Sex Survey-Cheating

Author	Post
vincevega Member 131 Posts 11/02	Posted - Jan 2 2008 : 7:39PM I saw this about cheating in a Sex Survey. "Surveys sound the alarm on what lovers are really doing, getting answers to questions like: Have you ever cheated? According to The New England Journal of Medicine, 68 percent of men and 59 percent of women have been involved with a person about whom their significant other does not know." Does anybody think these numbers seem a little high? [Link]
threesomebody Official BlowBang Judge Would you like my autograph? 2491 Posts 12/04	Posted - Jan 2 2008 : 8:03PM No. I think they are low. [Link]
jayo All-Star Member 2117 Posts 7/04	Posted - Jan 2 2008 : 9:39PM I think high, but who knows. [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Jan 2 2008 : 10:09PM the topic headline says 'sex survey', but the wording of that excerpt doesn't implicitly state that it is sex related. there any many ways to be "involved with a person about whom their significant other does not know" other than sexually. i would think that the rate of infidelity is quite high, though not necessarily on a continuing basis. [Link]
melpster Member 582 Posts 5/05	Posted - Jan 4 2008 : 9:24AM I agree. It needs to specify what exactly do they constitute as cheating. Some couples believe everything from phone sex to jerking off on the IM is the same as fucking another person in the flesh. And yet some couples don't. Every relationship defines cheating in their own terms, and even those in open marriages have their own boundaries. It seems a little too vague. [Link]

studioline Member 303 Posts 8/07	Posted - Jan 7 2008 : 7:52AM Cheating is getting involved with another woman on a level higher than the casual friendship. Therefore, internet chatting is cheating. On the other hand, buying a massage or a sexual service from a female provider is merely professional and physical and cannot be cheating since it does not involve the man's emotions. [Link]
melpster Member 582 Posts 5/05	Posted - Jan 7 2008 : 8:47AM studioline wrote: Cheating is getting involved with another woman on a level higher than the casual friendship. Therefore, internet chatting is cheating. On the other hand, buying a massage or a sexual service from a female provider is merely professional and physical and cannot be cheating since it does not involve the man's emotions. Click to expand I suppose it is for some. I don't consider internet chatting cheating, and neither does my boyfriend. I don't consider any relationship I have with someone I only know online as anything on a level higher than what I have with my beloved of 20 years. But it varies from couple to couple, I imagine. [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Jan 7 2008 : 8:59AM studioline wrote: Cheating is getting involved with another woman on a level higher than the casual friendship. Therefore, internet chatting is cheating. On the other hand, buying a massage or a sexual service from a female provider is merely professional and physical and cannot be cheating since it does not involve the man's emotions. Click to expand is this sarcasm or hardcore douchebaggery? [Link]
studioline Member 303 Posts 8/07	Posted - Jan 7 2008 : 9:27AM ma meeshka wrote: is this sarcasm or hardcore douchebaggery? Click to expand If you do not respect members of this forum and debate your disagreement with them in a respectfull manner, you will be deactivated. [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Jan 7 2008 : 12:22PM Yuh huhhhhhhhhhhh. [Link]
BustdownGal Member 539 Posts 7/06	Posted - Jan 7 2008 : 4:50PM You will be deactivated. End of line. [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Jan 8 2008 : 6:44AM that doesn't answer my question. i honestly don't know whether that post is meant to be ironic, as in it's expressing sexist and morally dubious opinions as a joke, or if it's sincere. buying a massage or a sexual service from a female provider is merely professional and physical and cannot be cheating since it does not involve the man's emotions. Click to expand i'm meant to take this seriously? buying sexual service from another woman isn't cheating? because it doesn't involve the man's emotions? you can deactivate me if you like, but i was attempting to open up a dialogue, albeit in a crude way. chill out. [Link]
BustdownGal Member 539 Posts 7/06	Posted - Jan 8 2008 : 9:00AM Cheating is anything you are reluctant to tell your partner about. [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Jan 8 2008 : 9:12AM it's not that black and white. [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Jan 8 2008 : 12:45PM Nobody is interested in deactivating ma meeshka. [Link]

