Hi again guys. Virgin_boy again. This is going to be embarrassing, but I've never kissed a girl before let alone even touched one *down there*. So how should I go about starting as a complete beginner? My main ultimate sexual end goal really is to focus on cunnilingus and to get awesome at it, then work my way up to fingering and a bit of rimming. I figure the actual intercourse (inserting penis into vagina) will come much later when I'm not a complete noob and after I've had a bit of the experience above of knowing what I'm doing. Thanks
It's easy. Talk to girls. Ask a girl you like, or would like to know better, if she'll go out with you. Treat her well, pay for the date, be interesting, and let her woo you too. Getting a kiss in isn't hard. When you part ways, don't lean in for a hug. Instead, put your right hand on her left shoulder, pretty much the universal "I'm going to kiss you" signal and then lean in, head high, eyes closed, and you'll get your first kiss. DO NOT gnaw her face, virgin. Just kiss her, lightly and smoothly. Since this is just a goodbye kiss, that is all you need to do. Now after a few of those encounters, it's time to make out, eat out, and rock some beds. Remember not to thrust your tongue all into her mouth. Keep it rather pointed and lightly flick her lips and tongue while maintaining an open, not gaping open, mouth. And sucking/biting her lips is ALWAYS done lightly. Getting her hot and heavy has to do with touch. Lightly running your fingers up and down her arms, lightly scratching her belly and back. Heavy breathing is your cue, simple as that. It's your cue to suck on her neck, attempt to get under her shirt, over the pants fingering. If she still lets you keep going, take her bra off, and get that shirt off if it isn't yet. Embrace the titties. Nothing too hard, light sucking and flicking the nipples with your tongue. Kiss her boobs, and kiss her. Still going? Nice, onto third base. The best way to get down here is to take kissing her boobs to her belly-button, then to the more sensitive pubic area. Take her pants off. Don't go straight for the pussy. continue working your way down to it. Go ahead and kiss the major labia and then spread them lips. You can suck on the clitoral hood but that is not the clitoris. The way to get to that little pink bump is to spread the lips, keep her aroused, and if you have to then you might need to pull up the clitoral hood a bit. You wanna be a pro at cunnilingus, you're going to have worship this. I like to basically form a suction with my mouth around it while flicking it with my tongue lightly. Some guys might try to spell the alphabet. Whatever. Get her moaning and clawing. I love it when a girl starts tugging at my hair, sex tugs I call them. Fingering is exactly what it sounds like. Put a finger in her vagina. Yes, you will know which opening is the vagina. She should react, positively. Start out slow, picking some speed, but there's no jack hammering. Try to get another finger in there, and lift up into the top of the vagina wall, kind of spongy. She'll like it. Wanna make her squirt? Do that and use the tops of your fingers (cut your nails) on this spongy part. It's awesome. She might not let you though. ALWAYS RESPECT HER WISHES. Are you fucking yet? So yeah, let her give you a blowjob. Don't blow your load. If you're afraid you can't help that, don't let her suck your dick. Sorry man. Put your rubber on, or have her wrap your tool. And put just the head into her vagina. Then pull it out. Do it again, a little more each time. They love this, and you don't see it in porn enough. It can make a girl cum. Then sex is what you think it is. In and out, in and out, never all the way out (you already did that) and at a good pace. Not too fast, Manuel, but smoothly. Try multiple positions. Doggy gets it deeper but cowgirl is always a treat. When it's time to cum, ask her where she wants it, and then rip that latex off and let your load fly. If she wants it in the mouth, let her suck you off at the same time as you're cumming. This never happens in porn, maybe you'll figure out why the first time you experience it. It's an unbeatable orgasm, turns your legs to jello, may even have you screaming in ecstasy. It's awesome. Then you're no longer a virgin. Now go forth and fuck. Post any further questions here and don't be shy to come hang out with the rest of us sharing porn news, reviews, etc. in the other forums.
hahaha... Nice! Just a couple of questions to clarify what you wrote. I am confused on the mechanics of the "making-out" kiss? You say to lick her lips and tongue while keeping your tongue pointed. I'm slightly confused by how this should look. What would you recommend as a great way to better understand this and to get the "feel" right? And btw--Should I ever tell my partner that I am an inexperienced kisser or just naturally let her find out on her own? I guess since kissing is the first thing I am going to encounter, I minus well brush up on my knowledge of this thoroughly. AS far as the clitoris is concerned... is it just me... or is the clit easy to see in some girls and very hard to see in others? I've came across girls on porn where the clit almost sticks out like a little mini penis, complete with a head and a hood of skin around it and everything. But in others the clit is barely visible (doesnt poke out) and just looks like a continuation of the inner lips of the vagina. Does a clit become more prominent with arousal?
