How in the GOOD FUCK am I giving him the run around?! I've not played games with him. I slept with him once. He's chosen to continue communicating with me. I, based on this being the first guy I've slept with, have responded and have maintained a wary level of interest in him. I did the right thing by being upfront and honest with him. Jesus Christ, you people are crazy. All I've heard is "Tell him what you want," or "How's he supposed to know what you want or don't want?" Well, fuck it all, I actually decided to be honest and tell him. I let him know I'm not fuck buddy material. I fully expected him to stop talking to me at that point, but he didn't. I may not have handled the entire thing the best way, but at least I've tried to be honest. Don't try to tell me I'm giving him the run around or playing games. I hate that shit and I've never had ANY INTENTION OF DOING THAT.
Hey, here's an idea: If I tell him I'm not going to be his fuck buddy and he then proceeds to call and then text me, "Damn, I want you," then maybe HE'S the one who's being a DUMB ASS. Make sense? I think so.
^It's sooooo fucking obvious, you are just playing him for attention! You like it that he keeps calling you up! It's about time you decided, you either be his gf or tell him that it's over!
Wow. You're out of your mind. I'd love to be his gf. Perhaps I've been so inundated with bullshit about scaring guys away and moving too fast in the media all my fucking life, plus feeling bad that I slept with him so soon because ---ANY GIRL WHO DOES THAT IS A LOOSE SLUT---, that I'm leery of doing anything to make him think I'm trying to claim him. I don't know how in the hell to proceed. I've not been closer to him out of respect. I've been afraid of crowding him. I figured he just wanted a fuck buddy, and I only found out recently that wasn't true (or so he says). FURTHERMORE, Bobcat, he's not asked me out on a proper date, only to watch football with his god damn friends, even though he knows I DON'T WATCH FOOTBALL. How in the hell am I supposed to know where we stand?! I don't know whether to shit or run rabbits. Fuck.
If he keeps texting you, He fancies you! Why don't you just text him and tell him you want to be his gf? Really though, this thread is just a heap off BS, mainly about you being an attention whore, just like you are being with this guy. He's just gonna end up with you hurting him, that much is pretty plain!
P.S. Me asking advice on this situation would pertain to you providing insight and perhaps helping me understand his behavior/what I should do. Instead, you decide to name call and accuse me of playing games when I've been brutally honest about my lack of experience/know-how when it comes to these matters. Thanks for being so helpful.
P.S. You need to take a reality check! If you want him as your BF, just tell! It aint difficult! He wants you, that obvious! If it don't work out you move on in a few weeks, that's how the rest of the world operates! It really is that simple! Advice over!
I'm 99.9 percent sure that he doesn't want a real relationship. If he did, he'd ask me out one on one to get to know each other. There wouldn't have been this texting bullshit for the past month and a half.
So, you don't want to be a fuck buddy, he doesn't want a gf......what advice are you seeking from people on this board? It's seems a no-brainer, you should find someone else and quit wasting time even talking to this guy, no??
If you are good in bed, he is going to brag about you to his friends. It is unavoidable, and will be something you will have to learn to deal with if you wish to be sexually active. If you like him but he treats you like a whore I would just withhold on the sex. Invite him out for some coffee so that you can "just talk". And JUST TALK. If a guy is not treating you right, LET HIM KNOW, and don't put out till he gets the message. The natural impulse to swim upstream and mate is very powerful -- and a guy who is willing to put some effort into earn your affection is a guy you would probably want to have around you.
I'm glad I didn't take your advice, Bobcat, because this guy is clearly trying to use me. He texts the hell out of me LATE last night. "U coming over?" "You can be in bed with me?" "Get some sleep 2nite because you won't get any tomorrow!" So I decide I might want to see if I can gauge him a little better in person, so I agree to see him tonight. I don't want to just go over to his place, so I text him today the name of the bar we often hang out. Like, how about we hit this place up first? He texts back and says, "I think I partied harder than I thought last night." My first instinct? He doesn't even want to hang out with me at a fucking bar, he just wanted me to come over to his place. Mother Fucker. I say, "Feel better. I guess I'll have to have fun without you." Five hours later, he texts me "What time were you planning on going?" I'm the type of girl who likes to have her day planned and get started early evening. By this time, I was drinking margaritas with some friends at a restaurant. He'd let me know that we weren't on for tonight, so I made other plans. I say that I've been out to dinner with friends, am broke, and have had too much to drink. He writes back and says, "Are you trying to pull another raincheck on me?" I write back and say that he was the one who broke our plans, and that he's welcome to pick me up but I'm not driving. No response. I live one minute from his house, btw. I have a low tolerance for alcohol and a recent DUI. I'm not getting behind the wheel of a car if I've had a thimble-full of alcohol. It's always, "Come over!" Why? I like to go out and have fun beforehand. I'm not his on-call whore. And honestly, he knows I was a virgin and that obviously I don't do this sort of thing often, and the fact that he can't be considerate and get off his lazy ass and make some effort is NOT going to get me back in bed with him.
