I met a guy last week at a little bar not too far from my house. We were both drunk, but had great chemistry and we're meeting up for drinks at the same spot tomorrow night. I'm trying not to expect a lot out of it. I'm not even sure if I should call it a "date," but if possible I would like to direct our interactions so that he doesn't consider me just a possible booty call. We had fun and he is really attractive. He qualifies as tall (6'5"!), dark, and handsome. He's also a little older than me, which I like. I'm 22 and he's 28. Anyway, we've been texting off and on since we met, and he tried to get me to come over last night, but I told him I was thinking more of meeting for drinks somewhere. He suggested we get together at the same spot. Again, let me reiterate that the fact he tried to get me to come over last night after only meeting me once isn't exactly an indication he wants more, but I really liked him and would like to see if it could be something more. As a few of you might know from my last post, I don't have a lot of experience and am a virgin. Basically, I have no experience. I wanted to see if any of you have any advice or tips for me going into this thing. Both how to direct the date in a way that facilitates more dating and less "booty call," and just basic first date tips. Anything you can offer would be helpful. I promise I'll take everything into account and appreciate the help. I know he's into me. He kept hugging me and seeking me out last time, and he had his arm around me at one point and his friend said, "She's a doll. Where did you find her?" The thing that worries me about that is that when I'm as drunk as I was when we met, I am extremely affectionate and sweet. I'm not slutty, I'm not thinking about sex, but I love men and I'm really touchy feely. He bought me a shot and put his hand on my leg while we were at the bar. I'm struggling not to overthink this or expect anything. If nothing else, it'll be good experience and teach me what to watch out for and what not to do. I just need some input from you all. I will respond to all advice and will be grateful for the help. Thanks!
I suggest that you tell him what you just told us about what you are looking for in a relationship. Also, I'm not sure what your definition of having fun with a guy is, but if it includes making out then you're really sending the wrong signal if you want more than a booty call. At any rate, as far as seeing this guy goes, going out for drinks may sound like fun but it is going to seriously affect your critical thinking. To avoid the dreaded "What was I thinking?!" morning after, rather than going for drinks why don't you go out to eat? That way, even if you have a drink it won't have as big an impact on your critical thinking. Good luck!
Hardware, this is wise advice. I don't really know how to initiate a "real" date, although that's what I would prefer. I'd love to go out to eat as opposed to a bar. I think I can find a way to do that after this get together tomorrow. If we have real things to talk about, anything in common, then maybe it can progress. If not, too bad. I'm just not the kind to fuck someone after one "date," and it wouldn't matter how drunk I got. Believe me, I've been as drunk as I can possibly be, and I've had enough sense to avoid going home with a guy. I'm too much of a thinker and usually am pretty good at recognizing risks (my latest debacle with my "friend" aside!), and I'm not comfortable losing my virginity to some guy who doesn't want to know who I even am as a person. That's another safeguard against me having a morning-after trauma. Losing it is going to be painful enough, I'd rather not go through that during a booty call. How awkward for me to be clenching my jaw in pain and seizing up when he enters me. I'm so ready to get it over with so I can have fun at some point, but I imagine it would be a major annoyance for a guy who just wants a quick fuck with a girl he's attracted to. Ok, silly question, and I'd love to hear from the women as well as the guys on this one: what's an outfit, hairstyle, or makeup look that will make him do a double take? I'm thinking about a casual bright blue dress I have. It's got thin shoulder straps and a beautiful ruched bust, it looks good on me. I was going to pair it with leggings. I have really long, thick reddish brown hair and I was planning on wearing it down, but I look good with a really high, messy bun. I know that's a silly question, but I want to know what looks good. Again, Hardware and Saratoga, thank you for commenting. I think at this point I need to just see if I really like him and try to discern what it is he really wants from me. Is it possible a guy could only be after a booty call, but graduate to actually liking me in his life? Granted I like having him around too? Thanks
If a guy invites you out on a date, or even if he agrees to go out with you on one then you've already been found attractive. My advice is be comfortable, be confident and be yourself. If that isn't enough then throw him back and try again. Save the special outfit for the second date, after he's shown that he's worth putting in the effort for. As to whether a guy can graduate from just wanting sex to wanting a relationship, it happens, but I have to say that the odds aren't in your favor. You're betting that the guy planned on settling down eventually, which is not a sure thing. PS - Any time you invite a guy to do something it is a real date. It doesn't mean a sexual relationship is forthcoming, but it is a step towards a social bond.
