Relationship Question (for guys)

Author	Post
Manetho71 Member 185 Posts 9/02	Posted - Oct 5 2002 : 3:57PM Was wondering how other guys felt about this issue. Let's say you need to choose between two girls. We're not talking about a one-night-stand. Long-term potential here. And for the sake of argument, let's say you're equally attracted to both girls. It's the personality, not the looks, we're talking about. Okay, let's say you get along great with the first girl. She's compassionate, caring, laughs at your jokes, etc. Great person to talk to. Kind to small children and animals. The only problem is that her sexual drive isn't enough for you. You're lucky if you have sex once a week, and even when you do, it's not even that great. Now let's take the second girl. You guys don't have a whole lot in common, and sometimes she can get pretty moody. Sometimes she's abrasive, selfish, and you just can't communicate with her. She doesn't understand you. But man, when you get in the bed, she's incredible. She wants sex constantly, and she pleases you in ways you never knew were possible. Which girl do you choose? [Link]
Shawny Member 92 Posts 3/02	Posted - Oct 5 2002 : 4:11PM That's an easy one, I'd take the first girl, a relationship must be more than sex, and you said it would be a long term thing. You could always buy her a vibrator and hope that she gets more into sex if it really bothers you that much! [Link]
MLyons Senior Member 1617 Posts 8/02	Posted - Oct 5 2002 : 4:13PM 1st One--no contest. In the long run--the sexual drive will diminish, and if you chose the 2nd one what would you be left with? Memories of great sex and stuck living with an abusive partner. Nothing can take the place of a partner who loves you--who loves EVERYthing about you. Besides, the sex can always get better! Of course, it sounds like you haven't even come close to knowing enough about either girl yet, but if it were me, I would dismiss the 2nd choice outright, as there is no room for any kind of abusiveness or lack of communication in a long term relationship. Just one guy's thoughts. :) ML Edited by - MLyons on 10/5/2002 4:13:45 PM [Link]
DenverDon Benevolent Firmly Embedded in Depravity 5914 Posts 7/02	Posted - Oct 5 2002 : 4:49PM 1st one - personality. You can work on the sex part, but it's much toughter to work on the personality bit. My opinion anyway. DenverDon [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Oct 5 2002 : 7:05PM Female opinion here. #1, and when you get her in bed, you be incredible, and please her in ways she never knew were possible. [Link]

Hardware All-Star Member Your other left 14594 Posts 3/02	Posted - Oct 5 2002 : 8:42PM Look at it this way: how long can you actually spend having sex? OK, so what are you going to do the rest of the time, make a life together or avoid each other? No matter how hot you think girl #2 is now, I absolutely guarantee you'll be bored with her 5 years from now if all you have in common is your sexual appetites. Seems to me that if you seriously have to ask that question then you're not ready for marriage anyway. Marriage is hard work and compromise for which you're going to need more of a reward than just hot sex. [Link]
ken2 Member My own little world 76 Posts 7/00	Posted - Oct 5 2002 : 9:53PM Okay, I'm in a relationship with number 1. Have been for 5 years now. We've been talking about marriage and have begun to visit wedding expos etc... but she's not as sexual as I'd like. It makes me feel a little guilty, but its fustrating when you really want it and she doesn't. I'd still take her over a sex-fiend that I don't get along with as well. We've had great times together even if they weren't all in bed. [Link]
Cognex Member 126 Posts 2/01	Posted - Oct 5 2002 : 9:57PM I agree with all above. Number 1 hands down, or maybe penis down in this case Seriously, she might get much better in bed with time and a little work. I would rather have a good person to be with than a moody one. My last girlfriend sounds just like number 2, what's her name? He he. She was great in bed but horribly mean and frustrating to be around. I wanted out of the relationship 99% of the time no matter what the sex was like. By the way, if she's selfish in social context then that might cross over into bed. I've seen that as well. Edited by - Cognex on 10/5/2002 9:59:02 PM [Link]
