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All Forums > The Porn Pool > The Porn Pool Forum Page 293 > Is sex with civilians a letdown for pornstars?
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daphatkat
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Posted - Sep 2 2008 : 9:34AM
I would be a bit nervous about having sex with a pornstar for fear I wouldn't measure up to what she's used to :-(
zaffer
Member

208 Posts
8/08
Posted - Sep 2 2008 : 9:40AM
Apart for the "Does size matter" discussions I don't think the sex in from of camera is the same thing as the sex in personal life.
So which porn star you say you date with ?
loveporn
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186 Posts
5/07
Posted - Sep 2 2008 : 10:21AM
Penny Flame
bwainea
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Posted - Sep 2 2008 : 10:20PM
I have been told personally - NO
killbillvol69 All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Sep 2 2008 : 11:39PM
^Sorry your post is a bit unclear.
Do you mean that you've been told personally that NO, you don't measure up to porn guys? If so, that's a pretty harsh thing for a porn girl to say. Though at the same, in order for her to know that, you must have slept with her, so she can't be that mean.
OR, do you mean that you've been told personally that NO, sex with a civilian is not a letdown for pornstars? If so, that's good news for all of us perverts.
 
tricia_devereaux
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 1:17AM
If a civilian was good enough in bed and perverted enough and willing to please the girl... I suppose he might do.
mindee
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 8:45AM
Tricia..wouldn't you agree that sex in front of the camera and sex for pleasure are often two different things? While sex in front of a camera can be really hot and exciting, having sex off camera means you no longer think about camera angles, and shot positions, which leaves you more free to enjoy the sex. I would agree that having someone who's perverted and fun makes all the difference no matter where you having sex. But in my opinion, I wouldn't care if it's a pro or a civilian as long as they know where my clit is and how to make things happen.
bwainea
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42 Posts
8/08
Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 9:22AM
I was being vague with purpose. I have been told that I am not a let down. That's all I will say.
threesomebody
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 10:53AM
Doesn't that totally depend on the civilian?
Clam Digger
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 11:28AM
Penny Flame has been blogging over at Xcritic.com. Penny is wild and funny, as most know, and she is a great writer. For the last 6 months she has been regaling her readers with tales regarding her lover, a "civilian" she has named The Bossman.
Interspersed with her usually hilarious (she can get serious as well) tales of Penny Flame, Pornstar she has reported in some detail on this relationship. So much so that the Bossman's other girl friend asked him, to ask Penny to stop talking about it, which regrettably she has.
Anyway here is a blog entry (with link) she made of what I believe was their first get together....do yourselves a favor and read the rest of them as well..
r rWe went back to my hotel and conversed till the wee hours of the morning. At which point we started making out. Way hot. Then we both realized the lack of condoms is going to interfere with us fucking without those strings attached, because even though I know my shit is clean and have a test to prove it, and I'm pretty sure his shit is clean, neither of us needs to worry about that. So around 5am, he went on a run to get condoms. I stayed awake, lying in bed touching myself until 5:15 and remember thinking "if this cat comes back with a handful of condoms and you're passed out, you better wake the fuck up and suck his dick hella good, because any man who's gonna go for a 5am jog for rubbers deserves that kind of king treatment". <pWhen I awoke to his re-entrance, the clock read 5:45am. <pWe then fucked until the rubbers were gone. He took me on every piece of furniture in my skanky hotel, and I bet we both left a little piece of ourselves there for the next patron. At one point, with the last article of sexy protection, he had me on my back and we were face to face, lip to lip, his weight on me, sweat, spit, pushing, thrusting, breathing the same deep breaths, so intimate and close to this perfect stranger, and he starts speaking candidly with me. I have no idea what the question was, but the level of honesty, the brutally frank way in which he asked it, I couldn't help but smile and laugh as he made me cum all over his big hard dick.....mmmmm.....hmmmmm......dirty dirty dirty girl flame. <pWe passed out dripping body fluids all over one another, tangled and twisted in the sheets. Set the alarm so he could get up and go handle some biz-snatch, and I didn't even hear it go off. In fact, I have vague memories of his kissing me goodbye and leaving. All I remember is my pussy dripping down his cock, his legs covered in my wetness. I slept long into the morning. r <p
masumane
Member

11 Posts
8/08
Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 12:18PM
Thats a damn interesting story.
i wish I knew some girls. :( at least i can have pizza on a bagel
killbillvol69 All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 12:37PM
That's fine bwainea, I don't need all the dirty details. I was just wondering what your initial sentence meant. What you said above is more than enough. Thanks!
