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All Forums > Sex Talk > Sex Talk Forum Page 58 > some mental problems
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AuthorPost
Nuna
Member

Australia
20 Posts
9/00
Posted - Aug 7 2002 : 6:31AM
Hey everyone.

Im really having some problems. I am having real trouble with my girlfreinds sexual past and cant get over it. We have been together 7 months now and extremely in love and this is the only negative thing in my head about us. She has been with 15 guys and some other pretty hardcore things as well... i really need some help to get it out of my head.

Anyone some words to help would be appreciated..

ask anything u would like if u think it would help in helping me.

thanks.

Planet Sex
Deactivated User

1951 Posts
6/01
Posted - Aug 7 2002 : 8:17AM
That´s hard. I´ve had my share of girlfriends who work as hookers and have no problem with that, but it´s kinda hard to judge what kind of 15-guy hardcore thing your girl is involved with...
Hardware All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Aug 7 2002 : 1:41PM
Hey Nuna, welcome to ADT.

Lots of young people experiment when they're learning about sex. Most of us end up deciding "normal" sex is just fine, thank you very much. The fact that you two have been together for 7 months would seem to indicate she's over her experimentation phase, so why worry about it?

Hardware

"...and removed two corns from a nurse's foot with my TEETH before I could be subdued...such is my PASSION TO HEAL!" - the Pagfeek Papers

GattMan
Deactivated User

Melbourne, Australia
129 Posts
1/02
Posted - Aug 8 2002 : 12:34AM
Nuna watch Chasing Amy
Does it really matter how many guys this woman has been with she is with you NOW isnt that all that matters?
dumblonde
Senior Member

2352 Posts
7/00
Posted - Aug 8 2002 : 1:16AM
Welcome Nuna!

This is a perfect example of why honesty is not always the best policy.
When it comes to your sexual PAST peoples, don't EVER ask or answer this question, and certainly don't volunteer it. It really is no one's business, in love or not.

You don't say how many women you have been with in the past, but I'm going to assume it's less than 15. Is that what bothers you? What if she had only been with say, 8 guys?

As Hardware said, many people experiment. Be glad she has it out of her system, and don't get caught up in the numbers game, it really means very little. If anything, it would say to me that she kept looking for something that she never could find. Until you.

Then again, maybe she's just a slut. (kidding)

 
Nuna
Member

Australia
20 Posts
9/00
Posted - Aug 8 2002 : 4:06AM
Thanks everyone for responding.
Dumbblond: Thanks for your encouraging words...your right there, this is my first relationship and i lost my virginity to her, we waited 6 months before we did it.
I suppose it isnt so much the numbers but the circumstances that bother me.
She was with a guy for a year or so and she had sex with 5 of his friends(all at different times), all one nighters in circumstances that get to me, like at a party going out to the car with a guy, or to get back at her boyfriend for something else he did. I dont mind if its dating a guy and then having sex with them but just one nighters all the time just gets to me.

I have talked to her about it alot and i always want to know more details because i am a very curious guy...and the more details the worse......like that same boyfriend just rang her up and said so and so..(one of his friends) is coming over for the obvious and she did it.

Isnt sex spose to mean something to people..she says its different with me and that it means something really special for us but i cant get my head around all of this.


Planet Sex: she is not or has not been a hooker in any way.

Thanks everyone for responding....more words would help if u have any input.

Planet Sex
Deactivated User

1951 Posts
6/01
Posted - Aug 8 2002 : 4:13AM
Well, when you say something like "she has been with 15 guys and some other pretty hardcore things as well" on an adult movie forum, the very first image that pops on our dirty little minds is very different - and pretty much warped! Only later, we can rationalize that maybe you didn´t meant 15 guys at the same time ...

Edited by - Planet Sex on Aug 8 2002

Chillin
Member

San Diego
208 Posts
9/01
Posted - Aug 8 2002 : 5:34AM
If this is the kind of girl you're dealing with, and you don't like it....stay away....stay very far away...

Chillin..

Planet Sex
Deactivated User

1951 Posts
6/01
Posted - Aug 8 2002 : 5:44AM
The main problem is that she was your first girl, and she´s been around a lot.

You still have a LOT to learn about women, but there´s something you should know right from the start: they´re not sassy jolly fairies who bring peace and joy to the waking world. Quite the contrary, in fact.

So, NEVER idealize your woman. They´re not perfect, they´re not always faithful, they´re not Jane Austen-y at all. In short: they´re just like men, only with bigger boobs.

DenverDon
Benevolent

Firmly Embedded in Depravity
5914 Posts
7/02
Posted - Aug 8 2002 : 8:17AM
___________________
she says its different with me and that it means something really special for us
___________________

Nuna, key in on your own phrase (her phrase). If it really is special between you, hang onto that.

SmartBlonde had some good advice about sexual past. Don’t ask about it, and don’t volunteer it. And STOP asking for more details, it just twists the knife. We all have some skeletons in the closet, and that is where the skeletons should stay, IN THE CLOSET with the door locked, forever.

