By April Masini
Dating question: How does an "average Joe" attract and date beautiful women?
Answer: Read on.
What's the number one thing that all daters are attracted to? Here's a hint: It's the same thing that all women find really desirable. OK, I know what you're probably thinking -- fame, or money, or good looks, right? And yes, women are attracted to these things, but the number one quality that you must possess to market yourself to single women -- and to win with women in general -- is intangible, and you don't have to be a millionaire or to have won the genetic lottery to have it. It's dating confidence.
(That's C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E.)
Not coincidentally, confidence is also the key attribute that all professional salespeople must call their own in order to be successful. People do not buy products or services from someone who has no confidence in the products they represent. Remember, in the dating world, the "product you represent" is you! Within the dynamics of dating, you are the salesman, and women are your customers. It's up to you to sell the product with assurance and believability -- with such confidence -- that your customers will want to buy it. Think about it:
Why would a woman have confidence in you if you don't have confidence in yourself?
And while you might agree with what I'm saying about confidence, do you apply it in your dating life?
Here's what I mean. If a woman asked you to describe yourself, how would you do it? By saying you're a "typical" guy or an "average Joe"? If so, stop selling yourself short! And go look up "average" in the dictionary: "standard, usual, ordinary, mediocre, not very good." To get my point across, consider this ad statement: "He is a very average director who makes very average movies." I bet you can't wait to buy tickets to this guy's movie, right?
Women don't want the "average" guy any more than you want your "average" girl. Women are attracted to confident, exciting men who have passion. If you want to start winning with women, you must stop talking about yourself like you're an "average guy" and start acting like you're the greatest guy. Attracting women is all about your attitude -- and if you think of yourself as just "average," your attitude needs a boost!
How is your dating attitude projected? Your attitude is projected in the way you walk, talk, and act toward other people. Attitude is the outward reflection of what's going on inside. When you know you're wonderful, it's reflected in everything you do. There's a level of confidence that simply shines through.
Now, an obvious question is, "What if you don't have confidence?"
I should know a thing or two about finding your dating confidence. I wrote an entire book on the subject called "Date Out Of Your League. It's almost entirely dedicated toward helping single men appeal to the most attractive women by achieving a better attitude, and it totally dispels the dating myth that I hear all the time from guys about confidence. The myth goes something like this: Confidence is something that comes naturally. You either have it or you don't. Not true. In fact, very rarely is confidence something you are born with.
Dating confidence is a quality that is learned and acquired. Its growth is gradual and based upon the accumulation of little successes and skills over time. Confidence comes in knowing what to do and when to do it, then in following through and doing it! Because confidence is a characteristic that you can obtain, the important thing is to set the wheels in motion and begin methodically and progressively building it now, and then continue adding to it -- for life.
The biggest contributor to (or detractor of) confidence is attitude. The "Law of Concentration" has proven that you really are what you think. If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you are right! Thought becomes reality, and when you take control of your conscious mind and purposely think of who you want to be rather than who you aren't, and focus on what you want rather than what you're afraid you can't have, you will have taken a huge leap toward success.
OK, so you can see how confidence affects your attitude, and attitude affects whether or not you get your ideal woman along with just about everything else you want in life. But you still don't have it. What to do now?
Start by implementing a plan of dating action that will help your confidence.
1. Squash negative thoughts. While we may all have self-doubt at times, when it overruns your life, or dictates your decisions, you've let it go too far. It's within your power to put these feelings aside and opt for more positive, optimistic ones. Plus, women can sense negativity and insecurity from a mile away, and it's a turn-off.
2. Have a goal. Don't wander aimlessly through life with no plans and no direction. Get focused on something, anything, and move toward it. Find your passion. Women feel passionately about passionate men. Whether it's your career, or art, or, well, just about anything, we like it when you're moved by something. And yes, even sports count, though they may not be at the top of our lists.
3. Believe in your own dating greatness. This one is the result of the first two. You don't have to do anything in order to get confident except follow through with your plan of action. A guy who thinks he's fantastic without being too arrogant is intoxicating to women. Trust me, you'll see.
On the Net:
AskApril.com
Edited by - Asmodeus on Dec 1 2009