"would you as the average, normal guy consider dating a porn star accept what she's doing for a living?"
Of course I would just so long as she understands that she needs me to save her and that the only acceptable pornography for her to take part in while she's with me is the educational kind. Heck, I wouldn't even want her to do that. Maybe we could just have sex in my limo on the way home from the prom.
Oh, wait. That's just The Girl Next Door , which was already mentioned by Eric381 in the fourth post in this thread.
Seriously though, having that question asked by Katja Kassin in a thread with responses from Avy Scott (!), Kami Andrews, and Terri Summers makes me want to answer yes, but the truth is I would have just as much trouble dealing with a serious girlfriend doing porn for a living as Ben Affleck's character in Chasing Amy does in dealing with his girlfriend's extensive sexual past.
LOL, i don't know if I fall into that category, but i would.
not saying it would be all that easy, but would it be worth it to find someone i get along with, accept me for being a nut, can trust, etc...
that is the real trick. can one accept them or you not. I may not be having sex on film, but i have had my share of wild nights and would hope any chick that wanted to date me wouldn't hold my past (as in Chasing Amy) against me as i wouldn't hold their present(life of porn) against them.too much glam is never enough. werd.
Monstar wrote: "that is the real trick. can one accept them or you not. I may not be having sex on film, but i have had my share of wild nights and would hope any chick that wanted to date me wouldn't hold my past (as in Chasing Amy) against me as i wouldn't hold their present(life of porn) against them."
It's one of those things where I consider the hypothetical situation and pretty much know that I wouldn't be able to handle a girlfriend doing porn for a living but think I should. Then part of me knows I wouldn't and thinks that if it were a serious relationship maybe I shouldn't thus making me a hypocrit (you have no problem watching that girl in porn, but if she were your serious girlfriend you'd want her to stop?).
Of course, I've never even met a single porn star...unless you consider the girl on my campus who has her own webcam site a porn star.
Imagine the horror on their face as their little angel brings home this monstrosity with the wild hair, make-up and glitter everywhere, black leather...oh i'm sure it's a scene.
oddly enough most parents have loved me. LOL.
I have only met 2 Pornstar moms that i remember, Alexis Amore's Mom & Sunny Lane's Mom and I liked them. both were amazingly kool...then again i wasn't dating their daughters.
that's how i roll.I know what you mean....and FOR ME, PERSONALLY, I can deal with certain things, and not others. I don't want to get too into it here, i need not aspects of my love life put on blast. But in general, If you know what the girls does getting into it, at the end of the day, you gotta accept her for who she is and what she does, or not at all....
and not to de-rail the thread too much, I'll bring it back by saying that, quite honestly, any girl in the industry that i am tight with, i think i could have meet the old woman and not have her be any the wiser...Taryn, The Storm, CourtStar, Eva, Benz, Kim..
i do not know if i am weird or not, but i always have the dream of having a pornstar girlfriend or wife. also i must admit that you can only really know how would you feel by living it, but i not only would accept it but would love to help her with her career. hot kisses Katja and keep getting nastier baby, you rock!!!
Me, personally, I would accept dating a porn star. I would support her decision to work in the adult entertainment industry if that is what she wants to do. As long as she is a good girlfriend or a good wife, then everything is secondary.
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Eric381 Deactivated User
What are you looking at? It 2452 Posts 3/05
Posted - Mar 4 2006 : 9:21PM
As I'm sure so many can claim...you say it, but do you really mean it? The old addage "actions speak louder than words" would best be applied to this situation me thinks.
Nothing says I love you so much as a tongue in the ass. 2884 Posts 1/03
Posted - Mar 4 2006 : 9:35PM
Does it occur to anyone that a lot of the women performers probably don't want a man who "accepts" what they do? That they want to be swept off their feet and carried off into a monogamous sunset? They can throw a dollar on the sidewalk and take their pick of the suitcase pimps diving after it. The only acceptance required is that of their past.
Accept - anything far out from society's usual bounds will need somebody to adjust to it. Can't do the sweeping until then.
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Eric381 Deactivated User
What are you looking at? It 2452 Posts 3/05
Posted - Mar 4 2006 : 11:12PM
Interesting point for those who so badly wish they could date a pornstar.
Personally, I prefer the pooch to bring the newspaper to me. If it's worthy of current events, I'd gladly hang onto it as long as it isn't going to cost more than $.50 daily ($1 on Sundays). And hopefully, like the newspaper, they don't send me to the recycling bin when they're done with me. Pornstar or not...that's all I seek in someone from the opposite gender. Personally, it's not that I'd accept what my better half does for a living (or did), I just wouldn't care.