I forgot to comment on the above - I assume you're meeting this guy in a bar. When you get there, tell him you missed dinner and you want to go to a nearby restaurant to get something to eat. As long as he knows you aren't expecting him to pay for your meal that shouldn't be a problem. If he's not OK with that then he's really not interested in you as a person.
If you don't want a booty call, then why do you want to make him "do a double take"? If you lead with your looks and your sexuality, he's likely to think that you want him to seduce you. Honestly, you seem to be confused about what you want. If you remain confused, if you send out mixed signals, then you are certainly bound to confuse him. If you ask me, you're better off downplaying the physical until you want to get physical.
P.S. -- Getting drunk is not a good way to deal with social anxiety or first-date jitters. When you want to get drunk, do it to get drunk -- not to get through something else. And get drunk in a safe situation.
Does he know this? Are you saving your virginity for something special? I think you need to ask yourself "What do YOU want?" If you want a real relationship with this guy, what do you know about him?
Well, I guess I really wanted some fun, because I went home with him last night. Of course, I was wasted. He kept buying me drinks, it was my friend's birthday and there was a party at the bar, so the merriment was high. The whole fucking thing is a haze of images and sensations. I remember him taking my dress off and playing with my tits. Then I think after that he laid me down and started kissing and sucking my neck, which nearly sent me into a frenzy. I liked that the best out of anything we did. We made out and I did a pretty good job, if I do say so, because he got really excited and kept moaning. I gave him a blowjob and he went insane fucking my throat, he wouldn't even let me come up for air at times, and then he told me he wanted to go down on me. So he got between my legs and started eating me out, which was ok. I didn't really get too much out of that. It was really hot, though, the tension and pash. We were both so drunk and he was completely in the control seat. He put his tip in and I told him I was a virgin, and he said we would take it slow. Oh my God, it really hurt. He tried to get a good rhythm going, and it never felt any better. He ate me out again. Then he rolled me over and fucked me doggy style. He actually tried to press against my backdoor a few times, but I put a stop to that. Don't know why he thought that would be a good idea considering the pussy issue. So he fucked me doggy style for maybe a minute, and that hurt, but it was bordering on a good kind of hurt. I don't know what happened after that, but I think I deep throated him again. He came in my mouth (and I swallowed!) I think we then had a cigarette on his patio. Have no clue what happened next. I just woke up this morning to find him cuddling me, and he wanted me to suck him off again, so I did. It was a little awkward this morning, but he made me coffee. I felt bad because blood got on his bedspread, but he was really sweet about it. It was fun and I'm glad I finally got the whole thing over with, and I appreciate how considerate he tried to be. I'll never see him again, but I don't have any regrets. I needed to experience that. So that's what happened. I'm going to play things a little more cautiously from now on.
Lovely. Not a word about a condom, birth control of any kind, or any sort of personal history on your partner. It would be so great if nobody ever contracted an STD, or got pregnant, the first time they had sex. Are you aware that you can not legally consent to sex when you are "wasted"? You just made that young man a rapist by legal definition. Perhaps you thought your little "barely remembered" but graphically described experience would be titillating for others to read, and I'm sure plenty of the men here will be thrilled by it, but all you've done is depress and disgust me.
I thought you wanted to explore a long-term relationship and not have a booty call. You're even more confused about what you want than I thought you were. *Good luck with that.
I wouldn't be too sure -- not many of the men who actually participate in this sub-Forum, anyway. *Count me in for discouraged and disheartened. * -------------------- Edited by - bob on 9/17/2010 1:26:41 AM
^^^ By the way, Kimi, your new avatar is lovely. I really like what you've done with your hair! Would you consider posting it in a larger size in an appropriate thread?
You're right, Kimi. I behaved imprudently. I can't say anything else but that I wish I'd done things differently. I don't recall saying I barely remembered anything. I remembered a lot, just not the correct sequence of events. And the memories are so flavored with the amount of alcohol I consumed, the whole thing seems surreal. Bob, as to me wanting more than a "booty call," I amended that by saying in my last message that I guess I really did just want to have fun. I had a really great first time experience with a clean, considerate, and thoughtful guy, and though I think it would have been better to hold off on screwing him, I did have a good time. I'm not going to deny that I made a bad decision. It was stupid. But I'm not totally sorry it happened, just that it happened so soon. Thanks for all comments and advice.