You know it might not sound like a lot, but sexually speaking, this is essentially my hope in life: that most (or all) girls I sleep with would describe me as good in bed, perverted enough for them, and willing to please them. Any other positives would be icing on the cake.
tricia_devereaux
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 12:38PM
Mindee- while off-camera sex is more intimate and more carefree, sex is only as good as the two people involved.
While I've been with a couple civilians in my personal life that were rather good, I've also been with too many that I'm not sure it was worth spending the effort on.
Perhaps I'm too jaded and too perverted. I remember telling a guy one time that I wanted him to fuck me in the ass. This was during my first retirement from porn (which only lasted about 2 months). He told me he never had, and he seemed so nervous about it. I was a little shocked and it kind of ruined the mood for me.
When I had sex, it was pretty much anything goes when I was with that person. I never had a threesome off-camera, and I don't regret that. That was something that was much more enjoyable on-camera, because I didn't have to worry about drama between the 3 people. We were all just there, having sex.
So, anyway, in personal life, I started shying away from sex with civilians. I wasn't really having casual sex that much anyway. Off-camera sex was still really intimate for me. While there was always the possibility that the sex with a non-performer might be good, there was just as much of a chance that it might be horrible.
I thought of it like eating at a new restaurant that I knew nothing about. The food might be awesome, but it also might be really terrible.
However, if I really liked the guy, then having sex with him could be compared to trying a new restaurant where I knew the owner. I might not like the food, but at least I made the owner happy by trying his food. Course, I wouldn't be likely to go back. ;)
Wow... I shouldn't post when I'm this tired.
killbillvol69 All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 12:50PM
^Actually, Tricia, this is interesting. I'm not saying this will come up for me, necessarily, but there are some civilians out there who, at some point in their lives, might face the realistic possibility of having sex with a particular star. (I'm not talking about escorting here, more like they met somewhere and there's sparks kinda thing.)
Suppose a civilian guy does find himself in this position. Suppose further that the porn girl is thinking kind of like you do: that the guy seems alright, but it's just as likely as not that sex with him would be terrible. Then she's probably not going to try too hard to make it happen.
Is there anything(s) that the guy could do to let her know that he is in fact kinky enough to give her the kind of sexy satisfaction she's used to getting from porn studs? (Assuming, of course, that he really can. We don't want any fakers here.)
mindee
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 1:18PM
Tricia...while I'm in no way in your league professionally, I can see what you mean. However I do think that I might be at your perversion level..I'm pretty crazy. Right now I either have sex on camera or with my husband. My husband gives me what I need, and for me, he is an excellent lover and sex partner. I do occasionally have sex with others in my personal life and I agree with your "restaurant" theory. Very good analogy. However, I just shot something with Urbano, and the man I worked with on that shoot was good. Very good. And actually the more I think about this..the civilians aren't very good. Don't worry hon..you can't be that tired..you're making perfect sense.
 
TomChoad
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 2:50PM
I have to totally agree. Her blogs don't sound anything like letters to Penthouse (Dear Penthouse: I never thought I'd be writing...bla blah blah), but instead read very much like an honest account of some of the events in her life.
Way to go Flame!
BigBobxxx
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 3:00PM
Sex with civilians is a letdown for everybody
killbillvol69 All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 3:56PM
^I told you, man, it's cuz I had a headache!
juha
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 4:07PM
Her blog shows that condoms do not interfere hot passionate sex.
And I'm sure Penny knows what she's talking about.
Wish the biz would take a lesson from Penny.
Clam Digger
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 4:19PM
She does perform without condoms....but you may wish to run that by Christianxxx
tricia_devereaux
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 4:21PM
Interesting question. Of course it would vary for different girls. Some girls have more off-camera sex with a wider variety of guys.