Hypothetically speaking, her vocation wasn't my choice. What WAS my choice was to frequent/date her, and realize that if my control over her vocation becomes an issue, problems should arise understandably. That's the point when most guys should just walk away...but that "control" sets in, unfortunately, me thinks.
When a job becomes an issue of conflict between couples, much less something involving sex, I'm sure there can is (more often than not) tension within, regardless how well it's hidden.
It varies from person to person. If the porn girl wants to leave porn she will leave porn. The argument that a porn star is waiting for some guy to sweep them off their feet and take them away from porn is pure fantasy and unrealistic. These girls can think for themselves, they don't need a boyfriend or a husband to tell them to stop doing porn. From what I hear in the adult industry, a lot of relationship fail because the boyfriend/husband becomes controlling and wants her to quit porn.
I know who I am. I am not saying I would date "any" porn girl just because she is in porn. Like any relationship both people should communicate with each other to determine what they both want out of the relationship. Yes, I would accept that she fucks for a living; but when she is off work, when she is with me, I expect her to behave like a girlfriend or wife and shower me with attention and affection and this is vice versa. Obviously, if she is fucking other men(or women) that is not part of her XXX job, then, that I would have a problem with.
yeah but when you are swept of your feet, it can be very possible that your priorities change, and you just dont enjoy your job anymore, it can be that your new love totally agrees, but it just doesnt feel right anymore. and the whole work is work attitude can change. but for others it doesnt matter, and they have no problems. for most boyfriends who are not in porn it does turn in to a problem, or which happens even more, they become their 'manager'...
Nothing says I love you so much as a tongue in the ass. 2884 Posts 1/03
Posted - Mar 5 2006 : 5:42PM
Even if they have minds of their own, and there's plenty of anecdotal evidence to suggest that there's a significant percentage of women in porn who don't, how many months of being cornholed four times a week does it take before a woman realizes that she can't do this job in perpetuity and is looking for an excuse to opt out? Doesn't it at least partially explain some of the abrupt departures we've all wondered about? And most of humanity can't separate sex from love. If you're going out with a woman who fucks other men and you're ok with it, she just might feel that you don't love her enough to want her for yourself if you don't ask her to stop. That's just human nature.
Do some women in porn dream of a life in which they are loved by one man and the "porn world" is no longer part of their lives? Probably but to say that women in porn want someone to "sweep them off their feet and take them away from the industry" is WAY to simplistic.
I mean if that was a generally true statement then why do most relationships occur within the industry? It is the "civilian" ones that tend to be rather rare. So to say that women in the industry are looking for that type of guy isn't really supported by the evidence.
That being said Terri is right. Very few people in todays society can handle the reality of a serious relationship in the industry. I know I could not sit on set and watch my significant other have sex with someone else. The "Jerry Butler?" story not withstanding.
Nothing says I love you so much as a tongue in the ass. 2884 Posts 1/03
Posted - Mar 5 2006 : 6:12PM
I didn't mean it as a blanket statement. Relationships within the industry have an inherent balance that doesn't get tested until one of the partners is looking to change careers or lifestyles. There are also plenty of people devoted to the swinging lifestyle and I'm sure there are pornstars among them.
You made valid points and I don't disagree with you. Don't get me wrong, I don't support any female getting into the porn industry. If it was my decision I would not let my g/f or wife work in porn. Would I want other men and women sleeping with my spouse, of course not. But, if, I, as the b/f or husband ask her to quit the business and she refuses, what else can I do in short of breaking up? I assume that if you are in love with the person you wouldn't want to break up and lose her...So the alternative option is to love her unconditionally, even if it means making a personal scarifice, which you are making. The whole becoming her "manager" an euphemism for "suitcase pimp" is a whole separate topic altogther. My thinking is that the special guy in her life has honorable intentions and is good to her.
but hey if she quits porn and they live happily ever after, we all would not even be having this discussion
Lets say you are right. Maybe that is the problem, maybe some of the girls in porn should be able to make rational and smart decisions "independent" of the influence around them. If a girl can't think for herself to leave porn, if that is what she really wants, but is waiting for some man to tell her to quit porn, I highly doubt that she will be in a healthy relationship with the men she picks. It just seems that she has a co-dependence problem(relying on other people instead of herself) with her life.
Nothing says I love you so much as a tongue in the ass. 2884 Posts 1/03
Posted - Mar 5 2006 : 8:07PM
You're missing the point. This is about someone using an event or circumstance to signal a moving on of their life. It could be a torn asshole or broken jaw. Unless a woman feels that she's going to be in the sex industry for the rest of her wage earning years, she always knows that the day will come when she's going to ride off into the sunset. Romance would be one of the possible harbingers of change. It doesn't have to be about being directed to do something.