Something like this is a very personal thing, but if you really can’t get your head around it then that can be a stumbling block for a long, long time. It might be time to step back a little, re-evaluate the whole situation, and maybe move on to other things that won’t/can’t bother as much. Tough words, and a tough decision.

I wish you the best, and hope you can resolve it.

DenverDon

superfly skywarrior
Deactivated User

England
180 Posts
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Posted - Aug 8 2002 : 12:48PM
so, are you saying she cheated on her ex-boyfriend 5 times???

is she's been unfaithfull that many times that's much more worrying than how many guys she's been with

Trampampampoline

Nuna
Member

Australia
20 Posts
9/00
Posted - Aug 8 2002 : 8:52PM
Planet Sex : sorry for the misunderstanding I should have made that clearer. Thanks for giving me a bit of insight into women lol.

Denver Don : thanks for your thoughtful words but there is no way in hell that I would end it, as we have something extremely special going so I just have to get my head around it, i just have to figure out how. You said not to ask that stuff, but if your with a girl dont you think you should know about her past? I know its twisting the knife by asking more questions, so why am i so desperate to know everything?

She didnt cheat on her boyfriend, he encouraged her to do it with his freinds, she once had a 3some and 4some with him, his best friend, and her bestfriend who she lives with now (though she only kissed her bestfriend-[a girl that is]), which also makes me feel a bit eneasy.

He even rang her one day and said "hey, so and so (a friend of his) is coming over", for the obvious and she did it, she knew the guy and were friends but still.....

The boyfriend really had a strong hold over her..and she hates that...but still she says she doesn't hate him and they have talked recently.

To make sure people don't get the complete wrong idea about her, she was in another relationship before that for 2-3 years with a guy from when she was like 17 to 19-20 and they were in love and nearly got engaged and she never cheated on him at all.

Maybe Hardware and Dumblonde and Gattman are right, maybe its just an experimental phase she went through and is over with now....maybe it is something that I just have to try and forget about.

Do you think some sort of therapy would help???

dumblonde
Senior Member

2352 Posts
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Posted - Aug 8 2002 : 10:09PM
Thanks for the additional information Nuna, this is helpful. I don't think you need therapy, you're just crazy in love.
You need to be in restraints and heavily medicated.

On the plus side, it sounds like she's being very open and honest with you. Most people would probably want to put the best possible spin on such damaging revelations. I'm glad you cleared up the fact that she wasn't cheating on the guy, that makes a big difference, although I'm not sure what she means about the guy 'having a strong hold on her'. Tell me, did she break up with him, or did he break up with her?

Janitor
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Posted - Aug 8 2002 : 10:40PM
Nuna - sometimes it just sex. Sometimes it's a lot more. Sounds like you have the lot more. Don't worry about the just sex. Fifteen guys is really no big deal. Maybe we can point you to some things that would redefine hardcore for you ;)

I don't think you need therapy. Therapy can make mountains out of molehills. How about a romantic weekend away with your girlfriend instead. You could even bring a friend (just kidding - sorry, bad joke.)

I second the Chasing Amy recommendation. Might also want to check out Clerks while you're at it.

Nuna
Member

Australia
20 Posts
9/00
Posted - Aug 8 2002 : 11:07PM
Thanks so much Dumbblonde and Steph for your responses, I am already feeling a bit better about it with your reassuring words and will forever be in debt for your help. Honestly it means alot to me.

Dumbblone: The guy that she was with is basically an ass. Ive never met him but when i say he had a strong hold over her i mean he was controlling and though he never forced her to do anything he had a strong influence. She said she slept with his friends earlier in the relationship, often to get his attention to say "hey look, Im having sex with your friends, look waht your missing out on sort of thing".

They went overseas together for half a year...not together the whole time but meeting up with each other throughout the trip and he slept with another girl in my girls own bed at their hotel room. This is when she was there, just downstairs from the room. She went up there and found out...they went their seperate ways the next day but she still met up with him later and did stuff together. Basically that was it then...but there was never any official brake up.

The thing was while they werent togther on the trip he said he would be sleeping with other people so she should do the same.

I have to go....will be back later to finish this message...

 
Drew Black
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8009 Posts
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Posted - Aug 8 2002 : 11:51PM
Nuna - have you thought of seeking an audience with the Oracle of ADT. Dr. Picklefeather may be able to provide suitable guidance. Then again he may just hypnotize you to get her name, address and favorite brand of beer.
Nuna
Member

Australia
20 Posts
9/00
Posted - Aug 9 2002 : 4:11AM
Hey just continuing from before.

So basically he just slept around with girls and encouraged her to do the same.

I just dont like the fact that she slept with guys who meant nothing to her...and I hate thinking that this guy got the best of her by controlling her so much..because she is a very strong person mentally.

She can tell me anything about her old ex that she was with for 2-3 years before this other guy and i dont get upset or get bad visuals of things because I know she was in love and that he had respect for her and treated her how she deserved to be treated. But the other stuff (1 nighters and such) is whats the problem for me. I get the actual visuals in my head of it happening with her (3/4 some, 1 nighters) and i just hate it.