Claims to be 19 in his first post. Plus, I was bored. And since I lost mine at 18, I know where he's coming from.Well, you should be more concerned about how it feels, and simply it should feel right. Just don't flatten your tongue so that it would take up substantial space and you should be alright. I'll let you forget how to practice kissing by yourself, if you feel the need to.Confidence shows. If you think flatly telling her not to expect much will ease your nerves, then tell her. If you'd rather let her find out her own, then go that route. I've done both. The first time, I didn't tell her I was new to the whole kissing thing and she actually was excited to help me get better when she realized I wasn't experienced. She brought her roommate over and they blindfolded me so I wouldn't know who I was kissing and I would just have to adapt. The next girl I was with, I told her I didn't think I was good kisser. She said I was great however. I think telling the second/third girl made it better, since it alleviated nerves, and kept me loose, focused, and not worried. And on the clit, bingo. Keeping her aroused helps bring it out, so I tell people it's critical. Sucking on her labia and continuing to touch her body has always worked for me. Come to think of it, I think I've seen more clits in person than in porn.
This whole thing isn't going to be as slow and gradual as virgin_boy thinks, and it's not going to be as whiz-bang fast as Cody says. If you are going to follow some kind of plan, just get the general idea (which is fine), not a memorized play-by-play. Please. Relax. There's another person there whose agenda isn't the same as yours and who may have other ideas. The point is for both of you to enjoy yourselves, not for you to work down a checklist.
Oh, and the Number One Mistake of inexperienced guys is pounding too hard, with anything (tongue, finger, dick). Start firmly enough not to tickle, but gently. Increase any kind of pressure gradually and watch the girl. There's another person there, and she will move, or stop moving. or moan. or stop moaning, or initiate something else, or whatever. Watch the girl. Don't be a pain, but you can also ask her things. She's right there in the room with you.
Do you have a particular girl in mind? Because if you are 19 and she is 19, just let her drive. If you have nobody in mind, try for a girl who is 24 or 28 or 32, come clean about your inexperience and let her drive. A 19 year old might be impatient with you, but somebody older will know that everybody has to start somewhere. It's not school, not lessons. Just have fun and let her drive. A few decades ago, my husband and I were in an apartment complex jacuzzi one morning and two women came along with two boys. I say boys, because they were about 20 and the women were about 47 or 55 or something. The guys had on underwear, not swimsuits. It was clearly a bar pick-up, maybe closing time. The guys looked a wee bit sheepish, but I'll bet they were all having the times of their lives. Anyway, someone older than you will play with you like a cat with a mouse. Enjoy.
Nice thing about tattoos, I'm spending much less on porn now. 225 Posts 9/11
Posted - Nov 30 2011 : 2:00PM
Two schools of thought. 1) Just let the moment and the girl dictate how things go. DON'T be overly aggressive or sloppy. If it's a strong romantic thing, your bodies will guide you together. 2) If you really just want to be good at please women, as someone else mentioned, get an older woman who's willing to teach you. When I was in high school there was a lady down the street that took a fancy to me. She was around 35-40. When it got to the point that we couldn't stop ourselves, she was so awesome in telling me that she'd guide me ans show me what she likes. She'd sweetly adjust my technique and shared so much with me about herself and women in general. It made a huge difference in my sex life long after. The one downside is that no young little virgin is EVER going to believe you are her first, and the better you are the more young ladies tend to think you've "been around". Of course in this day and age, is that even an issue anymore. I hear EVERYONE is "hooking up". Do young girls even care how many other girls their guy has been with before them?
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Horny Jew Deactivated User
20 Posts 11/11
Posted - Nov 30 2011 : 2:20PM
Cody's response was a fantastic explanation to a really good question on this forum. Years ago, there were no message boards to ask these kinds of questions, so it was difficult to ask for advice.
Yeah I know it sounds funny. But I was really hoping for some type of technique that I could employ-- either on myself or something else-- that would teach me how to properly do this type of tongue-kissing, without going through the trial and error of doing my first time on a girl and totally grossing her out. and also-- one last thing in response to your section on the actual intercourse itself... is it really just as easy as inserting your penis in and then going in and out? Or are there more techniques to be done or just more to it in general? Compared to cunnilingus it seems pretty straightforward, doesn't it?
Wow-- great advice lindi! I have always liked older women and appreciated their patience with younger guys, whereas younger girls tend to be a lot less merciful. I guess I better start scouting my area for single available older women. Not to sound like a chauvinistic pig-- but what about younger women whom may not be as attractive or slightly overweight also as an option? They tend to be a little more accepting, and way more appreciative of just about any male interest in them, and may be another good alternative if cougars arent the most available option at the moment-- though I prefer them the most. Again-- not trying to sound like a predator-dickhead preying on the self-esteem of poor innocent girls whom dont get as enough attention as their slimmer counterparts. But-- if you think about it, it's a win-win, they get showered in attention while I get more experience. It's the exact same thing with the cougar situation... almost. Right?