Whiplash the suave incubus Member 112 Posts 6/01	Posted - Oct 6 2002 : 4:02AM I'd go for # 2. That "relationship" is clearly heading for disaster and I would be a free man again in a few months time. No kids, no big house, no two cars, no dog - just me and a future of dreams - yeah! [Link]
Chillin Member San Diego 208 Posts 9/01	Posted - Oct 6 2002 : 3:17PM It doesn't matter....neither will work out in the long run. Let's face it, there are two things that matter about relationships: sex and everything else. Both those girls only have one of the two components.... So, if I wanted a friend...I'd take number 1. if I just wanted to fuck...I'd take number 2. if I wanted a friend and wanted to fuck too, I'd hang out with number 1 on the weekdays and call up number 2 on friday and saturday night all the while keepin an eye out for girl number 3. Chillin.. [Link]
Londo-Cat Member Http://www.SFBayVideos.com 46 Posts 9/02	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 2:41AM Chillin wrote: It doesn't matter....neither will work out in the long run. Let's face it, there are two things that matter about relationships: sex and everything else. Both those girls only have one of the two components.... So, if I wanted a friend...I'd take number 1. if I just wanted to fuck...I'd take number 2. if I wanted a friend and wanted to fuck too, I'd hang out with number 1 on the weekdays and call up number 2 on friday and saturday night all the while keepin an eye out for girl number 3. Chillin.. Click to expand Gotta agree with Chillin on that one. #1 would be the friend thang, but I'd definatelly fuck #2 for all it was worth. But the original question that Manetho71 posted was pretty much a cut-n-dry question about who to choose. I gotta say that left with those choices, I would choose neither unless there was a possibility of getting #1 to loosen up somehow. I'd definately move towards the #1 initially but hang around the #2 for the hot sex, but if the sex thing didn't improve with #1 I'd make an issue of it. I'd find out "why" she had an issue with only doing it once a week, if she still had issues, I'd walk. Nothing worse that being stuck in a relationship that won't move in a particular direction and she won't take the initiative to keep you happy. I'd say talk it out with #1, if she doesn't want to up-the-ante on the sex thang, then I'd do exactly what Chillin wrote "I'd hang out with number 1 on the weekdays and call up number 2 on friday and saturday night all the while keepin an eye out for girl number 3. " [Link]
Planet Sex Deactivated User 1951 Posts 6/01	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 4:06AM Number one, fer shure! Sex is always secondary. [Link]
aybesea Senior Member Caroline Cage - Hungarian Hottie! 1485 Posts 5/02	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 9:14AM Marry #1, then cheat with #2. Seriously, #1 is long term material. #2 is a real fun weekend. [Link]
PornoBoy Member 145 Posts 7/02	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 1:07PM Chillin' hit the nail on the head...go with #2. You may wind up in a long term relationship with #1, but you'll be kicking youself every day wondering about #2! Ride the ol' #2 train until it runs out of gas...and THEN go find #1 if you so choose! [Link]
coffeycurve Member 30 minutes from the beach, the desert and the mountains 29 Posts 2/02	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 2:45PM how about neither ? why are you settling? trust me, it may seem like you love both of them very much, and you probably do, but there IS someone else out there who will satisfy EVERY need you have. so dump them both and get on with it, you're not gettin any younger and the reality of the situation is that neither of them have what it takes to be with you. [Link]

Manetho71 Member 185 Posts 9/02	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 4:28PM I want to thank everyone for their valuable (and sometimes humorous) advice. I've got to admit, though, that I'm still torn. Part of me wants to take the advice of what the most recent poster said: don't settle with either, that there's someone out there who will give me both needs (friend and fuck). But do I take that chance? Besides the sex issue, I've got a great girl in girl # 1, and I don't want to risk losing her. Maybe the secret to any relationship is compromise, and that's what I'll have to do here. [Link]
