okay, so i met a girl. one who i was attracted to. and she was attracted to me. we hung out a couple times. shared a great dinner together. went to the movies. and then i received the most welcoming kind of text message: "i don't mean to be rude but, i haven't had sex in a really long time. would you mind if we had sex the next time we hang out?" it was a saturday night, and i had done nothing but fall asleep on the couch and woke up because my phone went off at 1 in the morning. i asked if she was drunk. she said she had been drinking, but that she was sure she wanted to have sex with me. so, we established a day we were both available, and the plan was made.
we had great food at her place, and i suggested going upstairs to watch a movie in her bedroom, which she was cool with. 15 minutes into the movie, we're making out, and before long, she's completely naked, and i'm almost there too. i was hard. she was wet. and i kissed her all over, and worked my way down to eating her pussy. before eating her pussy, i didn't really make much of the fact that she didn't make a sound. but, as i sat there and ate her out, it became painfully obvious. now, i'm not arrogant. but, i will say that i've had enough women tell me that i lick pussy well. and some of these women i count as friends friends. and i'm pulling out all the stops, and this chick doesn't make a sound. not an oooooh, ahhhhh or mmmmmmm. literally.... nothing.
at some point i stop because i figure i'm just wasting her time and mine. and as i work my way back up, she tells me that her friend was right. i do "that" well. (we did meet thru a friend who i have slept with in the past). so, i have to assume that she's satisfied. but i'm left wondering if it's just bs. we kissed again, and i was playing with her pussy, which was really wet again, but again, not a single sound. and the reality of the situation was, i wasn't hard. i don't know what it says about me that some sort of audible cue is necessary in order for me to be turned on, but that's the case. i put the condom on, because i felt determined to have sex with her. i wanted to fuck her so bad! she reached down and felt i wasn't hard, and commented on it. and then the moment was pretty much killed. i tried to explain to her, without making it seem that it was about her, that my experience has 99% of the time had me with someone who has moaned or said things that made me know they were into it, and that it was really difficult to get into it not knowing if she really was into it or not.
i thought i wouldn't see her again, but in our post e-conversations, she sounds like she's up for meeting again, and for attempting sex again. your thoughts????
Was this a grown-assed woman that had had sex before?
She's into you. She makes the sex request. Her physiological body responses, (wet pussy, although that might have meant just general arousal), seem to indicate that she likes what you're doing. But beyond that she seems pretty passive.
What was her ACTIVE contribution to the war effort? During the run-up to your muff munching, was there heat? Passionate kissing? Groping? Hands removing each other's clothes? Did she touch YOU at all?
"she reached down and felt i wasn't hard, and commented on it."
At this point, that's when the stroking and jerking by her should have begun. And or the blowjob. When a female enthusiastically does that, or otherwise shows she's really down with this, those are usually pretty good enablers for erection. I've been with women that didn't make too much noise, or repressed it during sex, but they did express themselves in other ways.
What was her physical involvement in this incident, besides being there?
was there heat? yeah. there was also passion in kissing as well. however, i will add that it certainly wasn't in the 7-10 range. more like 4-6.
there really wasn't too much involvement on her end. it was pretty much me-driven. when we were kissing, i was rock hard, and i KNOW she felt it because i poked her a couple times. but she didn't grab it and stroke/jerk it thru my jeans or no shit like that.
and to add another thing: both times that we kissed at the end of our dates, i thought that the kisses were great and when we separated, i'd be like "damn" or "wow", and she wouldn't say anything in response. but then i'd get a text or email later on sayin i was a great kisser, i really turn her on, when we kiss she thinks of things we could do to build off that, etc. i had actually told her that i thought she really wasn't digging me, a day or two after our second kiss. i was like hey, if you really don't think there is chemistry between us, i respect that. we can still be cool. and she asked why i said it. and i told her it was because i didn't really get the vibe that she was digging me. she said that she did.
i wonder, in this girl's greatest sexual experience, was she like this? or maybe she hasn't had great sex before. i know she was in a 4/5 year relationship before. i also know that i'm 30, and that the last two women i've been involved with extensively were 7 and 15 years older than me, so maybe this is par for the course for women that are closer to my age bracket?
She's inhibited about noises. Even though she had a long relationship, that's just one guy, and if he didn't welcome any kind of wildness, she didn't learn to let go. Sorry to say, but with all the talk of whores, women watch their men for cues as to what they can do without getting a reaction of disapproval.
People often also have their early sexual experiences on the sly in the parents' house or in a small apartment with thin walls, or a dorm room with a roommate, and they learn to suppress sound. The have to learn that it's okay now to be vocal. It's just habit.
And she checked your dick out and drew the conclusion that you weren't into her. You went by her lack of sounds and decided she wasn't into it. You're both wrong. You both can be totally into it.
Go for it again. Don't pressure her. Don't go into a long talk. Don't encourage any fakery. Just let her know, briefly, that it's okay to make noise. Then use all her other signals of wetness and body tension to let you know when you're hitting the right spots. Don't expect a lot of noise. It may take a while, but it doesn't mean anything about you, what you're doing, or her enjoyment.
+1,000,000 to what lindi said. Those of us who have experienced sex (either by ourselves or with a partner) in a not-so-private environment develop the habit of keeping silent. We don't want anybody to know what we're doing. And like any habit, this one takes work to break. You should totally give her a second chance, and encourage her to communicate with you. She doesn't have to shout; she can merely whisper.
