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DreamWeaver Member 288 Posts 10/02	Posted - Mar 16 2004 : 6:12AM I guess I should explore and see more of the sights of ADT. I'd like to hear why some have chosen to get married (other then the obvious reason of love), and others have decided to stay single. Or is it more of a question of opportunity? Those between 25-45 years of age. It seems to me that the vast majority have the desire to settle down in their 20's to 30's and get married with..::gasp ::..children. Now, this doesn't really appeal to me and while I've been happy (well, more like content) with my lifestyle, I find all of my friends and siblings are married and are now questioning why I continue to move from one relationship to the next with little interest in serious commitments (ie common law or marriage). I've been giving the topic some thought as of recently and am curious of the decisions you've made and the pros and cons of each. [Link]
MLyons Senior Member 1617 Posts 8/02	Posted - Mar 16 2004 : 9:04AM There's some good topics somwewhere around here that have talked about this before. I know that Lindi and I have responded more than once about marriage, how it isn't for everyone, but why we chose it and what it means to us. I'll try to get some time to do some searching this morning, but Lindi might beat me to it. :) [Link]
cobalt60 Knuckle Dragger 2046 Posts 2/03	Posted - Mar 16 2004 : 9:27AM I know I've talked about it at length, too. Huh...he said 'length'...huh huh... I'm trying to decide if I feel like typing, or have time. Hmmmm....I have to figure out why my spam filters aren't blocking indiatimes.com -- that's a good one to block, btw, all junk as far as I can tell. And get a "comments page" script working. And who knows what else... Quickly then: I loooooooove being married, but that's 100% because of whom I married. I certainly don't recommend it for everyone. I'll get back to you. This could take a while, if you really want the whole picture (who, why, how it's affected our lives, pros, cons, all of it). Might be tonight. [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Mar 16 2004 : 10:22AM Ta Da !!! SQUIDMONKEY's excellent thread, complete with typical enlightening SQUIDMONKEY-style topic title. [Link]
Janitor Retired Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99	Posted - Mar 16 2004 : 5:27PM DW - You'll know when you're ready, if ever. You'll be with someone you always want to be with and one day you'll think 'Hey I want to marry this chick'. No analysis necessary :) [Link]

Sir Noel Plum Senior Studmuffin 1001 Posts 2/03	Posted - Mar 17 2004 : 5:15AM I'd marry my girlfriend if we didn't want to have children together. We get on great but if I married her and we had kids she could take me to the cleaners if she wanted, so for me it has to be one or the other and I'd like to start a family in a few years. The tragedy is, if I died I'd love her to have my pension entitlement and the security that would bring and she won't get that outside of wedlock but the thought of losing my car, home and everything inside if things went sour is too frightening to gamble on. SNP. [Link]
darkangel Member 87 Posts 4/03	Posted - Mar 18 2004 : 1:29PM Steph's right. When you find that person and you are ready to settle down, it won't be a big decision with doubt or fears. It just happens. When I met the girl that would become my wife I knew right off that I had met the right person, don't ask me how, but I just knew. It's been almost ten years since that day and we haven't looked back once (excpet to retell the story). Oh yeah, and it helps if the other person feels the same way! Also, marriage doesn't mean you have to have kids (birth control still works just as well as it did before). [Link]
Sir Noel Plum Senior Studmuffin 1001 Posts 2/03	Posted - Mar 18 2004 : 2:17PM I want to have kids, that was my point, if I didn't want to have kids I'd be prepared to get married. I know traditionally this looks a bit like I've written it backwards, but for me it is kids or marriage but I am not prepared to endanger myself with both together unless the law changes. SNP. [Link]
Kimi Lixx Senior Member 2012 Posts 6/01	Posted - Mar 18 2004 : 6:39PM I was married. For nine years. I didn't hate it, I didn't love it. I didn't hate or love him, either. I got married because I had good reasons to do it, none of them had to do with love or fidelity or anything dopey like that. They were practical. I threw the bum out because he was a bum, and I had no reason to stay married to him any longer. Again, practical, although, after nine years, I did have an emotional investment - he really pissed me off. I stay single because I have no reason to get married. I don't care for any emotional entanglements, I don't have any religion, I refuse to mess up my financial life (any more than it already is), and I want everything in my life MY way. I am not interested in compromising with anyone, about anything. I don't get lonely. I get the opposite of lonely - is there a "too many people get away from me" word? I'm not afraid of growing old alone - that sounds massively peaceful to me. I don't want someone to share my experiences with, or anyone to share their experiences with me - that's what chat rooms are for. I think I might be anti-social, and that seems to be a little bit against the grain of marriage. [Link]
