star Hey!
5965 Posts
1/03

Posted - Nov 2 2011 : 10:56AM

Almost an hour?!? Way too long. Do what you have to do to move things along. Well, you know that now I guess.

Oh yeah!
I do think it's something you could grow into - it's very likely when you are in your 30's or 40's you'll love it AND the vibrator. 69ing probably. Or laying back on a wedge or pillows with your legs up.

Move on from this guy, he's got other girlfriends, and like that book or movie says, "He's Just Not That Into You."

[Link]

SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11

Posted - Nov 2 2011 : 4:55PM

Don't feel bad. It's obviously his loss.

[Link]

SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 2 2011 : 5:14PM

It is his loss. I was starting to really like him, though.
HeyNow, are you saying that a guy could go from being into you to NOT over something like this?
...On second thought, I know the answer to that already. Apparently, YES they can. I've just experienced it!

[Link]

HeyNow

Oblivious

Gold Star Hey!
5965 Posts
1/03

Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 2:30AM

I have no idea. I really don't.
The only thing I can think of is have YOU made the next move? Have you invited him over for a dinner or out for drinks or for a day out or are you waiting for him to invite you out?

[Link]

astroknight

Questionable Moderator

Tastes so good...
4187 Posts
11/99

Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 9:21AM

Not that sex isn't important in a relationship, but if it's going to be a lasting relationship communication is. If he's fighting you on eating you out, I'm not sure how things would go with bigger and more important matters. I can respect his being proud of his oral skills, but he should also be able to deal with the fun of finding other ways to get you off and move on. If he's that hurt over you not letting him go down on you I'll say you're better off without him.
"I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten

[Link]

SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 10:11AM

Yeah. I tried several times. About eight days went by after I spent the night and I called him to check in. He was nonchalant and quite uncommunicative on the phone. I told him he hurt my feelings and he didn't say anything, so I told him to take care and hung up the phone. My feelings were hurt because he'd suddenly gone from being enthusiastic and frequently contacting me, to showing almost no interest whatsoever.
We've talked a few more times since then to no avail and texted numerous times.
My thinking is that I've let him know numerous times I'm still interested and he hasn't responded with the same level of interest, so I'm not going to try anymore.
He must think we're sexually incompatible because of that night. He's also in his 30's and I'm in my early 20's, so I think he might feel doubly insecure or something.
One thing I think is interesting is whenever we do talk or text, he always brings up the fact that he thinks I'm mad at him. I've never acted mad, just expressed sadness that things are different. Anyway, what does it matter if I am mad at him? He's not shown he really cares all that much about me, so why would he continually bring that up?
Men.

[Link]

SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 10:15AM

This has been my thinking as well.
I also was surprised because it seems to me that a girl who would prefer sucking and fucking a guy over getting oral herself would seem like a good "catch" bed-wise. I get more pleasure out of going down on him than I do on the receiving end.

[Link]

trout bum
Deactivated User

"I'm Not Here To Suck My Own Cock!"
2145 Posts
5/10

Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 11:28AM

Doesn't appear this relationship has a chance of making it. Looks like the chemistry just ain't there. Pretty much a stand off. You don't care to have your pussy eaten or toys and that's it. He on the other can't seem to get past the idea of being with a girl who won't let him enjoy things he digs.
You may want him back, but you want it on your terms and not his and he apparently has own ideas of what he wants in bed. Most people who are dealing with things they can't have only want them more. It's human instinct.
Time to move on and work on a relationship that has the potential to make it. You are young.

[Link]

Bob

All-Star Member

5516 Posts
3/03

Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 3:42PM

My wife doesn't like to receive oral sex. After a little foreplay (not a lot), she likes to be fucked. The cuddling and other soft stuff comes afterward for her. Her clit gets irritated quickly, but she loves deep g-spot rubbing.
It took a long time for me to get it through my fat head that it was okay for her not to be turned on by oral sex -- that it didn't have to be traced either to a lack of technique on my part or to some deep-seated intimacy issue on on her part.
I enjoy eating women, so I sometimes miss doing it. But the truth is I'm not a great fan of getting blowjobs, because I don't like to sit back and be passive.
If she has orgasms and I have orgasms -- and we have them together and in the same basic time-frame -- it's all good.
I remember that Dana DeArmond once posted on ADT that she hated having a mouth on her pussy but loved having her ass eaten.
My take-away: People's sexual responses are unique. The best lover for a person is the one (i) who can can consistently get that person off in the way that that person likes being gotten off; and (ii) who doesn't mope because they can't get that person off in a way that that person doesn't like being gotten off.