After reading this post you wrote, I know I got it correctly the first time. I find it laughable that you believe romance is the be all and end all. You do realize that in the United States the divorce rate is high. People simply don't change for the better or people simply don't make smarter decisions regarding money, their life, or whatever as soon as they get "married". Marriage is not the cure or answer for leaving porn. I think the answer for leaving porn is when the girl feels so shitty and degraded from getting bukkake by like ten guys that is WHEN she should leave porn, not use "marriage" as an excuse or to measure when she will quit porn. My god, there are some girls in the porn industry who are mothers. If she wants to quit porn she should think of the example she is making for her sons or daughters. What should the former porn girl do when she happens to divorce? Go back into making double anal films because she is no longer married??
I give up too. I forgot what the hell we were talking about. This is the inherent weakness of talking on a message board, miscommunication. This will probably be my only attempt of having a remotely intellectual conversation related to porn.
Its very hard dating someone in the industry even if you are in the industry as well. I accepted my girlfriend's career when I first met her, but then again I wasnt in love with her then so it was much easier. Working as a lawyer in the industry isnt quite the same, but I knew the rules going in and I wasnt about to ask her to change.
When we started becoming more serious, she made the decision on her own to stop boy-girl and switch to girl-girl only. It wasnt even raised by me.
Shes now been out of the industry for awhile, again on her own accord, and has no desire to get back into it. However, I still represent talent and now she's the one with the jealousy issues.
Funny how things come full circle. Either way, when one partner is in and the other isnt without question, there will be issues. Its only natural. The question is can you overcome them.
Michael
Edited by - pornlaw on 3/6/2006 12:51:31 AM
Edited by - pornlaw on 3/6/2006 12:52:24 AM
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Eric381 Deactivated User
What are you looking at? It 2452 Posts 3/05
Posted - Mar 6 2006 : 9:37PM
And help us out with that one...to the open-minded individual...what example would that be? And why should they care what everyone else thinks?
It sounds like you're another anti-porn advocate personally...in whatever capacity, I dunno. I highly doubt that they'll have the most ideal life outside of porn, but for some reason you're also proposing they'll face strife & persistent shunning from their peers once it's discovered they've done porn in a past life? People who aren't open enough to understand the work another does, really have no place judging them for it.
It's like smoking pot...you don't have the right to bitch about it unless you've tried it.
I liken dating a pornstar to the old two women and me fantasy.
It works quite well in fantasy, but i probably couldn't handle the reality of it! (I'm just now getting use to disappointing one woman at a time...why compound it?
LOL...please, me, anti-porn, yea right. I like porn as much as the next guy. Why would I be anti-porn if I like jerking off to my favorite adult actresses? How you read my post and interpret it as anti-porn is beyond me. Despite what you think of porn actresses or porn stars, no matter how wonderful they are as individuals; there will be a stigma associated with them because of their porn history. I am not saying they are bad people, but what they do will have consquences on their children's lives if they choose to have them(if they dont already have children). The severtiy of the consquences, I dont know. But, my main point is that as a "parent" you are setting an example for your children to follow, so if you're a dead beat or abusive father, a neglectful mother, or a mother who does porn(currently) for better or for worst, it sets an example to your children. I don't oppose porn, but would I want my daughter to follow her mother's footstep and do porn, hell NO. Would I want my daughter or sister to do porn, hell NO. But, does that mean I am against porn, hell NO! Unless of course, you dont have a problem with your daughter choosing to do porn, then, you and I are two different people.
You're trying to equate parental behavior which directly affects the child - abusive, neglectful, with social status, which only does so indirectly. Good parents can help their children cope with low social status, while good social status does nothing to help children cope with abusive parents.
Yes and No...but since what you said was pretty straightforward I won't rebuttal. There is so much I want to say, but I don't feel like writing a book.
I would have had no problems bringing a porn girl home to my parents many years ago. I would not have told them! I would have been economical with the truth!
Nowadays, many girls sell sex in more subtle ways (occasional escorting, 'glamor' photoshoots, stripping) without actually going so far as to star in a porn film. Any parent who closes his/her eyes to the reality of this is deluding themselves. My very pretty daughter did a little stripping to make up her University payments when times where tough at home. It did her no harm at all - she actually enjoyed it as she had total control over when, where, and how often she performed. And she told us about it. I suspect there may have been some punters as well but this she did not admit. I guess she was economical with the truth! She is now a dentist.
Parents delude themselves all the time. They also want better for their children and want to believe their children are both better than that and more deserving (and able to get what they deserve) than that.