My guess it that properM isn't quite out of short-pants yet. And he's probably one of those guys who'd DP a girl just so he could high-five his buddies.
This is getting to be ridiculous. So back to last wednesday, I had the impression he was definitely only interested in being fuck buddies, so I sent him a text after he broke our plans and said, "I don't think we're meant to meet up again, so we should stop trying." He wrote back with, "Sorry if you feel that way because I'd like to hang out again." I wrote back and told him that I was confused because he was treating me like a fuck buddy even though he said he didn't think of me that way, and he replied that he has a busy work schedule and hoped I didn't think he doesn't want to hang out. I never responded to that. I figure that if a guy wants to see you, he will. He's called and texted me late at night and has never invited me out, so what else am I supposed to think? I've given him every indication that I'm interested in him, but he never bites. I've also given him 3 OUTS. Have told him bluntly two times that I won't be a fuck buddy, and then said that we should stop trying to hang out. WHAT IS HIS DEAL? I go to a Halloween party last night, get drunk, and text him just to say hi. I drunk text everyone I know, I'm always embarrassed the next morning. We text a bit about what we're doing, but he's not very responsive. Here's the weird part. Tonight, I'm working and his close friend comes in. He comes back to where I'm working and I see him and greet him warmly. He is aloof, perfunctory, and cold towards me. The air was definitely different. He asks for under a quarter pound of deli meat from me, walks away and inspects shelves while I'm getting it, and then takes the bag and curtly thanks me. He buys nothing else, just what amounted to three slices of meat, and leaves. I never saw his friend in the store before I met this guy. At first, I was really miffed. Like, what did I do to deserve such treatment when all I've done is be honest with this guy and ask for honesty in return. What is he telling his friends about me? My girlfriends think he was sent in the store by this guy, but I didn't think guys did things like that? But he immediately came back to the area in which I was working, found me, and got THREE slices of meat? Why was he unfriendly? I didn't chit chat or anything once I picked up on his mood. I didn't ask one question about this guy, just was perfunctory and got him his meat. Can someone please tell me what the fuck is going on here? Because I'm at a loss.
Just stop talking to him. Delete his number from your phone. Move on. Bounce. Whatever. You've told him what you want. He remains unchanged for whatever reason. You guys OBVIOUSLY aren't on the same page. It's not worth all this hassle.
Why are you trying so hard to figure out what's in this guy's head? For all you know, there's just a wheel with hamsters running on it and the wheel pulls a string that makes his mouth move. Listen to Savoy. This guy is not into you in the way you want him to be. Accept that. Put your mental and physical energy into meeting someone who is. Who cares if you "lost" your virginity to him? For adults, virginity is a good thing to lose. If you enjoyed fucking and sucking him, count that as a win and, to echo Savoy again, take your stack of chips and move along.
RP, I was totally moving along. I gave him three outs, basically told him that we should quit trying to see each other, and have been honest with him about me not going to be his fuck buddy. I am PERPLEXED that he continues to contact me and perhaps even sent his friend into my place of work last night. I'm not sure he did, but the guy never came into the store before I met this guy and he seeks me out to buy three pieces of meat last night? And acts unfriendly/aloof towards me? Oh, and the guy texted me last night. At 12:30, asking what I was doing. I didn't reply. I'm not hanging onto it, I'm just genuinely curious to know why on earth he's still doing this when I've said I'm not going to be his fuck buddy, TWICE, have said we should stop hanging out, and have not jumped at any other chance to see him. Is it because he thinks I'm playing hard to get or what?