[Link]

astroknight

Questionable Moderator

Tastes so good...
4187 Posts
11/99

Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 4:00PM

If the Good Lord wanted men to be passive during blowjobs he wouldn't have given women ears.

"I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten

[Link]

Bob

All-Star Member

5516 Posts
3/03

Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 4:13PM

^^^
That's funny.
But seriously, my wife likes to give head but she doesn't like to be skull-fucked.

[Link]

SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11

Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 6:50PM

My husband doesn't get off on oral. My hand to God, one night we actually fell asleep with his dick in my mouth. So, when I give it's to get him really worked up as foreplay.
Sometimes I'm in the mood to receive it, other times I'm not. I just tell him, "I'm not in the mood for that right now" and we move on to other things.
Edited by - sexshopgrl on 11/3/2011 6:51:54 PM

[Link]

Bob

All-Star Member

5516 Posts
3/03

Posted - Nov 3 2011 : 11:19PM

Oh, the irony.

[Link]

Dirtyhabit
Member

145 Posts
8/09

Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 1:06AM

Mhmm, I'm the same way. When my girlfriend gives head, it feels great, but I just can't get off to it. For me it's physical; it just doesn't stimulate me in the right way.
Edited by - dirtyhabit on 11/4/2011 1:06:41 AM

[Link]

dogzcatcher

All-Star Member

Fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round!
1551 Posts
5/09

Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 1:09AM

Or flat heads, to hold our beer cans, while they are doin' it.

[Link]

Rubberhole
Deactivated User

256 Posts
2/10

Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 9:27AM

If you two are having this much turmoil and misunderstanding with the sexual aspect of your relationship, especially at such an early stage, you aren't sexually compatible. The fact that your fantastic oral is not keeping him around is a telling sign ( I know the power of head for some men...I was ADDICTED to the head-jobs of an ex and would tolerate anything from her because of it). Sex is like music and food. Each person has their likes and dislikes. Its finding a happy medium that both of you can live with.

[Link]

SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 10:17AM

See, it's just confusing.
Last time I stayed over, that oral episode aside, we ended up having good sex. I was a virgin until fairly recently and hadn't had too much sex, so it was slowgoing for a while. But that last time, I was actually able to ride him. I'd gotten on top of him and he entered me, then I was able to push myself all the way down on him. That drove him CRAZY. He exclaimed that we were finally able to really fuck each other.
Then while he was on top of me, he kept complimenting how I felt and said SEVERAL times: "Your pussy was made for my cock!" He repeated this two more times.
So while it would appear we're not sexually compatible and I accept that might be the real reason, I'm just not 100 percent because of how well the rest of the night went and the things he said.
And now I'm wondering if I did something else that turned him off because as you pointed out, great head should keep a guy's interest to some degree and he always acted crazed (almost to the point of freaking me out a few times) about getting head from me.
Whatever the reason, it's not a good relationship and there's no hope there. But I would like to know where I went wrong or what happened so I won't make those mistakes again.

[Link]

SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 10:19AM

I've always felt like he was carrying a grudge and he is VERY much stuck in his ways. I agree.

[Link]

dogzcatcher

All-Star Member

Fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round!
1551 Posts
5/09

Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 11:10AM

Each person has his or her own likes and dislikes regarding sex. Some women enjoy receiving oral sex, with a tongue lapping them like a dog licking water out of a bowl. Other women prefer a tongue that touches them lightly, around the edges of their clit, like an artist's paintbrush, lightly flicking. Some enjoy their clit and labia sucked hard. Some do not enjoy it at all.
When I met my wife, we talked about sex. She said she did not want to perform oral sex on me. I don't know why, yet, I have respected her request for the past ten years we've been married. I had a problem a while ago, about her talking to her best friend about our sex life, but, thanks to some good advise I got on this forum, I got over it. More than sexual relations, just enjoying her company, either at home, or when we go out to dinner, is valued by me.
Edited by - dogzcatcher on 11/4/2011 11:11:31 AM

[Link]

SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11

Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 9:26PM

I aksed hubby once if there was some kind of issue he had with it. I knew it wasn't me. Maybe that sounds arrogant to say but I've always been told I had dick sucking lips and I've always known what to do with them.
He says for him it's not not intense enough. Imagine that. How many women complain that one particular type of stimulation may not be enough for them.
Now I can tell ya, hubby can eat pussy like nobody's business. And even then I need a finger in my ass or something.
I'd do the same for him, but he won't let me.

