I liked Joslyn's stuff. Her hair was big. Something about her face encouraged the poking of her, which is like a natural talent. She was gearing up for Woods all along by banging the brothas in her movies. She was alright.
Then Gloria Alred got involved. Now look at Joslyn's hair. It's almost totally unboinkable hair, on purpose, like Gloria Alred's advice was "Hey, nobody's going to be sympathetic toward you if we do this press conference and you still have big hair that makes people want to bone you. You should change your look so that your appearance is nearly unbonable. I want you to look like a boneless chicken on TV. That way people will feel sorry for the formerly hot poon whom Tiger 'slapped and threw around the room' using only a nubian 7 iron."
In related news, Gloria hasn't acted like an actual lawyer for about 15 years now, but only follows the TV news vans around like an ambulance chaser who then stands by until the press realize they have no one to interview, which is when they start interviewing her by default, at which point she edges closer and closer to the victim of each case until she's suddenly standing in their living room and has started representing them without their knowledge or consent. Then most of the time the American peasants at the center of such a media swarm look and see that Gloria Alred is there making herself coffee in their kitchen and they gladly accept her as their media handler, thinking "I've really made it onto TV! I'm living the dream of being famous for no real reason! She's the proof!" What a kinky racket Gloria runs. She's more kinked than porn folk.
Back to Joslyn. She's really hurt, I gather. Thrusting text messages at us as hard as she once thrusted her hips. She was really hoping his penis was the one; while in his mind she was the seventy-two. She had mastered the concept of mistress but was completely unprepared for the reality of co-mistress. That's a shame. No really. As a mistress, you've got to know your game better than that. Look at how well Tiger knows his game. He always knew exactly which club he was going to use on her. He'd walk into the hotel room, inspect the lay, he'd see the curves of the vaginal landscape, and he'd select his penis as the instrument he was going to employ to get the job done. Always and at all times, his behavior was true to his mission statement: Get in the hole. I bet his father used to use FuturePoon as a motivator to get young Tiger to practice golf so hard. "Son, there's going to be so much stink, but not unless you work on your sand wedge! Remember, the only way you'll get into the sticky trap is by first mastering the sand trap!" And how goofy is the "sex addiction" explanation that only seems to affect rich famous people with PR problems since only they have the dinero to get their sex addiction scientifically verified when their dongs wander, all with the help of fake doctors who give Michael Jackson meds in their spare time. Where's my sex addiction rehab benefit, I'm looking through Congress' health care bill to see if sex addiction will now be universally covered, and it probably will be because health care is the democrats' final solution to throwing all of this nation's money into the toilet......
Obviously, this whole Tiger thing is a tragedy. The entire scandal just makes us all feel wrong....... soooo wrong! Penis in the news! It's almost as if 2010 is the year the media discovered black guys have dongs. If Joslyn ever grows out her long tresses again, imagine how big her comeback could be!!!!! Biggest comeback ever??? She could be that household name people are always asking about on here in those threads titled "Who's the next Jenna?" I hope she gets it back together emotionally and enjoys the rest of her media ride instead of spending it bitter or with a bad hairdo. And as for Tiger's triumphant return to golf, why would I want to watch ANYONE play golf, black or white, best golfer ever or not? No one ever addresses that question! Tiger has got everyone fooled into thinking he's doing something more, something greater than merely playing golf. But wait a minute, he's still just some dude playing a boring assed sport. It's not like he's doing trick shots and shirtlessly Britney Spears dancing with Hooters girls each time he beats par on a hole. It's just golf. How come nobody else sees that? I feel like the guy in that Twilight Zone episode where I'm the last person left who hasnt' been infected by Tiger fever. Oh, no! I can feel it happening now! I'm changing...... Get in,, Get,,, in the......'Get in the Hole! Get in the hole! Go Tiger Go!' Whatever. Keep the explicit text messages coming, at least that's entertaining.