pornopunk Senior Member 1343 Posts 2/04	Posted - Mar 18 2004 : 7:38PM To me marriage seems to be something society tells you that you need in order to be complete and happy. I personally don't know if i'll ever get married. i'm 25 now, but who knows what the future holds. I've been with the same woman for 2 years now and things are great. I don't feel a piece of paper will make us love eachother anymore. Besides, people change over time and a promise you make today may not be so easy to keep in the future. Just look at divorce statistics. [Link]
vincevega Member 131 Posts 11/02	Posted - Mar 18 2004 : 8:48PM pornopunk wrote: To me marriage seems to be something society tells you that you need in order to be complete and happy. I personally don't know if i'll ever get married. i'm 25 now, but who knows what the future holds. I've been with the same woman for 2 years now and things are great. I don't feel a piece of paper will make us love eachother anymore. Besides, people change over time and a promise you make today may not be so easy to keep in the future. Just look at divorce statistics. Click to expand I say only get married if you plan on having children. Simple as that. [Link]
Percy Walker Member 108 Posts 9/03	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 5:10AM My younger brother got married, twice. The second time was the winner. He has two great teenagers that I adore. Many of my friends married OR had kids late (upper 30s-mid40s). All love their kids, whether they chose to live together, married or not. I happen to love most kids. But I made the decision at 21 that I did not want to pass on the craziness my father passed to me. No abuse---just self-loathing that I never could get out of my system. Now in my upper 50s I see all the good a family can do a person IF they are willing to completely compromise with their partner. But the decision to compromise need not be made before committing to one person. It is something that appears to me to be continuely learned. As for the comment by Sir Plum about going to the cleaners, everyone worries about that. You two can make a pre-nuptial if you like. Years ago a friend who was a shrink swore he would put everything in writing before he married anyone. Then he met a woman 25 years younger than he and many, many times richer. I think he still had a contract written, just in case. Good luck to all who are thinking it over, percy [Link]
Sir Noel Plum Senior Studmuffin 1001 Posts 2/03	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 7:11AM Percy Walker wrote: As for the comment by Sir Plum about going to the cleaners, everyone worries about that. You two can make a pre-nuptial if you like. Years ago a friend who was a shrink swore he would put everything in writing before he married anyone. Then he met a woman 25 years younger than he and many, many times richer. I think he still had a contract written, just in case. Click to expand I'm afraid UK courts don't recognise such agreements. Just to be clear, I'd have no qualms splitting things 50/50 but in the UK if you have kids the mother gets the kids 99% of the time and divorce courts rule that because she has the kids she will get the house, the bed, the washing machine, the car etc etc. After you're left with nothing other than your clothes and your job unless you can quickly latch onto another divorcee and live in her house you'll only be able to afford a squalid bedsit (especially after the maintenance payments are deducted out your wages) whereupon the courts frequently decide your present accomodation is unsuitable for a child to enter so you can't even have your kids over for the night! If you're not married you'll still be liable for maintenance payments just the same, still struggle to get to see your children if the mother plays it tough, but at least you have an absolute right to your share in the house and all its contents. SNP. Edited by - Sir Noel Plum on 3/19/2004 7:13:02 AM [Link]