Kensington Chapp Senior Citizen Mine is the biggest. 610 Posts 7/07	Posted - Jan 8 2008 : 2:23PM BustdownGal wrote: Cheating is anything you are reluctant to tell your partner about. Click to expand Obviously a female wrote this. I'm reluctant to tell my partner that I watch porn. So I'm cheating? I could list a thousand things I'm reluctant to tell my partner about, butt I'd only be accused of straying into unrelated topics, like my secret fear of children. Studioline; My missus often gets away with things that I can't , simply because she's not "emotionally involved", whereas I am (apparently). Such as accepting drinks from and dancing with strangers, etc. Of course, my opinion doesn't count. It's not like a woman to be "emotionally involved", now is it? I really shouldn't be here [Link]
studioline Member 303 Posts 8/07	Posted - Jan 8 2008 : 3:32PM ma meeshka wrote: it's not that black and white. Click to expand Yes that's right. What is acceptable to some is unacceptable to others and vice versa. In my humble opinion, and generally speaking, where there are no emotions, there is no cheating. --- Edited by - studioline on 1/8/2008 3:58:09 PM [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Jan 8 2008 : 6:16PM lindi wrote: Nobody is interested in deactivating ma meeshka. Click to expand why the fuck not? [Link]
conquistador Deactivated User Hellhamster. 2947 Posts 10/03	Posted - Jan 8 2008 : 6:17PM I think mostly it is because we like you. EDIT: That and what you said wasn't actually disrespectful. You'll note this sounds whiny: If you do not respect members of this forum and debate your disagreement with them in a respectfull manner, you will be deactivated. Click to expand () While this: is this sarcasm or hardcore douchebaggery? Click to expand Asks a valid question, albeit in a harsh tone. He says when you asked him "bullshit, or not?". Edited by - conquistador on 1/8/2008 6:21:30 PM [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Jan 8 2008 : 6:44PM also, his definition of cheating didn't really 'clear up' mine and melpster's qualms with the original post. vincevega seems to have abandoned his own thread. maybe butch coolidge already got to him? [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Jan 8 2008 : 7:44PM There's no such thing as "sex that doesn't involve emotions". Sure, there's sex without love, but that's another matter entirely. There's no "being conscious" that doesn't involve emotions. We feel emotions even when we're asleep. [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Jan 8 2008 : 7:50PM Passion is emotion. If you didn't feel anything while having partner sex, what would be the point? You might as well masturbate. And even masturbation is emotional (as distinguished from teary or overwrought). [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Jan 9 2008 : 1:58AM it's arguable that you can exist without emotions. you would technically be a sociopath, but you could do it. [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Jan 9 2008 : 12:26PM ^^^ Sociopaths may not feel guilt, remorse, self-doubt, and the like, but I assume that they can experience pleasure and anger, for instance. We sometimes use the term "emotionless" in a loose sense as meaning cold or uncaring, but if someone's cold or uncaring during sex it's clearly reflective of an emotional state such as (but only for instance) anger or contempt. [Link]
Kensington Chapp Senior Citizen Mine is the biggest. 610 Posts 7/07	Posted - Jan 9 2008 : 2:35PM ma meeshka wrote: lindi wrote: Nobody is interested in deactivating ma meeshka. Click to expand why the fuck not? Click to expand Because your emo. [Link]

LubeNLuv Senior Member 1854 Posts 3/06	Posted - Jan 9 2008 : 6:08PM Since cheating fundamentally involves living a lie (usually to your spouse/SO), how in the hell can you believe a survey on the prevalence of cheating? [Link]
LubeNLuv Senior Member 1854 Posts 3/06	Posted - Jan 9 2008 : 6:13PM ma meeshka wrote: it's not that black and white. Click to expand Actually, cheating isn't defined by the cheater. It's defined by the cheatED. Cheaters WISH they could define it but since cheating inherently involves TWO people, there is the Cheater and the Cheated. [Link]
ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Jan 9 2008 : 8:40PM we need a definitive answer. from this man. joey greco. [Link]
RandomPrecision Senior Member Enjoy! 8175 Posts 3/06	Posted - Jan 10 2008 : 1:59AM vincevega wrote: 68 percent of men and 59 percent of women have been involved with a person about whom their significant other does not know." Does anybody think these numbers seem a little high? Click to expand No. [Link]