When I say something like "a haze of images and sensations" it means I have no real idea what was going on. When I say something like "I don't know what happened after that" it means I have no real idea what was going on. When I say something like "Have no clue what happened next" it means I have no real idea what was going on. I suppose "barely remembered" might be an overstatement on my part. Unfortunately for me, I never forgot a damned thing I did when drunk. There are a whole bunch of things I really wish were just a haze of images and sensations. But no... for me, crystal fucking clear. I know exactly how much of an idiot I was.
Ah, well. I was going to chip in and say it was already too late, and that was before I read your next post about what actually happened on your 'date.' If you meet a guy in a bar and you're real drunk, it's already too late for it to be a relationship rather than a booty call. If you have any interests and hobbies, do those. It doesn't matter if it's antiquing, volunteering as a walker at an animal shelter, hanging around libraries and bookshops, backpacking in Spain, whatever. Do things that you enjoy, and you may meet a guy who has similar interests. Sure, it's super easy to pick up guys in a bar. But you will be just picking up guys in a bar. It won't matter how you do your hair.
And on that fateful day, the hatred consumed me... 1423 Posts 3/09
Posted - Sep 21 2010 : 4:00PM
Here's a good first date tip to anyone reading this: Look at the story written here, and DO NOT REPLICATE ANY OF THESE ACTIONS. Go see a movie or some shit like that...
People disappointed by your actions may also be confused by the fact that their perfections at age 22 might be unique to just them. I made a lot of mistakes living in the moment when I was younger and I also learned a lot from those mistakes. The hardest argument I had back then was with a friend who told me that everyone without exception has done something in life that they will always regret. There is no escaping it. Here you talk to a more mature group with a lot of experience in life but I'm willing to bet that people you know closer to your own age group will see it more from your point of view than their own. So here's what I might have said 30 years ago. Wow, first time..I hope that you had a good time because it's all downhill from here. Don't tell your dad because he'll probably try to get the guy to marry you. Girls always remember their first time.....Guys always remember their last time. Well now that that's out of the way, how about you and I go out for a drink...... (warning: don't setup a reputation for being a drunk lay) Otherwise, find ways to have fun with it while you catch up. I like the scenes from the movie "Wedding Chasers" where the girl was supposedly a virgin when they met. There are a lot more milestones ahead beyond just having sex for the first time. Good luck. Next Chapter: Crazy Love.
Thank you, Roy Batty. I already do regret a lot, especially what I've done in the past two weeks. I feel horribly low right now. All my life, I've been a good girl. Had a wide range of interests, a fair ability to speak and read German, never a slut, never into drugs. I've just been desperate for fun, and now I've fallen into a bad situation with this guy. It's all my own fault and I've learned something, but it still hurts. I guess what hurts the most is that he doesn't even know who I really am, nor does he seem to care. I have great physical chemistry with him and I like him, but that's where it ends. Part of the problem is that I've already had sex with him and I don't know how to even begin to suggest that we do anything but hang out at low-key bars. I don't necessarily want a relationship or want to be attached, but I would like to know who he is and actually like him. If all we did was hang out, play video games, see a movie, and had sex with each other, I would be content. He's been texting me and invited me over Monday to watch football with him and his friends, and I demurred. I was expecting never to see him again, but before he invited me over he showed up at my work and was too shy to talk to me, he had his friend ask me a bullshit question about where an item was located. We met up Wednesday night at the usual spot and hung out. I, being shy and needing a crutch, drank too much. We were doing a lot of cuddling and I got him riled up, and he got up and back walked me into the men's bathroom. I gave him a blow job. I can't believe I did it. I felt and still feel like a piece of trash for doing that. I just get myself so drunk to the point where I can't make good decisions. But something really bad happened to me afterwards that night which has gotten me into a lot of trouble, and I've not had a drink since. It didn't involve him, but it's caused me to reevaluate things. After I finished him off, he cuddled me and told me that it was going to be about me next time. I was upset and mad, so I said something like, "Oh, I'm sure." And I walked away from him. He followed me and asked me what was wrong, why was I reacting that way, et cetera. I got in my car and left. He texted me later that night to see if I got home ok. I NEVER thought I would be that girl. He still wants to see me, but it's just for sex. And I'd love to have sex with him again, but I don't know who the hell he is and he doesn't know who I am. I am so sad and down. I'm not a stupid person in general. I have made very stupid decisions lately because I'm sad and bored, but I have a lot going on in my head. I'm not into drama and I'd never cause trouble for any guy I was seeing. My friend, the one who is so trashy, loud, and classless, has an absolutely amazing guy right now who is devoted to her. And I've got a guy who only wants to have sex with me (granted, I caused that by drinking around him and having sex so early), yet she is far more of an alcoholic and has no respect for anyone. She berates him constantly, and fights. I've lost my virginity, and it's something I can never get back. And it didn't even count in my favor that I was a virgin. He's probably bragged about screwing me to his friends. I guess it takes a lot of pain to learn anything. I don't think I'll ever find a guy like my mother found in my dad, or like my friend has found in her boyfriend. I literally lie awake and cry every night since this whole thing happened. I'm not drinking for a long time. And when I do, it won't be to the degree that I have been.