Defence Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the Porch and sat down beside me.
Defence Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defence Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defence Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.
Defence Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abler died some 30 years ago.
Defence Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.
Defence Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defence Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defence Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling really "spicy" so I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me!"
Defence Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic with the liquor. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she wiped with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing!" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said..... 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'
Okay, Dumas emailed me this one - so credit must be shared!
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again. ONE, TWO, THREE...UUH!" all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection." The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed!"
This one is really for Kami, but all you football fans are welcome to enjoy it.
A teacher starts a new job at a school in San Diego and trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she's a Chargers fan. She asks the class to raise their hands if they too are Charger fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The Teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says:
Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
Because I'm not a Chargers fan," she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a Chargers fan, then who do you support?"
"I'm a Broncos fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a Bronco fan?"
"Because my mom and dad are from Denver and my mom is a Bronco fan and my dad is a Bronco fan, so I'm a Bronco fan, too!"
Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Bronco fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was a crack whore and your dad was a drug addict and a car thief, what would you be then?"
Sven, Ole and Lena (Ole's girlfriend of some 26 years now) are sitting in a fine restaurant eating lefse, meatballs, lutefisk and something in a light brown sauce when suddenly Lena begins to cough and turn blue in the face. She stands up clutching and pointng at her throat.
"Lena," says Sven, "can you breathe?" Lena shakes her head frantically.
"Lena," says Sven, "are you choking?" Lena nods emphatically as she gets more and more panicked.
At that point Sven gets behind her, pulls up her dress, yanks down her panties and runs his tongue up the length of her ass crack. Lena is so shocked that she screams and whatever was blocking her throat comes flying out of her mouth.
"Sven," says Ole, looking admiringly at his friend, "dat was sure impressive. Sure I've heard about dat dere Hind Lick Maneuvre, but dat's the first time I've ever seen it done."
This is so politically uncorrect - but man, I laughed anyway!
The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500 man elite fighting unit called the US Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). These North Carolina, South Carolina, Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, Texas and Tennessee boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given the following facts about Terrorists:
1. The season opened today 2. There is no limit 3. They taste just like chicken 4. They don't like beer, pickups, Harley Davidsons, country music or Jesus 5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt
Okay, well this one probably works (if at all) only as a verbal joke, but what they heck . . .
Ten covered wagons full of settlers were rolling through the frontier. When they began to travel into uncharted territory, they were lucky enough to spot an old Jewish man standing along their path. The leader of the group, a retired army colonel, asked the old man if he’d seen any hostile Apaches in the vicinity and which way was the safest way to go.
The old man’s eyes widened with alarm. He pointed to a hill over to the north, wagged his forefinger back and forth frantically, and said only:
The colonel said, “Bacon tree? What’s the matter with that? If there's a bacon tree there, we’ll never have to hunt or farm again!”
As the old man stood there shaking his head wildly, the colonel proceeded to lead the wagon train over the northern hill. However, as the settlers crested the hill, they were immediately set upon by a tribe of hostile Apaches and were slaughtered instantly. All, that is, except the colonel. Bloodied and near death, he crawled inch by painful inch back to the place where he’d spoken to the old Jewish man, who was still standing where he'd been before.
“Why didn’t you tell us about the Apaches, old man?” gasped the colonel. “And why did you say, “Bacon tree?”
The old man slapped himself on the side of the head. “Oy gevalt!” he said, “Not b…b…b…bacon tree!”
Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!
The priest in a small village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.
But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village, so he started to question his parishioners in the church the next morning.
During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.
No, no, he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up.
"No no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?" All the nuns, three alter boys, two priests, and a goat, stood up.
Paying trib-ute to SinncentVanSage 1412 Posts 12/04
Posted - Nov 13 2005 : 4:50PM
@Robbie
But we still don't know why the priest's cock is missing. Don't get me wrong, it's a very funny joke but not very realistic because we don't know the reason why the cock has gone. No one in real life starts out with a cock already missing. That's why I prefer feature jokes to gonzo jokes.
3 women were sitting at a bar when one of them says, " I got to thinking th other day that men are like soda pop." "Soda pop?" the others said, "What do you mean". The woman said "My man is like 7-UP, he is seven inches long and it is up all the time." The second woman said "Hey, my man is like Mountain Dew, it is big like a mountain and dewy on top all the time." The third woman said,"Yea, my man is like Jack Daniels." "Jack Daniels?" the first women asked, "That isn't a soda pop, that's a hard liquor". "I know!!" replied the third.
