With my ex-girlfriend we were once talking about sex and she said something to the effect of "like those spanish and brazillian girls who always like it up the ass" "I dont get that" I knew to never even bring the subject up with her, but with my new girlfriend, we've talked about sex alot, but never doing anal.
She knows nothing of my hidden porn collection, which is really hardcore all anal, DP, A2M type flicks... I doubt showing that to her would do anything but scare her away.
The main dilema is how to bring up the subject "tastefully", and what preperation is needed on her part.
i would say if you r in a solid relationship you should just bring it out one night and tell her thats what your into and see where the conversation goes.
Your ex brought it up when the relationship was going on? Maybe you should have pursued it. Maybe she started that talk to get you going. Or you can leave a DVD cued up to the middle of a DAP scene and "accidentally" start it after dinner.
I don't think you need to have a discussion about it. She might say 'no way' because she doesn't want to to think she's pervy. I'd just touch her ass lightly while having sex and see how she reacts. If she responds positively then lick it or stick your finger in slightly. And so on. Good luck!
If I bring out the porn.. at least my type of porn.. she's might go to the kitchen and get a frying pan to come over my head with it... and trust ti wont be foreplay.
And of course I touch my girl's ass while having sex just like any other guy, but if I out of nowhere stuck a finger up there we might be back to the frying pan scenario.
Im thinkin' of just bringing it up after we've had sex one day... most girls are dummed out at this time and wont take it strongly... and if she doesn't mind too much then I can add on later.
I can see that as a porn title: Anal Authority (volumes 1-36)
You have to discuss it first. And you have to know what you're doing, and you have to be able to teach her what to do. You don't learn that by watching porn. You don't see the prep in porn movies, so you have to explain that to her. Explain the hygiene and butt plugs and all that mundane stuff. Most important, explain why you want to do it. It's a novelty you want to try once, to see how it feels. It's not a deal-breaker for your relationship, and it's not an attempt to dominate or degrade her. If Anal has never come up in your sex talks, you might find out that she's already done it. If it was a negative experience for her, find out the details and point out how you would do it differently. I can't tell you when or where to bring it up, but I can tell you not to use your porno movies as a visual depiction of what you want. There's a reason why female porn stars get paid big bucks. They're professional athletes and they make something very tricky and delicate look like a piece of cake. The average woman can't live up to those standards, at least not at first. The last thing you want to do is make your woman feel inferior. That could damage your entire sexual relationship, making her question her ability to satisfy you.
Exactly. Do some research and outline your intentions and keep reassuring her that you care about her and you want her to enjoy it just as much as you.
"Don't let your lava love turn to stone." 489 Posts 5/06
Posted - Aug 2 2006 : 5:58PM
Watch the Seinfeld episode with her where George's father accidentally sits on a cork-screw pasta sculpture of Jerry (fuscilli Jerry). After the laughter dies down...
Anyway, just brought it up to her in a conversation we were having about sexual fantasies. As I suspected, she says she's not really into that type of thing. Her first BF ruined that possibilty by doing it "too rough"... she says she didn't like it at all.
Any suggestions now?
And I've actually seen pornos where they showed whats invloved. And I know its alot.. enimas, then wash out, then lube up, then dildo, then buttplug, then more lube, and they still need to break it in some before the actor really starts pounding away.
It would be unrealistic to ask a girl to do all of that at home.. thats why Im asking what preparation do girls make at home (this is a question for the ladies obviously)?
It's not unrealistic at all. The enema will reassure HER that she's not going to embarrass herself with some mortifying grossness. The plugs, dildos, lube, and all the other preparations are to condition her body so that she can enjoy herself.
You need to assure her that you will never be rough with her, and that you will always stop immediately when she says "stop." No matter how disappointed you might be if a session only lasts two seconds, you have to praise her for her bravery, and thank her sincerely for trying this for you. If you show her that you love her no matter the outcome, and that you still desire her every bit as much, and in fact desire her more for the attempt, she might want to try again another time. And even if she decides that anal sex really isn't the right thing for her, your 100% loving support before, during and after the "experiment" might embolden her to try other sexy things with you, because she knows you're her biggest cheerleader.