RandomPrecision Senior Member Enjoy! 8175 Posts 3/06	Posted - Jan 10 2008 : 2:02AM studioline wrote: Cheating is getting involved with another woman on a level higher than the casual friendship. Therefore, internet chatting is cheating. On the other hand, buying a massage or a sexual service from a female provider is merely professional and physical and cannot be cheating since it does not involve the man's emotions. Click to expand That is a very strange definition of cheating that I don't think many people would agree with. I think chatting with someone online is coming close. It indicates that they're tempted to do the deed but may not actually follow through. Actually fucking somebody else is cheating. [Link]
katsirk Member Crush on Greg....mmm 812 Posts 7/06	Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 5:18AM Fucking someone else isn't cheating unless you keep it a secret from your partner. [Link]
studioline Member 303 Posts 8/07	Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 8:09AM I've been happily married for many many years and we are very happy on all the levels. I even overheard her talking to her girlfriend about how much she felt satisfied at home sexually and emotionally. Unfortunately, this is not my case on the sexual level, my sexuality is just too wild to be tamed in a monogomous long term marriage. A sex provider offers the physical release, no strings attached, and no chit chat. I don't consider this as a betrayal to my marriage. [Link]
katsirk Member Crush on Greg....mmm 812 Posts 7/06	Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 8:22AM studioline wrote: I've been happily married for many many years and we are very happy on all the levels. I even overheard her talking to her girlfriend about how much she felt satisfied at home sexually and emotionally. Unfortunately, this is not my case on the sexual level, my sexuality is just too wild to be tamed in a monogamous long term marriage. A sex provider offers the physical release, no strings attached, and no chit chat. I don't consider this as a betrayal to my marriage. Click to expand Isn't monogamy an interesting concept? Ok, there are animals in this world who are monogamous, for example, geese stay with their mate for as long as they both shall live. The goose and the gander don't fuck around on each other. Man, however, always has, and always will. Yes, we can go into cultural histories and differences, but the fact remains the same. Now, for me, and my marriage, monogamy isn't as important as trust and honesty and motive. It's what is behind the stepping out that counts. It must be honest and mutual. [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 1:21PM ^^^ Well stated, katsirk. "Cheating" is when a partner in a relationship breaks an agreement of sexual exclusivity (whether explicit or tacit) with the other partner, whatever the nature of the agreed exclusivity may be. If sexual non-exclusivity has been agreed upon by a couple to one extent or another, then there's no cheating as long as the couple's rules have been followed. There's a big difference between not cheating and believing that your cheating is harmless or justified -- when a phrase like "I'm not really* cheating"* may come into play. Of course, if a couple's rules regarding fidelity are poorly articulated, a circumstance may arise that causes an honest and legitimate disagreement after the fact, but I'd guess that's a rare occurrence. [Link]
Joey Starr Senior Member Still wanking after all these years. 8082 Posts 10/00	Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 1:25PM vincevega wrote: I saw this about cheating in a Sex Survey. "Surveys sound the alarm on what lovers are really doing, getting answers to questions like: Have you ever cheated? According to The New England Journal of Medicine, 68 percent of men and 59 percent of women have been involved with a person about whom their significant other does not know." Does anybody think these numbers seem a little high? Click to expand Where exactly, the World, USA, California, Kandahar ??? [Link]

ma meeshka Iconoclastic Member 3939 Posts 4/06	Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 6:32PM studioline wrote: I don't consider this as a betrayal to my marriage. Click to expand does your wife know about it? [Link]