[Link]

Bob

All-Star Member

5516 Posts
3/03

Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 9:45PM

Don't get me wrong, I like blow jobs as foreplay.
However, when I'm getting an extended blow job, I retreat into my head because I'm not DOING anything, whereas when I'm fucking I'm in the moment. I'd rather be in the moment.

[Link]

lindi
Senior Member

12345
3205 Posts
9/02

Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 10:01PM

You didn't go wrong, there's no mistake, and there's nothing you can do to make it work next time.
You just go out with whoever, be yourself, and eventually you're a better match for somebody. Also, the constant self-questioning and the thing of trying so hard to make something work might give the guy a whiff of desperation. Not everybody is a match for you, and some guys are not a match for anyone, ever. You can't make a puzzle piece fit where it won't fit, and you can't make the guy a fit for you, or yourself a fit for the guy, you just move on and try the next puzzle piece. Or the one after that. A guy telling you that you give good head isn't a commitment.
From a guy's perspective, he doesn't want someone who will match up with just anybody, whoever the next guy is. If he wants a serious relationship at all, and he may not (or he'd likely be in one already at his age), he wants someone who thinks he's special and a good match, and who is willing to pass up anything that's not a good match to eventually end up with him. When you try too hard to make it work, you aren't ready yet, and it's a good thing you haven't met up with a guy who will 'settle', or you could be locked into something bad.
There are a zillion girls who give good head or who feel good, that's not enough. Nobody has a magical man-enthralling pussy. From this thread and the previous long thread about that other guy, I think you're better off building a relationship before you have sex with the guy.

[Link]

SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 10:39PM

This is exactly what I've been doing, too. Yeah, let's stop it. :D
I'm committing myself to myself. I'm going to kick it up at the gym and concentrate on enjoying the upcoming holidays with the fam.

[Link]

SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 10:43PM

You're right on all points.
Believe me, shit falls apart when I sleep with guys. My vagina's gonna be tighter than a steel trap. Guess it's me and the trusty vibrator for a while. ;)

[Link]

SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 4 2011 : 10:52PM

Thanksgiving and Christmas are approaching! Yay!

[Link]

Bob

All-Star Member

5516 Posts
3/03

Posted - Nov 5 2011 : 1:15AM

So true.
To find a really good relationship, you have to be willing to put up with some loneliness. It helps, though, if being with someone you don't click with feels more unpleasant than being by yourself.

[Link]

SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11

Posted - Nov 5 2011 : 12:46PM

Hubby says no it does not feel the same. He also says it has nothing to do with "half hearted" it has to do with it being a different sensation. A sensation that is not intense enough for him to get off on.

[Link]

Bob

All-Star Member

5516 Posts
3/03

Posted - Nov 5 2011 : 2:40PM

My wife's blow jobs are far from half-hearted. It's just that a mouth feels like a mouth, a pussy feels like a pussy, and an ass feels like an ass. Deepthroating (my wife is adept) and facefucking (we've tried it) feel nothing like intercourse for me. Really.

[Link]

Bob

All-Star Member

5516 Posts
3/03

Posted - Nov 5 2011 : 11:16PM

I can only speak for myself. Every guy has a different cock connected to a different brain connected to a different life.
For me, the primary appeal of face-fucking is the feeling of dominance and control, not the sense-experience. If my wife were submissive, I'd indulge myself -- but she isn't particularly, so where's the fun?

[Link]

ma meeshka
Iconoclastic Member

3939 Posts
4/06

Posted - Nov 6 2011 : 2:55AM

Speaking as a male in my twenties, I have to say I can understand this guy's reaction to a degree. I've grown up in a sexually open culture that emphasises giving pleasure over taking pleasure. Sometimes it feels like if you can't satisfy your partner (even if it's in a way that they're not comfortable with) you're somehow inadequate. It's not logically rational, it happens on more of an emotional level. I guess it's a drawback of being a compassionate person.
That said, if I felt inadequate in that sense I would open up a discussion like you did and reach an understanding. I wouldn't have a hissy fit like an insecure child. If I were more into a girl than my own ego I would strive to make the relationship work, not run away like a little bitch. This guy probably has his own rules in his head and if he can't play the game the way he wants to he takes his ball and runs home.