PornoBoy Member 145 Posts 7/02	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 4:45PM Don't compromise...that's the WORSE thing you can do! Besides, it's not like there are only 2 women out there for you! Find someone with BOTH qualities...and give me the number for #2 (hee hee hee!) [Link]
coffeycurve Member 30 minutes from the beach, the desert and the mountains 29 Posts 2/02	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 7:37PM dude, if you really live in l.a., there are more fish in the sea. i know it's easy for me to say, but i promise, she IS out there, I know this from experience. might I also suggest a healthy dose of Tom Leykis on 97.1 for the drive home could do you a bit of good. Who knows, after you dump them, girl #1 might all of a sudden be willing to get a little more wild in the sack. For some ungodly reason, women, whether they will admit it or not, like to be treated like shit and if you ignore them, that only makes them want you more. Boy I wish I knew that in high school. fyi: Click here above is leykis' website addy and for those of you who don't know him, he's one of the more popular syndicated radio personalities in L.A. His shtick is basically that he teaches guys how to get laid more often. [Link]
Arethusa Member Enjoying Sweden 99 Posts 8/02	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 8:43PM Actually I'm pretty sure Lykis's shtick is that he's rather disturbingly misogynistic...I listened to him a couple of times and was really really disturbed. Maybe you're joking? Please? [Link]
Excalibur1242 Member 61 Posts 6/02	Posted - Oct 7 2002 : 11:39PM I would go with #1 since that woman has more pros than cons. Sex really isn't everything, theres most important things to look for in a woman. As for her sex drive, well that can be changed depending on her personality. I would try to get her to watch porn but in a careful way. Like I would give off hint-like questions to find out if shes down with that. During sex, I would try to communicate with her and taking your time is a must. During oral sex, I would do alot of teasing and have fun with it. During actual intercourse, I'd prefer cowgirl because its the position that most women feel comfortable with and it leaves less pressure to the penis and u probably won't cum as fast as with other positions. [Link]
coffeycurve Member 30 minutes from the beach, the desert and the mountains 29 Posts 2/02	Posted - Oct 8 2002 : 12:12PM Arethusa actually, leykis doesn't hate women at all. he simply tells guys, "how to get more tail." if you want to make the leap to misogyny, be my guest, but i don't feel that's the case. now, his delivery is a little crass and he does ruffle a few feathers along the way, but that's his job. he's supposed to bring in ratings and make money for the advertisers. for this I praise him, but personally, I think he's a long winded toad who's lucky to be employed and believe it or not, I don't listen to him every day, because it does get tiresome listening to angry women barking at him and hearing his arrogant retorts every day, but then again, I'm not really his demographic since I'm happily married with kids. but you do have to admit, guys are more likely to get laid more often if they are bastards than if they are nice guys. there are exceptions and he's not talking about having a relationship, he's talking purely about getting a piece of ass. [Link]
Dr. Evil DVD Advantage Employee 98 Posts 7/01	Posted - Oct 8 2002 : 12:43PM I do agree with Wiplash. #2 would probably be the smart choice. On the other hand if #1 really cared about you she would do everything possible to make you happy. As for Tom Leykis. Personally I'd rather get dating advice from Rush Limbaugh. Edited by - dr. evil on 10/8/2002 12:43:33 PM [Link]
dumblonde Senior Member 2352 Posts 7/00	Posted - Oct 8 2002 : 12:47PM I've never heard him, but I think he's confusing self-confidence with being a bastard. A confident man is always attractive, an asshole is not. Maybe guys like to think that the one getting all the chicks is a bastard, but it's not true. A guy would also have to be exceptionally good looking to get away with that. [Link]