LubeNLuv Senior Member 1854 Posts 3/06	Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 6:49PM studioline wrote: I've been happily married for many many years and we are very happy on all the levels. I even overheard her talking to her girlfriend about how much she felt satisfied at home sexually and emotionally. Unfortunately, this is not my case on the sexual level, my sexuality is just too wild to be tamed in a monogomous long term marriage. A sex provider offers the physical release, no strings attached, and no chit chat. I don't consider this as a betrayal to my marriage. Click to expand Unless your marriage is unilateral, in that you define the nature of the marriage and all rules that govern same, your views on what is and isn't a betrayal are irrelevant. If your wife knows of your behavior, and condones and approves of it, it's not cheating. You have a non-traditional marriage perhaps, but it's not cheating. Again, cheating is defined by the CHEATED, not you. I wonder what she would say about your behaviors. Universally, however, all cheaters tend to rationalize their actions. Cheating is, after all, about meeting your own needs first. It's selfish behavior if done without regard for the welfare for the other parties involved. If the other parties don't mind...then have at it. [Link]
Pagoda Senior Member Thread Killer 1747 Posts 10/05	Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 7:15PM katsirk wrote: Fucking someone else isn't cheating unless you keep it a secret from your partner. Click to expand I agree with this, however... the truth can't be told after the fact. At least the first time. My husband can't come home and say, "Oh, by the way, I fucked Barbie from the office," and have me be okay with it. I don't know Barbie. I don't know what kind of cooties she's got incubating in her crotch. He can't expect to touch my body after a revelation like that, without going to the clinic first for a full STD screening. And that's IF I decide to forgive him for being such a thoughtless ass. On the other hand, if says to me, "Honey, I really dig this chick at work. She's hot. I want to fuck her," that opens up a dialogue. We can discuss this. He can make a decision based on honest communication. And if I give my blessing, he better stay honest about it. He better tell me every time. He better not lie about where he's at or who he's with. And if his relationship with her is getting complicated; if he's falling out of love with me, he needs to man-up and let me know. Maybe I'd be cool with polyamory. He's a great guy with a big heart. His love can increase exponentially to include many people. I absolutely wouldn't tolerate secrecy or selfishness. He couldn't spend all his time out of the house, neglecting our kids. If he wasn't home to raise them, then he could get the hell out and stay out. I just realized this post belongs in the Drunk Thread. [Link]
katsirk Member Crush on Greg....mmm 812 Posts 7/06	Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 8:04PM Well said Pagoda... In addition, motive is a huge factor for me. Your home life, your sexual life with your loved one, must be in tact. If someone is stepping out because he or she doesn't take care of business at home, then there is a problem. The sex part, to me, isn't the part of cheating that concerns me. Deception and secrecy, to me, is cheating. [Link]
Kensington Chapp Senior Citizen Mine is the biggest. 610 Posts 7/07	Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 8:27PM katsirk wrote: Fucking someone else isn't cheating unless you keep it a secret from your partner. Click to expand So if I bang some randomer and tell the missus how great it was, then it's not cheating, so she can't say anything? I had my fun and that's all that matters. [Link]
katsirk Member Crush on Greg....mmm 812 Posts 7/06	Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 8:32PM Kensington Chapp wrote: katsirk wrote: Fucking someone else isn't cheating unless you keep it a secret from your partner. Click to expand So if I bang some randomer and tell the missus how great it was, then it's not cheating, so she can't say anything? I had my fun and that's all that matters. Click to expand You just don't get it, do you? [Link]
Pagoda Senior Member Thread Killer 1747 Posts 10/05	Posted - Jan 11 2008 : 9:11PM Kensington Chapp, I can't speak for your wife. I can only speak for myself. And as someone who has been cheated upon, I have come to my own definition of cheating. In my case, the sense of betrayal stemmed from the secrecy; from the realization that I was duped. Nobody wants to feel like a chump, and I don't have any respect for somebody that can't tell me what he wants regardless of the consequences. This is my definition of cheating. And my own personal standards differ from anybody else's. [Link]
