As the last test for young aspiring priests, a group of them were told to strip naked and tie a little bell to their weiners, then a beautiful naked woman was brought in the room and stood before them. Those with sexual desires would reveal themselves by the sound of a tinkling bell. No bells were heard. Then one fellow's bell dropped to the floor, and as he bent over to pick it up, suddenly all the bells started ringing.

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turns out he had thats what killed her.

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1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot-tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional
weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "Nah. . . not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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-deicide

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How do you know when you sister has her period??

When your dad's dock tastes like blood.

are we still friends?

xoxo Miss Roxy DeVille

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If you do not know, scroll down to see answer below.

Get your drunk ass off the carousel!

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The next day the teacher came to her classroom and saw, in larger letters, the word "penis" on the black board again. She looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none. She erased it and then proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, the teacher went into the classroom and found the same word on the board, written larger than how it was written the previous day.

Finally, one day, she walked in her classroom, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board. Instead, the teacher found the following words:

"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

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After several minutes, the older worker had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said.

"I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied.

"Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.

Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right, dumb a$$! Get in."

rocco

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these three wandering guys show up at a kingdom. the king invites them to his castle and offers them a place to stay, but also says he has to leave on some diplomatic mission for a few days. the three guys see the princess, the hottest woman they had ever seen. the king says, "ok, i know what you guys are looking at. hey, youze are welcome to stay, make yourselves at home, just don't touch my daughter." with that, he left. one by one, all three guys entered the princess' room. after a few days, the king returned. he called the three before him and said, "i asked you not to have your way with my daughter, and to make sure she remianed vitruous, i had the royal surgeon place razors in her vagina." with that, he ordered the first guy to drop his pants, exposing his shredded dick. the king was furious. "what the hell is this! you fucked my daughter! take him away and execute him at once!" he then ordered the second guy to drop his pants. same thing. the king was even more angry. "i asked you guys for one thing only, and you betrayed me! execute this fool immediately!" he then orders the third guy to drop his pants. not a scratch. the king was delighted and said, "ah, you have kept your word. as a reward, i give you my daughter's hand in marriage! what say you?" the third guy replies, "mggppphlghhghg"

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A guy hears about how great it feels to have a lady fuck a mans foot. He can't talk any of his ladies into trying this fetish out so he decides to visit a prostitute. She agrees to fuck his foot and after collecting the loot, she removes his shoe and sock, drops her panties, and lowers her ladyhood on his foot. She wiggles and writhes, and thrashes around a little, but she slowly lowers her pussy on the guys foot, get used to the somewhat strange penetration, and begins to bounce up and down. The guy cums in his pants.
A couple of days later he notices a bad foot rash and visits the doctor. The physician runs some tests and he comes into the examining room with a strange look on his face. 'This is hard to believe but you seem to have syphilis of the foot.' The guy can't believe it. 'Syphilis of the foot? I've never heard about anything that weird.'
'Tell me about it,' the doctors says, 'just this morning, some lady came in with athlete's vagina.'

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He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Little Tony says, "I have a question for YOU."

"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little Tony replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring, but I like your thinking."

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"This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person."

Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him for the flight. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle.

"This is fantastic," thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance."

Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said, "Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends with the letters u-n-t?"

Only one word leapt to mind... "My goodness," thought the gentleman, "I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word."

The gentleman thought for quite a while, then it hit him.

Turning to the pope, the gentleman said, "I think the word you're looking for is 'aunt'."

“Of course!" said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"

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She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...

Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and
backed up.

It wasn't very long before a police car arrives.

The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches her yelling, "What is going on here?"

"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly.

"OK I can see that but what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here?!"

"Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

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rocco

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"Born a Jew
Raised a Jew
Now a Catholic."

The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious, but maddening smells every Friday evening. But the next Friday evening, the scent of barbecue wafts through the neighborhood. The Catholics all rush to the Jew's house to remind him of his new diet. They see him standing over the cooking steak. He is sprinkling water on the meat and saying:

"Born a cow
Raised a cow
Now a fish."

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Husband leaves and comes back with two hotdogs.
Wife: You see?! You forgot again! Remember, I told you I didn't want any mustard on my hotdog?

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