[Link]

SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 7 2011 : 9:47PM

ma meeshka wrote:
Speaking as a male in my twenties, I have to say I can understand this guy's reaction to a degree. I've grown up in a sexually open culture that emphasises giving pleasure over taking pleasure. Sometimes it feels like if you can't satisfy your partner (even if it's in a way that they're not comfortable with) you're somehow inadequate. It's not logically rational, it happens on more of an emotional level. I guess it's a drawback of being a compassionate person.
That said, if I felt inadequate in that sense I would open up a discussion like you did and reach an understanding. I wouldn't have a hissy fit like an insecure child. If I were more into a girl than my own ego I would strive to make the relationship work, not run away like a little bitch. This guy probably has his own rules in his head and if he can't play the game the way he wants to he takes his ball and runs home.
Click to expand

Thanks for the response.
He did seem rather set in his ways. I don't like being eaten out, but I tolerated it because he was determined to do it. It just wasn't going to happen. I was getting a headache from the exertion of wracking my brain trying to find a fantasy or image to help me get off, completely disconnected from him, and I still couldn't do it.
We're not compatible and while I felt it may have been possible to salvage things right after it happened, I realize I don't want that. He's shown a marked lack of BALLS. We weren't THAT good together either.
I deleted his number the other night.

[Link]

ma meeshka
Iconoclastic Member

3939 Posts
4/06

Posted - Nov 8 2011 : 4:22AM

You seem like you're at a point in your life where you're discovering your limits and boundaries. It's probably good that you had this experience so now you know that next time you can be upfront and don't have to play these kinds of games.

[Link]

budtugley
Senior Member

One man's trash can be the next man's treasure.
1187 Posts
1/04

Posted - Nov 9 2011 : 5:19PM

It's usually a good idea to ask your partner what his/her likes and dislikes are. Right away, you may find incompatibility which is going to erode the relationship usually sooner rather than later. Personally, I hate having my nipples sucked on, I'm a guy and it's tortuous for me. Just about anything else I'm cool with so if some gal loves to suck on a guys nipples, her and I aren't going to find common ground.
The best thing in these kinds of situations is what we call the sandwich approach. The bread, so to speak, is something you like about the guy/gal and you mention it. You might say, I love the way you smell or you have a warmth that's just great or I love cuddling with you among others. Then you get to the meat, the criticism. Sweetheart, one of my least favorite things is having my pussy licked. I'd rather you didn't. Then you give him another piece of bread saying something like, 'Boy having sex with you is heavenly or I could snuggle close to you for hours, things like that.
You likely made him feel small, inadequate, awkward, or embarrassed and it's easier for him to eliminate you from his life rather than deal with it. It's sad but that's the way it goes sometimes.

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SexShopGrl
Member

F is for Forty and Fabulous!
940 Posts
5/11

Posted - Nov 9 2011 : 6:00PM

^Maybe women would do that more often if men would return the favor.

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SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 9 2011 : 6:23PM

I appreciate what you're saying, but I want it known that I didn't do anything that night without tact or foresight. I gently grasped him by the ears and told him I needed him to fuck me, that it wasn't going to happen for me.
Later, we were having a cigarette and he was really quiet, so I asked him about this change of mood. He said he was really embarrassed and I made out like it wasn't a big deal. I immediately pulled my chair closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, then kissed him.
I don't think I have ANY of the fault here unless it's expected for women to fake orgasms. I was advised not to do that again and I didn't want to start a bad habit with a new lover, so I elected to be honest in the most gentle, considerate way possible.
I am VERY sorry if he feels embarrassed or inadequate, but I guess I'm a rare girl in that I don't like having my pussy licked. I genuinely don't like it, but he was very adamant about doing it and I wasn't in a position to say "HEY, I DON'T LIKE THAT" at the time. Me saying that would have been extremely awkward given the circumstances. He was fighting me to get at my pussy and I let him. I knew he was getting impatient and tired after a length of time, so I stopped him.
Who knew a guy wouldn't like a girl that orgasms from sucking and fucking him instead of cunnilingus? Lord. I'm like an untouched, buried treasure!
As to eliminating me, that sucks for him. We had a lot in common and I rocked his fucking world, which in turn rocked my fucking world, and it's deplorable that a 30 year old man is so immature he has to cut a girl out over this!