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Sunshowers wrote: He's been texting me and invited me over Monday to watch football with him and his friends, and I demurred. I was expecting never to see him again, but before he invited me over he showed up at my work and was too shy to talk to me, he had his friend ask me a bullshit question about where an item was located. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ This is what I was referring to in my post about getting a reputation. I could be wrong but because of the pattern you described and the things I know that guys do to women they have a handle on, it's more a possibility that you were meeting his friend for another reason ="VERIFICATION". You would have been outnumbered at that TV football invite and eventually plied into doing more things to regret. The blowjob group thing for example,is being reported as making girls feel like one of the guys as a ruse to get free BJs. It all falls under the category of reducing her self esteem as a means of controlling her resistance. You already mentioned the attempt at anal without asking and the success of getting head on demand. At this level of party girl/friend/freak it's ok to take anything that's not nailed down, locked up or hidden away. In general,that is why girls are called hoes or sluts. It reduces the need to respect them or act at a higher level of maturity because it's all your fault not his. I can seriously tell you that you are not walking away from a great opportunity with this guy. You are not on the same wavelength at all. If you want to look it up you can see it for yourself. This guy is literally a Dog (if you are right about his age being 28) . See Chinese Astrology "Year of the dog compatibility with year of the Dragon. Dragon and DOG Animosities and strong conflicts. Cannot trust or comprehend one another. Unable to resolve their differences. Highly incompatible. " It's the highest level of incompatibility on the scale of 1-12. The alcohol is the only glue to your friendship. I admit it's a little weird or weak to use this type of thinking to apply to real life situations. I only use this for myself when things are seriously out of whack in a relationship. Even if it does say you are compatible, you still need to do the work of getting it right and keeping it that way. Get up, dust yourself off, remember how you got your scars then get on with your life. If you tell the story leave out the bad parts just like everybody else . A friend of mine lost her virginity in Italy to a handsome guy when she was 26. It was a great story. The point is she's married now with a few kids to someone completely different who loves her today for all of her traits and not just one. Maybe the years you waited only helped to multiply the pain that you are feeling right now. Great expectations can yield greater disappointments. Even if things had gone better the pain and remorse is sometimes a built-in feature to the coming of age.
You're right, Roy Batty. I know I'm not missing out on a great opportunity. I guess it's true, though, that sex means something different to women because my body is continually craving him. I keep thinking about the little things he did, like how he kissed my neck when we first got back to his place, how when I was stroking him the morning after he leaned forward and kissed the side of my face, how he cuddled me. I guess what I like is the idea of that closeness, but I need to have it with someone who loves me. I need to find a way past the fact that I had my first sexual experience with this guy. And the shame and disappointment of it is going to help me in the long run because I know I can't drink so much and establish good relationships that way. I know I have a huge hand in how things have turned out. I LET myself get that drunk. I LET myself go home with him. I LET myself be coerced into giving him a blow job in a bad setting. But still, I'm a little angry. For instance, Wednesday night, he suddenly out of nowhere tried to tell me that he had no idea I was a virgin until after we'd had sex. That it completely surprised him. For one, I remember the moment I told him. He'd just taken my dress and bra off, and we had our arms around each other. I said, "I'm a virgin." He said, "You're a virgin? That's fine, we'll take it slow." And he proceeded to go down on me and such until he thought I was ready. I remember clinging to him and crying out in pain, the whole time, and it was so bad that he directed me into doggy style to see if that was better. I'd had way more to drink than him and if I can remember that, I know he sure as hell did. It was like he was trying to shirk any responsibility for it. And see, I wasn't feeling anything bad towards him about the fact that he took my virginity in the first place. It just pissed me off that he tried to claim he had no idea until after the fact. Why would he try to lie about it? I just looked at him when he said that and didn't respond. The more I think about it, the more I see that he really is a DOG. And I behaved like a drunken slut, but he really is a DOG. Fuck him. I liked having sex and part of me is disappointed I probably won't have it again for a long time, but I want it to be with someone who loves and cares about me. I guess I misjudged him because he's 28 and I'm 22. I thought he would be more mature and be a little more understanding because I'm young. I also misjudged him because he's in a nice profession where he helps people for a living. I thought he would be more tender-hearted and affectionate. Further more, I thought my being a virgin would tell him something about me. But I guess it doesn't matter, virgin or not, if you're as drunk as a skunk and go home with a guy so soon. Thank you, Roy Batty. You're a kind soul.
