I would say that you might try to view sex as you view other interactions with other people, like conversation. I speak to many men. To the grocery store bagboy, it's only "Paper, please." To friends, something more involved, less casual. And with my husband, my heart is opened up. I had casual sex with guys, and it was different from the depth of opening heart and soul to my husband.

It sounds like your girlfriend is trying to open her heart to you to see if you accept and love what she is, not some idealized idea of a fakey-her that you could *imagine* her to be. She's giving you her trust, confiding in you, trusting that you love her as she is.

You might be up to it. Kind of depends on how insecure you allow yourself to be. There are no guarantees.

How did it work out for my husband and me? We've been married 23 years, no infidelities (and no fudging, like "oral doesn't count). I kind of think it helps that I didn't want kids and we've traveled all over the world together and stuff, and that we are very sexually active. Like I say, no guarantees for you. But you don't get any guarantees if you fall in love with a virgin, either.

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Anyway, it was a hard period in the beginning, and looking back, four years later, I must say I don't understand why I stayed in it, because she was acting pretty weird. But later I have understood she was just going through some sort of phase, and she is the best girlfriend she could ever be and has proved to deserve all my trust.

If I was going to start a new relationship, I think I'd be happy just knowing she wasn't a total slut. I wouldn't try to find out any details, because that's just disturbing to think about.

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Sounds like you worked through it though, yes? What would you have done differently if you could have done it over?

A friend of mine went through almost the same exact thing, except different ending where the woman was in a nine year relationship and when it ended he hooked up with her for a period of six months. He had only been with a couple of women, but in the space of six weeks, she had had sex with almost 20 men, had some tat's put on her, nipple rings and went through the bi-thing. All the while he tried to hang on while she went through her phase, which I can honestly say I do understand because I have heard this so many times before from women in long-term relationships. A few years later I hooked up with her after she had once again landed into a relationship and she said that she was just experimenting and that she was sorry that Jason (my friend) got involved with her at that time because while he was really a sweet guy, he just wasn't what she needed at the time.

Also -- like you, he had asked (I don't know about demanded) that she tell him about her sexual flings. Every time she told him, it was like a huge blow to him somehow. I can clearly remember him being almost clinically depressed about her sexual experimentations.

I agree about the new relationship thing. I'm pretty much happy if the woman isn't a total slut, although I do enjoy the woman having experience, I just not interested in knowing the details of how she got that experience. :-)

~Londo

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