In the meantime, try not to rely so much on her audible cues. Is she wet? Is she writhing restlessly? Is she breathing heavily? Is she responding to your touches by caressing you, kissing you, etc? If so, she's into it. Don't put too much stock in any one sense. Delight in the look of her, and the feel of her. Also, don't compare her to past sexual partners. She's an individual human being, and she has her own way of doing things. Take her for who she is, and try not to think so much.
And I'd like to ask you if you have so much pussy lying around that you can just throw out some perfectly good brand new pussy?
She is clearly communicating both verbally and non-verbally to you that she wants that dick. She's just not doing them both at the same time. Give her that dick, boy. Give it to her real good =)
After you've stuffed her hotbox with pork, come back and tell us all about it.
Well, now that you've discussed this with her and you've indicated that you are a little bewildered, AND that you are not a jerk, I still don't think you should have to steer this ship completely by yourself. I don't think it unreasonable that while you are having to set this table, and read all these non-verbal cues, and interpret all these physiological signals, and turn up the heat a degree at a time, it's not unreasonable to ask that she participate just a little more actively in the stimulation process. If she's not one to scream and moan and grind your face into her sopping maw, she's got to do SOMETHING.
A delicate hand feverishly tugging at your crotch and stroking your dick, or a moist female mouth hungrily slobbering on it should do the trick. That should get you rock hard, and both of them can be achieved in relative silence.
Or, she can whisper ever so lightly in your ear, so only you can hear it, "now, fuck the shit out of me."
That will do it too.
Smile.
BSD
(Ducking from the things being thrown at me by Lindi and Pagoda.)
Did it ever cross your mind that she's just VERY submissive and wants you to take charge?
My early experiences with D/s relationships taught me that "silence" is very often a signal unto itself. One way to test this is not to tell her to "suck your cock," but give her very specific instruction on something not quite so sexual and see how she responds. For example, buy her something nice for your next date and give it to her in advance...then tell her you expect her to be wearing it.
I'm not throwing anything at BSD. But do take your time. Nothing needs to happen right this second. Things take time.
I'll second the notion that it doesn't have to be anything loud. Nobody needs fake. If she's not sure what you want, briefly let her know that just the sort of noises that people make just as they get into a nice hot tub or just as they try a delicious dessert will do. A heartfelt 'Ahh' or "mmmmmm" is lovely (from male or female). And nothing forced.
"And I'd like to ask you if you have so much pussy lying around that you can just throw out some perfectly good brand new pussy?" to be honest, there's more yes to that answer than no. this girl knows that it's casual, as do some of the others women i have dated. communicating has alleviated so much in the way of potential probs/issues. i'm not a player per se. but i just got out of a long relationship/marriage (8 years). not tryin to get into anything heavy.
"Did it ever cross your mind that she's just VERY submissive and wants you to take charge?" not really. but i must say that i do like the idea of taking charge and adopting some dom-type habits.
again, thanks for the feedback. will keep you posted....
You gonna pull them pistols or whistle dixie? 238 Posts 12/03
Posted - Mar 29 2007 : 11:12PM
I suggest you have her assume the doggie position and drill it good. Act fast while you're still erect. If she doesn't make any noise, go for the anus. That will usually provoke a noise.
Was she breathing differently? the vocal thing is mostly played up by women to show participation and "to be a good lay", however, a woman can totally get into it without the audible stuff. The breathing however, cannot be hidden. If the making out was hot, then, she is into it. Had a similar experience a while ago when a 19 year old i was into wanted me to teach her how to "fuck a man to death" She would not kiss me even, but, damn, she could fuck. She was barely audible, but, i knew when she did not get what she wanted because she would definitely let me know (rather rudely). As I was just a one sided "educational experience" she did not want to put that extra effort to let me know it was good for her, she just wanted to learn "how to" for any future prospective boyfriend (I did not own a car, so, i could not be a boyfriend, yes, she was nuts). I did not mind, she practiced every day for about 3 months. In your case I would tell her it really turns you on to know you are doing it right. Ask her during the act if she likes it. I found women can be more vocal if you initiate this stuff. Look her in the eyes while you masturbating her, make sure your mouth is really close to hers, and ask her "you want this cock" and put her hand on it, for example. I don't advise just "sticking it in her ass" unless you do not want to see her again and potentially want her pissed. Sometimes, the ladies are embarrassed to be vocal, hell, my current partner loves anal sex, and has for years, but, cannot ask for it or talk about it. She still asks for a "back rub" after blowing me for a long time or, just puts me in her after doggie. The activity is not embarrassing, but,the verbal aspect is just another aspect of shyness.
I'm with BSD -- she needs to take some responsibility here, even if it's not the noisy kind. You made the effort to get her off, and you did. Where was her effort?
yeah, i hear you. the effort wasn't there. round 2 will offer some confirmation on a LOT of things.
as far as the breathing, i could tell by her breathing by looking at her stomach (i started to pay attention because the lack of hearing anything was fucking with me THAT much) that she was getting into it, but as far as the breathy breathing that you can hear? there wasn't any of that.
I moan almost nonstop during sex because it just feels that great. If I try to be quiet, it doesn't feel even remotely as good. Then I don't come as often nor as intensely. Then I am a less contented Ivory.
Some people simply aren't demonstrative. I'm not. I spent a lot of time growing up learning how to kill my physical reactions to things, so now it's unconscious. Some people are simply like that, whether by conscious choice or simply by their mental wiring.
Do her in the library. There being quiet is an asset.