But honestly I am already feeling a bit beter about it after talking to you guys about it.

By the way she is 23 and i am 21 if that helps to evaluate things.


Looking forward to more responses, if you have anything to say-Dumbblonde or whoever.

Hardware All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Aug 9 2002 : 5:05PM
Nuna,
Two things to bear in mind:
1) As you've pointed out here, sex isn't just an intimate expression of love, it's used for power, revenge, dominance...the list is just about endless. As long as you and your girlfriend know and agree on what sex means to each of you in your relationship you should do fine.

2) Very few personalities remain consistent across all facets of life; most of us adapt/react to changes in our environment, social setting, what have you. This is especially true when we're young, as we have less experience to measure our reactions against.

Hardware

"...and removed two corns from a nurse's foot with my TEETH before I could be subdued...such is my PASSION TO HEAL!" - the Pagfeek Papers

Nuna
Member

Australia
20 Posts
9/00
Posted - Aug 9 2002 : 8:08PM
Hardware: Thanks for your response.

They are 2 really good points you have put forward there, sex is definately used as a tool for many different things these days....maybe it's because I didnt go through that stage that I am having trouble getting over it, because I'm sure as easy as it is to recognize, unless you have actually experienced it you can never fully understand or except it.
And being young like you said Hardware is a big factor.... that's what she attributes alot of her past to, which I understand to a point.

Do you think this is something which will leave my mind completely eventually? Or could it be something that will always come into my head now and then...I wish it never ever came into my head.

By the way I hired Chasing Amy and Clerks and will watch them soon.

dumblonde
Senior Member

2352 Posts
7/00
Posted - Aug 9 2002 : 8:25PM
Hi Nuna,
As more time goes by, this memory will fade into the nothingness that it is. I almost hate to say it, but wait until you REALLY have problems.

"I just dont like the fact that she slept with guys who meant nothing to her..."

I think all of us have done this at one time or another, Nuna. It doesn't make us bad people, or immoral. It doesn't mean that we'll continue to, either. Now that I see the circumstances, it sounds like just a thing she went through, not a character flaw.
If this is the main thing that's eating at you, I can assure you that these one-nighters don't even warrant thinking about, let alone bothering you this much. I'm sure she'd just as soon forget about them.

"and I hate thinking that this guy got the best of her by controlling her so much..because she is a very strong person mentally."

Sure, NOW she is. Our life experiences help shape who we are. The dirtbags actually serve a purpose, we learn many valuable lessons from them. We learn how low we can dragged down when we let someone like this control us. We learn to appreciate the guys who treat us well, and how to tell real love from infatuation or just some kind of sick dependancy.

She sounds like a fairly normal girl, with no more baggage than most of us have in our past. She has at least been forthcoming when you've asked, even though I'm sure she feels your disapproval and revulsion. The more I learn about her, my heart goes out to her. She went through hell with that guy, but it's over and done with.
You're worrying about absolutely nothing. Let go of the past, you two are lucky to have found each other, to have someone love you that much is a rare thing.

Now go write her a silly love poem, or take her on a moonlight drive. Keep us posted.

GattMan
Deactivated User

Melbourne, Australia
129 Posts
1/02
Posted - Aug 9 2002 : 10:16PM
I still say what has the past got to do with anything

I was having an affair with a married but seperated woman and I wasnt the least bit jealous or curious of her husband or of her previous lovers at all

DenverDon
Benevolent

Firmly Embedded in Depravity
5914 Posts
7/02
Posted - Aug 10 2002 : 1:27AM
Nuna, SmartB wrote:
________________________________________
The dirtbags actually serve a purpose, we learn many valuable lessons from them. We learn how low we can dragged down when we let someone like this control us. We learn to appreciate the guys who treat us well, and how to tell real love from infatuation or just some kind of sick dependancy.
She sounds like a fairly normal girl, with no more baggage than most of us have in our past. She has at least been forthcoming when you've asked, even though I'm sure she feels your disapproval and revulsion. The more I learn about her, my heart goes out to her. She went through hell with that guy, but it's over and done with. You're worrying about absolutely nothing. Let go of the past, you two are lucky to have found each other, to have someone love you that much is a rare thing.

___________________________________________
That is the past, put it in the past, and help her put it in the past. Concentrate on today, tomorrow, and the rest of your life. Living in the past doesn’t help anyone, but using those lessons in planning your future is invaluable.

P.S., I know that this is easier said than done!


DenverDon

Edited by - DenverDon on Aug 10 2002

Hardware All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Aug 11 2002 : 9:48PM
sex is definately used as a tool for many different things these days....
____________________________________________________________
Hmmmm. Nuna, that "these days" makes me suggest you go read more of the classics. Sex has been used for every purpose since before Christ was a corporal.