Is Pagoda the "bee's knee's", the "mut's nut's", if you will? She is giving beautiful, eloquent, perfect advice, and she loves her husband! Read her post a second time, it is so lovely and so true for so many wonderful women. Thanks girl, who are something else. Cheers love.
(a ladies point of view) Theres anal lube you can buy that helps with desensitizing and start out using a finger, then 2 fingers and so on. It may take a while till she is comfortable but using your fingers is quite enjoyable When you do start actual penetration REMEMBER to go very very slow.... meaning it may take a while before you can even get the "head" in. As far as preparations.... I really don't do anything except LOTS of lube. And of course wear a condom.
I think it's a bit unrealistic to want her to 'prepare' for something that she's not really very intersted in. I think you should start by introducing some anal play and see how it goes from there. How about buying a small toy that could be used vaginally or anally? My husband and I did that for probably 6 months before we had anal sex. At that point I was VERY interested!
It is so common for a woman to avoid anal because of a previous rough experience.
My first anally-interested boyfriend didn't bring up the subject at all - he just used a finger anally while going down on me (and asked me to use a finger up his ass during blowjobs).
You could stick to that for a while. And by "a while" I mean until it's her idea, not yours, to go further. You could also buy a small, slim buttplug for her to keep in the shower. A soapy buttplug is great for seeing how easy anal penetration is (with something slim). (Make sure the soap isn't deodorant and scented soap, but a pure white castille soap or some such). Keep things playful, fun, and not goal-oriented.
Also, if the buttplug is coming out clean, you can avoid the whole enema thing and take your chances. But, as usual here, I speak as someone who keeps a lot of fruit and vegetables in her diet. All that fiber makes for clean and complete eliminations, and a non-irritable bowel.
Several times I have heard that enemas prior to anal sex can actually irritate the bowel and make it more active. Article.
My personal preference is not to make anal such a lot of prep and work, keep things spontaneous and relaxed, rather than a chore. I fall in the enema foe camp. Good diet, shower with a soapy buttplug or finger. Relax.
with regards to the 'i had a bad experience(s) so i'll never do that again' line, ask her if she was having mind-blowing vaginal sex at first, or if it took a little time and/or the right guy to make that work. it's just another irrational double standard. you need to be open and honest with her and reassure her that you'll focus on her pleasure.
[an old man dies, a little girl lives. fair trade.]
Both must be interested. How about this...when I told my younger sister about my most intense, unique, powerful orgasm from anal sex with with my boyfriend, (eventual husband), she was like, 'no way', not into it. This is coming from a lovely, sexual girl, masterbation everyday, etc. She got married and on their honeymoon had anal sex and she described this most intense, powerful, etc. orgasm that she has ever had. Use your resources if you are interested, have discussion among close friends.
that's a really interesting story. i don't have that kind of relationship with my siblings, so i find it fascinating that you can share such intimate details and be so open.
[an old man dies, a little girl lives. fair trade.]
Like he said... its hard to ask a girl to prepare for something she isn't into.
But the question I have is about the preperation. I know nobody can speak for anyone else. But it seems the key is in the preperation whether or not it will be painful for her.
Can that be held as a standard? That if prepared properly it "shouldn't" be painful? Or do some girls live with a little discomfort?
This is speaking of a full prep up, a toy for break in, and a normal sized guy (6 inches?)...
I find that if I have vaginal sex for 10-15 minutes while wearing a medium (1.5 ") butt plug, when we switch to anal he just slides right in with no discomfort what so ever. On the other hand when we just play around a bit with a small dildo and go for it, then it can be uncomfortable for a couple of minutes. I think the key is to use something that is close to the size of your penis, then go for it!
without a dildo--which will be a little uncomfortable on its own anyway--there will probably be some discomfort. that's expected. but to minimize it she needs to relax and you need to take it slow and easy.