Sir Noel Plum Senior Studmuffin 1001 Posts 2/03	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 7:36AM Percy, when I searched just to check on the pre-nuptial thing I found a site from a firm of UK solicitors that had a large section on divorce with one section specifically for men. This is an extract of what they had to say (there was a lot more but much of it was to do with not getting custody of your children so not really relevant here) What happens in this case is that the Court will look at the "needs" of the parties and it will be found that the "need" of the wife and children to have a roof over their head will vastly outweigh the "need" of the husband to have some part of the capital which was tied up in the matrimonial home. Young children almost always remain with the mother and so the overwhelming likelihood is that a Court would order the matrimonial home to be transferred into the sole name of the wife. This is despite the fact that the husband may have made all the financial payments. The Courts regard the needs of the wife and children to be much more important in cases such as these. Theoretically the law is equal for husband and wife but in practice, because the residence of young children tends to be with the mother, financial settlements of capital or transfers of property to the wife are almost always very substantial unless the marriage has been very short or there are other truly exceptional circumstances. This is the hard fact of the matter and it is difficult enough for most husbands in this position to accept but there are many additional factors which are likely to add to the man's sense of grievance. Not the least of these is the very unfair effect of legal aid. Typically, a wife who remains at home to look after the children will be eligible for Legal Aid in matrimonial proceedings because she has no, or a very low, income and the income of her partner is not taken into account for this purpose. The husband, on the other hand, will typically not be eligible for Legal Aid because of his income. The first significant effect of this is that the husband will usually be charged very much more for the same legal advice than the wife. This is because lawyers - barristers and solicitors - almost invariably charge "private clients" considerably more than legally aided clients. It can sometimes be almost twice as much. The reason for it is that legal aid rates of payment are fixed whereas it is the market which determines the going rate for private client work. Whether it is justified is another matter and a husband who finds himself in this position should ALWAYS (unless money is not a problem) find out exactly how much he will be charged and ask how that compares to the Legal Aid rate for the same work. By doing it this way he is probably more likely to be able to negotiate a lower rate of charging. It is important to remember that the market works both ways! Nevertheless, this is the unfortunate position many men find that they are in. This obviously puts pressure on them to settle on terms which are quite unreasonable and unfair but if they do not have the funds to continue they very often have little choice. The second significant effect is that the wife often has a very deep purse to fund her legal action despite the fact that she may have no income or capital of her own. Legal Aid is not actually free in these circumstances. The wife's solicitor's and barrister's bills will be paid for the wife by the Legal Services Commission out of taxpayers' money although if a legally aided litigant recovers any money or property with the help of Legal Aid the Legal Services Commission can recover the money it has spent from the property recovered. If, for instance, the wife makes a claim to have the matrimonial home transferred into her sole name and that is what happens at the end of the day then she has "recovered" the house and the Legal Services Commission can put a charge on it (called "the Statutory Charge" because it is laid down by Act of Parliament) to get back the money spent on the case. In effect what this means is that the wife can mortgage the house to pay for her legal costs. Interestingly enough, the husband cannot do the same. If the house is in joint names the wife obviously would not agree to such borrowing and if the house is in the husband's sole name the husband will soon find he is on the receiving end of an injunction if he attempts to do any such thing. The wife's lawyers cannot lose either way - they will be paid by the Legal Services Commission no matter what the outcome. Legal Aid is not usually limited in matrimonial proceedings (presumably because the Legal Services is fairly confident of recovering its money via the Statutory Charge) and so, in effect, the lawyers know they are dealing with a client who has a bottomless purse. The husband is NOT usually in that position. Click to expand SNP. Edited by - Sir Noel Plum on 3/19/2004 7:37:17 AM Edited by - Sir Noel Plum on 3/19/2004 7:39:57 AM [Link]
Janitor Retired Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 10:10AM If you're already worried about the end before getting married then what's the point? I don't buy the times change people change stuff. If you marry someone you respect who respects you then you won't need to involve a court ever. I wouldn't even consider marrying someone who was concerned about losing their material goods in a divorce. The end of a marriage is a lot bigger loss than a house, car or other junk. To me marriage seems to be something society tells you that you need in order to be complete and happy. Click to expand True. Recognizing that is the first step towards choosing to have a healthy marriage or choosing to be healthy and single. [Link]