RandomPrecision Senior Member Enjoy! 8175 Posts 3/06	Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 1:23AM katsirk wrote: Fucking someone else isn't cheating unless you keep it a secret from your partner. Click to expand Well, that's what I meant. Generally, partners aren't OK with it. Some are but they tend to be unique relationships. It takes a really strong person to be in an open relationship. [Link]
katsirk Member Crush on Greg....mmm 812 Posts 7/06	Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 1:31AM RandomPrecision wrote: katsirk wrote: Fucking someone else isn't cheating unless you keep it a secret from your partner. Click to expand Well, that's what I meant. Generally, partners aren't OK with it. Some are but they tend to be unique relationships. It takes a really strong person to be in an open relationship. Click to expand I'm with ya, RP. [Link]
BlackSix All-Star Member pornography wasn't sex but fantasies of an impossibly hospitable world 12377 Posts 9/07	Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 4:16AM Every friend of mine who tried to have an 'open relationship' ended up having a nervous breakdown within the year. Just saying. [Link]
Kensington Chapp Senior Citizen Mine is the biggest. 610 Posts 7/07	Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 6:06AM katsirk wrote: You just don't get it, do you? Click to expand Ah, here. I just put what you said into practical terms. (walks off muttering) I had my fun and that's all that matters. [Link]
Gentleman Jon All-Star Member 1881 Posts 6/05	Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 9:00AM Chapp, you also made that post after katsirk had already endorsed that great post by Pagoda. katsirk was irritated that you ignored the exchange between herself and Pagoda that had already answered your question. [Link]
Kensington Chapp Senior Citizen Mine is the biggest. 610 Posts 7/07	Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 11:29AM (long sigh) I read everything in the whole thread, GJ. There's a misunderstanding here as to what I was actually asking - since both kat & GJ don't get it, it must be my fault for not making it clearer. Actually, kat wrote her initial statement before Pagoda responded to the thread at all; I was merely responding to that statement. GJ said that kat's exchange with pagoda answered my question; if it did, why would I ask the damn question? GJ assumed I either didn't read or ignored the ladies' exchange. Pagoda's post was about it being okay for a man to bang another woman as long as he sought & obtained consent from his other half first. I was talking about if a man had extra-marital sex with another woman and then told his wife; according to kat's logic in her initial statement, that would make it ok. I had my fun and that's all that matters. [Link]
studioline Member 303 Posts 8/07	Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 4:36PM ANALYZE THIS Dr. Ben Sobel: What happened with your wife last night? Boss Paul Vitti: I wasn’t with my wife, I was with my girlfriend. Dr. Ben Sobel: Are you having marriage problems? Boss Paul Vitti: No. Dr. Ben Sobel: Then why do you have a girlfriend? Boss Paul Vitti: What, are you gonna start moralizing on me? Dr. Ben Sobel: No, I’m not, I’m just trying to understand, why do you have a girlfriend? Boss Paul Vitti: I do things with her I can’t do with my wife. Dr. Ben Sobel: Why can’t you do them with your wife? Boss Paul Vitti: Hey, that’s the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy? [Link]
melpster Member 582 Posts 5/05	Posted - Jan 12 2008 : 10:19PM Pagoda wrote: Kensington Chapp, I can't speak for your wife. I can only speak for myself. And as someone who has been cheated upon, I have come to my own definition of cheating. In my case, the sense of betrayal stemmed from the secrecy; from the realization that I was duped. Nobody wants to feel like a chump, and I don't have any respect for somebody that can't tell me what he wants regardless of the consequences. This is my definition of cheating. And my own personal standards differ from anybody else's. Click to expand Your definition sounds pretty much identical to mine. [Link]
studioline Member 303 Posts 8/07	Posted - Jan 15 2008 : 10:29AM Cheating is as an act of lying, deception, fraud, trickery, imposture, or imposition. Cheating characteristically is employed to create an unfair advantage, usually in one's own interest, and often at the expense of others. So where is cheating if I get some throbing in another location every once in a while? --- Edited by - studioline on 1/23/2008 9:48:53 AM [Link]