____________________________________________________________
Do you think this is something which will leave my mind completely eventually? Or could it be something that will always come into my head now and then...I wish it never ever came into my head.
___________________________________________________________

I think the point is that you understand the reason it bothers you and come to realize how unimportant that reason really is. You can't expect life to play out like a fairy tale where the hero and heroine have no history, just instant, perfect love and harmony forever. People are human; i.e. much more complicated, inconsistent, and flawed.

Understand this, if you've found someone you can actually share your self with, someone who makes you happy (not just bangs your brains out), then whether she's been a princess or a whore is irrelevant. The important thing is you've found somebody. That doesn't happen to everybody, so if it has happened to you I'd say get on your knees and thank God, instead of worrying about the pea under the matress. Ummm, that sounds kinda harsh, but believe me, you don't want to blow it just because she's not Snow White.

Hardware

"...and removed two corns from a nurse's foot with my TEETH before I could be subdued...such is my PASSION TO HEAL!" - the Pagfeek Papers

Planet Sex
Deactivated User

1951 Posts
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Posted - Aug 12 2002 : 12:16AM
Hey Hardware, what are those Pagfeek Papers you´re always talking about?
Nuna
Member

Australia
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9/00
Posted - Aug 12 2002 : 9:08AM
Thanks everyone-- Dumblonde, Hardware, Denverdon, Gattman.

I appreciate so much, that you guys take some time to talk to me about this stuff, it is really helping me.

I spent the weekend with her and thats why I havnt been here for a couple of days. We had a discussion about what Ive been thinking and how it had been bothering me. The thing is it's just not an issue for her because she knows it was just a phase like you said,that she went through and its not something she thinks about anymore.

She wanted to make it clear to me that these guys had and have not got the best of her, especially the bastard ex. and that I shouldnt worry or get upset about it because she is way past over it. She said that there really isn't anything more she can do....shes been truthful, she can't change the past and thers nothing more she can say to comfort me. Which is all true, it is up to me to get over it and forget it.

She also asked what the real reason was that got me so bothered...was it the way these guys disrespected her or the fact that she did all the stuff. I didn't lie I said it killed me to think that these guys treated her with no respect, but also that it was her, and that I didn't like some things she has done in her past. She fully understood, but said its something i have to forget about. Actually alot of your words are similar advice to what she said to me this weekend.

Dumblonde: "As more time goes by, this memory will fade into the nothingness that it is."
......Thanks to you I beleive you are right, Im sure eventually it will fade to nothing, and the sooner the better.
And your right about the dirtbags serving a purpose..you learn from all experiences, good and bad and I suppose it shapes the way you are as a person.
Definately as u said..the one nighters arent worth thinking about and I know this, but unfortunately sometimes i just cant control what goes through my brain.


Denverdon: "Living in the past doesn’t help anyone, but using those lessons in planning your future is invaluable."
Your words sit well with me and I couldnt acgree with you more, thats some good advice.

Hardware: I know how lucky I am and we talk about that often, where people never in their life find anyone.....it makes you realise how lucky you are to have found someone.

...and I definately don't want to blow it, or I would regret it for the rest of my life.

We have a movie like storyline to our love and relationship and it just all feels so special and sometimes a bit overwhelming for both of us. This is something in life that i want to give every oppurtunity for it to work...because I know it comes by once in a million years.

Thanks so much guys, I really have a much more positive outlook on this stuff now...and I will see how I feel in the coming weeks about it all.

You guys have really helped me out in a big way...I came on here looking to talk to someone not attached to me or her in any way, just someone to talk to to ease my mind and you guys have done so much more than I expected.
I will keep you posted on everything, and if my mind travels that path I might get some more comforting words from you all. (if u aint sick of me already)

Thank you.

p.s Im going to post the movie like storyline to our relationship for anyone who is interested...it just excites me so much and I would like to share it for anyone who can be bothered reading it.

 
DenverDon
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Posted - Aug 12 2002 : 9:30AM
Nuna,

Love is always overwhelming, like a ton of bricks dropped on your head.

Communication is a key, vital, most important, etc. etc. ... ... element in any relationship, whether love or other.

Keep it up and wish you the best.


DenverDon

Planet Sex
Deactivated User

1951 Posts
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Posted - Aug 12 2002 : 8:05PM
Love can hurt you more than anything else in the world. Sometimes I´m not sure if love is a blessing or a curse.
GattMan
Deactivated User

Melbourne, Australia
129 Posts
1/02
Posted - Aug 12 2002 : 11:57PM
Oh I see it as a curse myself I dont plan to be involved with anyone for a long time if at all
mongosbull
New Member

3 Posts
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Posted - Aug 14 2002 : 2:05AM
Long time lurker here... couldn’t remember my old log in so I made a new account.

I have to give the voice of descent here and I hate to say what I’m about to, but I feel that you need to hear this.

I have been in a few relationships that have been along the same lines... I was the "innocent" the girl was more "experienced".
I think you are setting yourself up for the big hurt here.
My experience is that leopards don’t change there spots (or at least its very rare).

