This one is way outside my experience. Someone I have been chatting to online, and have never met, wants me to take her as a slave in a dominance/submissive relationship. We live on different continents and are unlikely to meet in real life.
It seems she has unconventional fantasies that she is not willing to act out unless someone validates them by ordering her to do it.
My initial feeling is to recoil from the idea. It feels bad to me to think of someone in that way. Yet I like her, and don't want to deprive her of satisfaction.
Can someone with experience tell me, what are the risks of this kind of thing. Risks to her, risks to me if any. She hints that she wants to be ordered to go out and turn tricks, for example. I just can't imagine myself saying that to her.
Am I being too serious about it? Are these kinds of games just a little harmless fun? I'd appreciate your advice.
Just turn around and run away. You don't have to run real fast or anything, but go. I saw so much of this baloney when I used to hang out in BDSM chat rooms, it's just not even funny anymore (well, yeah, it is still a little bit funny... but in that sad laughing AT you kind of funny way).
Licker - I agree with Kimi. Go with your gut instinct on this one. Its not worth the possible risks (no matter how slight).It would appear that she (assuming that everything she told you is true) also has reservations about this kind of behavior.
Thanks for replying Kimi As you have seen a lot of this, can you tell me why (some) women do it? What do they get out of it? Is it just a way of locking someone in to a relationship, or do they genuinely need it to feel pleasure?
She seems to feel guilty about her sex drive, and is constantly afraid of being thought of as a "slut" (in the perjorative sense of that word). It appears that she wants some one else to give her permission (or command) to be sexual, so she can do it without feeling bad about herself.
You mention possible risks - do you know what they are? I have thought of some, but I'd like to know what you had in mind.
Many of the women into BDSM are very insecure. They drift into the BDSM pool trying to find a way to narrow the playing field. You're automatically a bigger fish if the pond is that much smaller, you know what I'm saying? They will say (and many will do - although, with the online ones it's a lot more say than do) just about anything they think will catch a man's fantasy fancy. Most of them are just desperate for attention. For the very few who really are acting out their own desires, most of them are just looking for a way to escape responsibility for their actions. The dominant carries all the weight and the submissive is free do whatever the dominant says without bearing any responsibility for it at all - Personal or social.
Nothing specific in mind, but lets just hypothesize that the girl in question is actually 13 years old instead of the "25" that she told you. You could run into legal trouble depending on where she/you live, etc. Or she does something that her parents/police find inappropriate. "He told me to or else." People find comfort in anonymity, but that can also be a great danger. These are legal in nature, but on a more personal side if she needs a command to take action then she has doubts/reservations in the first place and could regret her actions. Wouldn't you feel responsible for that?
The only way to truly know that everything said between you is truth you would have to meet in person and get to know each other (which as you said is unlikely an I probably wouldn't recommend it anyway).
In conclusion: When you don't know for sure what you are getting into, and the dangers are unforeseeable, it's not worth the risk for little or no perceived reward. (they call it hedonistic calculus)
Thank you Kimi, that helps me to understand. I don't think it is for me.
Very much of my pleasure in sex comes from learning what a woman wants, and finding out how to give it to her. If she just wants to be passive and be told what to do it would be like she has taken her own self out of the picture. For me there would not be much joy in that.
It is very sad that some women need this to overcome feelings of shame about their desires.
The risks you describe are very real. There is a court case happening in Australia now, where it appears that the "slave" has changed her mind, and is charging the "master" with assault. I have no idea which party is in the wrong on that one, but it shows what it can lead to.
Yes I would feel responsible. That is in fact the risk that worries me the most.Thanks again. It sounds like it is best for me not to play this game.
Showpiece 2 - review by Captain Jack
Posted - Feb 19 2004 : 5:51AM