Chloe Temple Interview| Author | Post |
|---|---|
| ntfighter Member 645 Posts 7/07 |  Posted - Oct 29 2010 : 6:54PM |
Bob  All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Oct 29 2010 : 7:13PM "Dishonesty" covers a lot of ground. "Cheating" has a degree of descriptive particularity, but not a lot specificity. "Having intercourse outside a supposedly monogamous relationship" is the most granular. Every act of dishonesty occurs within a context. Honesty/dishonesty falls along a broad spectrum. Motives (as distinguished from excuses) are always important in evaluating the ethical status of behavior.   [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Oct 29 2010 : 7:28PM [Link] |
| ntfighter Member 645 Posts 7/07 | Posted - Oct 30 2010 : 12:46PM But why all the negativity Bob. I never implied any of the things you charge, I empathetical stated that I lie and will lie again and I resent you casting aspersion on some very fine women. Oh, by the by your above post was succinct and well reasoned. "Of all the girls I've loved before. Who traveled in and out my door I'm glad you came along da da da da da da. Da da da da daaa" Edited by - ntfighter on 10/30/2010 12:48:22 PM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Oct 30 2010 : 2:50PM Anyway, if an observer DID come to that conclusion in the absence of knowing me, my wife, or the nature of our 25-year relationship, I'd have to wonder whether they had based their conclusion on anything besides their own values and predilections. I cheated some before I was married. Since then, I've had a few attractive opportunities. But ultimately they just didn't make sense to me. I have a number of friends who have cheated on their wives. Either they ultimately regretted it or their marriages ended. They are all still my friends. I don't look down on any of them. But they had no delusions of grandeur, unlike you.I'm not negative. I have a sunny, optimistic disposition.Implied? No, you stated this directly:Why do you believe she would never know it? That would require both great powers of deception on your part and incredible denseness and stupidity on her part. An intelligent, aware woman who really knows a guy knows if he's cheating. Maybe she might not know it if he's had one or two one-night stands over the years. But serial cheating on a regular basis? Or an on-going affair? Any woman who wouldn't know that either has no real connection with the guy; or she's dumb; or she knows it but hides it from herself. [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Oct 30 2010 : 3:03PM I think he might still be alive (although not married) if he had allowed himself to cheat. But he didn't want to be a cheater anymore. He just never found a better outlet for whatever was eating at him. He couldn't live without an outlet. [Link] |
| ntfighter Member 645 Posts 7/07 | Posted - Oct 30 2010 : 3:50PM We are all subject to the human condition. No one has ever become tall by their own efforts so it shouldn't be a matter of pride. Everyone here is vulnerable to cheating. We all here like sex. I'll throw it out there as a theory that we like sex a bit more then our contemporaries. I submit that everyone here is more susceptible to cheating than the average Joe and Jane. So grid your loins, keep the tank empty and enjoy your life. Let cheating assume it rightful place in the course of human events. We as a society are adopting an all or nothing religious fundamentalist view on this matter. Maybe everyone should plan for the eventuallity. If it occurs what is the plan. [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Oct 30 2010 : 5:15PM [Link] |
| saratoga120 Senior Member 1404 Posts 5/05 | Posted - Oct 30 2010 : 5:23PM Principally, my problem with being cheated on is that it robs me of my time. Time I spent thinking romatincally about my partner, time I spent acting on it. To have to look back on this expenditure and realize it was all under false pretenses almost makes me sick to my stomach. Ergo, cheating really can't be good. [Link] |
| ntfighter Member 645 Posts 7/07 | Posted - Oct 30 2010 : 7:44PM What I find strange is that someone would enter a relationship with the thought in mind that if she/he cheats I'm going to stop loving them. How long is this quit list? It's as if what passes for love is like a sandlot ballgame. If it doesn't go exactly as planned take the ball and go home. Breaking up and divorce are options. Not the only option. I admire Hillary Clinton. Bill Clinton's a serial cheater. He was exposed and everyone rushed to give Hillary advice. Most advice was she should leave him. She stood her ground and said, not in these words, this is my husband and it's our relationship and we will decide whats is best for us. [Link] |
| Clam Digger Deactivated User Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05 | Posted - Oct 30 2010 : 9:14PM [Link] |
| ntfighter Member 645 Posts 7/07 | Posted - Oct 31 2010 : 10:46AM The all or nothing view of cheating seems to me to shout that love is an on again off again thing. That while one is searching the cell phone, smelling his pee pee while he sleeps, mentally gauging the width and depth of her vagina for corroborating evidence you're not in love. Finding nothing the love returns? I refuse to submit to the indignity. If I think she's cheating I'll ask her. Then is the time for her to reassure me. Lie if necessary. She loves me, then protect me with any means at her disposal. Edited by - ntfighter on 10/31/2010 10:48:35 AM [Link] |
| Clam Digger Deactivated User Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good. 2268 Posts 1/05 | Posted - Oct 31 2010 : 12:56PM [Link] |