I hate to sound harsh, but a woman that didn’t have a problem fucking around last year will probably have a hard time staying faithful now. I’m sure that she has strong feelings for you but you need to ask yourself - can you handle her humping someone else the first time you get in a fight?
You really remind me of me when I was younger - and not in any kind of bad way - A nice, loving caring guy. You really need to find someone who has values and morals that are in line with yours. You can pretend that the past is the past, and that she has changed, and she loves you and all that, but the truth is that as time goes buy you will never really trust her and because of your differences in morals you probable wont work out.

You seem like a really "nice" kid (no offence meant, especially by the kid part). This is your first sexual experience. You are learning the ways of the relationship. Be sure you go in wit your eyes open and your brain turned on…..

Nuna
Member

Australia
20 Posts
9/00
Posted - Aug 15 2002 : 10:52PM
Mongosbull: I dont know what to say....this is probably the only negative response i have had so far, but Im not taking it personally at all and i am not offended or anything. I take your advice on board, and I fully realise that when u give your heart to someone that you leave yourslef open to getting hurt, but that is a risk I have decided to take.
I have to point out that she was faithful with her first serious boyfriend for about 3 years, but it broke off when she got to curios about what else was out their and they grew apart.

I would be interested in what everyone else has to say on Monosbull's point of view.

Janitor
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Posted - Aug 16 2002 : 10:18AM
Nuna - as a woman who has changed a lot, sexually and psychologically, I don't agree with mongosbull at all. I don't mean to offend him, but it just sounds like he's been hurt by a few women, and made sweeping judgements because of that. People change as they grow up. Regardless, your girlfriend did not cheat. She just had some sex. There's a difference. A liar may always be a liar. But someone who had sex with a variety of partners can easily fall in love and only want to be with one partner. You know your girlfriend better than any of us. You love who she is. Her past is a part of what made her who she is.
GattMan
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129 Posts
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Posted - Aug 16 2002 : 9:36PM
Steph, I kinda agree with what was said this woman who "ripped my heart" was not only grown up [late 30's] but also a respected member of her community [a kindergarten teacher], it still didnt stop her treating me like crap and putting me through a hell I didnt deserve or was justified
Hardware All-Star Supporter
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Posted - Aug 18 2002 : 1:01PM
Planet Sex wrote:
Hey Hardware, what are those Pagfeek Papers you´re always talking about?
____________________________________________________________

They're THE greatest underground comix ever written. Author - M. Morrison; publisher - Krupp Comic Works; publication date - 1973.

Hardware

"and removed two corns from a nurse's foot with my TEETH before I could be subdued...such is my PASSION TO HEAL!" the Pagfeek Papers

Planet Sex
Deactivated User

1951 Posts
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Posted - Aug 18 2002 : 8:27PM
Hmmm. I´ll check em ASAP! Thanks for the tip. It´s always a pleasure to discover things, new or old.
mongosbull
New Member

3 Posts
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Posted - Aug 21 2002 : 1:59AM
I guess a little more info is in order... I didn’t mean to be over the top or mister negative pants (oh wait, yea, I guess I kinda did).
Stepfdunn, no offence taken whatsoever.... Yes I was hurt, probably have a few scars, but not crippled or disfigured.... but really, who doesn’t have baggage from high school and college and other relationships?
Yes, I agree that people change as they grow up- absolutely. I am very different (and in my opinion better) than I was 10 years ago, but think in this case there may not have been enough time to grow up for the girlfriend. I don’t read this story as "she just had some sex" as you said, but more as she used sex as a tool, either to hurt her past boyfriend, to get attention or to make herself feel better about herself because she was in an uncomfortable position. In my very humble, often subject to debate and what could be wrong opinion, that is not healthy.

My general observation on life is that people don’t make any major change with out a major event..... Its "life physics" really - every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Alcoholics don’t stop drinking until they lose something dear to them, criminals don’t go straight until they get caught. Some don’t ever stop - Most do when the consequences outweigh the perceived gains (happiness factor). To me, these are human tendencies and facts of life.

As far as having lots of sex, or sex with lots of people, or sex with strangers or with friends or friends of friends or ex-girlfriends or boyfriends and girlfriends at the same time - that’s all fine and dandy, and in and of itself I don’t have any problem with any of it.... as long as its for the right reasons (and that is a question that can only be answered by the people involved) My comment was meant to convey that 1) I don’t think that people change all that quick. and 2) that if Nuna has a problem with "I just don’t like the fact that she slept with guys who meant nothing to her..." they might not be all that compatible in the long run.

 
GattMan
Deactivated User

Melbourne, Australia
129 Posts
1/02
Posted - Aug 21 2002 : 2:17AM
Off topic and this shows maybe how mean spirited I have become [and you can blame the female race]
I cant wait to have sex so I can call my ex gf and rub it in
Is that mature no not really but damn I want payback what will it solve probably nothing but still
Its about time I started treating women like crap maybe one will stay
Nuna
Member

Australia
20 Posts
9/00
Posted - Aug 21 2002 : 8:46AM
Mongosbull: Your right that there hasnt been a significant event that has changed her, but wouldn't the fact that we have been together 8 months now indicate a change.?
All this stuff happened with her in 2000 so its 2 years ago now.