^ Now that's funny!! You're gonna be just fine my dear. Just chalk it up to a lesson learned. If u don't learn from this I fear you may cross over to the "darkside." and after that you will always be a easy lay.
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frotik Deactivated User
2 Posts 9/10
Posted - Sep 27 2010 : 8:30AM
The best thing to do to keep awkwardness out of the equation is to be confident, smile a lot, laugh a lot, and keep the conversation rolling. Don't think to much into it. Just hang out. If your comfortable it will make the other comfortable. ----------------------------- Porno DVD
This is what's so sad. I got so damn drunk I can't even remember what the hell happened. I was looking over my previous post about what happened and the info is conflicted. I said he put his tip in and that then I told him I was a virgin. Then yesterday I remembered it as him just having his arms around me and my telling him. The more I drink, the less control I have. The more I drink, the more my memory and ability to process information is impaired even when I'm sober. I've gone four days without drinking.
From what you say, it sounds to me like the guy is interested in getting to know you, not just sex. I think you ought to give him a chance to prove it. But whatever you do, lay off the booze. And if you do drink, stay the hell out of your car. People don't die from having sex. But they do die from driving drunk. You sound like a young lady who is a blast to hang out with. I feel quite certain that things will work out for you. Just lay off the booze.
Oh God, Bum Bum. What about what I've said makes you think he may be interested in knowing me? It would be better for me to believe that he doesn't. Otherwise, I'm just more likely to get in a painful situation. I don't know what to think. For one thing, he has done things that make me think he's not a callous knave. And I guess it's not fair to him to ignore the fact that I've also done things that have contributed to this being a mostly sexual relationship. And it would be ok if that's all it was, but I wouldn't mind knowing who the hell he is and him knowing who I am. When I went down on him last week and he finished, he didn't act like a guy who'd just gotten one over on a drunk girl. He stayed beside me and cuddled me. Said that it would be about me next time. He also told me that he wished I'd gotten in the shower with him when I stayed over a week ago. I thought that was a funny thing to say a week later. And when we were together in bed, he intertwined his fingers in mine. And the next morning, I went down on him again and he cuddled me afterwards until I rolled away from him. What I don't like is not knowing where we stand. I also don't like him only texting me at 11 o'clock at night. I always ignore those texts. What I REALLY don't like is not knowing what I even want. I don't know what I want at all, and it frustrates the hell out of me. No, I'm not getting behind the wheel of a car ever again when I've had something to drink. What really sucks is that I was trying to be good and not "easy," and I wouldn't go home with him when he asked me to. Had I gone home with him, I wouldn't be in the trouble I am now. Had I not been drinking myself into a stupor, I wouldn't be in the trouble I am now. All I can do is abide. The Dude abides.
It was those kinds of things you mention, plus wanting to introduce you to his friends, plus the texting, that lead me to believe he wants to get to know you. And, it sounds like you had wonderful sex together. It reminds me of when I was your age. For a gal who is 22, and a guy who is 28, it is reasonable that sex is a major aspect of your relationship. Not only is it reasonable, it can be joyous. Give him a chance. He might be trying to figure out how to approach this situation, too. What makes you think he should know everything about how to handle this? Enjoy yourself, protect yourself, and stay OFF the booze. Advice from an old curmudgeon!
I'll just have to see. We haven't talked since last week. I haven't had a drink since everything went down. I've learned my lesson. My birthday is next week, so I'll probably go out. But I won't be driving. Advice from a curmudgeon is the truest. Thanks.
