I want mutual enjoyment, mutual pleasure, and mutual satisfaction and that comes from both parties actively participating (with their likes, wants, and desires).

IMO, that makes for a more satisfying sexual experience where both are participating and enjoying, rather than making it with a 'doll' that you can manipulate.

That is not to say we haven't done role playing where one or the other is a 'dominant', but it is clearly understood and agreed that we are playing a role. That can be fun too.

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A little fake resistance along the way can be fun, too; things nice girls never say "yes" to...oh, really? Heh heh. All in good, mutually agreed upon boundaries fun.

Otherwise, that's a little more control than I want or need, and yeah, they make dolls for that. If someone's looking for punishment, they've come to the wrong place. I'm not a good sadist or Satan by proxy, but I can be a very playful but convincing dominant.

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It's not like I'm getting complaints or anything. I'm just trying to figure out what the mentality is here. Is it really that much of a fantasy to just have a partner do whatever they want to you, to tell you to do whatever they want done? What piece of the puzzle am I missing?

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It might just be the difference of the 'escorting situation' as opposed to trying a relationship.

In a relationship you are looking for interaction.

In escorting, it could be "I's paid my money and I want this and that".

Not sure, but a couple of thoughts on my part.

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In that context, then, I can only respond for myself, certainly not on behalf of "men": if I paid for it, then yes, there'd be no question in your mind within a few minutes of meeting me what I expected from our encounter, and I damn sure wouldn't be waiting around for you to initiate everything! Far be it. We'd have a lot of fun. But I'm not shy, and never have been.

It's always been a compelling fantasy for me because I know there's a level of nasty I can never really get past with my own wife, even in role-play. But with someone I will probably never see again? (rubs hands together)

I don't do it, though, because even if I knew my wife would never find out -- I'd know. We're not comfortable sharing each other. I respect swingers, truly, but I believe my "other partner" fantasies will have to remain such.

Yuck, Kimi. That doesn't sound like much fun. How about a joke to cheer you up:

Q: What did the leper tell the escort?
A: You can keep the tip.

*GROAN* That was *awful* ... I apologize!

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Kimi, I have met and known people (from both sides of the gender line) that are so me ... me ... I ... I ... oriented that they probably would fit your description. Thankfully those I have met have been the minority.

Sorry that you have run into them.

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Edited by - cobalt60 on 11/10/2003 5:47:28 PM

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Part of it may be that you're 'in the business' and that comes across as a bit intimidating. And makes you kind of an 'expert'. I can see the point in deferring to the specialist. And I can also see, that if I hired an escort, I wouldn't know clearly what the likes and limits of that person were-passive may be easier than actually discussing preferences.

In long-term relationships, hopefully all that gets worked out, assuming you avoid the passive-agressive types. You know generally the wants and limits of your partner and can ask for something off that menu. Or go a la carte.

Myk

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Also , in my mind , the thought about an escort would be - " She knows what she's doing . She must have done this before . " Now , maybe I'm a little weird , but I never imagined my exs had been that experienced . Sure , they'd probably had sex a few times , but my subconscious didn't want to accept that . So I guess that may have coloured my view of them sexually . Something like - they're really quite innocent so it's down to me to show them the way .

'Cause from watching Hollywood movies all these years , it's become clear to me that women don't really like sex anyway . And that it's always down to the man to essentially con the woman into the sack ! Escorts are the exception who prove the rule !

Edited by - Lee O on 11/10/2003 6:42:03 PM

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As a child you learn that sex is bad (we won't go into hows and whys). So, now you've grown up and you've got all this sexual drive warring with 'sex is bad.' As a passive/submissive you don't have the ego to say 'fuck it, I'm going to find some gal and bang her brains out anyway.' What to do?

OK, sex is bad, but an escort, after all, is advertising her sexual availability, so it's safe to assume she won't put you down.So that gets you over the 'I'm going to get slammed for asking a woman for sexual favors' hurdle. Still, intellectualizing that sex is OK with escorts is a world away from dealing with a real person. It's taken all of your courage to actually make an appointment and show up at the sex-pert's residence, but now you're much too uncomfortable with the 'sex is bad' dynamic to actually jump a real woman's bones. What if you do something wrong and piss her off? That would totally fuck up your 'sex is OK with escorts' construct. OK, she's the expert, let her tell you what to do then what happens won't be your fault.

The 'please tell me everything you want and I won't tell you anything I want' bit fits right into the 'bad self' motif. Of course, 'hardware is completely full of shit' has often fit the bill as well, so I'll be handing out salt at the door.

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In my experience, too (and it's definitely a "for what it's worth" perspective since I've been married to for 12 years to the same woman since we were 20 and 18), she doesn't *want* the ball in her court, either!

She wants decisiveness and action on my part and does *not* enjoy it when I say "whatever you want, dear". I get frowns of disapproval for that.

I think it's a security thing for women (whoa....stop me before I get in WAY over my head) to know that "their man" is competent and capable. It's comforting for her to have someone she trusts say "don't worry about a thing, love, just sit back and I'll take care of things." and know that something will happen.

It may be as primal as the old "hunter/gatherer" thing, that she knows the meat will be on the table, metaphorically speaking, when things are left in our hands. And that's in the bedroom, as well. My wife is more comfortable with letting me guide her and coax orgasms from her than demanding "suck my clit harder motherfucker!"

As much fun as that would be. *SIGH*

Just more ramblings. I think I just repeated you, Lee, without adding a thing...oh, well...back under my rock, then. *POOF*

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I think I'm down with Lee O's, Hardware's, and Cobalt's views in a general way. I can see how all those things could apply. Thanks guys, for your insights.

As far as what BillyTalent said, it's not that they don't ask what acts I'm willing to perform, it's that they don't DO anything about it once they know. "Do you do anal?" "Sure, no problem" .... uhhhh... uhhh.... "Well, mister, do you want anal or not??" "Only if you want to..."
"Cripes, man, just leave, you've now pissed me off, I want you to leave and never speak to me again."

Of course, I never actually get to say that last line, I just think it.

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Off-topic, is your avatar you? I did some photography in a past life. The lighting is excellent. As is the subject, of course.

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A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her
girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy
middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not
take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked
directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she could offer her
apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her,

"I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no
matter how kinky, for $20.00......on one condition." (There are
always conditions)

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.

The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just
three words." (controlling huh?)

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly
removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's
hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and
slowly, and meaningfully said....

"Clean my house."

Maybe you could persuade one of your clients to do this for you ?

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Regards,
The Philosopher™

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Edited by - Eaglespirit on 11/23/2003 7:21:01 PM

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If, as you say, they've paid for your time then it should be perfectly acceptable for them to want you to tell them what to do. There's nothing saying that escort services should only or mostly cater to dominant types. (In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if most people who make use of escort services are actually the submissive type - not that I have any way of knowing if that's true or not.)

If you want to go out with dominant men only, then that should be spelled out in the terms of the service that's being provided.

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ned

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Mike L.

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