As for change, she hasn't even had an official "break up" with this guy, which i think is a problem for me. In fact when he arrived back from overseas 3 or 4 months ago, he went to her place for dinner. That night at her apartment, she went to bed early and he stayed and talked to her roomate (bestfriend) and another guy. After 30 minutes he went into her room and started undressing for you know what(note: this guy is extremely confident). She was half asleep and told him she had a boyfriend and to get out. They havnt really talked since, but that showed that he still thought she was the same girl that she was and he thought he could get it any time he wanted.

As far as her sexual past, she said it was mainly just for the "sex", and not often used as a tool.

StephDunn, Dumblonde...what can you say about Mongo's opinoin?.

Planet Sex
Deactivated User

1951 Posts
6/01
Posted - Aug 21 2002 : 3:06PM
Dude, JUST LET IT GO. Forget that fucking bitch. There´s PLENTY of pussy around for you to use and abuse, plenty of hearts for you to make ´em AND break ´em.

I´m 34 and tired of looking for an even remotely decent female partner, all they want is my fucking money. I just quit searching. If that means I´m going to be alone for the rest of my life, I don´t fucking care. I´ll be more happy keeping my money instead of giving it to FUCKING BITCHES.

Janitor
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Posted - Aug 21 2002 : 5:33PM
mongos - i agree with many of your assesments, but i don't think people need to analyze their lifelong compatibility when they're enjoying a relationship.

so, nuna, just enjoy what you have - don't worry about the past or the future.

NuTTy_BuDDy
Member

608 Posts
12/00
Posted - Aug 27 2002 : 3:17AM
Kevin Smith movies are relevant to all relationships :D
Cygnus5
Member

88 Posts
4/02
Posted - Sep 8 2002 : 4:33PM
Nuna:

I think I understand you. If this is your first sexual encounter with a woman, you're vulnerable to the powerful emotions first-time physical infatuations can present.

You simply must let go of the past, and stop asking questions of her that, frankly, are none of your business. Easier said than done, perhaps, but you're simply filling your head with graphic images and scenarios. You'll never climb out of this rut if you continue dwelling on the past.

What you need is more experience with other people. The first time is not the only time nor the last time; it's a beginning.

There are other people out there. Once you get a few miles on you, so to speak, you will be able to put each person into her proper perspective. Treat each woman with dignity—and think only of her. And never but never ask about the past. It's over and cannot be undone.

You'll see all this eventually.

Cygnus5
Member

88 Posts
4/02
Posted - Sep 8 2002 : 4:39PM
Nuna:

I think I understand you. If this is your first sexual encounter with a woman, you're vulnerable to the powerful emotions first-time physical infatuations can present.

You simply must let go of the past, and stop asking questions of her that, frankly, are none of your business. Easier said than done, perhaps, but you're simply filling your head with graphic images and scenarios. You'll never climb out of this rut if you continue dwelling on the past.

What you need is more experience with other people. The first time is not the only time nor the last time; it's a beginning.

There are other people out there. Once you get a few miles on you, so to speak, you will be able to put each person into her proper perspective. Treat each woman with dignity—and think only of her. And never but never ask about the past. It's over and cannot be undone.

You'll see all this eventually.

Londo-Cat
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46 Posts
9/02
Posted - Sep 16 2002 : 12:59PM
Pre-message appology for those that might be offended..

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Damn dood -- I lost my cherry when I was 16 to a substitute Math teacher in Jr High School. She had been with more than 50 men at the time and considered herself a true slut, but felt it was her obligation to help me lose mine. For days I wondered if I was supposed to feel "in-love" with this woman, and honestly I wasn't. Yea sure, she was cute and damned if I didn't bust a nut several times with her, but the long and short of it is that you busted your cherry and now you "feel" obligated to have some kind of relationship with her. It honestly sounds like you want to slap your dick across her face, bust some nut butter on her brow and let it drip down to her chin and then roll over and go to sleep.

The woman slept with 15 guys. BIG FUCKING DEAL. Hell, if she had been my girlfriend, I would have made the bitch pull a train until she was so sore and used you could have parked a chevy in there.

15 us nothing, truly. For a woman nowadays, its the average. Most women have been with at least 8-10 before they even get out of high school, but MOST of them are SMART enough NOT to say ANYTHING to the MAN!

Your DINGO bitch opened up her fat fucking mouth and now you have "issues" with the fact that she let 15 men FUCK her silly and she also "kind of" never broke up with her ex.

Damn man -- you are one fucked up dood, and your woman needs to have her fucking mouth sewn up for telling you ANYTHING. Nothing more disturbing that some mealy mouth whiner complaining about his woman's past sexual history.

What you need is to have your woman blow you in front of her ex and then tell him he's history. Take charge man, BE THE MAN and tell her HOW it IS. Stop with this whining bullshit and do the caveman thing.