Well, we've been in fairly constant contact for the past two weeks. Still haven't seen each other. I've gone out of my way to not contact him too much, not to initiate too much texting. I don't want to be too clingy or pushy. He's initiated a lot of the contact with me. Things like, "How are you doing?" et cetera. Wednesday was my bday and he sent me a happy birthday text in the middle of the way, which made me happy. I went out that night and really wanted him to come, but he was working late and going to try and make it later. But the night ended early and I passed out about midnight. I woke up with four texts from him the next morning trying to track me down because he had finished with work. Friday night, I had a big party out and texted him. He texted back and told me to come see him, but I said I couldn't. He then sent me a text at 4 in the morning saying he wished he could see me. I don't know where this is going. I know I should not worry about that, but I don't want to just be a fuck buddy and I can't figure out if he thinks that's what this is. I can't figure it out. My sister has told me I should not go home with him the next two times I see him, which is going to be hard for me. One, I liked having sex with him. Two, he won't understand why I won't when the topic comes up. I don't know what to say to him to glean any insight into this situation. My sister, being a protective older sister, knew some people who graduated with him and asked about him. They had nothing but glowing things to say. What bothers me is that he has given me indications that he doesn't just regard me as a one night stand and might actually give a shit, but we don't know anything about one another. When we have seen each other, we don't really talk to each other about what's going on in the other's life and where we come from. That's what bothers me. He doesn't know anything about me and he's never asked. I know a little about him, but only because I asked.
I really don't know if I want that, Dude. I'm leaning towards cutting off communication with him entirely. He's starting to chap my ass. I'm annoyed because he initiates contact with me often, but it never goes anywhere. I've been very open and sometimes even blatant, but he doesn't go with it. Yet he continues to initiate texts and such with me. It's not sexting, either. It's plain texting. He keeps texting me and I'll text back, then he doesn't respond or he says something that kinda leaves no room for further comment from me. I don't know what he wants. Let me reiterate, he's the one contacting me. I don't say anything negative or bad. I'm friendly and open. But he doesn't take it anywhere. Why? You might say, "Why don't you take it somewhere?" There have been times I've tried to and he's just not responded in kind to it. YET HE KEEPS CONTACTING ME. I seriously don't get it. WTF? I hate this pointless, going-nowhere texting. I'm going to ignore him from now on. Not to be mean, but if he wants something from me, he needs to make it clear what it could be. Any ideas on why he's doing this?
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Clam Digger Deactivated User
Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05
Posted - Oct 13 2010 : 6:39PM
You need to understand that a lot of guys don't really mature until they are about 43. Why not take him out to dinner? Suggest that because he is so clueless, you need to take charge - be funny about it. BTW, stop the texting - call me or insist he call you - it might be a good way to start a conversation. A quick scan of this thread suggests to me, that you may be spending to much time drinking; I could be wrong.
See, but I'm afraid of him not responding were I to do that. He already doesn't respond to so much, EVEN WHEN HE INITIATES. I even came out and pretty much said that we should get something to eat the other night, and he didn't respond. I just don't get it. Ok, if the guy doesn't want to see me again, that's one thing. I went home with him, gave him my virginity, and gave him two great blow jobs. He continues to text me, shows up at my work to see me a few nights after with one of his friends, invites me over during a football game, and one of his friends that I know randomly shows up at my work last week. I give him another blow job and he cuddles me afterwards, stays with me while I clean up, and walks me to my car. He tells me he wants to see me, sends me a happy birthday text in the middle of the afternoon, et cetera. Initiates contact, blah, blah. Yet it goes NOWHERE. We were texting the other night and he said he was about to eat, was hungry, et cetera. I texted back and said that we should basically get something to eat together, and that was that. No response. I don't fucking get it at all. I hate to get so down about this, but I was looking forward to having sex/seeing him again and now I'm majorly disappointed. I seriously regret making the stupid decision to get drunk and go home with him. I've lost my GD virginity and can't get it back. I know he's not an asshole, but I just don't understand why he's contacting me and not following through. God! Now I'm mad and aroused!
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David Cop-a-feel Deactivated User
Trust me, honey, it gets better 323 Posts 10/10
Posted - Oct 13 2010 : 9:55PM
Perhaps it's his way of "taking it slow"? He sounds like he's one of those guys you need to hit over the head with a sledgehammer to get the message through so just come out and explain whats on your mind to him, already. You're over-analysing things.
