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Introducing Natasha Carter| Author | Post |
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| scorpiusdeus Member  Nice thing about tattoos, I'm spending much less on porn now. 225 Posts 9/11 |  Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 1:44PMYou are in a relationship where you work together, live together and have commingled finances. Things have not been good for about a year. Kids are involved, but neither is the parent of the others kid. Splitting up would bring on potential financial issues for one or both. With the above in mind, you find out the person you've lusted after for years has actually had a thing for you for some time now, but kept it under wraps. Things are heating up between you two. You've ALWAYS had chemistry and have been good friends for a few years now. The two of you finally hook up and it's mind blowing sex for both and neither can now imagine life without the other. Things are moving fast. This person is the personification of everything you've ever fantasized about. What would you do? [Link] |
CummingLinguist  All-Star Member 5908 Posts 11/11 | Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 2:01PM [Link] |
| Hardware All-Star Member Your other left 14594 Posts 3/02 | Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 3:09PM [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 4:07PM Right now, you are running on adrenaline. Never make important decisions when you are feeling crazy, including crazy in love. [Link] |
| Bob All-Star Member 5516 Posts 3/03 | Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 5:16PM I think that long-term crushes (real ones, not light flirtations) create a dangerous set of emotional conditions. The principal one is the presence of reverse-chronological intensity. I mean this: In most romantic relationships, the intensity builds over a period of time as the couple's intimacy increases. With a crush, by contrast, the intensity has built up beforehand without authentic romantic intimacy (not the same thing as friendship) and, partly, precisely because of its lack; the intensity results from frustration, expectation, and fantasy. My observation is consistent, I think, with your statement that she "is the personification of everything you've ever fantasized about". This kind intensity can be very deceptive. So, since you asked, I caution you to be careful with yourself and those you love. I'm not saying, but the way, that this woman is not the one for you; I'm merely suggesting that you (and she) are probably not in a postion right now to know, even though (and because) passions are running high. ------------- Edited by - bob on 11/28/2011 5:17:39 PM [Link] |
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| jayo All-Star Member 2117 Posts 7/04 | Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 5:25PM Do what's best for the children. That's your ultimate responsibility as a parent, coparent, guardian, trusted adult, and member of the human race. If kids weren't involved, you'd have a lot more freedom of action. Adults can deal with things that screw kids up for the rest of their lives. Edited by - jayo on 11/28/2011 5:26:29 PM [Link] |
| His Dudeness All Business Shut the fuck up, Donny!! 2793 Posts 4/10 | Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 7:29PM That's dead on. But here's my advice, but keep in mind that I'm a pretty fucked up person with little to no feelings: Just cheat and keep it quiet FOREVER!!!! Your kid and step kid are way more important than your feelings of lust. Unless all you do is fight which is really bad for the kids too. But this is great advice too given by CummingLinguist: I would talk to someone I trust before doing anything that could change my life and the lives of people I love. Edited by - theDude008 on 11/28/2011 7:36:06 PM [Link] |
| Rolf Muller Member 119 Posts 11/11 | Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 8:55PM One was a woman who started cheating with a known felon, and has wound up destroying her life, has had more kids, and is now living out of trailers and hasn't seen her first daughter for more than a few hours in 10 years. One was a man who lost all his finances and went from having a cushy retirement to being so in hock to banks for loans to keep up the new household that he's close to homeless. He lost most of his friends he had for the last 40 years because they all sided with the first wife. Not to say that it couldn't work out (it can happen), but the odds are against you - just consider that making that kind of commitment will affect more in your life than seems obvious. [Link] |
| loveporn Member 186 Posts 5/07 | Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 9:57PM [Link] |
| scorpiusdeus Member Nice thing about tattoos, I'm spending much less on porn now. 225 Posts 9/11 | Posted - Nov 29 2011 : 12:59PM We have actually talked over the weekend and we are putting the brakes on. Ultimately I know what is right, but the execution is where I'm screwed. There is no REAL justification for cheating, but I do now realize that I have to end my current relationship. It's not good because I'm taken for granted and am never given credit for anything I do. We have some strong cultural differences that just make it worse. We have discussed this and we never come to a conclusion. She's got some mild bi polar issues and refuses to face them as well as being a HUGE hypochondriac. My child is older and is always happy with whatever makes me happy, but we all enjoy a nice lifestyle that I know would suffer if this relationship ended. I worry more about her child who is very attached to me, but that is a whole other issue. Suffice it to say that we both have VERY different parenting styles. The new woman and I met as both of our children have played on the same sport team for a few years. That's how we met. She too was in a relationship, but broke it off a soon as we professed our feelings for each other. I on the other hand am slower to react. I am meeting with a very good friend today. She's a "battle Buddy" if you will. We've both had out asses on the line together and I know she always has my back as I do hers. I'm going to run this by her. She knows me better than 99.9% of the planet. I will tell you that I am absolutely destroyed emotionally. I've been through a number of bad relationships prior to this and have never felt this way before. It's so different. To not have it just HURTS so much. Being a Scorpio SUCKS sometimes. We love hard and we hurt hard. With that said, I must again say thanks. You are all total strangers to me and it's nice to be able to vent and bounce things off of you. I truly do appreciate that advice and am basically already on track I suppose. I guess maybe I just needed to sound it out so to speak. [Link] |
| mharris127 Senior Member 1844 Posts 8/09 | Posted - Nov 29 2011 : 10:04PM As for combining finances, if you both have a career and make reasonable money that was a bad move. Even after marriage I suggest splitting the bills and keeping separate bank accounts. Once you combine accounts one or the other will bitch and moan about how you spend money that you earned. Separate accounts eliminate that problem. If you want your partner as beneficiary on your accounts so when you die she gets the money (which is currently only mandated by law on retirement accounts if you are married) that is OK but combining accounts while you are both alive is trouble waiting to happen! [Link] |
| scorpiusdeus Member Nice thing about tattoos, I'm spending much less on porn now. 225 Posts 9/11 | Posted - Nov 30 2011 : 1:43PM I loved her at one time, but after multiple issues over the last year or two those feelings have gone from love to resentment and disillusionment. I'm already making moves now to separate our finances and possibly change jobs. She's not a bad person by any means, but there are a number of serious problems and habits she has that she kept hidden from me for a long time. Her family and my family all seem to wonder why I put up with her. I guess it's because I try and see the good in her and I've grown tired of failed long term relationships. I tend to love hard and string and deep so when I get hurt it's the same. Conversations and communicating my feelings and concerns have done NOTHING. Her reply always is "It's not a problem for me" and "you're just being too sensitive". I'm not a big fan of confrontation in my personal life and so I tend to avoid prolonged debates over this. [Link] |
| mharris127 Senior Member 1844 Posts 8/09 | Posted - Dec 1 2011 : 3:17AM I wish you well in whatever you do about this and hope your next relationship is better for you both physically and emotionally. Edited by - mharris127 on 12/1/2011 3:20:50 AM Edited by - mharris127 on 12/1/2011 3:21:27 AM [Link] |
| francios Senior Member 1802 Posts 2/05 | Posted - Dec 5 2011 : 8:48AM My #2 girl and I are so compatible in everyway but yet we didn't make the commitment to be together. We work together but in different regions, met through work functions and have only 3 or 4 people who know about our relationship. I am happy and stable with my #1 girl but no longer truely in love. I love my #1 girl but along the way that true love bond was broken and never returned. Am I sorry I didn't move on, at times but long term I have been happy that I stayed. [Link] |
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