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Eric381 Deactivated User
What are you looking at? It 2452 Posts 3/05
Posted - Mar 9 2006 : 12:52AM
The word "consequences" is such a dirty word applied to the situation, although I do like your use of the word "stigma" instead.
FWIW, I don't care what my children (when that day comes)do in their lives, as long as it makes them happy. As a parent, I have no reason to be less proud if my daughter wants to fuck on-screen for a living then she would want to be a hotshot lawyer or doctor.
John Pype, kudos to your daughter...who turned what is supposedly such a volatile career choice into something that she still makes great money on, and can continue to do so for many years. And, she probably got her bills paid off quickly by stripping. Smart kid, if you ask me...and on the flip side, you sound like a proud father, regardless what she did to "make it". It's a shame she didn't do porn, jokingly, her new career could give new meaning to "oral hygenist"
Croy, Jeff Foxworthy did a wonderful piece years ago about those types of parents. His use of the word "shit" caught me by surprise as much as the photo that was allegedly flashed in his storied punchline.
Immensely proud. Just for the record, she stopped stripping in the year of her final dentistry exams. 'Unprofessional conduct' I think is the term which would apply. She misses it though...she enjoyed the other girls and did it for kicks as well as the money.
I've been given the gift of being able to choose a porn star to pursue a serious long-term relationship with??!! In that case, I definitely choose Sunny Leone!
Based on interviews as well as personal knowledge, Sunny is not only as sweet and charming as she is beautiful(and she is VERY beautiful!), she's a smart businesswoman as well. Sunny has a good sense of who she is, and what she's willing(and not willing)to do. Sunny is upfront about how she makes a living and does not apologize for it, not even to her own parents - so I don't imagine she'd be too concerned about possibly upsetting my parents. Still, I'm sure she has enough acting talent to portray herself however she'd like to.
As long as we are bending reality to suit our fantasies, on behalf of myself and the lovely Sunny, I'd like to cordially invite all of you to attend our lavish yet tasteful wedding reception. ;)
Place and time still to be determined...
Sunny's official website: http://www.sunnyleone.com
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deadmanwade Deactivated User
161 Posts 9/09
Posted - Mar 17 2010 : 3:27PM
As i get older i begin to think that had i my last ten years to do over i would have gone to work in porn myself and dated only pornstars and prostitutes - it feels more and more like a life i missed out on in favour of respectability. That said, i'd then have had no shame in bringing any girl home to meet my folks, and as such showing them footage of us fucking professionally or even in person. If they didn't like that, fuck 'em. I know i'd be happy so what the hell. Avy Scott Jassie Tia Ling Rayveness Rachel Starr Flick Shagwell Lisa Marie Michelle B Sasha Grey Stoya Julie Silver Helena Sweet Hydie Waters Maria Ozawa Nothing but pride to have them on my arm frankly.
At this stage I think my mother would be ecstatic if I was in a serious long-term relationship with anyone. It wouldn't matter if my hypothetical porn star girlfriend came home dressed in florescent fishnets, 8" heel stripper shoes, and not much else; mum would still be planning the wedding.
^LOL, Dave! I hope you find someone soon (if you want to find someone, that is). And there are soooo many women in porn who don't look like the exaggerated porn stereotype. Think of retired Kacey, Sandy Sweet, Sunny Leone, Madelyn Marie, Bobbi Starr, Tori Black, Tanner Mays, Jenna Haze, Sasha Grey, etc., etc., etc. I could literally name dozens if not hundreds of women. Edited by - scissorme on 3/17/2010 7:06:02 PM Edited by - scissorme on 3/17/2010 7:08:08 PM
AWWWWWWW ..... I'm so honored ! LOL ... thank you sweety ! tia ling
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john_qyoo_public Deactivated User
265 Posts 7/05
Posted - Mar 27 2010 : 7:17PM
I was going to say the opposite, sorta - that I'm having a hard time thinking of any stars who don't look like sluts. Jenni Lee, I suppose. Kacey, Sandy Sweet, Tori Black, Jenna Haze, Sasha Grey may all have a nice sweet look about them compared to the rest of the roster, but they look like sluts to me. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just think it's interesting that sluts for pay almost always look like sluts for pay. Edited by - john_qyoo_public on 3/27/2010 7:18:13 PM
Even when they're in their street clothes, without the porn make-up? Going on tweeted candid shots, some of the women in my office look more like 'sluts for pay' than a typical porn star does off set. I doubt many porn stars really fit the stereotype or stand out that much when they're shopping for groceries, not even the ones with a super slutty porn persona.
(I'm just now getting use to disappointing one woman at a time...why compound it?