YogaGrrl self-removed user 757 Posts 12/01	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 10:26AM Steph wrote: I don't buy the times change people change stuff. Click to expand I think that much of what's required is faith. Not faithfulness, which is a separate issue. Rather, faith that there is enough depth to the human soul (both your lover's and your own) that you can remain fascinated in one person for a lifetime. I never get tired of watching my husband change and grow and try new things. [Link]
Sir Noel Plum Senior Studmuffin 1001 Posts 2/03	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 10:59AM Steph wrote: If you're already worried about the end before getting married then what's the point? I don't buy the times change people change stuff. If you marry someone you respect who respects you then you won't need to involve a court ever. I wouldn't even consider marrying someone who was concerned about losing their material goods in a divorce. The end of a marriage is a lot bigger loss than a house, car or other junk. Click to expand You have a nice house in a nice area Steph (I've seen the picture). So when you turn 40 you lose that house, all the money you've invested in it is turned over to someone else along with your savings and now you're on your own. Go and find a single room you can afford to rent, it'll have to be in some dodgy city area with what you've got left after you've paid your monthly maintenance and get over the fact that you have to start again totally from scratch (minus maintenance) only this time your now 40 and not 20 anymore. You say this wouldn't concern you?? Frankly, I am amazed. Most marriages start in good faith. Many divorce proceedings start with both partners trying to settle amicably out of court. Many of those end up with both parties fighting over every last penny. Ask many of that last group how they thought their marriage would pan out at the beginning and I'm sure they'd paint a far rosier picture than the eventual outcome. Just one final point on the 'already worried about divorce before getting married' bit. Over the course of my life I must have seen a thousand and one experts saying that taking the approach 'it'll never happen to me' is pure folly wherever it is applied. At the same time I've seen a thousand and one faces proclaiming that their marriage/love will last forever and the statistics say that a great many of them will be proved to be wrong. Unromantic it may be to think about things going wrong years down the line but I think it is just common sense. ...'then what's the point?' The point is that if you adopted the philosphy of never doing anything that might turn out badly, and required a bit of thought about how things may end, you would probably never do anything worthwhile. SNP. [Link]
Janitor Retired Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 11:23AM woah, sir noel, you have a weird definition of nice house. i love where we live, but we live in an expanded, crooked cabin (no big $$ here.) we're building a nice house though (still not the standard definition of nice.) before drew i lived with a previous boyfriend for years. we accumulated nice stuff together. when it ended i gave him everything and moved into a garage apartment the size of a closet. i loved him and still respected him. the stuff didn't matter. granted a home is different than furniture and records (though i loved those records too :) but no, starting over without anything does not worry me. i have more than a home invested with drew. we've built a business together too. i don't see why starting over equals a room in a dodgy city. i've gotten by without help before and i can do it again. maybe i'm just lucky to live in a country full of opportunity. because i lost my father when i was a baby i always consider the possibility that i will lose drew. that's a much bigger fear for me than losing stuff. sure, i enjoy the comforts i have now, but i don't need them. stuff is as much a hindrance as it is a comfort. [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 11:27AM Maybe I should comment on why I'm still married after 24 years. Or maybe I shouldn't... Our marriage was a breeze for about 20 years. I couldn't understand what anyone meant when they said marriage is work. We even took a year going around the world, and were hardly ever apart. In fact, other than restrooms and quick showers, we weren't apart for even five minutes the first four months of the trip - then one day we were wandering in Chiang Mai looking for a bank and a grocery store, and found a bank next to a grocery store, so we separated for about 5 minutes so I could grab lunch while he cashed a traveler's check. We both stopped in outr tracks and looked at each other, because we hadn't been apart at all for four months. So for that year we had no