coffeycurve Member 30 minutes from the beach, the desert and the mountains 29 Posts 2/02	Posted - Oct 8 2002 : 1:30PM dumblonde wrote: I've never heard him, but I think he's confusing self-confidence with being a bastard. A confident man is always attractive, an asshole is not. Maybe guys like to think that the one getting all the chicks is a bastard, but it's not true. A guy would also have to be exceptionally good looking to get away with that. Click to expand dumblonde he's not trying to get you in the sack. you're far too evolved and thus are not where he's aiming. you have to admit that many girls do not have the self esteem that you appear to and this is one of his main points. if you want to get laid more often, you have to steer away from women such as yourself, you go for the easy prey. there are exceptions to every rule, but he plays the percentages and in most cases girls with esteem issues are an easy target for predators. as for being "exceptionally good looking" I'll let you decide that one: Click here as leykis and many others are living proof of, money talks in the bedroom as well as in business. and if you're a guy who has money or power or can get a woman to think you do, getting laid is mauch easier than being a poor, but good looking nice guy who's always there for you. don't get me wrong, like I said before, I think he's an asshole, but he brings up valid points and gives good direction if you're a guy in search of pussy and nothing more. [Link]
Arethusa Member Enjoying Sweden 99 Posts 8/02	Posted - Oct 8 2002 : 2:54PM coffeycurve wrote: but you do have to admit, guys are more likely to get laid more often if they are bastards than if they are nice guys. there are exceptions and he's not talking about having a relationship, he's talking purely about getting a piece of ass. Click to expand Alright, I'll retract misogynist and amend it with "asshole". I would say men are more likely to just plain get laid if they pursue it to the exclusion of all else (especially the women's feelings), that is, if they are any good at the pursuit. [Link]

dumblonde Senior Member 2352 Posts 7/00	Posted - Oct 8 2002 : 3:22PM Holy shit! He makes Ron Jeremy look almost do-able, lol. [Link]
Goldmember Member 518 Posts 7/02	Posted - Oct 8 2002 : 5:23PM I may be a lttle late, but I thought I would chime in anyway. Sitting here reading the the pros and cons between #1 and #2 I can clearly see that if a choice had to be made #1 is the way to go, no ifs ands or buts about it. BUT, if I imagine myself in the middle of the two relationships at the same time I hate to admit it but I have a feeling the rush of seritonin from the mindblowing sex would cloud my judgement untill it was too late. Sadly I would probably opt for the mindblowing sex, until it enevitably became boring because of the lack of any real emotional connection, at which point I would kick myself for letting a good thing slip away. I agree the sex is a very important part of a relationship, but I have certainly been in relationships where it took a little time before the sex started to sizzle. [Link]
Arethusa Member Enjoying Sweden 99 Posts 8/02	Posted - Oct 8 2002 : 8:36PM dumblonde wrote: Holy shit! He makes Ron Jeremy look almost do-able, lol. Click to expand Yeah, almost... [Link]
Hardware All-Star Member Your other left 14594 Posts 3/02	Posted - Oct 9 2002 : 10:11AM Well, you can certainly tell the young pups from the old dogs! [Link]
aybesea Senior Member Caroline Cage - Hungarian Hottie! 1485 Posts 5/02	Posted - Oct 9 2002 : 10:39AM Hardware wrote: Well, you can certainly tell the young pups from the old dogs! Click to expand Just laying around on the porch. [Link]
RoccoFan Member 337 Posts 2/02	Posted - Oct 10 2002 : 8:19PM #1. You can work on the sex, but personality is pretty much set in stone. Boat Drinks!!! RoccoFan [Link]
Londo-Cat Member Http://www.SFBayVideos.com 46 Posts 9/02	Posted - Oct 10 2002 : 11:50PM coffeycurve wrote: Arethusa actually, leykis doesn't hate women at all. he simply tells guys, "how to get more tail." if you want to make the leap to misogyny, be my guest, but i don't feel that's the case. now, his delivery is a little crass and he does ruffle a few feathers along the way, but that's his job. he's supposed to bring in ratings and make money for the advertisers. for this I praise him, but personally, I think he's a long winded toad who's lucky to be employed and believe it or not, I don't listen to him every day, because it does get tiresome listening to angry women barking at him and hearing his arrogant retorts every day, but then again, I'm not really his demographic since I'm happily married with kids. but you do have to admit, guys are more likely to get laid more often if they are bastards than if they are nice guys. there are exceptions and he's not talking about having a relationship, he's talking purely about getting a piece of ass. Click to expand Gotta agree with that. Sure as DB says "A confident man is always attractive, an asshole is not." and I've heard this from many women so it must be true... [Link]