Your inquisitveness is infectious... 586 Posts 4/05
Posted - Nov 15 2005 : 12:45AM
I liked this one...
One night, Snow White decided she was sleepy and announced to the Seven Dwarves that she was going to bed. After the lengthy round of "good night's" she went upstairs.
Immediately, all seven dwarves rushed outside and began standing on each other's shoulders beneath Snow White's bedroom window. Tonight was Grumpy's turn to be on top and as he was the only one who could see in the window, it was his duty to inform the other dwarves what she was doing.
After a minute or two Grumpy hollered down, "she's taking off her blouse!" This was echoed by the rest of the dwarves: "she's taking off her blouse! She's taking off her blouse!"
Then Grumpy yelled, "she's taking off her skirt!" The dwarves exclaimed, "she's taking off her skirt! She's taking off her skirt!"
Of course, the next line from Grumpy was, "she's taking off her bra!" The echo chorus went down the line: "she's taking off her bra! She's taking off her bra!"
Grumpy then said, "she's taking off her panties!" "She's taking off her panties! She's taking off her panties!" the dwarves all exclaimed.
Finally, Grumpy looked around from his vantage height and saw someone coming through the woods. He yelled, "someone's coming!"
And the rest of the dwarves all replied, "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too. "Me too."
For some reason, cursive, I was anticipating a riff on the animated Disney version and I was expecting a punchline something like "She's fuckin' Goofy!" I like your joke much better.
A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "What the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your willy?"
The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It really Satisfies.' "
The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"
The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."
The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?"
The fella proudly replies, " 'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!' "
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?"
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because "'Quality is Job One" " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"
The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY.....Like a Rock!" And gives a wink!
Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer."
The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "'Why Secret?"
The cowboy says,
"Because it's "STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!"
I'm not a beautiful woman but I thought I would share one. You may have heard it.
A young man is meeting the parents of the girl he has been dating for the first time. He is a bit nervous and his stomach is a bit upset because of all the nerves.
He meets the parents and everything is going well. Even the family dog loves him and chooses to lay under his chair during dinner. All of a sudden the upset stomach has gotten the best of the young man and he realizes he has to fart badly. Rather than excuse himself he tries the "one cheek sneak" technique and lets out just a little bit. The father at the other head of the table sniffs the air a little bit and yells out, "Rusty!".
The young man realizes that the father thinks it is the dog producing the foul odor. He gambles and lets out a little more, this time a little louder. The father stops eating after getting a whiff and yells louder this time, "Rusty!!!". The young man is elated that the dog is getting the blame and decides to let 'er rip. He lets out the loudest and most foul smelling fart of all time. The father yells out, "Rusty! Get out of there before he shits on you!"
One day a married couple were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there’s a bee in my vagina!".
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if you'll permit it."
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife’s vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I’m gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife’s vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife’s vagina."
The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady’s vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don’t think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper."
So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, "Oh doctor, doctor!" she shouted. The doctor put his hands on the young lady’s breasts and started groaning.
The husband, at this point, suddenly became very annoyed and shouted. "Now wait a minute, what the hell do you think you’re doing?!" The doctor, still concentrating, replied: "Change of plan, I’m gonna drown the bastard."
Kimi Lixx wrote:And then the cowboy's girlfriend walks into the bar and says, "Well, I call his dick 'IRISH SPRING' -- it's manly, yes, but I like it too!"
A mother and her 5 yr old son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy walks to the galley and asks the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "Yes, she did...."
"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Ask your mother to explain that to you."
A newlywed couple from Appalachia are on their honeymoon. It's their first night in bed together. As the young bride turns down the lights and shyly parts her negligee, she begins to shake a little.
"What're you so nervous about, girl?" her husband asks.
"Well honey," the wife says, "I'm a virgin."
When the husband hears this, he jumps out of bed, throws on his clothes, and heads for the door.
"Where you goin'?" she asks.
"Home t' Kentucky to git our marriage annulled," he replies.
"Why, for heaven's sake?"