personal space, voluntarily, and for both of us it was the best year of our lives. We had also expected to have some arguments that year, so before we left on the trip we agreed that our relationship was more important than any trip, and that when any arguments arose that either of us felt were out of control, either of us could call a time out, and no matter what we were doing (Great Wall of China, pyramids, plane landing on a glacier), we'd call it off and sit it out. It never happened. Not a single argument or disagreement in that year. I'm not kidding. Both of us in a good, compromising, happy mood, even after 33 hour train rides in train cars full of smoke from Chinese cigarettes or whatever. And then, after 20 years, the worst year. We were unable to find a house for sale in our small town that wasn't full of mildew and stuff. My brother offered to move in with us and help build a house. Arghhhh. He's ex-military, and he told us every day what time to wake up, and when it was okay to talk (not while they were working, not while they were eating lunch, not in the morning because we had a chance at the meeting last night), and that my husband shouldn't be doing the dishes because it interfered with his access to my husband and affected my brother, etc. Even my very easy-going husband was going nuts, and we didn't speak up, because my brother was generously donating his time out of the love of his heart, and because we had $50,000 of lumber and windows in a heap in our yard, with more on the way, and only one of us knew how to turn it into a house. [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 11:28AM Still going, I just didn't want to lose a long post into cyberspace... [Link]
Sir Noel Plum Senior Studmuffin 1001 Posts 2/03	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 11:47AM Lindi, I just highlight what I've written and click 'copy' if I'm scared of losing it on posting. Looking forward to pt2 SNP. [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 11:51AM And when you build a house, everything that can go wrong will go wrong. From the permit for a septic that you need before you can apply for a permit for a house, but you can't get the septic permit without clearing the land, and you aren't allowed to clear the land in rainy season, yet it takes a month to approve the septic, followed by two months to approve the building (and by then summer building season is over), to windows that arrive damaged (with another 6 week wait for replacements), doors the wrong size and wrong pattern, shorted deliveries of lumber, etc., and me running a nail gun between 3 hour round trips to get more nails after they said the last batch would do the trip, because they have a Bostitch nail gun and everyone around here uses Senco, so nobody carries those nails, yadda yadda. Every day, staining siding, doing damage control, fetching things from 7 am to 9pm 7 days a week, and no time to unwind. Nailing in flooring at midnight by a crappy hanging orange light so you can return the expensive rented stapler on time. After a while everything was about problems and nothing was about accomplishments, and everything was adversarial. I'd run errands and come home and ask cheerfully if he got those shelves up, and he'd snap, "Do you think I have three hands - the fucking brackets don't (yadda yadda) and the damned drill bit (yadda yadda) and I need to go to the hardware for another (blankety blank)..." This mood lasted after the house was finished, we couldn't seem to get back on our feet. I thought we'd have to divorce, and with half our assets in the house, one of us would have a house and not enough money for the property taxes even, and the other would lose a beautiful house that we put so much into and that pretty much cost us everything in the end. But we were miserable. I didn't want to start over. Didn't want to sell the house so we could do a better split, felt trapped and drowning, loved him more than anything and wanted back what I'd had. I wanted space to think, wanted to leave him for a couple of weeks to think things out, and he wouldn't let me go. Finally I told him that either he could help me inflate the mattress for the van and load up water and stuff, and I could leave him cash and stuff, and go, or else one day he'd see that I had just gone without all that, and I'd buy a mattress and water bottles at the first Walmart, and he wouldn't know where I'd gone. He helped me load it all up and said goodbye, and I called him while I was gone, which was only three days. By the time I had driven an hour away, I felt free as a bird. I kept passing crummy little houses in pretty little towns, and I knew I could walk away any time I wanted, and live in one of those crummy little houses and be fine. I'm resourceful, I've been broke before, I'm strong, life is full of people getting by in crummy little houses, and I'm not going to break. My heart was singing. I felt I could leave any damn time I wanted, and have