Guess who calls me THREE TIMES between 1:30 and 2:00 last night? First time he's ever called, plus he left a voice mail. He was out with friends, sorry to call so late, found out he didn't have to work today, wanted to hang out with me. The call woke me up. I'd just started drifting off when he calls again and lets it ring three or so times. Then he calls again a few minutes later and does the same thing. Haha. I waited about half an hour and texted "sorry, sweet, not a good night. have fun." And that was that. Heheheheheh. David-Cop-A-Feel, I have been over-analyzing. I've done that my whole life, it's gonna be a hard habit to break. I think I need to see him again to get an idea of what I need to say to get to the bottom of things. Thanks.
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Clam Digger Deactivated User
Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05
Posted - Oct 14 2010 : 12:04PM
He is not responding in the ways that you desire, so what is there to be afraid of? Regarding the other night, you should have said something like "I'm hungry, do you want to come along?". He is not responding to you because he is getting what he wants, sex without strings. Fuck buddies are ok, but you appear to want more. Decide what you want and go for it. I think one needs to go through life understanding what they, as individuals want, before they can meet anyone else's needs. What do you need?
Well, Clam Digger, I'm not giving him what he wants. I gave him sex one night, plus an extra blow job a week later. Other than that, I've not chased him and have passed up opportunities to see him. Last night, he called me 3 TIMES within 20 minutes wanting to see me. I turned him down. See, I don't KNOW what I want. I don't necessarily want to be his gf. I don't know if we'd even be very compatible. But I don't want to be his on-call whore. But I do want to see him again. I like the attention, I like what little I know of him, I'm attracted to him, and I liked having sex with him. He was pretty decent to me that night in a lot of ways. Was slow and gentle, went down on me, nice foreplay, got me a glass of water after we were done, was sweet about the blood on his sheets (not to mention the pajama bottoms I ruined sleeping in), brought me a blanket to curl up in because the sheet was in the washer, and made me coffee in the morning. Took me to my car, was sweet. I just don't know. I wouldn't mind being fuck buddies if there was a level of respect and affection. I don't want to be treated like a whore he can call whenever he wants, and brag about to his friends. I'm not a whore. I'm a largely inexperienced, naive girl with a lot of maturing to do, and I naturally have a passionate nature. I like sex. I knew I'd like it before I had it. When he left his voice mail last night, he said he was out with friends. What did he want? For the girl he screwed to come out so he could show off the virgin he bagged? Maybe I'm not giving him enough credit. I don't know. I just don't want to be taken advantage of or disrespected. I don't know what to say or do when I'm around him to communicate any of this.
Yeah, you're pretty wishy-washy about what you want and where you stand. You're not sure what you want, and we're not sure what you want, so I don't know why he would be sure what you want. Actually, the way you're hanging onto this, it seems like you think that this situation should lead to a solid relationship, followed by marriage and kids, but that's way not a good plan. For sure, you and he are not on the same wavelength, not on the same page, not speaking the same language, and it sure doesn't seem like you are compatible. Why are you hanging onto this guy? I'm assuming it's because you gave your virginity to him, but you aren't going to get it back, and he's not the guy.
I can't comment on your valid points, Lindi, because I DON'T know what I ultimately want. I do know I don't want to marry this guy and I'm not sure I even plan on reproducing at any time. I also know I don't want to be a fuck buddy. Things have really taken a surprising turn. He called me Monday inviting me over to watch football with him and his room mate. I ended up texting him later and saying I was taking a rain check. He texted back and asked why, I said I decided to get a drink with my sister, which I did. He then asked if I was mad at him and I said no, but I didn't want to watch football. He said ok, have fun, see you soon for rain check. So we're texting Wednesday and I've had a glass of wine. I'm feeling a little more in touch with myself, bolder. He invites me over to spend the night and I decide to take the bull by the horns. I told him I wasn't ok with the idea of just showing up and spending the night. He told me he was sorry and that he understood. That surprised me, so I prodded a little for more info. We texted some more and I flat out told him I'm not cut out to be a fuck buddy, that I wasn't making demands on him, but I'm not going to be somebody who will just show up and spend the night whenever. Then he wrote back and said that he didn't think of me that way, that I'm a "good girl" and that being a f buddy was the furthest thing from me. I woke up the next morning with two more texts and a missed call from him. One of his texts said, "Damn, I want you." Any thoughts?
Yeah, this guy is either insane or totally fucking desperate! All you're doing is giving him the run around. Any normal guy would drop you like a hot potatoe!
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