"If you ain't good enough for yer own family, you sure as hell ain't good enough for mine!"
Two married pals are talking... "I don't know about yours John, but my wife is a real angel", says one ardently. "You are a very lucky man Paul, mine still lives!"
Two married pals are talking again... "When we are going downtown for a walk I always hold my wife's hand...", says one... "After all these years... and you love each other..." replies the other with a face full of admiration. "No...if I let her go she goes on shopping"
Your inquisitveness is infectious... 586 Posts 4/05
Posted - Dec 2 2005 : 3:47AM
Stuck in a strange city by bad weather, the traveling salesman was quite bored. He sat in a dimly-lit bar, looking about, trying to strike up a conversation.
The salesman turned to the bartender and said, “hey, about Bush and those Republicans in Congress…”
“Stop right there!” interrupted the bartender. “I do not permit talk about politics in my bar!”
A few minutes later the salesman tried again and said, “Did you hear how the Pope…”
“Stop right there!” the bartender interrupted again. “I do not permit talk about religion in my bar, either!”
“No religion talk, huh?” muttered the frustrated salesman. “Well, can I at least talk about sex, then?”
“Sure,” obliged the bartender. “Talking about sex would be fine.”
The salesman then exclaimed, “OK, then...fuck you, asshole!”
Your inquisitveness is infectious... 586 Posts 4/05
Posted - Dec 2 2005 : 3:49AM
It’s Not What You Think…
Part 1:
I was scared at first. It was very wide, very long, and it angled straight up. I decided I had to try it once. I slowly and carefully eased myself onto it. It felt weird at first. Then I got used to it. I went up and down and up and down on it. I was really loving it.
Now I ride on escalators all the time.
Part 2:
I took my fingers and slowly, gently stretched it apart. It was so pure and white. I licked it once, twice…I found I couldn’t stop. I licked it faster and harder. I began to scrape my teeth against it. Finally, it was in my mouth! All sweet and creamy. I was done.
It’s dry outside but it gets wet when you go in. You can actually feel its smooth and soft texture. Sometimes, its characteristic light “fishy†smell can stimulate your nose. But most important, you can really go deep while its skin covers nicely your…penis! What is it?
Your inquisitveness is infectious... 586 Posts 4/05
Posted - Dec 16 2005 : 2:35AM
Internet spam is never funny...
But I found this joke totally so...
Three friends who work together got off work one day and went to a bar to get extremely wasted. The next day at work, they all congregated by the watercooler and began relating over what happened after they left the bar.
The first guy said, “man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks.”
The second guy replied, “bah, that’s nothing. I got so drunk I hopped in my car and drove it off a cliff. I was lucky I was thrown clear otherwise I wouldn’t be standing here. The car is a total loss, though.”
The third guy looked at both of them and said, “that’s a cake walk compared to what I went through. I went to my apartment afterwards and my girlfriend started arguing with me because I came home drunk off my ass. I was so mad that I threw a chair at her, but instead knocked over a candle, which landed on the curtains, which caught on fire, and eventually set my whole apartment on fire. I lost everything and my girlfriend left me. What could be worse than that?”
The first guy shook his head and said, “no, no, you don’t understand. Chunks is my dog.”
Your inquisitveness is infectious... 586 Posts 4/05
Posted - Dec 16 2005 : 2:39AM
Here's one for the holidays...
They were two of the biggest balls I have ever seen. They were hung so heavy and low. I tried lifting them gently, but that wasn’t enough. They had to be pulled, and I pulled on them very, very hard. They finally came.
I moved them to a higher spot on the Christmas tree.
A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a women patron. He turned to her and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman, "I'm celebrating, too". She clinked glasses with him and asked, "What are you celebrating?" "I'm a chicken farmer," he replied. "For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "What a coincidence, the woman said. "My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked. "I switched cocks," he replied. "What a coincidence," she said.
The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are "the seven dwarfs" they get ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack. "Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?" Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?" The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome." In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggling. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back to face the Pope. "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Europe?" The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe." This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them all with an angry glare. Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?" The Pope answers, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world." The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing, pounding on the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting: "Dopey screwed a penguin!" "Dopey screwed a penguin!"