no money, nothing, I'd be fine. I went home and everything turned around. For twenty years, my every important memory is with him, every song that reminds me of anything is about him, and we know what good times and the bad are. I know what it is to flit from guy to guy, and I could do that tomorrow. Building something with him beats that. While I was happy and soaring for my days away, he was miserable and contrite, though angry too that he felt that I wanted him to walk on eggshells and just put on a happy face. But things just turned around the minute I got home, and smoothed out for about 4 days, and it took about a year after that to really trust that we would stay calm. So the moral of the story is do what you want, but fuck the house. The material stuff can be a kind of prison that you have to free yourself of the consideration of it to really follow your heart. It's not part of the real calculation of the measure of your life. The best year of our lives we spent owning nothing but the backpacks that fit under an airline seat. [Link]
lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 12:00PM Oh, and we're still married because: 1) It's a commitment - we decided it was not an option to break up, and that the relationship was the most important thing. 2) We each made a commitment to ourselves to stop blaming, to not be adversarial, to put down our weapons and show that we were unarmed, and to take the risk of being vulnerable. By the way, there is a depth there after the bad times that wasn't there when it had just been 20 years of smooth sailing. It's really beautiful, and I wouldn't trade it, but shoot me if it ever gets like that again. [Link]
Sir Noel Plum Senior Studmuffin 1001 Posts 2/03	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 12:09PM Steph, I thinkit is far easier to start again when you are 20-30 than 40-50 especially with regard to practicalities like affordable mortgage payments. With regard to only affording a room in a dodgy city. My friends have mainly been lucky on divorce and they've been able to live with a (male) friend or parents for a year or so. However, once you leave or are thrown out of your house by the court unless you have parents or a helpful friend you are going to have to rent. Nearly everyone I know pays a mortgage and if you stop paying the mortgage just because a judge has thrown you out your credit rating goes out the window and you become a mortgage defaulter. Consequently, you go from a situation where you pay for the house you live in to a situation where you pay for both the house you live in (rent) and a house you don't (mortgage money for a house to be taken off you) just so that in a few years time you will be able to get a mortgage again. Okay, so a year down the line the house is finally taken off you and you can stop paying the mortgage and you can start to buckle down to paying off your legal fees and child maintenance (typically £200($380) per month for one child). This is a very difficult situation for someone in their late thirties or forties to deal with at the same time that they have had their children taken away from them. There is talk of change. Men across the UK are dressing up as spiderman and the like and climbing up cranes and bridges (seriously) to campaign for fairer rights for fathers following a divorce. The inequity in divorce stems solely from the presumption that the mother should get sole and absolute custody of the children and the father given 'right to access' at the courts and mothers discretion; where no children are involved divorce proceedings are far more equitable. I believe that the pressure for reform is growing and in a few years fathers will not be seen as second class parents and in turn this will lead to more even handed divorce outcomes and who knows, I might even get married SNP. [Link]
Sir Noel Plum Senior Studmuffin 1001 Posts 2/03	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 12:20PM lindi wrote: So the moral of the story is do what you want, but fuck the house. The material stuff can be a kind of prison that you have to free yourself of the consideration of it to really follow your heart. It's not part of the real calculation of the measure of your life. Click to expand A very warming story and great that everything worked out the way it did Lindi. I feel I have to point out though that had you divorced you wouldn't have walked away with nothing you would have walked away with half the value of the very nice house you own so it would not just be 'resourcefulness' that would buy you a 'crummy little house in a pretty town' but hard cash. If you'd generously allowed him to keep the house at least that would have been your decision and nobody would have denied you your slice in a house you had put so much into building and financing. SNP. [Link]