Hypothetically speaking, if I were having off-camera sex with civilians right now, the guy would need to walk a line between letting me know that he's a little kinky without seeming like he's too arrogant. Chances are the fact that he knows I did porn or work in porn will come up, and if he doesn't mention how he feels about that, I might bring something up and see how he responds.
One thing that's made me look differently at guys now and then is finding out the type of movies that the guy is interested in, or maybe hearing about some of his favorite porn girls. If it's a girl that seems to enjoy the same type of sex that I enjoy, then chances are the guy might be into the same kind of sex that I am. If the guy thinks that Meatholes was the greatest porn site ever, I'll probably pass. If the guy shows an affinity to hardcore gonzo, maybe with a little anal but not so heavy on circus acts... chances are good we like the same stuff.
Interestingly, when I seem critical of a civilian's potential sexual capabilities, in my mind I'm wondering about his sexual attitude as much as I'm wondering about his functional performance.
Hypothetically, if I was pretty into a guy (and it had been learned that he was ok with some of the types of sex I like), but I knew NOTHING about his sexual abilities, I would probably kiss him. I've discovered that a guy who is a good kisser is usually very sensual, and very often a good lover. Besides, I like to kiss so if a guy is a bad kisser, I'm probably not going to want to have sex with him anyway.
From there, there's a chance that it would move onto a blowjob. If it's not feeling interesting to me, there's always the possibility that I can end things with that and not have to go through with the sex.
So, killbill... I seem to recall that you like a lot of the same porn as I do...
tricia_devereaux
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 4:24PM
Mindee - I agree with you. Husbands and significant others have that extra edge that casual sex can never compete with.
And hush on the 'not in the same league' thing. If you enjoy having sex on camera, that's all this thread is about.
killbillvol69 All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 4:24PM
I wish that this was always true. I really do.
I didn't use condoms with my very first girlfriend. We were pretty young teenagers, both of us were virgins beforehand (on the night that we first "did it", neither one of knew how to "slip it in"!), and she was on the pill. So we didn't use a condom. I'm not saying I'd do it the same way if I had it to do all over again, I'm just telling you what happened. So anyway, I always came with her during intercourse. Every time. And we dated for a while, maybe the better part of a year.
Since her, though, I have always used a condom. So we're talking like almost twenty years now. And not once have I blown my load during intercourse. We're talking about hundreds of sex sessions, maybe even a thousand, I don't know. Not once.
Some girls have been nice enough to fool around with me while I get myself off (blowjobs don't make me blow my load either), some haven't. With my last girlfriend, we dated for 4 years; she had at least one orgasm every single time, but I never had a single orgasm in her presence. It got to be that sex and orgasms have no relation with each other.
I'm not telling this story so y'all can cry for me, I'm just saying that maybe, for some people, sex with or without a condom just ain't the same. And thus, watching sex with or without a condom ain't the same.
I won't insist that porn continue to make flicks without condoms. If tomorrow every porn company decided together that they would go condom-only, I'd say "fine, good for you guys, it will likely prevent some STD's, please make sure you continue to get tested at least as often as you do now". But I'd never buy a new porn flick again. Thankfully, there are enough non-condom flicks that have already been made over the past 30 years that I could buy old ones for the rest of my life.
What was my point again?
Zoid
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 4:51PM
Condoms suck.
killbillvol69 All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 5:07PM
^He he. Right. Thanks! :)
 
killbillvol69 All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 5:25PM
Tricia I think we posted on top of each other (that's not the only thing I'd like to do where we're on top of each other) so I missed this post until now.
Interesting thoughts. I'd often wondered just how much porn girls want to talk about porn when they're with civilians. I wondered whether it would be a turn-off for them, because they think "hey this is one of those rare times when I'm not at work, or with another porn person, so I don't want to talk about that stuff now", or whether it would be a turn-on for them, like "hey I like porn, that's why I do it in the first place, and if this guy does too, then we have at least one thing in common". I guess you kind of answered my question. (Well, for at least one porn girl, anyway.)