| saratoga120 Senior Member 1404 Posts 5/05 | Posted - Oct 31 2010 : 5:50PM Now, not so much. It wasn't that I didn't cum three times watching them in action (I did), but I had discounted the possibility of her getting attached (she did and was about to hand over her phone number before I stopped her). Anyway, that's clearly the dividing line for me as it would be if she cheated. If I watched her fuck some guy in the backseat of her car after bar hopping and she was unawares, I'd not give her grief for it if it was clear that he just made her pussy wet and she wanted some from him. But if I saw it was more than that, I'd cut her loose. Very fine lines, with momentous outcomes awaiting on both sides, I'm dealing with here. [Link] |
| JohnW Senior Member 1351 Posts 6/08 | Posted - Oct 31 2010 : 6:35PM [Link] |
| JohnW Senior Member 1351 Posts 6/08 | Posted - Oct 31 2010 : 6:43PM I don't think people are that different from your friend. Not necessarily when it comes to cheating, but feeling constrained and unhappy by not having the freedom to indulge. Everybody needs some time for themselves. [Link] |
| Evil_Rip Senior Member Power overwhelming 1117 Posts 12/99 | Posted - Sep 8 2011 : 12:44PM [Link] |
| Kimi Lixx Senior Member 2012 Posts 6/01 | Posted - Sep 8 2011 : 2:07PM ME So far, I've made it 3 1/4 years without cheating!!! I admit, I have faced the temptation I couldn't resist, thankfully, the other person involved backed down. I think I might have known he would quit and go away when I called his bluff, but I also think that if I'd been wrong, I would have gone through with it. [Link] |
| astroknight Questionable Moderator Tastes so good... 4187 Posts 11/99 | Posted - Sep 8 2011 : 4:01PM "I do not as a rule seek advice about food from thin people..." - Jeffrey Steingarten [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Sep 8 2011 : 8:27PM [Link] |
| amadeo Member 63 Posts 7/11 | Posted - Sep 9 2011 : 12:18AM Stopping by the massage parlour palaces here in Bangkok after work for 2 hours of being bathed, rubbed, tugged, and humping a different woman twice a week isn't cheating. It's like stopping by Starbucks to get a double espresso, the only difference is that I don't normally ejaculate at the coffee shop. Edited by - amadeo on 9/9/2011 12:19:47 AM [Link] |
| David Cop-a-feel Deactivated User Trust me, honey, it gets better 323 Posts 10/10 | Posted - Sep 9 2011 : 5:30PM The question you may want to ask is "would my wife see it the same way?" [Link] |
| His Dudeness All Business Shut the fuck up, Donny!! 2793 Posts 4/10 | Posted - Sep 9 2011 : 9:37PM [Link] |
| cordless personality Member 86 Posts 3/10 | Posted - Sep 10 2011 : 12:49PM [Link] |
| amadeo Member 63 Posts 7/11 | Posted - Sep 10 2011 : 3:39PM :) [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Sep 10 2011 : 10:15PM If this guy doesn't feel the least bit guilty about what he does and, in fact, regards his double standards and deception with such pure and unadulterated glee, then his poor wife is married to a stone-cold sociopath. [Link] |
| shank Member 119 Posts 2/09 | Posted - Sep 11 2011 : 3:22AM Because the average mans sex drive is like 10 times that of women? [Link] |
| cordless personality Member 86 Posts 3/10 | Posted - Sep 11 2011 : 10:07AM That's bullshit. Obviously you haven't met Blossom, have you? :) But seriously, I have even read some studies that have indicated that a higher percentage of women have cheated in their lives than men. I'd say for the most part though, it is fairly similar. [Link] |
| Rasko Markovic Member Just plain me ;) 24 Posts 12/10 | Posted - Sep 11 2011 : 11:10AM [Link] |
| David Cop-a-feel Deactivated User Trust me, honey, it gets better 323 Posts 10/10 | Posted - Sep 13 2011 : 5:59PM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Sep 14 2011 : 1:37AM Doesn't have to be. I think Rasko Markovic is staking out a perfectly reasonable position. If we could all manage to think with our heads and do with our hearts, the world would be a better place. The problem is, most of us don't try hard enough to do that and we make up lots of excuses for our slack behavior. Better that we should have high standards and feel appropriately shitty about ourselves when we don't live up to them. [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Sep 14 2011 : 6:06PM Don't know why you'd limit this reasoning to men. [Link] |
| David Cop-a-feel Deactivated User Trust me, honey, it gets better 323 Posts 10/10 | Posted - Sep 14 2011 : 9:26PM yes it would be great if we behaved that way, and certainly some who've posted here are a bit too blase' about cheating. But a woman I'm sort-of involved with is in a loveless relationship with a guy. She's had two kids with him recently just to replace that love she's missing ( a drastic step but she is getting on and maybe thought this was her lot in life). Anyway,we've gotten close over the last couple of years and so it's easy to see how she can develop feelings for another man even if she's trying to resist. But she obviously doesn't wish to jeopardise the domestic arrangement she has at home. So in this way it is a bit more complicated than your ideas illustrate. [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Sep 14 2011 : 11:56PM I don't think you and I disagree. It sounds as if your friend is thinking with her head and doing with her heart. She's in a tough situation. Having kids in the picture makes the issue a lot more complicated. [Link] |
| amadeo Member 63 Posts 7/11 | Posted - Sep 15 2011 : 10:15AM :) [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Sep 15 2011 : 1:19PM Encourage your wife to live her life to the fullest, just the way you are doing, and then we'll talk. [Link] |