lindi Senior Member 12345 3205 Posts 9/02	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 12:44PM Actually, my mental frame was that shit happens and that I could start over with nothing - no house and no money. I felt I could leave any damn time I wanted, and have no money, nothing, I'd be fine. Click to expand You can rent a crummy little house around here for under $400 a month. In fact, low income people can rent a nicer, newer detached house for that (though none of those are available to people with higher incomes, but that's another story). Shit happens. Medical bills or a lawsuit can wipe anybody out despite health insurance and despite an umbrella policy, we could have martial law, the stock market could drop to nothing, the pension plans and social security could default, whatever. I could get the house in a divorce, and an earthquake could destroy it (no coverage for earthquake). I could get all the cash and the stock market could drop to nothing. Or we could stay together and get bankrupted by some other damned thing. You can take reasonable precautions, but there is no totally getting rid of risk and uncertainty. Might as well do what you want with your life. Actually, back to the housing - this town is population 1200, and all the little houses built in the 30's and 40's (fewer people here now than then), and they have wood rot and stuff. Except the low income housing, which are small and new and clean and nice. But you have to be poor to live there. Middle income, you get a dump to live in, it's much, much cheaper than building a new one. The only other new houses are built by retirees with plenty of money, and all the newer houses in town are $$$$$. Unless you are poor. One of the best-off older people I know is my mom's boyfriend. Before she died, he had a heart attack. SO he started exercising and eating better. He laughed at the medical bills because he owned nothing (not even a car) that they could take. After mom died, he moved into 3 bedroom nice detached new low income housing with a back balcony looking into a beautiful wooded area, and a nice front porch facing a grassy courtyard. He bicycles and walks for his health, and no worries about medical bills or anything, there's nothing for them to take. He's happy as a clam. No insurance, no taxes. The people with a little money pay taxes off the top, and have to scrape for a crummier, older house and they worry about losing their house/car/savings, so they spend a lot of what little they have on insurance. And they scrape by some more. [Link]
Janitor Retired Porno movies, sexy videos, xxx. Adult DVD Talk at your service. 6409 Posts 11/99	Posted - Mar 19 2004 : 1:09PM thanks for sharing that, lindi. i guess we've been really lucky with the house. maybe cause we're in no rush and have a place to live while building it. as far as rent. if you don't need much you can find a cheap place anywhere. i lived in fancy pants laguna beach for $400/month. i've rented rooms in houses for $300. city housing is much more money than small town housing. if i had to live in a beat up ole van and use public bathrooms i'd deal with that too. like lindi said shit happens. i know i can rely on myself. but it is also true that i can rely on my family and friends. [Link]
Percy Walker Member 108 Posts 9/03	Posted - Mar 20 2004 : 4:51AM Sir Noel, Man, it does sound like the UK puts their children on a much higher pedestal than here in the Bible-loving US of A. Knowing a number of single moms, some with support, some with none, makes me wonder which country got it right. Now, if you were to marry another man and adopt, what would they do to you? :) Sorry to make lite of your situation. You obviously feel yourself in quite a bind. Having kids will totally change your life. Sometimes you have to go with the flow of the river. Good luck on your and your lover's decision. lindl, I am happy it worked so well for you. I suspect you and your mate's honesty and respect had a lot to do with it working. Great story to go into the weekend with. percy [Link]
DreamWeaver Member 288 Posts 10/02	Posted - Mar 20 2004 : 9:52PM There's definitely a wide variety of perspectives on the chosen lifestyles. The financial side of things really isn't an issue for me. I've learned that life is that less enjoyable when you're letting things like that dictate how you live your life. That being said, I'm not saying it's ok to be financial inept. Kimilixx shares my same outlooks and personality traits. I stay single because I have no reason to get married. And while I do like emotional attachments, to some extent, I don't particularly enjoy that type of commitment 7 days a week. I live my lifestyle as I see fit and I'm not very open to compromise. I tend to be a little anti-social and while I do like to go out 2-3 times a week with friends/girlfriends, I don't want to be bothered the other 4 days of the week. I need downtime, ON MY OWN. I think it all boils down to personality which results in you either enjoy being with someone every day, or you don't despite how ga-ga you might be over them. ~~somewhere thinking about moving near kimilixx~~ [Link]