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jackthetreacleeater
Senior Member

Shame on you!
2003 Posts
10/06

Posted - Nov 9 2011 : 7:10PM

You should all count yourself lucky you're getting any action at all.
Nothing says romance like anal sex.

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SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 9 2011 : 8:37PM

Interesting viewpoint. I'm amazed I'm not getting banged every night of the week.

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ma meeshka
Iconoclastic Member

3939 Posts
4/06

Posted - Nov 10 2011 : 4:14AM

I think the fake orgasm probably gave him a false sense of what to expect, which then made things more sour than they should've been the second time. That doesn't excuse his behaviour though. It still came down to his ego in the end, it doesn't seem like he was able to overcome that to continue with your relationship. But I think it probably gave him a false sense of the situation.
Not in his defense, but from his point of view, you either lied about not enjoying it (because he assumed you enjoyed it the night before) or you lied about enjoying it by faking an orgasm. It's pride wounding stuff but it's not soul crushing, you could forgive someone if you were into them more than you were into yourself.

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Bob

All-Star Member

5516 Posts
3/03

Posted - Nov 12 2011 : 2:30AM

I should hope so! If it isn't a game, it sure wouldn't be fun.
:-)

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budtugley
Senior Member

One man's trash can be the next man's treasure.
1187 Posts
1/04

Posted - Nov 15 2011 : 6:19PM

It's not your fault, really, things like this happen all the time to almost everybody sooner or later.
Many men love it when a lady will swallow his gonad goo, it's a special thing but some ladies really dislike it. Some might even say, 'You know, they still haven't printed enough money yet.' If she won't, the guy will be disappointed if he likes that arena of sexual pleasure.
Compatibility is not an easy thing. It's needed in 3 areas, mentally, physically, and spiritually. You may date a guy who's an ideal lover, but he might fall short in the spiritual and mental connection facets. I dated a gal who was sweet, gentle, loving, kind, and cute. She was an excellent lover but I couldn't talk to her about anything of substance. She knew Hollywood, movies, actors, fashion, cosmetics, soap operas, things I don't care about. She knew nothing about politics, sports, or current events, she didn't like to play games, she liked to stay home and watch TV. Not me. We never connected there and we parted ways.
Look at the bright side, you likely learned a valuable lesson, you weren't compatible in the physical and spiritual realm. Like a bee, you must seek out a new flower.
Good luck.

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SunShowers
Member

333 Posts
4/08

Posted - Nov 15 2011 : 8:43PM

budtugley wrote:
It's not your fault, really, things like this happen all the time to almost everybody sooner or later.
Many men love it when a lady will swallow his gonad goo, it's a special thing but some ladies really dislike it. Some might even say, 'You know, they still haven't printed enough money yet.' If she won't, the guy will be disappointed if he likes that arena of sexual pleasure.
Compatibility is not an easy thing. It's needed in 3 areas, mentally, physically, and spiritually. You may date a guy who's an ideal lover, but he might fall short in the spiritual and mental connection facets.
Look at the bright side, you likely learned a valuable lesson, you weren't compatible in the physical and spiritual realm. Like a bee, you must seek out a new flower.
Good luck.
Click to expand

See, I could understand if we always had an awkward time during sex, but we didn't. It was great! Then this one thing happened and changed everything. And I'M confused because me NOT getting off is such a stupid, inconsequential thing to me, and he's cut me out because of it. It's confusing to me that someone would totally change in an instant over something unimportant. I don't know whether to "shit or run rabbits" with men. Be honest and not play games, or be fake and have a battleplan for every situation?
Btw, I loved swallowing and always did for him. He LOVED it.
I have this older (like 50's) friend. Trim and petite, stylish, funny, intelligent, adventurous, kinky, hard-working, and quite attractive. She likes to use me as a sounding board for her dating woes and, my God, it's beginning to depress the SHIT out of me. She gets with these men and everything by her account is going fabulously, they're telling her they LOVE her, they travel together, they meet each other's kids, and then BOOM. The men suddenly disappear. Then when she finally gets them on the phone, they tell her they're afraid of commitment or they have a lot going on in their lives. But they still have their dating profiles online that they use daily, or she hears from a friend that they've gone out and started dating someone else. These are old, middle-aged guys, too, not young bucks.
She sleeps with them fairly early. Not like on the first few dates, but she doesn't hold out for a huge amount of time. I'm thinking maybe this might be her problem. I'm considering with the next guy I see holding out for as long as possible. Like months and months. See how that goes.

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