What Would You Do? (long)

Author	Post
TedtheBellhop Member 767 Posts 6/09	Posted - Oct 27 2009 : 6:18PM The last few weeks or so, my sex life with my SO has been basically dormant (and it seemed like it had been getting REALLY GOOD right before that). We've been very stressed about the pending nuptials and a multitude of other things. Last night we had a two hour long discussion about "feelings"... again, every man's favorite subject. Anyway, this lead into a discussion about how the stress becomes a circular problem with our sex life. She said she had been thinking about it. She mentioned that she liked spontaneity, but recognized that with our busy lives and her OCD habit of planning every second of every day, the gaps between opportunities for spontaneity were too great. She did mention that when we were in a long-distance relationship, she enjoyed the anticipation of knowing it was coming, but not knowing exactly what we were going to do. When talking about figuring out a way to combine planning and spontaneity, she mentioned the thigh-high nylons that she wears almost never. Knowing that she isn't crazy about the garter that goes with nylons, I had a suggestion. Here is how the conversation went from there: Me: "We should get a pair of fishnets that don't require a belt." Her: "For you?" she said with a chuckle. Me: Laughing nervously "Well... I've told you before that I would try almost anything if it would turn you on... but I think I would just be laughing the entire time." Her: "That's what would make it fun." Me: Quickly changed the subject. Like many guys, I miss many obvious clues at times and other times I read too much into small details. I might be doing that here. She's mentioned "fisting" before, but that was during sex and I think it may have been bedroom dirty-talk to get me going. What made this different was that she very rarely mentions anything about what turns her on when she isn't already turned on, and I'm pretty sure that was the case here. Here are my questions: Should I bring the subject up again or wait for her to do it? While I am a very kinky guy and have found myself into many aspects of cuckolding/hotwife scenarios, wearing women's underwear has never been something I have ever been interested in. Should I try it anyway? She has been very willing to try new things with me, so I almost feel like I owe it to her to try it at least once. If I do try it, could this be a backdoor (so to speak) into some of the cuckolding/hotwife scenarios that I desire? Please let me know what you think. That is unless you plan on telling me I'm fake or making things up. I'm not a liar. I just don't know where else to turn with these kinds of questions. [Link]
BYOB_Kenobi Senior Member “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” - Kierkegaard 2684 Posts 8/09	Posted - Oct 27 2009 : 9:16PM Edited by - BYOB_Kenobi on 10/30/2009 2:17:16 AM [Link]
Kimi Lixx Senior Member 2012 Posts 6/01	Posted - Oct 27 2009 : 9:34PM Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. "I miss spontaneity." is frequently code for "I'm not having fun." Both with men and women. I'm not saying she doesn't have a fantasy of seeing you in frilly undies, but I'm guessing the simpler answer is she just wants to have fun sex that isn't planned or routine and isn't focused on strengthening the relationship, seducing anyone, special sexual gratification or any other particular thing. Seriously, girls just wanna have fun. [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Oct 28 2009 : 2:17AM If you want to know whether she actually wants you wear fishnets while you fuck her, you should just ask her. If you want to know whether she actually wants you to fist her, you should just ask her. Pardon the pun, but don't beat around the bush. Seize the opportunity to be direct and to encourage her to be direct. It's a good beginning to long-term happiness. * * * Of course, if you don't want to know, then don't ask. [Link]
JahGentle Member 64 Posts 9/09	Posted - Oct 28 2009 : 10:12AM im with Bob [Link]

lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Oct 28 2009 : 11:27AM Discussing feelings blah blah can wait a wee bit. Watch Rocky Horror Picture Show with your girl. See if it turns your girl on. If it does, enjoy. Next time, you can assume the attitude and maybe strut in the fishnets without the giggles. [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Oct 28 2009 : 11:28AM 'Cuz, why not? [Link]
BYOB_Kenobi Senior Member “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” - Kierkegaard 2684 Posts 8/09	Posted - Oct 28 2009 : 11:46AM 86 my prior post. Listen to the people who are/have married. [Link]
Bobcat Senior Member 1490 Posts 2/08	Posted - Oct 28 2009 : 12:47PM Having sex with your gf whilst you wear a pair of fishnet stay-ups is going to be a great sexual experience for you both??? Sounds pretty lame to me, I think you should go "the whole hogg", you wear her clothes and make up, she yours, then get her to do you in the butt with a strap-on. [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Oct 28 2009 : 9:56PM ^^^ I'm sure that TedtheBellhop appreciates your really constructive post. [Link]
jayo All-Star Member 2117 Posts 7/04	Posted - Oct 28 2009 : 10:08PM Friend of mine was once in a distance relationship--she saw her man on the weekends. She told me that because of the routine, it was getting to where she wasn't in the mood on the weekends and had to force it. She was getting horny on Wednesday nights instead. Some people get bored with routines, whether it's intentional or not. [Link]
Bobcat Senior Member 1490 Posts 2/08	Posted - Oct 29 2009 : 8:36AM Bob wrote: ^^^ I'm sure that TedtheBellhop appreciates your really constructive post. Click to expand Your post leads me to think that in your opinion I'm not being constructive? Well...., if you can take your head from out of your ass for two minutes, I'll explain my reasoning; whenever I've done roleplay/sex games I've found that the first time on any particular scenario to give the biggest buzz, so I'd suggest push the bonderies from the outset rather than building something up, hope that makes my point a little clearer :) [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Oct 29 2009 : 10:22AM ^^^ The word "lame" in your original post pretty much said it all. Anyway, back to the thread. [Link]
TedtheBellhop Member 767 Posts 6/09	Posted - Oct 29 2009 : 11:20AM Kimi, I'm thinking you're probably right. Women are so complicated. For example, I love cunnilingus. I can do it for hours on end, and it honestly does more for me than receiving oral. I thought that was a great quality of me. Find out through discussions this week that I do it too much and I need to focus more on pre-foreplay. Sigh. I'm rambling, but what do you suggest to lighten things up and make it more fun? Bob, under most circumstances I would agree with your advice. However, my SO has been a life long "goody two shoes". Bringing up anything too abruptly can have a very negative impact. When discussing almost anything outside of the bedroom about sex usually gets an "eeewwww" type of response. [Link]
Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03	Posted - Oct 29 2009 : 5:08PM TedtheBellhop wrote: [M]y SO has been a life long "goody two shoes". Bringing up anything too abruptly can have a very negative impact. When discussing almost anything outside of the bedroom about sex usually gets an "eeewwww" type of response. Click to expand Ted, My advice wasn't aimed at getting any particular reaction from your SO, whether positive or negative, regarding either fisting or fishnets. It was about a general approach to sexual communication. My personal belief is that you and she need to work through the "eeewww" thing generally -- that is, the way the two of you communicate (or don't communicate) about sex. If you go through life trying to avoid her "eeewww" and she goes through life feeling that her "eeewww" is an acceptable way to deal with her uncomfortable feelings about sex, then you're setting yourselves up for trouble. I'm not saying that you need to have a "serious" or "all-encompassing" discussion about specific sexual activities, so much as I'm encouraging you to keep current and be direct, open, and honest. Don't spend your time trying to anticipate, shape, or control her reactions; don't try to avoid conflict. Deal with discomfort and conflict sensitively and lovingly, but head-on. Once you've settled into bad patterns with a partner, it can take a tremendous effort to replace them with better ones later. --------------------- Edited by - bob on 10/29/2009 9:10:37 PM [Link]

Kimi Lixx Senior Member 2012 Posts 6/01	Posted - Oct 29 2009 : 8:59PM TedtheBellhop wrote: Kimi, ...I'm rambling, but what do you suggest to lighten things up and make it more fun? Click to expand I don't know you, or your SO, tailor your activity to suit your personalities. With that being said, let me see if I can give you an example of what I mean. I love it when sex is play, or when play turns to sex. Something as simple as changing the sheets, then when the bed is all made he grabs a pillow and thwacks me with it. Not hard like to knock me out, but not too soft either, a real pillow fight thwack! After a few exchanges we're both laughing so hard and the bed is all unmade and he grabs me instead of a pillow and the next thing you know we're half naked with one sock on, kissing like teenagers and who cares if dinner is late. Then there is the during sex fun. Its okay when sex is all serious and he's devoted to my orgasm and its a beautiful expression of our love ... but really, when he honks my boobs and licks me on the tip of my nose and grins at me that way that he does, I never want him more that right that minute. He invites me to have fun with him, because its obvious he's having fun with me. It makes the sex play, not work. Do you understand what I'm saying? [Link]
TedtheBellhop Member 767 Posts 6/09	Posted - Nov 2 2009 : 10:28AM Kimi Lixx wrote: TedtheBellhop wrote: Kimi, ...I'm rambling, but what do you suggest to lighten things up and make it more fun? Click to expand I don't know you, or your SO, tailor your activity to suit your personalities. With that being said, let me see if I can give you an example of what I mean. I love it when sex is play, or when play turns to sex. Something as simple as changing the sheets, then when the bed is all made he grabs a pillow and thwacks me with it. Not hard like to knock me out, but not too soft either, a real pillow fight thwack! After a few exchanges we're both laughing so hard and the bed is all unmade and he grabs me instead of a pillow and the next thing you know we're half naked with one sock on, kissing like teenagers and who cares if dinner is late. Then there is the during sex fun. Its okay when sex is all serious and he's devoted to my orgasm and its a beautiful expression of our love ... but really, when he honks my boobs and licks me on the tip of my nose and grins at me that way that he does, I never want him more that right that minute. He invites me to have fun with him, because its obvious he's having fun with me. It makes the sex play, not work. Do you understand what I'm saying? Click to expand Yes. I definitely understand what you're saying. Reading what you said earlier made something really click. I take sex entirely too seriously. I think that's the "big picture" issue. Edited by - TedtheBellhop on 11/2/2009 10:31:34 AM [Link]
TedtheBellhop Member 767 Posts 6/09	Posted - Nov 7 2009 : 4:53PM Kimi was definitely right. I never thought giggling and sex were supposed to go hand-in-hand, but if it works for her I will make it work for me. [Link]
Clam Digger Deactivated User Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05	Posted - Nov 8 2009 : 4:12PM Lot's of good advice here, so this is just my 2 cents. Your comment about busy lives and her OCD habit of planning every second of every day, caught my interest. With marriage, comes family and other responsibilities that are only going to make your lives busier then anything the both of have experienced to date. So learn to cut to the chase, as Bob says, just ask her. It sounds to me that she just may be looking for some spontaneity. Kimi's pillow fights are on the money. Mix it up a bit. But the big thing is talk. The both of you should hold nothing back, ever and that goes beyond sex. Good luck!! [Link]