I'd say that's fair. I think most (sexually experienced) civilians have these kinds of thoughts running though their heads when they meet a new person too. I know I do.
I've definitely found there to be a relation between kissing and sensuality/lovemaking. I think I might have been spoiled early on, because it wasn't until I was about 24 years old that I encountered a woman who was a bad kisser. And, as it turned out, she wasn't just bad at kissing.
Nice tactic! You're sneaky. :)
Why yes, I do...
mindee
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 5:41PM
Sex on camera is a great thing! My biggest regret is that I don't get to do enough of it!!
tricia_devereaux
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 5:57PM
Yes, that's just my opinion, and there are probably some porn girls who don't like talking about porn outside of work. I've met some girls who don't watch porn at all, or even the scenes that they've done.
Also keep in mind that there's a difference between talking about it a little casually and judging the girl's reaction, and being creepy and obsessive about it. Like with all things, judge the girl's reaction and act accordingly.
Hmmmm... ;)
juha
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 6:18PM
Killbill, you're mod now.
You bear responsibility. You're a positive role model.
axlsfury
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 6:18PM
"Civilians" sounds like such a military term......on your knees and give me 20 soldier.
Derek117
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 6:31PM
Okay, I can play "Dr. Phil" too.
Porn sex is not real sex. It's exaggerated--and a "performance." The fantasy the industry is selling is: This is the outrageous sex action that you can only dream about--but will never experience with your girlfriend.
So, if a Pornstar wants a Civilian to fuck her like she's on a porn set, chances are she will be let down--Civilians aren't use to performing in a sexvid. If the Pornstar (as several claim) has different "expectations" of sex in her personal life than in sexvids, then a Civilian has a better chance of satisfying her.
I've also been told that being able to separate between porn sex and personal sex is important for a Pornstar to have a successful off-camera relationships.
Bottom line on Sex with a Civilian: (like any sex) it is in the mind of the sex partners how "good" the sex is.
killbillvol69 All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 6:38PM
Your point being?
juha
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 6:43PM
You have to promote condoms in porn.
killbillvol69 All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 6:50PM
^Hey read the post again. I said condoms are all good, and I would applaud them. I also said that I wouldn't be able to get off if I was watching a scene with them. There's no reason I can't say both of these things and still be truthful.
stinkfist
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 6:52PM
A pornstar faced with a shriveled up 5 inch maggot might discreetly glance down at the guys genitals and say "I think i will have that cigarette just now darling"
 
tricia_devereaux
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 7:04PM
Yup. I'm not sure the first time I heard someone in porn call non-porn people civilians, but I thought it was hilarious.
An acquaintance of mine who actually was in the military HATES it when I call non-porn people civilians. So I do it even more often. Anything to annoy, I say. ;)
Derek - I see what you're saying. I'm somehow not verbalizing very well about this subject, which is why I keep trying to clarify. Well, that, and flirting/teasing with bill.
While on-camera sex is usually not as emotionally satisfying as off-camera sex with someone that you like, porn guys often know how to use their dicks fairly well. I remember being with a non-porn guy one time who, when I gave him a blowjob, his body was doing all sorts of awkward movements and thrusts that were completely out of rhythm. Within 1 minute, I had decided that if he didn't come within 5 minutes, I was going to have to just stop.
Clam Digger
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 7:18PM
hell civilians terrify me...
juha
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 7:23PM
More importantly:
Is sex with pornstars a letdown for civilians?
I suspect the actual sex can't live up to the fantasy.
stinkfist
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Subterfuge......
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 7:28PM
I have not been with a pornstar but have been with a few escort girls who lets face it have been cocked more times than Elmer Fudd's rifle and they were obviously more experienced sexually than me.As she sat on top of me and rode away she must have seen the whites of my eyes and the total fear that they held..it was a mismatch like a prized jockey riding a mule in the Grand National.In other words i think she would rather have someone more experienced instead of a Mannequin like me.
killbillvol69 All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 7:32PM
You don't see me complaining!
ntfighter
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 7:59PM
Is porn sex actually sex?. I often thought that someone should come up with a better word or phrase that describes what goes in porn. The sex is often more simulated than real.