I think you have to start by making anal stimulation exciting for her. Some possible steps on the way to anal include: 0) Watching the occassional movie with some anal sex in it 1) Fingering her ass while licking the clit 2) Introducing a small butt plug while doing the same 3) Using a small vibrating or non-vibrating plug while having sex (by the way I mean small, as in not more than 3/4 inches wide by 3-4 inches long. You will find that there are several comfort/relaxation barriors to pass. It can be relaxing enough to take a wider opject, feeling comfortable with deeper penetration, and adding some movement to the mix (it is a lot easier to get comfortable with a stationary object). I found that using small plugs and/or vibrating eggs took many months before we moved on to larger toys and ultimately me. If she is not relaxed anal sex will not work. This is not something that happens in one 30 minute session.
Seems like there's lots of good suggestions in this thread. I didn't get into anal until a few years ago. My first experience definitely freaked me out and I didn't want to try it for years. But a few years ago, I started fantasizing about it with my husband. Try these steps to get her more comfortable with it. Fuck her pussy, while either you or her stimulate her clit. (Vibrators are good for this too.) Then, with lots of lube or spit on hand, gently rub the outside of her ass. If she responds positively to this, you can try inserting your finger. Please make sure your nails are trimmed before you do this! Once she gets comfortable with a finger, you could try a small toy, but I actually find it easier with the real thing, since toys are generally pretty stiff in comparison. I think it depends on how thick you are. I found the easiest way to prep for the real thing is to have her rub her clit (or use a vibrator on her clit) while you gentle finger her ass, feeding lube or spit inside her ass, so it's really slippery. Then, try to gently insert your cock. Once it's in, you might need to give her a minute for her muscles to adjust to the size, then you can start your fun - and start slow. If she wants to do an enema before, I suggest that she lubes her asshole a little before she sticks the enema tip up there. I usually spit on my finger and stick it up my ass a little, so it makes for an easy insert. I also don't squeeze all the enema up there at once. I usually use about a quarter of it to start cleaning out and I continue flushing out until clean. Tell her to push hard to get all the liquid out. There's nothing worse than starting anal and realizing that there's a lot of liquid up there. That only creates messy situations. If that does happen, tell her it's no big deal; She shouldn't feel embarrassed by it. It's usually best to wait about 20min after an enema before starting anal. Your body will have "told you" if there was any access liquid up there by that time. The reason porn stars make it look so easy is cause they've learned how to control their ass muscles. Some girls can just open their asses right up and fuck monster cocks. I'm even in awe over that. I have a pretty tight ass, so I still need a little finger warm up before scenes. I hope you find this info useful. OH - one last thing, when I first started anal, I had to continuously stimulate the clit while I did anal. Keep that up until she's comfortable enough to not need it.
tmi. side note, this reminds me of that poll about whacking it while you surf adt. i'll bump it if i can find it... also, mina leigh delivers another gem once again.
yeah i think the first step is the psychological part. make her feel really good in teh vagina first before you move on to the anal. and like someone said, start by feeling her ass with your finger first and then see how she respond. if she likes, then later bring the subject up and start slowly.
Get her some erotic-romance novels by Lora Leigh. Her heroes always fuck the heroines in the ass. Her descriptions are detailed and sexy, and might inspire your girlfriend. Let me know if you want specific titles.
wait a minute. romance novels have anal sex now? is there a poll thread i can revive in which you can recommend some? or should i/you/neech create one? or should we just do this right here? off topic, i know, but the op long-since abandoned this thread. it's ours for the derailing.
nietzsche - are you kidding? No way! I had a boyfriend who tried to slip it while I was sleeping. That's not a good approach. If you want to take the "just do it" approach, maybe start with a good rim job, but anal is not something that a woman can just hop into the first time and enjoy it.