I've read all your posts, and honestly you sound as if you are afraid she's going to go fuck her ex again cause they "never officially broke up" what the fuck is that bullshit about?? Listen pookie, it doesn't matter if she told him to fuck off, or tried to shoot him. The problem is YOU man, if she goes off and fucks him cause the sex was better (which I think you are secretly afraid of) and then tells you that she just wanted to bust the cherry of a virgin and then goes and screws the entire oakland raiders as well, is that some kind of dishonor to YOU?

No. Your girlfriends actions will speak for her, NOT YOU.

As for her past history, if its bothering you so much, ask your girlfriend to let you fuck 14 other women. See how good she feels then. If she says cool, let her set it up. If she throws a fit, dump her stupid ass and then go find AND fuck 14 other women or more.

Lastly -- rant rant rant... don't get caught up in the numbers. My wife slept with six men, one of them with a dick the size of california. Did I care? No, I slept with most of the women IN California. So I didn't really fucking care one damned iota. Numbers are what you make of them. If it bothers you, you can't change her, so give up and walk away if you can't forget, cause you damned sure can't make her forget (like the time she was getting it in the front and back, doing 4 at a time, non-commital sex, etc and how good it was). Remember Nuna -- it was ALL JUST FOR SEX... and she DID ENJOY IT. Nothing you can do about it.

-Londo Cat

dumblonde
Senior Member

2352 Posts
7/00
Posted - Sep 17 2002 : 11:25AM
Londo-cat, the only one who could be offended by your post is Nuna, (or perhaps his girlfriend). Although I'm hoping he's not still obsessing about this, I had a different take than you.

" but the long and short of it is that you busted your cherry and now you "feel" obligated to have some kind of relationship with her...."

I didn't get that at all from him - they waited quite a awhile to do the deed, and have been together 8 months. It sounds to me like he cares very much for her, otherwise it wouldn't bother him so much.

"It honestly sounds like you want to slap your dick across her face, bust some nut butter on her brow and let it drip down to her chin and then roll over and go to sleep. "

I honestly don't think so. Interesting interpretation though....

"The woman slept with 15 guys. BIG FUCKING DEAL. Hell, if she had been my girlfriend, I would have made the bitch pull a train until she was so sore and used you could have parked a chevy in there. "

WTF? Is that even legal.....

"Your DINGO bitch opened up her fat fucking mouth and now you have "issues" with the fact that she let 15 men FUCK her silly and she also "kind of" never broke up with her ex......"

DINGO bitch? Is Nuna the only one with "issues" here?.....

"Damn man -- you are one fucked up dood, and your woman needs to have her fucking mouth sewn up for telling you ANYTHING. Nothing more disturbing that some mealy mouth whiner complaining about his woman's past sexual history. "

I can think of a few things more disturbing....

"What you need is to have your woman blow you in front of her ex and then tell him he's history."

There is such a thing as watching too much porn....

" Listen pookie, it doesn't matter if she told him to fuck off, or tried to shoot him.... "

If I were Nuna it would matter, I'd feel much better if it was the first -

"My wife slept with six men, one of them with a dick the size of california. Did I care? No, I slept with most of the women IN California. So I didn't really fucking care one damned iota. "

Are you sure? My God man, you seem to have worked yourself up into quite a state -

"If she throws a fit, dump her stupid ass and then go find AND fuck 14 other women or more. "

Hopefully not in California, we're still recovering from your blitzkreig assault......

"so give up and walk away if you can't forget, cause you damned sure can't make her forget (like the time she was getting it in the front and back, doing 4 at a time, non-commital sex, etc and how good it was) "

Dear God, I don't think Nuna has heard about this one yet ..... We ARE talking about Nuna here, right?

Londo-Cat
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Posted - Sep 17 2002 : 2:55PM
Londo-Cat
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9/02
Posted - Sep 17 2002 : 2:56PM
Hey there dumblonde,

Hillarious commentary. I loved it.

Every once and awhile I get to ranting about something, and in this particular case, it was Nuna and his obsession with his girlfriends sexual history.

One of my points is that Nuna _waited_ to actually have sexual relations with his girlfriend. Whether it was before or after they had relations he found out about his partners sexual tyrsts I don't know. If it was before, well, he knew and there shouldn't be an issue because he KNEW beforehand. If it was after, well nothing I can really say there except that he should have never asked. But in this day and age, it's pretty common to ask about sexual history and perhaps a medical test. My wife asked for one of me, and me the same of her. But she did ask about my sexual history (She's a FNP) and I was very honest about how many women I slept with, and the same with her.

But consider that both of us are older (35+) and have both been married before, AND have kids, so we are on a different level than Nuna and his girlfriend. We have a different set of considerations than just boy meets girl.

dumblonde - caring is one thing and I can honestly say that I understand that he cares for his girlfriend, but unfortunatelly it sounds like Nuna has other issues than caring. He sounds insecure about his role in the relationship. He brings up issues like "not officially broken up" and this sounds more like an issue of insecurity and possibly trust between the two. From the posts I can see that they don't live together, so trust is an issue to some degree, why else would be bring up the issue that they haven't "officially" broken up??