lou sapphire Member Take the plan, spin it sideways. 685 Posts 9/02	Posted - Oct 20 2002 : 12:16AM ill go with #2 send her to a therapist to correct the rest!! hee hee [Link]
tricia_devereaux Evil Angel DVD Patience is a virtue, but who wants to be virtuous? 4283 Posts 4/00	Posted - Oct 20 2002 : 4:45PM a female opinion: it will never work long-term with #2. You'll end up hating her later if you barely like her now. with #1, it may not work either, but it's not like you have to decide whether or not to marry her tomorrow. Give it time. If you can't deal with it, you can always break it off later. As for Tom Leykis, I cannot stand listening to him. IMO, he's 10 more obnoxious than Howard Stern, which is saying an awful lot. And I had seen his picture before, which made me like him even less. I mean, Ryan Seachrest is annoying as all hell, but at least he's a hottie. Oh, and the money thing (forget which of you said money goes a long way towards getting girls in the sack) - I would never date a guy just for his money. I would have to like all other things about him too. Money can disappear very quickly. Then you're left with what's really there. A person that you're not really attracted to? [Link]
astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99	Posted - Oct 23 2002 : 10:47PM I dated both #1 and #2 in college. Actually #2 dumped me because I was involved with campus ministry at the time and wouldn't sleep with her. I wanted something more and she just became a bigger and bigger b!tch. Like Tricia pointed out, feelings grow stronger over time. The things you love about a person will grow as will the things you don't. Also, how much of your time together do you spend having sex as compared to not having sex? #1 I'm guessing wouldn't have been that wild in bed, but everything else grew over time, which strengthens the entire relationship. I figure as long as they're not convinced that they're the world's greatest lover and are willing to learn, then there's not a problem. For all you know, she thinks you're not that great in the sack and that there's plenty you need to work on too. [Link]

mookiemeister Super Cool Dude 181 Posts 7/02	Posted - Oct 30 2002 : 9:46PM Pick the first girl. Because I think it's harder to change a person's personality than her sexual habit. So you will have better shot by being with first girl. Who knows? Her sex drive might crank up a notch or two just for you. "There are three ways to get to the top of the ladder: talent, luck, or being an asshole by stepping on someone's head. Most people on the top of the ladder are neither talented nor lucky." - Unknown [Link]
Manetho71 Member 185 Posts 9/02	Posted - Nov 7 2002 : 4:25PM Just in case anyone is still wondering, I've decided to go with #1. Thanks for all your concern! [Link]
DenverDon Benevolent Firmly Embedded in Depravity 5914 Posts 7/02	Posted - Nov 7 2002 : 5:18PM Congratulations Manetho, Wish you the best! DenverDon [Link]
tricia_devereaux Evil Angel DVD Patience is a virtue, but who wants to be virtuous? 4283 Posts 4/00	Posted - Nov 8 2002 : 1:24AM Yeah! Good luck! [Link]
astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99	Posted - Nov 8 2002 : 12:36PM Good for you, and good luck!!! [Link]
SQUIDMONKEY Ass Lord 446 Posts 8/02	Posted - Nov 13 2002 : 6:46AM Manetho, Just a little question.... Were you boning both these ladies at the same time??? SQUID [Link]
Manetho71 Member 185 Posts 9/02	Posted - Nov 13 2002 : 10:44AM Nope, never had a threesome. Just kidding... To answer your question, I was dating # 1 for a while, but we "took a break" and during that break I started sleeping with # 2. But # 1 and I ended up getting back together. I was never going back and forth between the two. [Link]
SQUIDMONKEY Ass Lord 446 Posts 8/02	Posted - Nov 13 2002 : 11:13AM Manetho, Glad to hear it!! It just seemed that you were jumping between the 2, and in effect "using them", but obviously you weren't so I'll take my nosey self elsewhere!! Glad to hear that you got it all sorted though, dealing with relationships can be a right pisser!! All the best SQUID [Link]