Porn sex isn't performed for pleasure, emphasis on performed. If a women derives sexual pleasure from the touching at the genitalia only sex on the camera it is purely accidental.
Imho a civilian would win versus a performer in sex for pleasure fucking, all things being equal.
I see no reason why a porn stud would know more about a giving a women pleasure, than say a guy in a committed relationship or a guy who is blessed with whatever it is that causes various women to want to fuck him. The incentive for a civilian is that if he gives a women pleasure he will be invited for a return engagement.
Edited by - ntfighter on 9/3/2008 8:04:58 PM
mindee
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 8:55PM
That's an interesting twist of the question. More & more porn ladies are escorting. All you have to do is take a look at Eros and you can find any number of them. So for the right stack of money you can make your fantasy come true..but..would the expereince live up to the fantasy? Great thought!!
Zoid
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Posted - Sep 3 2008 : 9:01PM
Paying for it ruins an important aspect of that fantasy, IMO.
fullserviceuk
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Posted - Sep 4 2008 : 4:01AM
I'm going out with a porn star. When I first had sex with her I was terrified of not being big enough, not being athletic enough... just not being enough of a "stud" like the guys she works with on set. Well, nearly two years on and I'm still seeing her, and the sex is great. If I were such a let down, would she still be seeing me in her private life?
Bob S
Derek117
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Posted - Sep 4 2008 : 10:28AM
Hi Tricia,
I'm not saying that ALL Civilians are good fucks. Some are not...which is what you, unfortunately, experienced.
My point is that many pornstars understand that there is "real life sex" (that is not just about being "emotionally satisfying") and it is different than on-camera "porn sex". So, Civilians who get lucky enough to fuck a pornstar, don't have to try to perform like it's porn sex.
licker
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Posted - Sep 4 2008 : 11:28AM
Science fiction fans refer to non-fans as "mundanes". That might work here as a substitute for "civilians". If not, it might be at least be a useful way of annoying someone.
Clam Digger
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Posted - Sep 4 2008 : 1:13PM
So my sex life is mundane....that has an interesting ring to it.
tricia_devereaux
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Posted - Sep 4 2008 : 2:03PM
^ But I LIKE annoying him. ;) It's my raison d'etre.
Derek-
OK, we agree. :) In fact, the best sex I ever had was with a non-performer. He's a porn lover though, and I knew going in that we probably enjoyed similar sex stuff. It also didn't hurt that he's an AMAZING kisser and that just feeling his hand touch me made my heart speed up.
Second best (other than John) was a guy in the business but not an on-screen performer who was a slightly less good kisser, and is possibly more of a pervert than I am. Got a text from him one day that told me he had just jerked off to a fantasy of fisting my ass. *blush*
Derek117
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Posted - Sep 4 2008 : 5:51PM
Thanks for your comments, Tricia. Some of us non-pornstuds try really hard to please our girlfriends--and if we get lucky, our pornstars hook-ups too.
Crucifixio_Jones
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Posted - Sep 4 2008 : 6:36PM
I just skimmed this thread and I realized that for a lot of guys, they seem to worry that just because a girl has had sex in front of a camera that they won't be good enough or measure up to the various and multiple studs they've fucked in movies.
Bah.
A woman is a woman is a woman is a woman. And the vast majority of females in porn aren't even WOMEN yet. What's to be intimidated about?
Some may be better looking than your average one-night stand, some may even possess a few skills that some civilian women don't have. But the opposite is also true. Being a civilian doesn't make you a clueless novice and fucking for money doesn't make you a sexpert.
If some performer were goodly enough to sleep with me, I'd be no more intimidated than if I slept with anyone else...
Pornstars Are People
...and if I ended up being a "letdown" in her eyes for some reason then, hey, can't win'em all. I'm sure there's some woman or women down the line that I won't let down.
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killbillvol69 All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Sep 4 2008 : 8:17PM
I'm not sure that your "Bah" is all that backed up by what we've seen here so far. Two porn stars have been nice enough to post their thoughts, and both have said that, in general, civilian guys are a letdown. So it kinda looks like it's a legit worry for the guys.
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