As for my other comments. I refer to the pre-message appology. I love to rant, and this was just part of the ranting part. As for legal. Hmmm... don't know.

As for Dingo, That's my nick-name for woman that sleep with a lot of men. Dingo's are wild Australian outback dogs. Rather than call them sluts or whores I call them dingo bitch(s). At least "I" thought it was funny.

As for more disturbing -- oh yes. I can think of a LOT of things that are truly more disturbing and I really don't want to. My world is ok as it is and I don't feel the need to inject anymore filth into it, the amount I have now is A-O-K.

As for too much porn... gotta argue that one, until someone comes out and says X-time is too much in a single day and it will lead to insanity, constant masturbation, mental illness, stroke or heart attack, that statement lacks foundation or merit at this time.

As for what and who Nuna's GF did. I don't have one damned clue who/what/where or how many she did but from Nuna's posts, it didn't sound like she didn't enjoy the experiences which I think bothers Nuna greatly.

Nuna has "issues " about his girlfriends sexuality.

Nuna can't or "won't" and if he won't then I guess he will always have an issue with his GF's past sexual history.

I rest my case.

-Londo Cat

Nuna
Member

Australia
20 Posts
9/00
Posted - Sep 25 2002 : 9:43AM
Hey everyone. I thought Id respond to the latest posts by Londo_Cat and Dumblonde.

" but the long and short of it is that you busted your cherry and now you "feel" obligated to have some kind of relationship with her...."

"I didn't get that at all from him - they waited quite a awhile to do the deed, and have been together 8 months. It sounds to me like he cares very much for her, otherwise it wouldn't bother him so much."

EXACTLY Dumblone. I care for her more than I can express and we waited 6 months before we did it. I knew about this info way before we did it.

Londo: I would never talk about women like you do, let alone the one I am in love with and dont appreciate you calling her a bitch and such...She told me these things because she wants to be honest with me and me with her (i even showed her this thread becasue i didnt want to keep it a secret, she loved what you had to say Dumblonde). Sure it hurt me the info, but its better than me wondering forever i think.

dumblonde wrote:
Londo-cat, the only one who could be offended by your post is Nuna, (or perhaps his girlfriend). Although I'm hoping he's not still obsessing about this, I had a different take than you.

I am not obsessing over it like I was Dumblonde, it is alot better than it was, laregely because of yours and stephs and others positive words. Is it gone and forgotten completely in my mind?. No. But it is getting less of an issue as time goes on.

Thanks to everyone responding, good and bad, it all helps in the end i think.


Janitor
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Posted - Sep 25 2002 : 10:40AM
Nuna - good for you! honesty is the only way to build a strong relationship, whether it's a friendship or more. the fact that her past bothered you only shows that you care. it's nice to see.

and if we haven't made it clear enough, in the big scheme of things your girlfriend is practically a virgin have fun together!

DenverDon
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Posted - Sep 25 2002 : 11:09AM
Nuna,

Glad to hear that it is becoming less of an issue.

Honesty can be a rough road sometimes, but if you get over the humps it can certainly help cement together a strong relationship. You’d also never have to worry about the ‘skeletons’ in the closet because they’re already out.

Keep working at it and enjoy each other.

DenverDon

Londo-Cat
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46 Posts
9/02
Posted - Sep 25 2002 : 12:21PM
Nuna,
Thats good to hear that you would never talk about women like I do. Not that I give a flying fuck, but thats good.

Oh, I called her a "Dingo Bitch". Thats not just a bitch. Its an Australian female Dog in heat. Just wanted to clarify that for you... okay mate!? Not really bent out of shape because you didn't like what I called her. Hell, I could have called her a dumb cum junkie or nut rag. But at least I didn't call you a fucking pathetic whiner who should be bitch slapped. That would have been over the top I think. No, I wouldn't have gone that far.

Continue down the joyful road of bliss that you are currently on. Love one another. Be honest. Write me when she dumps you and let me know how you are feeling then.

Londo-Cat
~ Spreading love and good cheer the world around...

Londo-Cat
Member

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46 Posts
9/02
Posted - Sep 25 2002 : 12:28PM
Oh damn... that last post was just pure fucking evil of me wasn't it? You'd think that I would just shut the hell up and leave poor Nuna alone and let the "good intentions" of all heal his open wounds.

Okay, so I'm NOT the most compassionate person out there, and I fully admit to this. Even my wife says I'm a sarcastic, heartless bastard at times and to which I reply, but yea, but at least I'm funny sometimes, right?

Take it with a grain of salt, and in Nuna's case, perhaps he needs a couple bags worth.

So this will be my last post on the Nuna issue. I won't respond anymore unless Nuna actually requests it. I'm more than happy to put some comments down, but I feel that this thread is at its end. Time for a new rant.

Londo-Cat

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