I'm not asking if I'm "hanging on" to something, I'm wanting to know what he's doing. Not being hateful, but my "hanging on" isn't my question. I am just curious about his motivations. Honestly, is he just hoping I'll give in and sleep with him again?
Meeting people and dating sucks.. But once you do meet someone.. Relationships shouldnt be this hard. Not saying you have a relationship with this guy.. But as others have said, learn from this experience about what you want/need and then move on. Y nudd tiy!
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realtip Deactivated User
2301 Posts 6/04
Posted - Nov 2 2010 : 5:26PM
I know this might sound a little crazy for this day and age. But how about cutting out all the texting and having an actual real conversation? For one thing, guys are typically not good when it comes to texting (or talking at all for that matter). To guys, myself included, texting is simply a convenient tool that is great to use when dealing with people you otherwise don't really want to have a conversation with. I'm not saying that this guy feels that way toward you. But if he's like most guys, he's probably not really that into you if all he's doing is texting you instead of trying to have a real conversation with you. But then again, you have also said that he has called you and asked to see you, but you have refused because you don't want to be a "fuck buddy." So I don't know what's going on there. You know, it is possible to have a face-to-face conversation with someone without ending up in bed with that person. Unless I overlooked it somewhere, I haven't read anywhere in this entire thread where you've said that you and this guy have ever tried to have a conversation about your relationship that didn't involve texting. You send someone a text message when you want to ask a simple question like, "What r u doing 2day?," or "Can u give me a ride 2 work 2morrow?," or "What topping do u think I should get on my pizza?" You don't have a texting conversation on a topic like "Where do you think our relationship is going?" That is not the type of conversation that you hold by exchanging written messages of 100 characters or less. That is the type of conversation which involves actually talking to the other person. Not to sound all Dr. Phil-ish, but it goes without saying that any successful relationship is built upon communication. From reading your posts in this thread, I don't see how you guys are communicating at all. Why don't you call him up and tell him that you saw his friend in the store, and see what his response is? Why don't you invite him out with the intention of having a conversation about the concerns you've expressed here? This whole thing sounds very childish. Edited by - realtip on 11/2/2010 5:30:31 PM
I had a major realization today. I've been really stupid about this "whateverthefuckitis" thing. There's absolutely no future with this guy. He's been disrespectful in a myriad of ways, I had sex with him too soon, and dating is supposed to be fun. Not weird or stressful, like this has been. After I first slept with him, I would have done it again as soon as possible. But now the hormones or chemicals, whatever, have worn off and I'm suddenly seeing this for what it is. His friend was rude to me because this guy is sharing information about me. He's probably given all his close friends a play-by-play of how I was in bed, the fact I was a virgin, the fact I swallowed, everything. I don't know exactly why his friend would be rude. Maybe because I've been hard to get since it happened, maybe because I've told him I won't be a fuck buddy. But who cares? I'm not going to waste any time worrying what a couple of asswads think about me. I'm young, I made a stupid decision, but it doesn't define who I am. I'm not going to feel guilty for having sex and being open-minded and kind enough to go down on a guy and swallow. I'm not saying I have no control over myself or what I do. He did ply me with alcohol until I was considerably wasted, took me home promising to "take care of me" so I wouldn't have to drive, and then threw himself on me. I made the decision to drink the wine he gave me, yes. But why would I care about some guy who does something like that? He knew what he was doing. I can't even remember chunks of that evening. So no, this is not the guy for me. I am over fretting about him. I am also doing ten times better with my drinking and am learning moderation. I NEVER want to be in that kind of situation again. I'm not going to lie, I liked being intimate with someone. But not in those circumstances. Thanks for the help, people.
Yeah, not all dudes are so desperately in need of homosocial approval.
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realtip Deactivated User
2301 Posts 6/04
Posted - Nov 5 2010 : 10:51PM
I wouldn't be surprised if the shocking twist to all this drama is that the guy is already a member of ADT, and has been reading this the whole time. I can see it being one of those soap opera cliffhanger moments.
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Clam Digger Deactivated User
Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05
Posted - Nov 5 2010 : 11:21PM
Could it be Joey Star?
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realtip Deactivated User
2301 Posts 6/04
Posted - Nov 25 2010 : 1:46AM
Haven't heard from SunShowers in a while. I admit I'm curious to know what happened next.