Little Johnny was at Sunday school one day, and the nun that was teaching him asked the class, "Which part of your body do you think reaches heaven first?" A girl named Sally answered with, "I think the hands are the first part of your body that reaches heaven, because God will pull you up by your hands because you pray with them everyday." "That’s an excellent answer Sally," replied the nun. "I think your legs go first!" said Little Johnny. The nun, confused asks "Why do you think that?" and Little Johnny says, "Because the other day I walked into my mums room, she had her legs in the air and she was screaming "Oh God I’m coming!" If it hadn’t been for the milkman holding her down, we would’ve lost her." The nun fainted.
Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night.
Lulu, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.
After the show, Lulu said, "Sean, if Ah'm no bein too forward, Ah'd love tae hae sex wi an aulder man. Let's go back tae mah place."
So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have even better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my baws in your left hand and my wullie in your right hand."
Lulu looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay."
He sleeps for half and hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Sean says, "Lulu, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. But again, hold my baws in your left hand, and my wullie in your right hand."
Lulu is now used to the routine and complies.
The results are mind blowing. Once it's all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Lulu asks "Sean, tell me, dis mah haudin yer baws in mah left hand and yer wullie in mah right stimulate ye while ye're sleepin?"
Sean replies, "No, but the lasht time I shlept with a Glashwegian, she shtole my wallet."
[Link]
dalipshandil Deactivated User
INDIA 47 Posts 1/06
Posted - Jan 25 2006 : 5:41AM
Why is George W.Bush so comfortable in the company of Anna Nicole Smith?
Everytime he has a nightmare about Osmana Bin Laden cornering him he can nestle in Anna's "BUSH"...that's the safest bunker for him!!!!
One man's trash can be the next man's treasure. 1187 Posts 1/04
Posted - Jan 27 2006 : 5:16PM
A guy dies and arrives in Hell. Dejected, he's sitting on the side of the road when a demon walks up to him. 'Why so sad?' 'I'm dead, I'm in Hell, what could be worse?' 'Hell isn't so bad--we have lots of fun around here,' the demon explains. 'Let me ask you this. Are you a drinking man?' 'I've raised a few glasses in my time and had a few hangovers,' the man tells him. 'Well then, you're going to love Mondays! On Monday, we drink all day long--from the time we wake up until the time we retire at night. We drink the best gin, bourbon, scotch, vodka, tequila, you name it. We down the best French wine, the finest French champagne, and we drink enough beer here to float an aircraft carrier. We drink til we puke then we drink some more.' 'OK,' the guy replies. 'Let me ask another question. Do you like to smoke?' 'I used to love it but I quit for health reasons.' 'Health reasons?' the demon laughs. 'You're already dead. There's no cancer here, or heart disease. Nothing like that. You see, on Tuesdays we smoke all day long. We have enough tobacco to make a mountain range. The finest smokes on the planet. Your own personal humidor of the finest Cuban cigars is the size of a railroad boxcar. We smoke all day Tuesday until we turn green and then we smoke even more.' 'Fine by me,' the guy says. 'Let me make another inquiry. Do you like to gamble?' 'Sure, I go to Las Vegas, pull slot handles, play blackjack, visit the track on occasion. Yeah, I guess I like to wager.' 'You're in luck!' the demon tells the guy. 'Wednesday is gambling day. All day long. We bet on the horses and greyhounds, we play roulette, blackjack, craps, pai gow, you name it. We play golf for money, throw darts for money, shoot pool for money, wager on sports events. All day long on Wednesdays, that's what we do. So what if you lose your shirt? You've got nothing to lose.' The guy is perking up a little. 'Let me ask another question? Do you do drugs?' 'Not too many,' the man explains. A few I suppose.' 'Thursday is drug day. All day long too. There's no addiction here. We shoot up what we want to. We have every pill you can think of. Blue ones, pink ones, white ones, yellow ones. Laughers and screamers. Uppers and downers. We've got crack and smack. We've got weed and speed. We've got coke and smoke. Why, we smoke joints around here the size of baseball bats. All day long on Thursday, we do drugs.' The guy nods his head. 'Yeah, it doesn't sound too bad around here after all.' 'Let me ask another question,' the demon tells him. 'Are you gay?' The guy shakes his head and says, 'No, I'm not gay.' 'Shit,' the demon tells him, 'you're going to hate Fridays!'