Thanks! Excellent post. As far as what I've heard.. most women my age today dont seem to care at all how many girls a guy laid with from their past. In fact, from my experience of What I've seen- it seems that the more girls a guy had sex with the more his stock increases as far as his attraction. apparently alot of women think-- the more girls a guy had, the more he MUSt be wanted by them for SOMETHING of his that is irresistible compared to other guys. This makes him a hot commodity immediately. The more lays he's had the more women want to know about what exactly it is he "lays" in the bedroom. Unforunately the consequences of STD's and pregnancies outwieghs more than the notches on his bedroom post though, as it should.
Just a really quick question to all on the thread. What came the quickest to you as far as the different sexual activities (cunnilingus, anal, intercourse, fingering, kissing etc.) , and which took you a while to get really good at? I would think cunnilingus would be the hardest. Maybe fingering the easiest, and intercourse somewhere in between. What do you guys think? Share your experience! Edited by - virgin_boy on 11/30/2011 5:41:58 PM
Tongue-kissing sounds god-awfully difficult also. Think about it.. Two tongues simulatneously moving, whom have to know the right spots to lick and hit at the same time simultaneously, not too fast, not too long, no teeth despite them being in each other's face, etc. etc. all done with eyes closed! Maybe it just sounds more complex than it actually is. IDK...
I'm not going to recommend cougar versus less-attractive girl or vice versa. You should be attracted to the girl. Lots of less-attractive or plump girls have admirers, boyfriends, guys who love and adore them. Don't do some girl 'a favor.' Find somebody you enjoy that you think will be fun.
Not everyone is born with the knowledge that may be claimed (coughexaggerated). Different people have different reactions to all sorts of sensations. Some women love oral, some hate it, some can only take so much. So there is no definitive answer saying this how you do it. It's a constant learning curve, but that's where the fun lies.
You may not be trying to sound like a predator-dickhead, but you're succeeding. It's not a "win" for the girl unless she enjoys being used or deceived (or she just wants to use you to gain more experience). Pretty sad all around, I'd say.
Actually that was a serious question from me quite some time ago as I was suspicious. When I first watched porn it looked painful in the girl's facial expression more than anything. I know when I ejaculate my face or body movements dont seem anywhere as near exaggerated or as disturbed as I have seen in some females during certain videos. If anything all I do is close my eyes and pump like there's no tomorrow during my climax, while the females in porn are screaming and clawing all across the bed mattress. I wanted to know if it was them being hurt or if the pleasure really was just that good. Or maybe it's just bad porn over-acting too. :) Edited by - virgin_boy on 12/1/2011 8:50:15 AM
I know.... it was badly worded. What I meant was maybe I should lower my expectation for any future prospects. You know instead of trying to look for that EXACTLY HOT girl waiting to fall out of the sky, just settle for some more viable realistic options. I'm not going to meet a Jessica Alba or Jennifer Lopez in real life, so what;s the point in continuing to hold out for such a girl whom looks that way? More than likely those girls are real b****es in real life whom are spoiled and constantly self-entitled. No thanks. I'll settle for an average or less than-average looking girl slightly out of shape whom treats me a bit better with more respect and patience. Sure, it isnt my first choice (and neither is a virgin to most women, which I can respect) but I am willing to settle for the time being. We live in a point in time where in which no woman wants to sleep with a virgin, so if the virgin doesn't loose his virginity by a certain age range for whatever reason, the virgin has considerable trouble getting laid later on because of this preference women have for guys with sexual experience (including women's penchant for thugs/jerks/bad boys/players/etc.). However the virgin is going to get blamed for his virginity and it will be assumed he isn't trying hard enough even though it's common knowledge that a great percentage of women avoid virgin men like the plague. A complete catch-22! It's not exactly fair, but whatever... I'll just have to deal with it and find a way around this. *steps off soap-box* Edited by - virgin_boy on 12/1/2011 9:03:14 AM
One last question... what does anyone think about instructional porn DVD's, like this one from Caren Caan and Monika Maple? *not suitable for work*: http://forum.myredbook.com/cgi-bin/alink.pl?ab=[link removed: No tube sites] do you think this may help me to navigate my way around down there?
You're not going to learn from books and movies. That's procrastination, which as you know can go on for years. And years. You will never have the skills you need before you try it the first time. Go do it, already. Do not condescend to some girl who is not your first choice. If you aren't attracted to the girl, pass her by. She doesn't need that. You might die a virgin if you think you it should be J Lo and that other girls are unworthy of your special attention. You don't need to settle. You need to have realistic expectations. You aren't Brad Pitt. 'Nuff said about that. There is a world full of average looking girls who are fun to be with and who could light up your world. If you had any focus at all outside of yourself, you wouldn't be laser-focused on technique. Instead you would be talking about some ordinary girl at the sandwich shop who caught your eye because she is lively or has a great smile. If your first time is going to be all about you, hire an escort. It will accomplish what you want. Treat her nice.
