I'd suggest that you go for a romantic weekend in another city, to put some spice back into your sex life.

Or you could go to a motel every once in a while, and you will not have to worry about the kids at all :P

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Running a fan on high
Closing the window(s)
Playing background music
Weatherstripping around the window(s) and doorway(s)
Putting a towel across the bottom of the doorway(s)
Moaning into a pillow

Last but not least, having sex lying sideways on the bed eliminates the telltale pounding on the wall. If the bed is in a corner, move the bed.

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As we all age (men and females) our bodies change. Glands that at one time produced enzymes that trigered certain responses or moods can undergo changes that directly affect behavior. Postpartum depression is a clear example.

That your wife's sex drive has diminished as the kids have gotten older is probably not all that rare. I think that the both of you need to seek professional help. This problem could be easily caused by some correctable hormonal imbalance or maybe she has just grown to hate your guts.

Edited by - Clam Digger on 5/7/2007 5:17:59 PM

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I think the thing with long term relationships is that, in addition to what Ivory said, people also just get caught up in the rest of life.

So what does she say? Does she lack desire and isn't bothered by it, or is she just overwhelmed by the rest of life? I think there is a reason why women find the image of their guy vacuuming sexy.

When you say she just isn't as horny as she used to be when the kids aren't home, are you just rubbing up and saying "let's fuck!" or are you helping to create the mood? Married or not, women do like to feel appreciated.

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We both have been going through lots of changes. We were daily pot smokers and I now realize the smoke was more like self medication then having fun or boredom like it started out to be. Things just caught up to us very quickly. The kids grew like weeds. And we finally realized we arnt kids anymore. We are both seeing shrinks. Mine is also a marriage counselor who will eventually see both of us.

We don't kiss, hug, cuddle, snuggle, and nuzzle as much. We both seem to not be as interested any more. But we do love each other. I haven't gained weight. But she has and I find myself looking at younger or tighter women. Both of our grooming habits are slipping.

Seems like the sex ended when my 15 year old son told my wife "the walls arnt as thick as they seem". What a pal! lol

The kids need more and more of our time. And by the end of the day we are both exhausted while they are still energetic and defy going to bed. We cant seem to keep up with all the chores etc.

Believe me. Iv thought about cheating. But I'm not willing to risk our marriage.

Is this natures way of saying.. Your old so stop reproducing?

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You are a guy, the eyes will always wander.

Different subject, but it may help. Sometimes I have found that from meeting different people and doing many things that I don't have enough time. I get sloppy doing the things I should do - as you say, cleaning and hygiene.
Take a step back and figure out what you really need to do, what you like to do, and what you do only because it is there and you got used to it. You know, it used to be fun, it used to have a reason, but now you do it because you have been doing it.
Then cut out the stuff you don't need or enjoy doing.

On the weight thing - get enough sleep. People sometimes over eat when they don't get enough sleep. If you do some of the chores, your wife will appreciate it and maybe get that sleep.
Start going for walks, then jobs together. That's right, stealth exercising while rediscovering each other. Maybe move up to jogging. Put it in terms of you wanting to get in shape with her encouragement. Never put it on her - she will (correctly) hear it as you saying she is fat.

Oh, and get the kids to go to college in a different city.

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Speaking from personal experience, a few years ago I was a lazy bastard who never did exercises.
One day, I said that I was going to shape up. I started swimming and doing muscle stretching exercises. In my current job, I do alot of heavy lifting, too. Since I've been going swimming, my stomach muscles have become very tight and my arms feel like rocks. Before, I was felt like jelly.

I also feel as if now I could have sex for hours without getting tired. My sex drive has increased exponentially and I generally feel more 'alive' and alert. It really doesn't cost much, either.

I've seen women in their 50's who look as tight as girls in their twenties, I kid you not. Tight jeans which really show off their juicy, mature asses and strong legs. Exercise really is a very important part of a person's life.

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I have three kids close in age two of whom are teens. When they were young I remember not having much of a sex drive (and hubby was complaining). I think I was tired, stressed and possibly mildly depressed.

Make sure your bed is on the opposite wall to a kids room! Also, make sure your wife doesn't see you looking at younger women - that's really hard on the self-esteem for many of us more 'mature' ladies!

Good luck with it!

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just my two cents.....if there's no physical or emotion reasons for not having sex, be truthful and cruelly blunt about your feelings, and then do what's in you best interests. life's too short.

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