| Schmse Senior Member I'm not here, this isn't happening! 2571 Posts 6/04 | Posted - Sep 15 2011 : 5:44PM Like I said before, cheating starts when feelings are involved. If you visit a sauna or massage parlour and pay, then I wouldn't call it cheating. It's more like a manicure or foot massage to women, just enjoyable time to relax. [Link] |
| amadeo Member 63 Posts 7/11 | Posted - Sep 15 2011 : 7:17PM ;) [Link] |
| BYOB_Kenobi Senior Member “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” - Kierkegaard 2684 Posts 8/09 | Posted - Sep 15 2011 : 11:55PM I think many cases the motivation is non-obvious and related to power. I was surprised that many experts agree that underlying motivation of rape is power and not purely sexual based. But who knows.  [Link] |
| Breeze Member One Smokin Hot Chic 532 Posts 11/08 | Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 3:18AM [Link] |
| His Dudeness All Business Shut the fuck up, Donny!! 2793 Posts 4/10 | Posted - Sep 23 2011 : 7:53PM [Link] |
| Breeze Member One Smokin Hot Chic 532 Posts 11/08 | Posted - Sep 25 2011 : 1:03AM When I first started seeing the girl I am seeing, she bounced up the sidewalk to my house happy to see me, and I did the same to see her. When we first started seeing each other we texted and talked on the phone for hours. Now, we rarely text or even talk. When she went to work I would walk her out to her car and make out with her like I loved her madly, now when she has to go to work I make sure the door is locked. One time when we "ran " into each other at the local convenience store we started making out like rabid animals because we couldn't help ourselves. That is the feeling I like and want. As a relationship develops those feelings seem to lapse and that sucks. [Link] |
| angryassdrummer Member 559 Posts 3/11 | Posted - Sep 25 2011 : 9:19AM women cheat as much as men if not more put it this way, i know many many women in relationships or married that look for sex elsewhere ( dont ask me how i know lol) yet i do not know one man, friend or work colleage who has cheated. not saying men dont just never met one who has but met intimately many women who do [Link] |
| Kimi Lixx Senior Member 2012 Posts 6/01 | Posted - Sep 25 2011 : 10:50AM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Sep 26 2011 : 2:48AM [Link] |
| Rod Member 908 Posts 8/10 | Posted - Sep 27 2011 : 8:47PM I didn't read all 5 or 6 pages, but I couldn't find a definition for cheating. Lots of comments about cheating, but no definition. If you're in a LTR where you don't sleep in the same bed, don't have sex together, actually don't ever share nudity/naked time of any kind, but have a sexual relationship with someone else, is that cheating? The non-sexual partner clearly knows there's no sexuality in their relationship, regardless of whether they know/suspect about the second relationship. Does cheating imply someone is sexual with two partners without being candid to either about the other? Is cheating having sex with a partner when in a relationship that's non-sexual? If so, is it cheating to be in a sexual relationship and have a non-sexual relationship with a second partner? How is cheating defined? Curious. [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 7:51PM Fundamental disagreements over basic definitions often cripple discussions of ethical issues -- and that's before people have even joined issue on the substantive questions in a clear and meaningful way. So often, we just talk past each other. ------------------ One might propose that "cheating" implies (i) infidelity (although what constitutes "infidelity" will vary from couple to couple, based upon both explicit deals and tacit understandings); and (2) material lies or material omissions (although what consitutes "materiality" will vary from couple to couple, as well). If that weren't vague enough, try defining the word "makes". I guarantee that you'll want to shoot yourself even before the evolutionary psychologists weigh in. [Link] |
| Breeze Member One Smokin Hot Chic 532 Posts 11/08 | Posted - Oct 20 2011 : 6:54AM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Oct 20 2011 : 1:38PM You're not doomed, Breeze. And you're not alone. You just have to persevere. Communicating is hard, but you can get better at it. It's not as much of a talent as it is a willingness to really be seen by the other person and a desire to really see them. It's risky for both people, because they have to expose themselves. Trying hard is way more than half the battle, though. Yes -- communication is a two-way street. So you have to look hard for women who want to communicate with you as much as you want to commuicate with them. And you need to stick to women with whom you feel a basic connection. If you follow your intuition, you'll be able to separate the possibles from the impossibles pretty quickly. Texting and e-mailing should never be anything but tertiary means of communicating with someone you care about. Aside from the remoteness and impersonality of text-based communications, they deprive us of most of the cues (facial expressions, tones of voice, body language) that help us figure out what other people are actually thinking and feeling when they say something (and also when don't say anything). I promise you that you're better off tackling this thing head on than continually switching partners when the excitement of novelty wears off. As they say in the 12-Step Programs, "Seek progress, not perfection." (I have to remind myself of that all the time, about so many things.) [Link] |
| Breeze Member One Smokin Hot Chic 532 Posts 11/08 | Posted - Oct 23 2011 : 10:51PM [ [Link] |
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