There's no navigating. Blind children find their own spot down there and figure out how to make it feel good. I can't help it! You're making this way too complicated. If there's something between her legs, touch it a little, lick it a little. Actually, dry humping is a good first thing. Whatever. Whatever SHE likes. I guarantee you that the first times will be awkward. I guarantee you that after having sex for decades, you will still do awkward or embarrassing things. Luckily, by then you won't find them mortifying, just endearingly funny. How many instructional movies about basketball do you think you'd have to watch before you could be a great player the first time you get on the court? No matter how many years you watch films and read books about it, getting fatter as you sit in your chair, you won't be doing anything until you get out on the court. An instructional dvd would be okay, AFTER you actually go try some things on your own. In reality, the guys who are best at it when they are young are guys who were naturally curious, very relaxed, and find women of every stripe irresistible. That guy doesn't have time to watch an instructional dvd, because there is a cute girl in his class and he just has to go over right now and find out if she wants to go out with him. Maybe he'll get to that dvd some other time.
None of these statements is true. At best, they are half-truths; mostly, they are a litany of perennial, self-defeating ideas that tend to plague the young. I thought the same things 35 years ago, so I know. In reality, any girl who likes you and thinks you're attractive won't give a rat's ass whether you're a smoothie right out of the box. The idea that women in general have a penchant for thugs/jerks/bad boys/players is also mistaken, at least once they are no longer "girls". The ones who do are a waste of time.The only Catch-22 is in your head. If you push yourself to test your conception of reality, you will shed these misconceptions like so much dead skin. Even the most beautiful and successful people -- men and women alike -- have gnawing doubts, fears, and insecurities. If we are lucky, they continue to shrink as our knowledge of life grows. But no one is immune: It comes with being human. This understanding should increase both your confidence and your compassion. The guys whom women want to avoid are the ones who are boring, needy, and overly apologetic. Get out of your head and dive into the world. Everything is new! Everything is a challenge! Find a way to enjoy this!Get moving, but be genuine. ------------------- Edited by - bob on 12/1/2011 6:30:17 PM
Nice thing about tattoos, I'm spending much less on porn now. 225 Posts 9/11
Posted - Dec 1 2011 : 5:50PM
You are REALLY over thinking this WAY too much. Believe me, there are plenty of women who will have no issues with you being a virgin. Learning from videos will do NOTHING for you!!! All women are different. Some women love oral, some don't. Some have very sensitive nipples, some don't. There is no one method for every women you encounter. Trust and communication are the key to great sex. Just be yourself (unless you're REALLY odd) and don't act desperate. Find a girl you find attractive in both appearance and personality. Everything else will sort it self out.
One last thing: If you want to learn more about how women think, start by reading the posts of the "civilian" women on this message board on a wide variety of topics. You'll learn a lot more by doing that than by listening to men (including me) yammering about women.
You can read all kinds of advice and do exactly as instructed but at the end of the day, it entirely depends on the girl and how your overall vibe comes off to her. There's no ryme nor reason to what women like. The only surefire things you definitely need are decent looks (The better you look, the less effort you'll need), good hygiene and a personality that doesn't creep women out. Unfortunately, if you have to ask, you may not have the right stuff and probably don't have a prayer. Edited by - randomprecision on 12/1/2011 10:01:27 PM
A-fucking-men! Seriously, Virgin boy, it's not exactly a blast being with....a virgin boy. Be nice to her whoever she is because no matter how great you think it was, your two jerks and a squirt is pretty much going to equate to a pity fuck for her. You treat her like she's below you, she will make you pay. Word gets around quick with girls.
^ Read and learn, Virgin_boy. Fuck with women's heads at your peril. --------- P.S. -- "Virgin_boy" is a pathetic username. Do yourself a favor and change it.
I'm not an expert at all, but I'll say this much about the confidence thing: Just take a look around you at all the strange(r than you) people who have managed to get into relationships (or laid for that matter). That is the least of your worries. You should think about the kind of girl you're looking for and try to be where she would be, rather than blindly hoping to run into the perfect match for your sexual or romantic fantasies.
What reason is that? Also, you'll have to explain the "honesty" part as it relates to your advice in this thread. Bitterness and cynicism are not synonomous with honesty.
V_B -- yeah, you could change your name to something that you like about yourself, or something that you like in this world. Email steph about it. Why not a bar? It does take some guts to get out there. How about a prostitute? Here are a couple of links to threads that you might like: Anyone paid for first sex? PLEASE read this one, recounted ShiWarrior's first sex, with an escort: My First Sex You have to be careful who you choose, and I'd pick a good agency and let them know your situation (in one sentence, please, without apologizing for it), and pay whatever it costs.
